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    Everygnome's Guide to Paratechnology: EA'AE, #2
    Everygnome's Guide to Paratechnology: EA'AE, #2
    Everygnome's Guide to Paratechnology: EA'AE, #2
    Ebook124 pages5 hours

    Everygnome's Guide to Paratechnology: EA'AE, #2

    By Joseph J. Bailey

    4.5/5

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    About this ebook

    Note: 2nd edition.  Professionally edited by David Gatewood, Post-Technological Metamagician

     

    Are you a Gnome?
     
    Do you want to be one?

    Do you know what one is?
     
    Do you have magical, technical, or any other talent whatsoever? (1)
     
    Do you pine after a non-holographic Omnicron, make design sketches of transmorphic actionable multidimensional exo-robotic systems, create novel subroutines for synthetic intelligences, tinker with Dwarf-proof beard mowers, imagine a grand unified theory of life, the universe, and facial hair, or take apart and modify negentropy cannons for fun and amusement?
     
    Do you like root vegetables?
     
    If you answered yes to one of these questions (2), then you may have what it takes to be a Paratechnologist, a wondrous master of the uniquely Gnomish art of blending magic and technology!
     
    Within this concise guide you will find answers to many of the questions you do not have about becoming a Paratechnologist. (3)
     
    With enlightening topics including Two Wrongs Often Make a Right, What Doesn't Kill You Can Also Maim, Destroy, and Disfigure, Moving Beyond Clockwork Devices, and How to Avoid Mustache Entanglement, Everygnome's Guide to Paratechnology has more information than you care to know about Paratechnology. (4)
     
    If, on the absolutely slim chance you are interested in Gnomish technowizardry (5), then Everygnome's Guide to Paratechnology will be your easily disposed of indispensible guide to embarking upon the often smoldering, explosive, nonsensical, and somewhat erratic path of the Paratechnologist.
     
    Notes to self (and others):
          1. Real or imagined.
          2. Or any other.
          3. Who would?
         4. Assuming you actually cared about Paratechnology in the first place.
          5. Or are interested in making fun of those who are. 

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJoseph J. Bailey
    Release dateFeb 25, 2014
    ISBN9780989458207
    Everygnome's Guide to Paratechnology: EA'AE, #2

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      Book preview

      Everygnome's Guide to Paratechnology - Joseph J. Bailey

      Do I Have What It Takes?

      Indubitably!

      Although historically a high Gnomish Art requiring utmost technical skill and unrivaled magical precision, Paratechnology is now open to any and all comers.¹

      We welcome any of sound, or at least echoing, mind, able, or partially functional, body², and boisterous spirit, the more zest the better, to partake of our grand tradition.

      If you think³, breathe², have a pulse², and are able to communicate at least through coarse grunts or vague gestures, consider a career in Paratechnology!⁴

      Your local Gnomes will take care of the rest!⁵

      The true beauty of Paratechnology is that almost anyone can learn to actively shape reality.⁶

      I would, however, recommend growing facial hair before you start.⁸

      Notes to self (and others):

      1. Significant attrition within the Gnomish community through the practice and rarefication of Paratechnology to its current highly refined state has encouraged the most welcome inclusion of many non-Gnomes into the halls of Paratechnological wonder.

      2. Or rough equivalent thereof.

      3. Or can convince others that you can.

      4. Also recommended is an almost complete disregard for your health, well-being, and safety. Understanding relatives and relations who are comfortable with your possible loss, disappearance, and/or expiry is advised.

      5. Not that you will necessarily enjoy much rest but, rest assured, when you do, it might just be peaceful.

      6. For some non-Paratechnologists, this might be a cause for some concern.⁷

      7. Being compassionate, wise, and far-seeing, we Paratechnologists also have concerns for causes.

      8. If you cannot grow facial hair, I suggest donning a disguise or having a mustache transplant, infusion, or restructuring to begin your career. Once you reach a certain level of success, acceptance, and maturity, then you may outgrow the need for facial hair… but that is unlikely.

      Why Be a Paratechnologist?

      Do you like fun?

      Who doesn’t?

      Do you appreciate excitement?

      I really hope so.

      Do you get a thrill from new discoveries?

      Getting a thrill from old discoveries counts as well.

      Do you remain in the room when someone opens a science, magic, or mathematics textbook?

      Being tied down, chained, mind controlled, drugged, or rooted in place through sorcerous compulsion does not count.

      Do you have impeccable fashion sense?

      Absolutely critical.

      Do you like objects that are shiny?

      If not, you are probably dull.

      Do you like to shape the future?

      Shaping dough, clay, putty, and the like counts as well.¹

      Do you appreciate the beauty in great balls of fire engulfing your life’s work?

      Who doesn’t like a fresh start?

      If you said yes to all of the above², then the wondrous world of Paratechnology beckons!

      I am a Paratechnologist.

      There is no finer calling.³

      Why aren’t there more of us?⁴

      Notes to self (and others):

      1. Although a willingness to shape ideals is preferable.

      2. Saying yes to any of the above really suffices. Our standards as Paratechnologists are rather forgiving.

      3. And my aural spectrum registers across the entire frequency range of sonic oscillation. I have yet to miss a call, especially to dinner.

      4. Excepting the risks posed by a few minor workplace hazards—like dimensional tears and rifts, violent conflagrations, minor (and major) explosions, out-of-control automatons, antimagic and antimatter explosions, vengeful Luddites resistant to innovation, exponentially expanding self-replicating swarms of matter-consuming nanobots, overzealous competitors, losing your mind (both literally and figuratively), pertinent oversight boards, visitors, deliverymen, neighbors, and paper cuts… among others.

      Rules to Live By

      Paratechnology is about learning, experimenting, and progressing. The more mistakes you make, the more you will learn.

      Expect to make many.¹

      The more you think you know, the less you actually do.

      The less you do, the less you learn.

      No one mind encompasses the totality of existence.²

      No matter how grand a theory, no matter how elegant a solution, no matter how learned a theoretician, chances are they do not know it all… though they may act like it.

      Approach each problem with humility and an open mind that you may learn.

      Approach each problem earnestly that you may grow.

      Expect to fall flat on your face often (usually accompanied by smoke, rushing air, bursts of small particulates, gouts of magical energies, walls of heat, and loud explosions).

      Be intelligent in how you fall.³

      Be even more intelligent in how you pick yourself back up.

      Being careful may keep you safe, but it won’t guarantee results.⁴

      Being safe will, however, help ensure your continual persistence that you may reiterate the importance of being safe.⁵

      Although doing nothing is fun, sometimes doing something is the best thing to do.⁶

      Try not to die. At least not until you’re ready to do so.⁷

      Uncovering innovation is a bit like hunting for mushrooms. You don’t have to know everything about mushrooms or about the area you’re looking for mushrooms in, but some knowledge helps.⁸ And more knowledge is often, but not always, better.¹⁰

      Notes to self (and others):

      1. Present company included.

      2. Especially those of your fellow technologists.

      3. With my protuberant nose this is of utmost consideration.

      4. Nor will you have as much fun.

      5. For those who care to listen.

      6. Say that three times fast.

      7. Then feel free.

      8. You may also need to be prepared to dig through quite a bit of manure in your search.⁹

      9. Assumed is that you know what types of mushrooms you are after. Finding the right mushrooms is essential. If you select the wrong mushrooms (or ideas), then your adventure of discovery may be of an altogether different sort.

      10. Unless you’re a know-it-all. Then less is more.

      Your Edumacation

      Do you wish to excel at Paratechnology?

      Then you must swim through the fields of metamagics, applied, theoretical, and notional physics, suprachemistry, future history, developmental and cognitive parapsychology, antientropics, idealized engineering, archmathematics, extrabiology, synthetic intelligence, ultracosmology, schema, yarn spinning, and multimodal computational panlogic, among many others, as easily as a fish darts through clear, untroubled waters.

      No area of intellectual endeavor should be neglected, nor should your quest for deeper understanding ever stop—for with knowledge’s end, so follows innovation’s.

      Also, you must be able to tie

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