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    Bones: A Steaming Pistons Steampunk Story
    Bones: A Steaming Pistons Steampunk Story
    Bones: A Steaming Pistons Steampunk Story
    Ebook48 pages39 minutes

    Bones: A Steaming Pistons Steampunk Story

    By Tom Laimer-Read

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    About this ebook

    Welcome to the strange city of Odnnol, a muddled, mysterious metropolis that mirrors our own reality, but in a bygone age that possibly never happened. Or did it? Perhaps our age never happened and this one did? Who can really say in the world of imagination and multiple realities? Queen Vitriolica sits on the throne, spitting bile and bitter expletives at her errant subjects, while the Tribish Empire rules the waves, and a considerable portion of the land as well. Keen author Philbert Chicory takes you on a wild escapade meeting a zombi (as it was spelt back then) detective and his sidekick, whom you may or may not recognise, along with the leading character, Mopsy, a small, yet tenacious pug dog. These intrepid adventurers embark on an investigation to find the culprit of the disgusting custard murders, the elusive Rick the Japer, and get involved in one of the greatest capers of the century. The trio face fearsome foes and adversity as they get closer to the truth, in a ripping, rollicking, rivetting tale of high excitement and steampunk fun. Do fear the Japer! Who knows where he might strike next?!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTom Laimer-Read
    Release dateMay 28, 2014
    ISBN9781310501869
    Bones: A Steaming Pistons Steampunk Story
    Author

    Tom Laimer-Read

    Tom Laimer-Read is a writer who wants to make writing exciting. Tom went to various state schools in Norwich in various states of consciousness, where he enjoyed reading and not being at school. He was in a few bands that were fun, but didn't get much attention from the national press as they don't tend to report from local rugby clubs and village halls. In the late 1990s Tom headed to Manchester University to study English with a burgeoning love of The Smiths, Stone Roses, Happy Mondays, Joy Division, Inspiral Carpets, The Fall and Buzzcocks, certain that Manchester would be a hotbed of new musical mavericks and a place where more fantastic, original music would emerge. He was wrong. That year the Hacienda closed down, the pills, thrills and bellyaches dried up and the 24 hour party was over, never to be reignited during his ten years there, unlike the large I.R.A. bomb that did ignite and tore through the heart of the city causing widespread damage to it and the psyche of the people (who were already damaged enough) the summer before he arrived.Tom studied comic books, Dada and the contents of his navel, and was also in a few more unsuccessful bands, but became disillusioned with the stagnant music scene, taking up the mic in comedy clubs instead. He encountered many strange creatures declaring themselves to be comedians, and participated in a murky arena where lurked some extremely unusual, unsavoury individuals, moreso than any punk rock set-up could contain.After a while, this also got a bit samey, since the big clubs supported the more boring acts, so Tom went back to music, hooking up with fellow disaffected comedians Steve G., Tom 'Jim the Poet' Faucett and Adam Bowman. They formed The Chainsores and had some legendary performances, most of them seen by very few people. After the band's spectacular demise and a short-lived follow-up, The Casual Vandals, Tom moved back to his home town of Norwich and continued to perform solo comedy, edging in the political direction. Tom performed a show about the danger of I.D. cards at the Edinburgh Fringe called 'Freedom Come, Freedom Go', which not many people saw, and has run alternative comedy nights such as Normal Service Will Be Resumed Shortly and The Dysfunction Room, which were mostly ignored, as his books probably will be too.

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      Book preview

      Bones - Tom Laimer-Read

      STEAMING PISTONS

      BONES

      by Philbert Chicory

      Dedicated to S.L-R.

      Edited by Tom Laimer-Read and published by Let's Rock Publishing in 2014

      Copyright 2014 Let’s Rock Publishing

      Smashwords Edition

      This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.

      This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people.

      If you would like to share this book with another person,

      please purchase an additional copy for each person.

      If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy.

      Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Contents

      A Most Marvellous Introduction

      Bones

      Afterword

      A Most Marvellous Introduction

      Glad tidings, dear reader. It is with great gusto that I greet you on this most auspicious occasion, that of my arrival in your good, if twisted land. My journey is one across both space and time, although not so much in the greater scheme of things. You see, I come from that very period that you yourselves know as Victorian Times, but I myself know them as Vitriolican, our Queen and indeed many of our famous figures having names that differ slightly from yours, from some strange twist of fate when it was decided what names should be. Such is the multiplicity of the multiverse!

      But how on Herat did I get here? Well, I shall tell you, if you just hold your steam carriages one brief moment! My travel was assisted by a highly intriguing device known as a Time and Space Harpsichord, or T.A.S.H. for short. This infernal contraption has transported me here by mistake after I hit an incorrect note on the keyboard, which sent me here, instead of to the correct time and place in the future that I had intended. So it is that I must remain here until my tale is told.

      So the story that I tell you now is a humdinger of a tale, one that features a fine friend of mine, who goes by the name of Mopsy, a tenacious pug dog, amongst the best of them that there is. It goes that Mopsy and I have a special understanding, and we are able to communicate through an intermediary, known as Pollyglot, the multilingual parrot, who can translate between humans and animals, and knows numerous different languages to boot. Shortly before I departed on my journey through time, Mopsy told me this intriguing yarn, which I felt compelled to strike down on paper for you, dearest reader, to enthral, excite and invigorate.

      I must away, but will leave you in Mopsy’s capable paws. These testing times are indeed timorous, terrifying and terrific.

      Be merry and be safe!

      Philbert Chicory, Space and Time Traveller and Your Most Humble Author

      * * *

      Bones

      Some days, nothing seems to go your way. You get shunned by your lady, snapped at by your boss, there's no food in your bowl, the rain pelts down, and the world seems to collectively scowl at you in one miserable face of woe. Work grinds you down, and somebody at the butcher’s shop in the queue just in front of you picks

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