One More For The Road: Lyle 6

ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD

Lyle 6

Timothy Lee

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2014 Timothy Lee

Published by Smashwords

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

About The Author

Other Titles

DEDICATION

This final novel in the series is lovingly dedicated to Lyle's devoted fans who laughed, rejoiced and even cried throughout his adventures. This book is for you with my sincere thanks.

Timothy Lee

CHAPTER 1

Lyle Bogart was not paying attention to Mr. Blathers, the science teacher, who was literally blathering about something-or-other, the content of which was undoubtedly going to be pertinent to next week's test. Instead, he had his eyes on the tall, skinny blonde girl sitting one row ahead of him in the lecture hall. Celeste Hart was as good looking a female specimen as ever there was in the high school, and therefore, had not only solidly captured Lyle's attentions but the eyes of practically every red-blooded male within the campus. The halter top beneath the see-through blouse was most certainly a plus in that it purposely (and successfully) managed to direct all eyes to her ample breasts. This was not to say that Lyle had formed an affinity to bosoms, just that his loins were being driven by the overwhelming teenage sexual juices coursing through his body and with the expected means of release being the fair sex he was more than eager to participate.

Glancing down to his notes, Lyle discovered that at some point during his fantasy about himself and Celeste walking along the beach holding hands and jumping over washed-up jellyfish he had unknowingly jotted down LB loves CH; the love portion being represented by a heart. Truly this was an infantile display for a high school senior to have become engaged, and yet it seemed wholly unavoidable seeing as how his mind was being controlled entirely by his raging hormones.

Earning grades of A's with the occasional B, Lyle was an exceptional and dedicated student whose only weakness was being male. His seventeen years on this planet had been dedicated to self-improvement so that he might realize his goal of becoming a law enforcement officer. From his first glimpse of a man in a police uniform Lyle wanted nothing less than to be that guy behind the flashy badge, not that he cared so much for the power it yielded but because he wanted to make a difference in his community. Well, that and the fact that the badge was shiny and Lyle seemed to be mesmerized by shiny objects.

Again he allowed his mind to wander and his eyes to return to the back of the blonde head before him while thoughts ventured into forbidden territory for about the one billionth time. He had confided in his best friend, Tad Charming (yes, that was his real name), that he held a special interest in the woman and Tad continually encouraged him to go for it. Lyle, however, was somewhat shy in approaching the fairer sex. Oh, he was not a virgin by any means as he had slept with one girl... the problem being that he was so drunk at the time that he remembered absolutely nothing about the act (less than nothing, actually). In fact, had she not informed him the following day how awful he was in bed he might not have known that it ever happened at all.

It was a sad truth that Lyle was having to bear but he knew that his time was coming, he had just not yet hit his stride. Once he was able to hop aboard the sexual gravy train he would ride it into the sunset with his pole sporting flags of all nations. In contrast, Tad had only slept with two girls so although he had proven his worth it was not that much of a victory over Lyle's feeble attempt at being a man of the world.

The bell rang, drawing Lyle out of his trance and it was only then that he discovered that the head he had been looking at and fantasizing over was not Celeste's. That head belonged to Brick Brady, the senior basketball star who oozed masculinity out his every pore. Why Lyle's eyes had settled upon this man seated five chairs away from Celeste was anybody's guess, although he immediately attributed it to the fact that the man was fit, strong and popular - not to mention Brick had all the girls swooning over him at every turn. He was every boy's idol and simultaneously every boy's nemesis (seeing as how nobody could ever hope to measure up next to this jock).

Standing, along with the rest of the class, Lyle felt a familiar tightness in his jeans and immediately reseated himself. It seems as if Brick had had a rather profound effect on Lyle without the victim's having realized it and this fact definitely confused him. Of course, it had to have been that he was thinking about Celeste, ocean waves and jellyfish and that was the cause of his hormones shifting into overdrive. The fact that his eyes had shifted to the right and landed on Brick was a mere coincidence. It meant nothing. Lyle admired the man and even looked to him as being a model of masculinity but he would most certainly not have been turned on by the jock. That sort of thing was what happened to those gays, not manly men who wanted to pursue a career in law enforcement. Glancing down to his still-open binder he then made yet another rather startling discovery: thinking to have written LB loves CH, he now found with some embarrassment and confusion that he had in truth written LB loves BB.

...in indelible blue ink.

...on the whitest lined paper that had ever been produced.

...in unusually large letters with an equally unusually large heart; all of which was undoubtedly capable of being seen from outer space.

...and surely the Martians were at this moment commenting on it.

BB? Brick Brady? Lyle Bogart loves Brick Brady? Really? He quickly closed the binder before this ridiculous doodle was spotted by anybody while simultaneously finding his pants to be getting even tighter at the continued thought of the basketball star. Obviously a rogue hormone had gotten loose in his body and was responding to anything that walked. Bizarre.

Later that afternoon, Lyle and Tad walked home together as they always did, winding through a small park several blocks from the school beneath a hazy sky that had refused to clear up this day. Being that this was Friday, that meant the two boys had the entire weekend to play and prepare for the following week's exams.

Did you get any notes from Blather's lecture? Lyle asked his best friend. I kind of drifted off into la-la land during his class. His lectures seem to lend themselves to that of either boredom or the desire to commit hari-kari.

Yeah, I got notes that I can share with you, Tad affirmed, adding, though there was nothing earth shattering. And speaking of earth shattering, what's with you and Celeste? I saw you staring at her. When are you going to get the balls to ask her out?

Romance is a fickle mistress, my bright friend. These things take time, Lyle said. And what about that Brick Brady, huh?

What about him? Tad asked with great confusion.

Just that he's a pretty awesome guy.

Tad shrugged. "Eh, typical brainless jock. His name pretty much says it all: Brick."

Au contraire mon frère, Lyle said with a turn. "His grades are mostly B's, he's fit, handsome, he's got a stable home life, doesn't do drugs or drink alcohol, all the girls flock around him like... no, I take that back; guys flock around him as well, and to top it all off he eats all his vegetables and calls his mother regularly."

It worries me that you know so much about him, dude, Tad said suspiciously.

Can you seriously tell me that you can be around him and not fall victim to his manly charms? I mean, come on: those eyes, those lips, those nose? Lyle asked.

Shit, Lyle, you got the hots for him or something? Tad asked, frowning deeply.

I'll be the first to admit that if I was ever to go gaga over a guy I imagine it would be for somebody like Brick, Lyle admitted, though knowing that both himself and the jock were universes away from being homosexual.

"You're better looking than that asshole is. He's so superficial. Besides, Celeste has such bodacious jugs. How could you even think about Brick when she's in the room?"

Jugs? Lyle asked in amazement over the crass reference.

Boobs, tatas, hooters, whatever. What I'm saying is you're hot to trot for her so your every other word should be 'Celeste', not 'Brick'.

Feeling the mounting pressure to perform weighing upon his conscience, Lyle thought now might be a good time to recant his claims of desire for the woman and settle for a girl not quite so intimidating. Celeste was the star of the show and Lyle but a bit player who was not worthy of walking in her footsteps, let alone tripping the light fantastic in her bedroom. On the other hand, he did find her to be a beautiful and desirable woman so this placed him between his desires and the yellow steak running down his back.

Pondering these points in silence as the two men walked along the cement walkway cutting diagonally through the park, Lyle finally had to admit to himself that enough was enough. Well, hell, he said, drawing Tad's attention.

What?

Stopping in his tracks, Lyle turned to his friend and smiled uneasily. Okay, you're probably going to hate me forever for what I'm about to say and run me through the meat grinder at the butcher shop, but... he began before being interrupted.

You are! Tad said, his eyes widening. You're after Brick!

Shaking his head, Lyle chuckled at the absurd insinuation. "While that would certainly be worldly news, I'm afraid that's not it. I just don't think I can go through with asking Celeste out. Between you, me and that bench with bird poop on it over there I just don't think I'm in the same league as her," he stated.

Tad stared at him a few moments, his lips curling up at the ends. The same league? She's a woman, you're a man. What other league is there?

It's just that she's so hot and I fall into a category somewhere between phlegm and a greasy banana peel.

You've got the banana and that's what's important. Come on, Lyle, you do yourself an injustice. You're good looking, intelligent and available so that makes you prime property.

Lyle laughed. I may be prime property but that doesn't mean she's in the market to buy.

But you won't know until you try. I've seen her looking at you so I know she's interested, Tad said.

Actually, I think those were more looks of pity than desire.

Tad shook his head. You really need to work on building up your confidence and self esteem, buddy.

Yeah, Lyle said with a sigh, that's probably true.

Ultimately it's up to you whether or not you want to go out with her.

Considering this for a moment or two, Lyle finally said, So you won't burn me at the stake at midnight if I don't ask her out?

Of course not. I'm your best friend and best friends don't burn each other at the stake.

Wow. Well, I guess I learned an important lesson here today: never again burn best friends at the stake.

"Never again?" Tad asked with one eyebrow raised.

Apparently I was suffering under the preconceived notion that it was acceptable to... I mean that I may have used an excessive amount of gasoline when I... Um, well, I gave all my best friends proper funerals after the burnings. That counts for something, doesn't it?

Tad chuckled. Remind me to keep my distance from you from now on.

Lyle pulled his friend into a one-armed hug. You're all right, Tad. You deserve a better best friend but I'm glad you lowered your standards and chose me. Releasing the man, Lyle resumed his walk.

So aside from being a wuss when it comes to women, is there anything else about yourself that you feel like revealing? Tad prompted from Lyle's left.

"No, none that I... Okay, okay, I admit that I was the one who broke into the bank and put money in rather than taking it out. Nobody told me it was supposed to be done the other way around so how was I to know?"

Tad jabbed Lyle in the side with his elbow. You're a trip, Lyle, he said with a snicker. "You're a hard guy not to like. There's a certain something about you."

You mean that I'm naturally charismatic, charming, sexy, and hung like a bull moose elephant horse donkey?

No, I'm talking about your fun sense of humor and wild imagination. You come up with some of the damnedest things.

I do? Lyle asked in mock seriousness. I thought everybody talked that way. Are you trying to tell me that I'm unique or are you just sweet-talking me so you can get in my pants?

"You are unique, that's for sure," Tad agreed.

The two men walked along quietly for a few moments while Lyle pondered his situation further. A date with Celeste would be a great thing, not to mention the possibility of it leading to his first coherent sexual experience. This was long overdue and had been quietly anticipated, and though intriguing, the thought of being intimate with this woman was a bit unnerving... at least without the aid of all the alcohol in the world.

It would be fun to take Celeste to a nice restaurant, Lyle confessed.

Now we're talking.

I wonder what he likes to eat? he pondered aloud.

"Oh, probably steak and... Wait. What? He?" Tad said with a sudden turn.

Huh? He what?

"You said 'he'. You wondered what he likes to eat," Tad reminded his friend with a definite frown.

Did I? Lyle asked.

Brick. You were thinking about that brainless dick again, Lyle. You really are hot to trot for him, aren't you?

Hmm, do you really think his dick is brainless? It's been my experience that during these hormone-driven years of our lives our dicks have minds of their own.

Shit, Tad mumbled.

Lyle patted his friend on the shoulder reassuringly. Take it easy, Mr. Jumps-to-the-wrong-conclusion. I just made a Freudian slip. Celeste is the star of my show, he assured his friend while mental thoughts of Celeste were being interrupted by images of Brick in the locker room shower.

I'm very glad to hear that. Okay, let's put our minds together and figure out a way that you can overcome your lack of confidence and make you and her happen. Well, there's always the direct approach: the next time you see her just ask her out. Wine and dine her and then take her to the nearest motel, Tad suggested as he reached out and caught an errant Frisbee that had veered off its intended course.

Nice catch, Yogi. I don't know, I think that particular direct approach might be a little less than romantic, Lyle confessed. It sounds like the goal of the entire evening is to have sex.

Of course that's the goal, Tad confirmed, tossing the Frisbee back to the original catcher who stood waving his hands. Face it, Lyle, you need to get laid.

What are you talking about? I had sex with that girl at the party last year... you know, what's-her-name with the long black hair.

Her name was Becky, she had short red hair and you were so bombed you didn't even remember doing it, Tad reminded his friend.

Well, there was that, yes, but at least I did it... at least she told me the next day that I did. You have to give me credit for being able to function under such extreme conditions. By the way, while we're on the subject, how'd I get home that night?

I have no idea. I was just as shit-faced as you were. I think some of the guys must have taken us home. That was some party.

I'll say, Lyle agreed. "That was a year ago and I'm still hung over. I just wasn't made to drink, I guess. Maybe I should take up smoking drain cleaner or snorting powdered milk."

Oh shit! There she is, Tad declared quietly, stopping both himself and Lyle.

Glancing ahead, Lyle spotted none other than Celeste and one of her girlfriends heading their way from the opposite direction. Immediately Lyle felt himself growing increasingly nervous as the moment of truth was unexpectedly and rapidly bearing down upon him. There was no doubt that Celeste was a very attractive woman and that Lyle would be able to brag about an encounter for years to come, and yet the nearer she drew the more nervous he became. His stomach started to churn and he thought that he might even throw up if she were to actually speak to him.

Hey, Lyle, Celeste said as she and her friend drew to a halt before the two men.

With luck being on his side, Lyle did not vomit and that was a very good thing (although he worried that he might have peed his pants a little). Hey, Celeste. Long time no see... well, since science class, anyway. Gee, it seems like only yesterday.

She chuckled cutely. Hi, Tad, she lightly addressed the man at Lyle's side. You both know Susan, right?

The two men greeted the slender woman. Susan was not as tall as her friend and was less voluptuous, which was not to say that she was ugly - not by any means. In fact, her plainness seemed to be less intimidating to Lyle who figured he would have a far better chance bedding this woman than he would Celeste, if only by virtue of his being less nervous. A woman of Celeste's stature was bound to expect perfection in her men and with only one unconscious encounter under his belt Lyle did not even come close.

Nervously, Lyle glanced to Tad to find his best friend giving him a look that could only mean one thing: 'This is your chance, dude. Go for it.' So, Celeste, Lyle began nervously, his eyes back upon the woman. Do you like to eat? he asked, immediately catching the absurdity of his question. "Well, I mean I know you like to eat... not that you're fat or anything like that, he stumbled. You're skinny and all so that... not too skinny, though. I would say that with your figure you could probably eat anything in sight without gaining... not that I think you're a pig. Flustered, he turned to Tad. Can you please explain to me why the ground isn't opening up and swallowing me alive? I mean, by all accounts I should be sitting in the Earth's core roasting my ass off right about now."

If you're asking me out to dinner then I accept, Celeste said, graciously letting Lyle off the hook with a generous smile.

Lyle turned his eyes upon her quickly. Really? You're not just saying that because I'm a complete idiot and you have to fill your monthly quota?

No, really. I think you're pretty handsome and dinner would be nice, she assured him. How about tomorrow night? Say around six?

As calmly as he could amidst his runaway nerves, Lyle agreed that this time and date would be just fine and he then arranged to pick her up at her house after learning of her address. This was not too painful, he thought as he bid the two girls goodbye and watched them walk off. The painful part would come tomorrow night.

Pretty slick, Tad told him while resuming their walk. I'm jealous as hell. You just made a date with the sexiest girl on campus.

Yeah, I'm just a chick magnet, Lyle said with a chuckle as he now attempted to remember where he would go to buy condoms. Try as he might not one single source came to mind, which was completely ridiculous. Prior to this meeting he would have had no trouble whatsoever, but now with all the circuits in his mind shutting down over the impending dinner and possible subsequent bing-bang-bong he was left an empty short-circuiting shell.

Another thing to sort out would be the restaurant and this also proved fruitless at the moment, since, for whatever reason, all he could think of was gas stations. Perhaps this was his subconscious informing him that he needed to get gassed before attempting such a landmark date. Either that or he was realizing just how over-his-head and out-of-his-league he had become involved, causing his system to shut down before the humiliation of defeat hit him tomorrow night.

Oh hell, Tad muttered, drawing Lyle out if his stupor. Just when things were going well.

Not knowing exactly to what his friend was referring, Lyle turned to see his best friend glance behind them briefly, and just then noted the rising voices at their backs. His own glance proved the approach of Brick Brady and some other tall, masculine member of the basketball team who Lyle only knew as Chad.

Interestingly, Lyle's stomach immediately calmed down as just the sight of Brick seemed to be the pill needed to soothe his shattered nerves. There was no reason for this, of course, but he was rather grateful for the badly needed change.

It's just Brick and Chad, Lyle assured his frowning friend.

Yeah, I can see that, Tad quietly growled. With any luck lightning will strike them both and fry them to a black crisp.

Lyle knew that Tad had a strong resentment for the jocks, though not exactly knowing the reason why. Perhaps it was Tad's lack of athletic ability, or the fact that women flocked around jocks and all but ignored both Tad and Lyle. Whatever the reason, there was a genuine red-hot hatred burning in Tad's stomach for the approaching men whose increased voices told Lyle that they were now directly behind.

Hey, Lyle, how's it going? Brick asked, laying a hand on Lyle's shoulder.

This touch ignited every neuron in Lyle's entire body and all at once he felt almost giddy. Goin' like it always goes, he answered stupidly while realizing the rapid expansion of his crotch. Mostly walking in the park, taking in the scenery and looking for a popcorn vender monkey to violate.

Brick chuckled. Saw you talking to Celeste. You two an item now?

Hardly, Lyle said with a generous laugh. More like a two-word mention in a cheap tabloid.

It's just as well. I hear she's tighter to get into than a duck's ass.

Lyle just made a date with her, Tad offered rather boldly, embarrassing Lyle.

Really? Brick asked with mounting excitement. I've been trying to mount that ass for years and she won't even give me the time of day. What's your secret?

Guts of steel, charm, a flashy smile and the promise that I'd give her a million bucks if she'd have dinner with me, Lyle said.

Seeming to enjoy this answer, Brick chuckled. I'll have to remember that. Hey, we're holding practice tomorrow morning at ten at the school gym, you ought to come watch us. Maybe we can grab some lunch afterward.

The head jock was extending a rare solicitation, and being invited to a practice was a privilege and one that Lyle would be a fool to decline. The problem was that he needed time to prepare himself for tomorrow night's date with Celeste and if he was to be at the gym watching Brick run around in his shorts with the sweat glistening off those muscles, looking jock-like and buff and sexy and desirable... he thought, suddenly losing his train of thought.

That'd be fun. I'll be there, Lyle heard himself say, after which he was hit with the surprise of his words. He had every intention of turning Brick down in the interest of buying himself more time to get ready for the dinner date so his acceptance came as quite a shock.

Solid, Brick said. Turning to Tad, he added, You can come, too. Not waiting for an answer, he then told Lyle, See you tomorrow. With a pat on Lyle's arm he and Chad were on their way.

Lyle waited until the two jocks were out of earshot before turning to his friend and asking, What the hell just happened here?

Tad, whose mouth was hanging open, stared onto Lyle's eyes. You hate basketball.

Not one of my favorite sports, no, Lyle admitted.

I can't believe you said you'd go watch that Neanderthal play.

I'm kind of surprised, myself. My mind was going to turn him down but my mouth somehow accepted, giving positive proof to the rumor that my mouth and brain are not connected.

Then go catch him and tell the brainless asshole that you'd rather have electric eels shoved down your pants than watch him throw a ball around.

I would? Lyle asked in surprise. Couldn't they be regular eels? Electric ones sound kind of painful.

That's the point, Tad confirmed with a frown.

You were invited, too. We could both go and suffer together, Lyle promoted.

Yeah, like I'm gonna go watch the jocks run around half naked in the smelly gym.

This idea proved to be an unexpected intrigue for Lyle who felt his penis expanding even more. Hmm, 'shirts and skins'. You don't suppose Brick might be ’skins' tomorrow, do you?

Oh, give me a break, Lyle. You can't be serious! Tad reprimanded.

No, of course not, he assured his best friend, though not being too certain of his answer. The thought of the muscled Brick running around the court dressed only in shorts and sneakers was an exciting one and this caused still more blood to flow to his already-out-of-control penis.

Well, if you won't tell him, I will, Tad insisted and jutted forward.

Hold on there, Vesuvius, Lyle said, stopping the man with a hand to the arm. This requires further thought. I mean, that's the first time a jock has actually spoken to me and I feel kind of flattered that they'd accept me into the fold.

"What fold? Tad questioned in obvious disbelief. They just want to show off and prove to themselves that they're better than everybody else. You know how those assholes are."

Well, that may be true. Nevertheless, I think we ought to go. Hey, if we're accepted by the jocks then by proxy that makes us cool and girls really go for the cool kids in the school, Lyle reasoned aloud.

Tad opened his mouth to protest but said nothing, the gears in his head obviously turning.

Besides, it'll only be an hour or two out of our busy lives.

You heard the condescending way he spoke to me, Tad protested. That wasn't an invitation, it was a clear threat to stay away.

Wow, your hearing must be more finely tuned than mine because I didn't hear that, Lyle explained. What I heard was: Tad, come watch us play tomorrow and afterward we can all get naked in the shower and soap each other up and braid each other's pubic hair.

A frown slowly transformed into a smirk as Lyle's words sank into Tad's mind. Yeah, right.

No, honest, Lyle insisted. Of course there was a lot implied, too, but for reasons of national security I can't divulge the details.

Tad shook his head, his body beginning to show signs of relaxing. Well, all right, I'll go with you tomorrow, but under protest.

That's the man, Lyle said, giving his pal a pat on the back. Now, we need to decide if we should dress for the occasion in basketball clothing or powder blue chiffon?

As promised, Tad did show up at the gym the following morning, much to Lyle's surprise. The two men seated themselves on one of the half-extended bleachers along with about a dozen other people, mostly women (assumedly girlfriends), and the practice began. Brick briefly acknowledged Lyle and Tad with a wave as he and his teammates took to the court and before too long the game was underway. To Lyle's unexplainable delight, only two members of the team wore shirts, leaving the remaining guys in only shorts and white sneakers and it proved to be more than just a bit of a turn-on to him seeing all that exposed Grade A beef romping about the floor, their rubber souls squeaking to their every coordinated move.

Halfway through the practice Tad got bored and took off, this move not really surprising Lyle. Although somewhat bored, himself, he nevertheless found the players to be fascinating enough to keep his mind occupied and him glued to the hard bench. More than that, the parade of men running before him was quite sexually stimulating and Lyle even caught himself checking out a few of the impressive bulges that extend outward in the loose white shorts, courtesy of the use of jock straps. This, he assured himself, was not that he was interested in what was causing the bulges, themselves, but that he was fascinated by the individual makeup of the human body and how everybody was different. It was a scientific approach, not one of lust. The fact that he had a great deal of difficulty taking his eyes off the half-naked Brick (and that he was sporting a constant erection) only went to prove Lyle's appreciation for a well-tuned body. This was what he would need to attain if he was to be an effective officer on the police force.

At the conclusion of the two-and-a-half hour practice, Lyle waited for Brick to exit the locker room again fully clothed, and then the two men walked the one block to an outdoor burger stand. Their burgers were purchased (Brick insisted on paying) and then they settled in at a small square table beneath an umbrella near the sidewalk.

So, what'd you think about the practice? Brick asked before sticking a fry into his mouth.

Lyle, who had taken a sip off his soda, swallowed before answering. I have to admit that I don't know much about the game, but you guys sure looked like you knew what you were doing.

We've done it once or twice before, yes, Brick said with a smile.

So, tell me, whose idea it was to put the ball through the hoop? Is that new or are you all trying to get rid of the ball and keep mistaking the hoop for a garbage can?

Nodding with a chuckle, Brick took a bite off his burger before speaking. I've always been drawn to sports, especially basketball. I hope to get a basketball scholarship for college. Coach says I have a good chance.

That's great. I want to get into the police academy at some point. In fact, I've got my application filled out, I just need to send it in.

Then do it, Brick said through a mouthful of food. Swallowing, he added, Don't let any opportunity slip through your fingers. Before we know it we'll be too old to do anything and I, for one, don't want to look back on my life and feel that it'd been wasted.

The world is our oyster, so hopefully we'll like seafood, Lyle said in a positive voice.

Brick ate quietly for about a minute after that before finally talking. Speaking of seafood, you and Celeste getting pretty tight?

Tight? Nah, we just have the one date. Actually, I was trying to ask her out and flubbed it so badly that she had to ask me instead.

Mmm hmm, Brick hummed with a nod. He then leaned forward and said in a lowered voice, Just don't expect too much from the date.

Lyle felt his eyebrows raise. Oh? he asked with the sudden suspicion that Celeste and Brick were actually more of an item than himself and Celeste.

Look, you're a nice guy, Lyle, and I don't want you to get hurt or anything so I kinda wanted to warn you about Celeste.

Warn me? Lyle asked with mounting concern that his date might at some point during the dinner remove her face to reveal some hideous alien parasite devoted to global conquest.

"Celeste's not what she seems. I mean, she's pretty and a nice girl and all but she doesn't... How do