Falling in Love once Again

Acknowledgment

Part I

C an you check if national roaming is active on my number? – I texted ZAarushS. The prefix Z was accidentally added by my darling son, Sonu to Aarush’s number and it continued to be stored the same way till then – I had actually grown a liking for the Z which continued to remind me that life is a series of beginnings and ends – A to Z.

Half an hour gone by, but no revert! It was expected given Aarush’s mood swings, which I had been subjected to since last few months.

It had been six months now and my relationship with Aarush had reached a new low; with each passing day leaving me without any hope from him to value my love for him. With anguish in my heart I decided to check the same with his supervisor. Surprisingly, within the next two minutes, I got a concurrence from her, and there I was - ready to roam with my both cell numbers. I still had a lot of time to spend before boarding the flight to Mumbai. Excitedly, I looked around – a sea of faces, so many people around, and each one of them substantially occupied with their gadgets… none of them was familiar to me.

While I was engrossed analyzing the crowd around me, a beep on my phone broke the trance – one after the other, there were three messages from Sahil – my host for the evening.

Sahil – Both of us had known each other for quite some time now and had a common area of interest in writing Shayaris - something that kept us connected over the time.

Kehne ko to dhadakta hai har dil yahan mohabbat ke naam….par ye kya nasheen ek chehra pehchana sa nahi lagta

I keyed in my feelings and texted it back to Sahil, visualizing the stage being set for the evening. I looked forward to a one on one shayari session with Sahil; at many occasions, I had conveyed my heartfelt feelings by way of shayari. The pain in my heart due to Aarush’s recent detachment was acting as fuel to the fire.

There was an announcement over the PA system that the scheduled flight was ready for boarding. I looked at my handset; it was resting on my palm as lifeless as before.

Once again my thoughts were full of anguish towards Aarush and thousand questions started bombarding my heart. Why is he not responding? Would he ever understand that certain things in life are priorities? Is he ignoring me? Why is he ignoring me? What wrong did I do to him? Where did it all go wrong? I was looking for all answers at once, and there was nothing but a deafening silence. I felt suffocated, as it was now six months since I had been trying to find these answers.

Annoyed with those unattended questions I switched off my cell phone and proceeded to board the aircraft.

Seat number 6A - a window seat purposely chosen to appreciate the scenic beauty during the aircraft’s takeoff and landing. Since childhood, looking at things from an elevation had always fascinated me. I felt enthralled looking at an almost 500 ft. tall building getting reduced to the size of tip of my finger within minutes as if some magician had turned them to bonsai.

After settling down on my seat, I pulled out my favourite book and continued reading from the bookmarked page. This book mostly spoke about living each moment in a relationship, experiencing the beauty of each such moment in time with your loved ones.

This was my fourth reading of the book, and each time I read about living the moments, it reminded me of how important it was to pay attention to people in your life. Nowadays each one of us is busy looking for someone who would listen to us, see what we have to show them and convey what we feel. Wasn’t I doing exactly the same for Aarush?

I had skipped packing my own lunch just to cook a good breakfast for him. Despite acute back spasm, withstood extreme pain for two hours to cook kheer – just to make him feel special on his birthday; provided him all emotional support to help him to cope-up with the loss of his friend; the expectations in return – none – rather was abused and humiliated in front of his friends on several occasions. Reflecting on those moments I felt – I overdid it. I had been struggling to come out of this stagnant relationship, which was stuck in a rut and had begun to rot.

Choked with the waves of passing memories, tears broke open and started rolling down my cheeks. Suddenly I realized that I was in the aircraft along with other fellow passengers. Without losing another moment, I pulled a tissue paper out of my handbag and wiped the tears off my scarlet eyes and cheeks.

Regaining my composure I begun reading again, but the words being fully present kept hammering me and I couldn’t stop myself from recalling all the minute details of my meetings with Aarush. I could precisely recall the color of his shirt, his sitting posture, the song that he hummed, the way he laughed, the pranks that he played, his naughty smile and of course his excuses – everything was so fresh in mind!!

Wasn’t I fully present??

I started looking outside the aircraft window into the emptiness of sky - vastness of the horizon. The sun had seemingly set and the sky turned orange with a reddish hue and streak of golden band of light stretching across the horizon, resembling a smiling face.

God, is that you? Are you trying to cheer me up? A reluctant smile crossed my face.

Lost in thoughts I was, when suddenly I looked up to thank God and noticed the seat belt sign illuminated.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are about to land in Mumbai in a short while. Passengers are requested to kindly fasten their seatbelts – the stewardess announced on the flight PA system.

I collected myself and looked out from the window. Night had already embraced the sky in its beauty along with a few clusters of clouds here and there. The city of Mumbai was right there, down below, with lights illuminating, in full glory! Queen’s necklace was vibrant and I could imagine the sea roaring right beside it. I closed my eyes for a moment to lock the ecstatic beauty of the City that Never Sleeps. The aircraft made its approach towards the runway and touched down at Chattrapati Shivaji Airport.

My first visit to Mumbai had been when I was in much emotional turmoil and it was this very city which provided solace to my battered soul. Then I had returned rejuvenated, to come back again excited!

Mumbai has always been a land of fascination to many and I was no exception. Like others, I had my own reasons. Since my last visit, I refer to Mumbai as my Abba Father’s house, and the feel of visiting this city is indeed of a bride visiting her paternal home after marriage. I could breathe freedom, I felt safe and I felt at home!!

With my feet at Dad’s home I felt somewhat excited and proud as a little girl wearing a new dress, posing in front of the mirror; admiring herself. My eyes sparkled and with head held high, I wanted to shout out loud...Dad, I am home!! A fresh flow of blood was gushing through my veins and I recalled my acquaintance with this place.

Something in my heart assured me, Go ahead! Things are going to change and change for good!! Was it God talking to me? I was yet to discover.

Ever since I decided to move on from an ailing matrimony, time and life had molded me to into a tougher person; that’s around one and a half year now. A hurtful past and a chaotic present had left me quite stressful; away from the office, kids and household - this was a much needed and welcome break. I longed to make the most out of the time available.

After switching on the cell phone while leaving airport, I texted my colleagues, who had arrived the day before: Reached Mumbai… rocking!!

I was here to