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    Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry: EA'AE, #1
    Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry: EA'AE, #1
    Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry: EA'AE, #1
    Ebook79 pages48 minutes

    Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry: EA'AE, #1

    By Joseph J. Bailey

    3.5/5

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    About this ebook

    Note: 2nd edition.  Professionally edited by David Gatewood, Archmage

    So you want to be a wizard?

    You know being a wizard is not all quests filled with high adventure, finding priceless treasure, warm adulation and reward, and uncovering newfound knowledge?

    You really want to be ensorcelled by fell magics, accosted by boisterous knights, enchanted by hostile magicians, waylaid by villainous rogues, attacked by creatures from the nether realms, cursed by dread warlocks, and worse? And those on some of your better days?

    Seriously?

    Are you crazy?

    If you are (crazy, not serious... serious is optional), then Mulogo is the wizard for you and Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry is the guide you'll live by!

     

    Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry provides a concise summary in plain (well, mostly plain) language for wizards who wish to have a manual for surviving in a harsh world where people (and much nastier) want to kill you and take your stuff (usually in that order).

    With varied subject topics including Allies and Whether to Buy Them, On Reducing Risk (and Capitalizing on the Failure of Others), Protecting Yourself From Yourself, How to Minimize the Curiosity of Others, and When Griffins Attack, Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry will allow you to thrive... but first you have to survive.

    Hopefully you'll enjoy a few laughs along the way. (1)

    Scribe's Notes:

         1. Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry is a largely farcical text making light of wizardly conventions within the larger fantasy, gaming, and roleplaying traditions, assorted related communities and offshoots, memes, and various cultural derivatives. (2)
         2. If you do not like satire, or laughing, this book is not for you. (3)
         3. Perhaps a more exciting tome--such
    as Navel Lint, Its Permutations and Harvesting--would be more to your liking. (4)
         4. Mulogo does not condone laughing.

    ====================================================

    Praise for Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry:

    "Luckily, I happened upon Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry early on in my tutelage while perusing my Master's library. The Treatise remains to this day one of the most influential and
    formative works on my development and outlook as a magician. Mulogo's insights helped me survive my grueling training with a fell god and become the Priest I am today."

    - Wrindanneth the Red, erstwhile Priest of Maeth Onai, member of the Fists

    "I avoided Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry like the plague during my training, as its perspective is entirely unlike my own. It had no influence on my profession or progression. I have little need or interest in being like either Mulogo or Wrindanneth."

    - Aroganji, Fang Shih of Chang Sen, member of the Fists

    "I never heard o' Mulogo's Treatise til Wrindanneth showed it ta me. I have no need fer a manual on trimmin' my nose hairs. They help support my beard."

    - Slate Flintforge, Dwarven Bor'Banna, Brewmaster, Eater of Leftovers, and member of
    the Fists

    "I could never make it past the subtitles."

    - Hoyt, Proprietor of Hoyt's - Oddities, Found Goods, and Sundries, wizard of Tellanon

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJoseph J. Bailey
    Release dateFeb 27, 2014
    ISBN9780985390792
    Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry: EA'AE, #1

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      Book preview

      Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry - Joseph J. Bailey

      So You Want to Be a Wizard?

      I have had my homes razed, raided and burned to the ground, my towers gutted, marauded, and blasted, and my castles pillaged, defiled, and demolished.

      I have been imprisoned in the Astral Plane, entombed in stone, had my spirit bound within a phylactery, and had my mind trapped within a crystal prism.

      I have been held for ransom by bandits, robbed by nobility, and dispossessed by extradimensional thieves.

      I have been threatened, cajoled, berated, cursed (both literally and actually), abused, and blackmailed.

      I have been stabbed, bludgeoned, whipped, tortured, burned, shocked, flayed, and worse.¹

      I have been possessed, mind-controlled, robbed of my body and volition, and rendered incorporeal.

      I have been turned into a newt, transmogrified into a frog, changed into a toad, and transformed into creatures slimier still.²

      I have been charmed, bewitched, hexed, ensorcelled, enchanted, mesmerized, spellbound, and let’s not even talk about what happened while I was under the influence of hostile supernatural entities and agents.

      I have been abandoned by friends, forgotten by allies, scorned by compatriots, and turned upon by companions.

      I have had intimates taken, comrades killed, family members persecuted, and kith imprisoned.

      I have fought with incomprehensible daemons face to face, been engulfed by dragons’ raging hellfires, clashed with greater Powers, and been laid low by alien intelligences.

      I have been trapped within the bowels of forgotten ruins, lost within haunted crypts, striven through extradimensional labyrinths, delved over and through the hearts of uncharted planets, and foundered within the darkest and deepest wilds.

      I have had my identity erased, my memories taken, my will sapped, and my spirit broken.

      And these were on some of my better days.

      I am a wizard.

      Are you sure you want to be one?³

      Scribe’s note:

      1. But yet, no matter how pleasant the imagery, Mulogo is still with us.

      2. Also some less slimy. It varies.

      3. Not many wizards have been as fortunate as Mulogo.

      The Wizard’s Credo

      I have often heard others insipidly, or, to be more kind¹, perhaps naïvely, say, One must always be prepared.

      I find this sentiment overly shortsighted and optimistic.

      That a wizard should always be prepared goes without saying.

      What a wizard must be prepared for does not.

      One must always be prepared for the worst.

      To always be prepared implies one must be prepared for both the good and the bad.

      How often have you been showered by rose petals falling from the heavens?

      I have, however, been showered by arrows raining from the sky.

      How often have you bathed in a pool filled with gold and gems?

      I have, however, been thrown into a pit filled with burning oil.

      How often have you basked in the rapturous adulation of your peers?

      I have, however, been struck down by the cruel incantations of sorcerous foes.

      How often have you relaxed in the loving glow of the Fae, sleeping on a bed of faerie dust?

      I have, however, been enthralled and beguiled, bound in servitude by the Court of Fae.

      How often have you sat down to research and had inspiration fill your mind with boundless possibilities for new incantations?

      I have, however, sat down to research and had my mind imprisoned by fell grimoires, been befuddled by a miscast attempt at a new incantation, and been injured by a failed novel formulation.

      How often have you set out to adventure only to uncover mysteries, magic, or treasures far beyond your expectations prior to winning your way through to your ultimate destination, ending your quest before it ever truly began?

      I have, however, been thwarted before reaching my goals, found my questing to be fruitless, or discovered the attainment of my ideals to be less than worthwhile.

      Being prepared for the good and the bad overly complicates life’s simple equation.

      Wizards must ever strive for efficiency.

      Save your time and energy. Do not prepare for the good. The good won’t kill you. The bad

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