The Quick-Reference Guide to Marriage & Family Counseling

church.

Addiction and

Substance Abuse

in the Family

1 PORTRAITS

• Rachel was very active in the church, along with her family. Although she was not always reliable, she was eager to help. She attended church regularly—even the evening services. One Sunday evening Rachel came in late. She was loud and obviously drunk. Her children were in tow and very embarrassed.

• Reggie had always been famous for how many beers he could drink without feeling any effects. But something has changed. According to his wife, he’s been drunk several times recently and has just been arrested for a DUI—his second DUI in two years. This time he will lose his driver’s license for a year.

• Dawn was a single mother who loved the bingo games. No one thought much about it until a neighbor discovered her young children, including a toddler in diapers, home alone one night while Dawn was playing the cards at the bingo parlor.

Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.

John 8:36

2 DEFINITIONS AND KEY THOUGHTS

• Substance abuse is the misuse and/or habitual use of a chemical substance for the purpose of changing (ostensibly for improving) one’s mood or psychological state. Persons abuse substances to forget their pains or anxieties. Substance abuse often leads to substance dependence, commonly referred to as addiction.

• An addiction is a dependence on a substance (alcohol, prescription medicine, marijuana, or street drugs) or activity (gambling, shopping, Internet porn).

• An addiction is a physical (as in alcohol or most other drugs) or psychological (as in gambling or shopping) compulsion to use a substance or activity to cope with everyday life. For example, without alcohol or access to a gambling parlor, the addict does not feel normal and cannot function well.

Fifty percent of child abuse and neglect cases are connected with the alcohol or drug use of a guardian.¹

• Addiction is a repetitive behavior that is habitual and difficult or seemingly impossible to control. It leads to activity that is designed solely to obtain the substance or access the behavior and to cover up its use—the housewife hiding bottles all over the house, the drug addict shoplifting to support the habit, the gambler embezzling to pay off debts.

• Characterized by the defense mechanisms of denial, minimization, and blame-shifting, the addict blames his or her problems on someone else or some difficult situation—the boss is too difficult or the job is too stressful, the spouse isn’t affectionate enough, the kids are disobedient, or the friends are too persuasive. The addict usually refuses to take responsibility and to admit to the seriousness of the problem.

• Addiction is the bio-psycho-social dependence on a substance or a habitual behavior—such as viewing Internet porn to sustain a sexual addiction. Over time the body and the brain need the substance or behavior in ever-increasing amounts to cope minimally and stave off the symptoms of withdrawal.

• Non-drug or behavior addictions include compulsive overeating, gambling, sexual addiction such as to pornography (see the section on Pornography), compulsive spending, and smoking (which includes aspects of both substance and behavior addiction).

Alcohol kills six and a half times more youth than all other illicit drugs combined.²

Key Characteristics

Addiction or substance abuse is characterized by:

• pattern of out-of-control substance usage or behavior for a year or more

• mood swings that are often present

• increasing usage or pattern of behavior over time

• increasing feelings of shame or worthlessness

• a strong need to be liked or receive the approval of others

• impulse-control problems, especially concerning food, sex, drugs, or money

• the use of a substance or behavior to raise a depressed mood or to reduce anxiety

• obsessing about a certain substance or behavior

• increasing unmanageability of the addiction

• increasing guilt, shame, fear, and anger

• failed efforts to control the addiction

• negative consequences of the addiction suffered by self and others

Causes of Addiction

Emotional: Addicts are emotionally wounded, often having experienced severe trauma in childhood. One study of sex addicts found 81 percent to be sexually abused, 74 percent physically abused, and 97 percent emotionally abused.³

Relational: Addictive behaviors are positively related to troublesome early life relationships. For adults, addiction causes stress in interpersonal relationships—especially marriage and family life—and leads to many social difficulties.

Physical: Addicts become physically dependent on their substances or behavior of abuse, experiencing withdrawal without them.

Cognitive and Behavioral: Often addicts have illogical or irrational thoughts that cause them to forget their identity as children of God. Unrealistic expectations and reliance on quick and magical solutions about themselves and others are also common.

Spiritual: At its core addiction is rebellion against God. In addition, whether it is drugs, alcohol, or sex, the addiction becomes a false idol to the addict. Giving up this reliant idolatry is one of the most difficult and long-term struggles for the addict.

Traffic crashes are the greatest single cause of death for persons aged 6–33. About 45 percent of these fatalities are in alcohol-related crashes.⁴

Effects of Addiction

Unmanageability: For addicts, dependency on the addiction is out of their control. They need help to gain control.

Neuro-chemical Tolerance: God designed our bodies to adapt to what is presented. Therefore, as addicts experience tolerance, their bodies need increasing amounts of a chemical to procure the same effect.

Progression: Often an addiction becomes poly-addiction. Many addicts begin by simply experimenting—trying out a drug, going to a casino, taking a puff on a cigarette. However, because more of a chemical is needed to achieve an effect, the addict will increase addictive actions in strength or frequency, eventually shifting to combining and mixing various drugs and activities.

Feeling Avoidance: The addiction is used to improve the addict’s emotional or psychological state—it is a way of avoiding feelings, such as loneliness, anxiety, anger, sorrow, or depression.

Negative Consequences: Estrangement from God, the manifestation of habitual sin, poor health issues, chronic pain, and social and interpersonal problems are all consequences common to addiction.

3 ASSESSMENT INTERVIEW

Remember that a key characteristic of addiction is denial. The substance use is never an issue for the user. Breaking down this denial is part of your job in assessment (if it already seems clear that dependency exists).

When interviewing the user, focus on asking concrete questions about circumstances, events, and symptoms. If asked in a nonthreatening and nonjudgmental way, the counselee should respond fairly honestly. If speaking with a family member, reframe these questions and ask them about the user.

Rule Outs

1. Has your use of this substance increased or decreased over the years? Has there ever been a time when you were free of using? (Tolerance, or the need for increasing amounts of the substance, is a key distinguishing factor between a substance abuse problem and dependency. You also want to assess strengths, including family strengths, and find reasons for current treatment reliance by finding out about past periods of freedom from the addiction.)

2. (If alcohol is the substance) Have you ever experienced a time when you did not remember what you did while drinking (you had a blackout)? Have you ever experienced anxiety, panic attacks, shakes, or hallucinations after not drinking for a while?

3. Have you ever been treated for an addiction or been in counseling for any other reason? (This is to assess severity and the success or failure of prior treatment, and to assess whether a mental disorder or dual disorder is at the root of these problems.)

4. Has anyone in your family ever been hurt by your using or said anything to you about your using? Is your spouse threatening to leave you? Are you in any legal trouble as a result of your using? (This is to assess the need for family help, crisis intervention, or legal referral.)

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.

Carl Jung

General Questions

1. Has anyone ever suggested that your use of ________ is a problem? If so, why do you think the person said that?

2. Have you ever been concerned about your use of ________? If so, why? How about when ________ happened? You don’t think that ________ is a problem? You wouldn’t consider it a problem if you saw it in your best friend or your spouse?

3. How often do you use this substance and how much at each use? So in an average week you are using at least ________ times and doing so to get high every time?

4. Do you ever try to hide your use from family members or friends? You mean if they were sitting here with us now, they would agree to knowing all about the number of times you use each week?

5. At what age did you first use ________? Do you remember when you began using every week/weekend/day?

6. Have you ever done anything while under the influence of ________ that you later regretted? Have you ever had a conviction or ticket for driving under the influence? Have you ever been arrested for assault or for domestic abuse? Have the police ever shown up at your house to deal with your ________-related behavior, even if it didn’t result in arrest?

7. Did anyone in your family of origin use a substance in excess while you were growing up? Who was that? What did this person do? Did he [she] ever get free of it? Do you remember how you felt when you saw this person using ________?

8. Has your use of ________ ever affected your job or your family? What happened? Are you under any current threats from your boss or spouse that, if you use again, there will be some action on his or her part against you?

9. Have you ever quit or tried to quit using? How long were you sober? What happened when you quit? How did you feel? How did your spouse/children/boss respond to you when you were sober? What would it take now to accomplish that again?

10. Do you want to quit for good? If for good seems too impossible to comprehend, how long are you willing to stay sober if you tried it again? Who could best help you stay sober if you gave it a try? What will/should happen if you relapse again?

11. How do you see your life improving if you can quit using ________? How will things improve with your spouse/children/boss if you quit and clean up?

12. Is your faith or is God a resource to turn to for strength in this struggle? How has God helped you get and stay sober in the past?

In the year 2000 approximately 85,000 deaths in the U.S. were attributable to either excessive or hazardous drinking—making alcohol the third actual leading cause of death. In 2001 there were 1.4 million arrests for driving under the influence of alcohol or narcotics. That is 1 out of every 137 licensed drivers.⁵

4 WISE COUNSEL

Safety is always a key issue in the family context. Try to find out if the user has been driving under the influence or has small children at home who might be endangered or who might be left in the car for any length of time. If so, take immediate steps to protect the user and others.

Try to speak with other family members who are old enough to understand about how to handle the user’s behaviors. For example, family members must be taught to say no to car rides if the user will be driving and is under the influence, and they must call for help if the user is unable to supervise younger children.

If physical or sexual abuse occurs when the user is under the influence, encourage family members to leave the home immediately, going to a relative’s home or to a shelter for victims of domestic violence. Help them make contact or refer them to good and protective resources, starting with other family members.

If verbal abuse is an issue when the user is under the influence, encourage family members to seek counseling, especially counseling or groups for family members of addicts.

Interview the spouse to assess both challenging and enabling behavior on his or her and the children’s part. If any member of the family lies or engages in cover-up behavior, discuss alternative behaviors that are more honest and open to challenging the addict to get well.

5 ACTION STEPS

The following Action Steps are directed to the counselor.

1. Arrange for a Contract and Accountability

• Help the addict commit to some form of help and accountability, at the most serious level to which he or she will agree. If the client will sign a contract with you, agreeing to stop use and get immediate help for the addiction, he or she is serious about change. If not this, seek an agreement for a time-limited period, at least until your next meeting with the client. Help the person make a commitment to some type of Christian recovery program or maybe to attend a local AA meeting and get a sponsor.

2. Prevent the User from Driving While Intoxicated

• To protect family members, the user, and innocent bystanders, you need to convince this person to stop driving or doing anything while under the influence.

• The Club and other antitheft devices prohibit driving; sophisticated electronic devices can prevent driving unless a Breathalyzer test is first passed.

• Point out that this is for the good of the client and others, and that continued use of the substance will cause repercussions in the rest of his or her life—not being able to drive to work or to go other places.

• Develop a plan with the counselee restricting driving privileges the first time he or she drives under the influence (this means the counselor or a responsible adult in the counselee’s life will take the keys to the vehicle of the counselee). It would be a good idea for the plan to be signed by both the counselor and the client to enhance accountability and participation. This sets a clear boundary regarding substance abuse and imitates what will happen if a DUI citation is imposed.

3. Assure a Thorough Medical Checkup

• A medical exam will rule out any medical problems caused by use of the substance.

• An addiction such as alcoholism in its late stages progresses to a diseased state, so treatment from a doctor is certainly recommended.

• A physician can also prescribe any medicine that may be helpful to sobriety, especially when a dual disorder is involved.

4. Get Professional Help

• Encourage the user to allow a professional in chemical dependency to assess whether the substance use is an addiction. Such assessments are available at community mental health agencies, some hospitals, and community substance abuse centers (common in urban and suburban areas and through county governments in many rural areas). A professional counselor can also be very helpful in assessing and treating an addiction, or a dual disorder, if one is present.

5. Encourage Family Members to Seek Support

• Your community may have various 12-step support groups, such as Al-Anon, Families Anonymous, or a Christ-centered recovery program. You may need to do some research and direct the family to a credible and preferably Christ-centered program. These programs are based on the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, the most successful program in the world to date for treating addiction.

6 BIBLICAL INSIGHTS

Woe to those who rise early in the morning, that they may follow intoxicating drink; who continue until night, till wine inflames them!

Isaiah 5:11

Many alcoholics are so dependent on alcohol that they begin early in the morning and continue drinking until late at night.

The tragedy of addiction is that it influences and dominates the desires and choices of the addicted.

The even greater tragedy is that addicted people reject the Lord’s work in their lives. God alone can provide the lasting comfort, joy, and relief that people mistakenly seek in alcohol.

And I said to her, You shall stay with me many days; you shall not play the harlot, nor shall you have a man—so, too, will I be toward you.

Hosea 3:3

Addictions are powerful enemies to our relationship with God. Whether the addiction is to alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, web-surfing, shopping, or whatever, addicted people can attest to their apparent inability to control their desires.

Addictions usually begin very subtly—an experience, substance, or individual that brings pleasure begins to become an obsessive drive. Eventually, the obsession takes control. Rarely can a person escape the addiction without some form of intervention.

Addicts must determine to change and replace the addictive substance with meaningful intimacy.

Addictions destroy individuals, families, friendships, reputations, and careers.

Due to the more than 2 million people per year who drive under the influence, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration claims that alcoholism statistics indicate 17,000 alcohol-related traffic fatalities in each of the last 3 years.⁶

Despite all this, God offers hope to the addict. God wants to free His people from anything that takes His rightful place in their lives. He wants to show them that He can meet all their needs. With God’s help and the compassionate accountability of other believers, addicts can be set free—bought back.

All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

1 Corinthians 6:12

God gave people richly all things to enjoy (1 Tim. 6:17), but Satan works tirelessly to take God’s blessings and twist them into evil.

Believers may enjoy many things, as long as Scripture does not forbid them, but they must never allow themselves to be controlled or brought under the power of any.

Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience.

Colossians 3:5–6

Eighty percent of studies find a positive correlation between drug abuse and personality disorders.⁷

These verses describe some of those sinful desires that believers should put to death. Sexual sins, evil desires, and covetousness (a form of idolatry) should have no place in a believer’s heart.

It takes a conscious daily decision to say no to these sinful temptations and rely on the Holy Spirit’s power to overcome them.

Read with the client: Ephesians 1:15–21; Colossians 1:9–18; 1 Thessalonians 2:19–20; and Titus 1:2.

Addicts need hope and encouragement to overcome their addiction and to know that Christ is stronger than what pulls them down. Have them memorize and recite passages of hope and strength in God. They will be able to remember these verses in the difficult times of temptation.

7 PRAYER STARTER

Dear Lord, thank You that ________ has come here today to seek help for an addiction. Please help him [her] be open to considering that this might be a true addiction for which he [she] needs to get practical help. Lead us by Your Holy Spirit to the resources that will be most helpful and thank You for Your willingness to forgive even addiction . . .

8 RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

Anderson, Neil T. Freedom from Addiction: Breaking the Bondage of Addiction and Finding Freedom in Christ. Gospel Light Publications, 1996.

Clinton, Tim. Turn Your Life Around. FaithWords, 2006.

Clinton, Tim, Arch Hart, and George Ohlschlager. Caring for People God’s Way. Thomas Nelson, 2006; see the chapter on addictions.

Hart, Archibald D. Healing Life’s Hidden Addictions: Overcoming the Closet Compulsions That Waste Your Time and Control Your Life. Crossway Books, 1991.

Laaser, Debra. Shattered Vows. Zondervan, 2008.

Laaser, Mark. Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction. Zondervan, 2004.

Moore, Beth. Breaking Free: Discover the Victory of Total Surrender. Broadman & Holman, 2007.

The results of a 2003 poll show that 8.2 percent of persons 12 and older have used illicit drugs in the last month.⁸

Adoption

1 PORTRAITS

• Faith and her husband have been trying to have a child for years. The doctors say the only way for them to conceive is through in vitro fertilization. But because of their religious beliefs, they choose not to exercise this option. They come to counseling asking, Will we ever have the family we’ve dreamed of having?

• After overhearing some neighborhood gossip, thirteen-year-old Jean asked her parents a terrifying question: Is it true—was I adopted? After learning the truth, she is brokenhearted and feels that her world is falling apart. In contrast, Brian’s parents told him the truth before he could say the word adoption. His very first memories are of sitting on his dad’s lap, flipping through a scrapbook about the adoption process. His mom and dad told him how they prayed God would send them a little boy to love, and he was the answer to their prayer.

• When Jenna remarried after years of abuse, her new husband adopted her two-year-old, Theodore, as his own. Legally and physically, the biological father is now out of the picture. But they wonder what they will do if he shows up one day deciding he wants to be a part of Theodore’s life and upbringing. They live in constant fear that Ted’s biological father will try to contact him.

2 DEFINITIONS AND KEY THOUGHTS

• Adoption is when an adult takes a child who is not his or her biological offspring and legally makes the child his or her son or daughter.

• Adoption is more than providing a bed and three square meals. Persons who adopt bring the adopted child into their family to provide love and care, just as if the child were biological kin.

• Adoption has been a blessing to many needy children. And the need persists. The United Nations estimates there are 143 million orphaned kids around the world—a figure that is mushrooming due to the early deaths of parents to AIDS and other diseases or to war in many parts of the world.¹

• In most cases, when a child is adopted, the birth parents’ legal relationship with the child terminates.

• While adoption laws are often similar state to state, there is not a set of national adoption laws, as adoption is under state family law and not under the purview of the federal government. However, the reason most state adoption laws are similar is that most have implemented the recommended laws of The Uniform Adoption Act of 1994, which was drafted, as are all proposed uniform acts, by the National Conference of Commissioners on Uniform State Laws.²

• According to the U.S. census in 2000, 1.6 million adopted children were under the age of 18. An additional 473,000 were adopted persons aged 18 and over, making the total number of adopted children/persons, 2.1 million.³

• Though it is not a popular topic, due to genetic factors, there is a greater chance that an adopted child will be more dissimilar to a parent in terms of temperament, intelligence, and physical type than a person’s biological children.

3 ASSESSMENT INTERVIEW

The following questions will help you determine where the couple or person is in the process of considering and preparing to adopt a child.

1. Do you feel you are spiritually prepared for adoption? How have you come to a place of spiritual readiness?

2. Do you feel you are emotionally prepared for adoption? How have you come to a place of emotional readiness?

3. Are you financially prepared for the adoption process? Are you saving money or running up more indebtedness each month?

4. Do you have enough space to raise a child where you are currently living?

5. Do you have the time necessary to go through the process of adoption and care for the adopted child? How much time do you anticipate giving a new child each day, each week?

6. Is your relationship as a married couple strong enough to deal with the stress of a new child? (Some couples will bring a child into the family to solve a problem. This is a bad approach and does not work.)

7. Are there some things that should be worked on in your relationship together before adopting a child?

8. Do you have adequate outside social support to raise a child? What promises have friends and extended family made to you?

9. Have you spoken with other couples who have adopted a child? What were their greatest challenges? How would you solve the problem of ________ if and when it comes to your family?

10. Do you plan to have a biological child as well? Or if you already have one, have you spoken with the child about having a new brother or sister? How are you preparing your biological child to receive a new brother or sister?

Teens who were adopted at birth are more likely than children born into intact families to live with two parents in a middle-class family.⁴

It is estimated that about 1 million children in the United States live with adoptive parents, and that between 2 and 4 percent of American families include an adopted child.⁵

If the couple or person has already adopted, the following questions will help you determine where they are in adapting to the adopted child.

1. Does your child know he [she] is adopted? If the answer is yes, then ask: How did you tell the child? What was his or her response? If the answer is no, then ask: What is preventing you from disclosing this information to your child? Do you have any fears related to talking about the adoption?

2. Is your adoptive child struggling at school or at home? Does he [she] have many friends and feel accepted by his [her] peers? Does he [she] participate in any extracurricular activities?

3. Since we know that parental stress has an effect on children, how are you taking care of yourself on a personal level? What kind of support system do you have in place?

4. What is your current relationship like with your adoptive child? Are there any areas that need improvement? What is the current family routine? Do you spend time together as a family on a regular basis?

5. What is the main concern you have currently regarding your adoptive child?

4 WISE COUNSEL

A child’s interpretation of his or her adoption is almost totally dependent on the manner in which it is conveyed during the early years. Parents are well advised to find examples of adoptions that convey respect and dignity to the adopted child. One such example is the story of Moses, who was adopted by Pharaoh’s daughter and chosen by God to do great things for the nation of Israel. Other examples could be persons the parents know—such as a friend of the family or a respected person in the community who was also adopted. The more the child knows about good, successful people who were adopted, the less he or she will see being adopted as a disadvantage.

Parents should celebrate and give thanks for the adoption of their child, but children should not be constantly reminded of their uniqueness as adopted children. Instead, it is important to stress how similar an adoptive family is to all other healthy, happy families.

In blended families, children are raised under the guidance of parents who are not biologically connected. And, in many cases, these children are adopted by their stepparents. According to the U.S. census of 2000, there are more than four million stepchildren in the United States.⁶

5 ACTION STEPS

Whether biological or adopted, a child of any age requires hard work on the part of the parents.

1. Financial Matters—Put Your Financial House in Order

• The cost of adoption differs depending on whether one is adopting domestically, from the public foster care system, or from overseas.

• Domestic adoptions and intercountry adoptions cost anywhere between eight and forty thousand dollars. Usually, the overall cost falls between fifteen and twenty-five thousand.⁷

• The cost of adopting a child from foster care is minimal. However, necessary post-adoption services should also be considered when determining costs. Additional expenses might include medical procedures, counseling or psychological services, and services for children with special needs.⁸

• To help with the high cost of adoption, there are a number of cost-saving programs, such as federal tax credits, which assist in both pre- and post-adoption expenses.⁹

Too many children in foster care are falling through cracks. . . . Be a hero. Take the time to learn about adoption today.

Bruce Willis

2. Truth Matters—Now Is the Time to Tell

• Many adoptive parents want to know when the right time is to tell their child he or she is adopted. The answer is always the same—right now.

• If possible, begin talking to your child about his or her adoption before he or she can say the word adoption. When parents take this approach, there will never be a conversation when they will need to break the news. Instead, the child will always know he or she was adopted and that adoption is a normal and healthy process.

• Make a scrapbook of the adoption process and keep it with the child’s baby book. If you are adopting a child from overseas, you will want to incorporate parts of the child’s culture—such as foods, language, or clothing—into his or her upbringing.

3. Affirmation Matters—Help the Adopted Child Feel Special

• Sometimes adopted children feel out of place in a family unit, especially if there are siblings who are biological children. No matter how accepted into the family the adopted children are, they realize they are different—that their genes are not the same as the rest of the family. Physically they may be much different—they don’t have Mom’s fair skin; they don’t have Dad’s eyes.

• Try to balance the scales by reframing the adoption in an extra-special way. Some parents have said to their adopted child:

– We prayed to God for a little boy, and He sent you to us. We thank God every day because you are a wonderful answer to our prayers!

– Other parents, when they have kids, have no clue what they’re going to get. But we were able to choose you specially.

– Our family was incomplete until you joined it. Because you came to us, we are now a whole family and we love that.

• Honor the child’s adopted status by celebrating two birthdays each year. The first is the child’s biological birth. The second is the day of the child’s adoption. It sounds trivial, but this practice really helps kids associate their adoption with something good from the beginning.

4. Relationship Matters—Develop Strong Bonds with Your Child

• Building a relationship with an adopted child can be a challenge, especially if the child is older and there are traumas related to family loss and new surroundings.

• You will need to exercise a great deal of patience and grace with your adopted child, especially if the child is older than an infant.

• Don’t expect the child to come without problems. Even though the child may be an answer to prayer, this does not mean God has given you the perfect child. The child might have a series of problems, from emotional trauma to physical or psychological issues, that could need professional attention.

Somehow destiny comes into play. These children end up with you and you end up with them. It’s something quite magical.

Nicole Kidman

6 BIBLICAL INSIGHTS

When he was placed outside, Pharaoh’s daughter took him and brought him up as her own son.

Acts 7:21 NIV

Probably the most famous adopted person in the Bible is Moses.

Born an Israelite, Moses was raised in the house of Pharaoh.

God used Moses to bring the Israelites out of slavery to freedom, as told in the book of Exodus.

Mordecai had a cousin named Hadassah, whom he had brought up because she had neither father nor mother. This girl, who was also known as Esther, was lovely in form and features, and Mordecai had taken her as his own daughter when her father and mother died.

Esther 2:7 NIV

Esther is another notable example of an adopted person in the Bible.

Esther’s beauty was so great she was chosen to be King Xerxes’s queen. (He was also known as King Ahasuerus.)

Esther was a woman of great piety, faith, and courage. As queen she served to help and protect the Jewish people.

7 PRAYER STARTER

Lord, thank You for your goodness. We pray to You today because this couple is considering [in the process of] adopting ________ into their family. We pray to You, God, that Your will may be done in this situation, and we pray for the children who are waiting for an opportunity to have a family . . .

8 RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

Christianson, Laura. The Adoption Decision: 15 Things You Want to Know before Adopting. Harvest House, 2007.

———. The Adoption Network: Your Guide to Starting a Support System. WinePress, 2007.

Gillespie, Natalie Nichols. Successful Adoption: A Guide for Christian Families. Thomas Nelson, 2006.

Moore, Russell. Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches. Crossway Books, 2009.

Sanford, David. Handbook on Thriving as an Adoptive