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    Your Gay Friend's Guide To Understanding Men
    Your Gay Friend's Guide To Understanding Men
    Your Gay Friend's Guide To Understanding Men
    Ebook124 pages1 hour

    Your Gay Friend's Guide To Understanding Men

    By Bo Sebastian

    1.5/5

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    About this ebook


    Girlfriends, get ready for some straight-talk about straight men from a gay friend. What do men really want from women? How do you avoid Mr. Wrong in your search for Mr. Right? What kind of emotional baggage is likely to send a man packing? Is your heartthrob a deadbeat? Where are the best places to search for the man of your dreams? Explore all these questions and more with renowned Life Coach, Bo Sebastian. Find ways to make your life and relationships better. Nationally renowned Clinical Hypnotist and Life Coach Bo Sebastian is a member of the National Guild of Hypnotists and taught at the 2008 World Hypnosis Conference. He currently works with Green Hills Healing Arts and has a private practice in Nashville, Tennessee. Bo has appeared on The Learning Channel with his sound-enhanced, multilayered hypnotherapy.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBelleBooks
    Release dateFeb 7, 2010
    ISBN9781935661535
    Your Gay Friend's Guide To Understanding Men

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    Reviews for Your Gay Friend's Guide To Understanding Men

    1.5/5

    43 ratings19 reviews

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    • 1/5
      The best thing about this book was that it was quick and easy to read. This book references Christian views and God throughout the book but it is written by a gay man and the Bible and Christian views are quite the opposite when it comes to gay views. This book COULD have been funny and quirky if it weren't written like a last minute thrown together pot luck lunch. I wouldn't recommend this book for anyone dating, married, gay or straight. Sorry Bo!
    • 1/5
      I was so disappointed with this book. My gay friends give the best and funniest explanations for male behavior, so, seeing as how the author is gay, I was expecting this to be a cute tongue-in-cheek book about male vs. female behavior. Instead, it's a dating/marriage advice book from a very old-fashioned man. He spends the first half of the book telling women exactly how to behave (even if it's contradictory to your nature) in order to "get" a man, and then spends the second half of the book telling women to get out of any relationship where you're not happy. Insulting to all genders, regardless of sexual orientation.
    • 1/5
      I was pretty disappointed with this book. I thought that I was going to be gaining new insight but instead got the same information regurgitated to me from previous novels.
    • 2/5
      I won this book through Early Reviewers as well. The book was entertaining at points, but there did not seem to be much substance in the book. Sebastian does not really say anything that hasn't been said before. Furthermore, the tone of the book is supposed to sound as if your friend were taking to you about men (as the title suggests), but it gets old. All in all, I think if you really want a book on relationships, there are better ones out there.
    • 1/5
      I didn't enjoy this book, in fact, I thought it was scattered, disorganized and not in the slightest bit helpful to understanding men. Just seemed like a whole lot of fluff and not much substance. Definitely not one that I'll be keeping, recommending or reading again.
    • 3/5
      I enjoyed reading this book. It is written in a light tone and I found it easy to read. However, I don't know if it is very helpful as a guide to understading men and dating, maybe for some readers. In the end, while I enjoyed reading it, I didn't found anything remarkable and after some days I don't remember much about it either. Sorry!
    • 2/5
      I won this e-book through Early Reviewers and I expected something funny, nifty maybe..What I got was indeed funny at times. I did smile at times but I must admit, I cried a lot more while reading this.I also had trouble reading on. I mean, I am not into books of this type who call God in support of their opinion or as proof. I did finish it and I was happy I did.The book gave me a serious headache and I really wanted to burn it at times. Now for all future readers, do not take it too serious, I hope it is not meant to be taken serious either, really...It is funny, you might even fall of your chair at times. Due to which sentiment, no idea but you will.. That is a plus.
    • 1/5
      From the description, I thought this book might have a humorous take on the misunderstandings between the sexes or, at the very least, some insight into these misunderstandings. Not even close.The level of insight is minimal and relies on stereotypes that border on caricature. Women and men are presented as superficial creatures at the mercy of their hormones and instincts, which apart from a few teenagers, really has no bearing for most people.There are also continual references to God that are unnecessary and not particularly nuanced. Nowhere in the description or marketing of the book is there a mention of this religious aspect to the book.If you're looking for a book on dating written in a conversational tone but with some insight into dealing with the opposite sex, try "Dating Makes You Want to Die: But You Have to do it Anyway" instead.
    • 2/5
      Seek to love, not for the sake of being loved back, but because you are love. You must be who you are. Then Love will surround you and never leave your side. This is the conclusion of the book :)I liked that he stressed on the importance of prudence in the begining of any relationship... It was fun to read, not too much info though.. i think "Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus" was more useful, but this book is good for women with low self-esteem ;-)
    • 2/5
      The book is a gay man's advise to women. The author makes some good points from time to time, but I wouldn't have finished it, if it wasn't an early reviewer book.His spirituel and christian viewpoint is very far from mine. So I had great trouble understanding some of his views and his solutions to problems.And some of his cases I found a bit overdone and unreliable.So I had trouble viewing the book as a serious self help book
    • 2/5
      won this from Early Reviewers and finished reading it on my iphone seeing that it was an ebook.a very short read and not too bad a read to pass the time on the train/plane as there are some witty/funny lines. though i wouldn't exactly say the advices are helpful nor relevant. I am sure the world's men are not just that 1 category described by Bo.Also, I am not a Christian so I cannot really relate if the Christianity/God facts are true/false as stated by some reviewers but as an author, I think it's appropriate to be respectful and use true facts especially when in a non-fiction.
    • 1/5
      Won this book through the Library Thing giveaway. I didn't realize this was going to be an ebook. If I'd known this, I wouldn't have entered....I hate reading books on the computer. Though this was probably my fault.Regardless, I didn't care for this book at all. I felt is was poorly written and stereotypical. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone.
    • 3/5
      This read was a pretty short one, but it was still quite entertaining. However I think that rather than a self-help guide, this book had more potential to become an autobiography, as the author spends more time detailing his life experiences early in life concerning his sexuality rather than giving relationship advice. I liked the fact that each chapter ended with a message that summed up the point of the chapter, but felt that the chapters themselves could've had a bit more information in terms of relating and carrying out the advice that was given. Overall, this was a fun read, but not really much of a guide as it the cover implies it to be.
    • 1/5
      I was so disappointed with this book. My gay friends give the best and funniest explanations for male behavior, so, seeing as how the author is gay, I was expecting this to be a cute tongue-in-cheek book about male vs. female behavior. Instead, it's a dating/marriage advice book from a very old-fashioned man. He spends the first half of the book telling women exactly how to behave (even if it's contradictory to your nature) in order to "get" a man, and then spends the second half of the book telling women to get out of any relationship where you're not happy. Insulting to all genders, regardless of sexual orientation.
    • 1/5
      Advice on men from a gay guy, aimed at women? That's a great premise for a book of amusing one-liners, or witty social observations. Alas, Bo Sebastian wants you to take the book seriously, as a source of wisdom on how to change your life.Here is some of what he wants you to take seriously:"[Men] don't have the innate ability or instinct to parent." (p.8)Most men are frightened by their spontaneous erections (p.38)You shouldn't play mind-games with men, but then again, you should play mind games with men to see if they're honest. (p.42)"Near celibacy was the prudent way to find relationship (sic) then. And it is no less prudent today." (p.32)Don't rub a balding man on the head because you could ruin thousands of dollars of hair plugs. (p.52)"If you have stomach problems or pain in the lower back this may indicate that you have a problem with self-esteem." (p.106)"A gay or bisexual man may make a viable partner...[Many women] would simply like to find a man to have fun with and relate to on an intimate level. Perhaps a gay or bisexual man with those same feelings would be the perfect match." (p.123)Really?He is a one-time student of theology, and it shows. Sebastian qualifies his constant reference to God with a perfunctory mention that your God may take many forms. But that's disingenuous. He writes from a firm believer's point-of-view. To me, it dripped with the attitudes of Southern Christianity--the kind that courts the abused and downtrodden, and makes them feel like they did something to deserve their misery.(If you actually are abused, as the author clearly expects many of his female readers to be, then get real help rather than reading this book.) The pages groan with sexism. Sebastian berates women for their victimhood, in a way that smacks of misogyny. And the stereoptypes are ghastly: many gay men will cringe at the author's description of himself on pages 1-2. Let another gay man give you some advice, girlfriend. Save your money.
    • 2/5
      I enjoyed the first couple chapters of this book. I thought they were funny, insightful and mirrored every wake up call any gay friend has ever tried to give me. Eventhough I liked the beginning of the book, it wasn't really a guide to understanding men, but more like a guide to dating. Then somewhere toward the end it turned into every other self help book that I hate. It became preachy and religious. It went from a guide to understanding men (that really is a guide to dating) to a guide to loving yourself and fighting depression. When I started to feel like the author was talking down to me, I just started skimming through it. Real life scenarios were described, but there was nothing given to explain what the woman in the example did wrong to get the response out of her man that she did. In the end, the most I learned from this self help book was that men want to have sex above everything else and will pretty much sleep with anyone no matter what they look like or how they act, but will marry you if you never have sex with them...but then they will sleep with others on the side (yes, the author actually said that at one point). This just is not what I want to believe and if it's true, then I will happily become a cat lady. I was relieved when it ended and only finished it because I received it from the Early Review program from LibraryThing.com and wanted to give it an honest review.
    • 2/5
      I felt like most of the book wasn't about understanding men but was more about how women should have higher self-esteem and should stay in abusive relationships. If you don't have these problems, you don't need to read this book. Also, there was a lot of mention of Christianity, which I didn't really like.
    • 1/5
      I received a copy of this book as an early reviewer, and I can't begin to explain how disappointed I was. I understand that a self-help book by necessity is going to contain a lot of generalizations and painting with broad brush strokes, but some of the statements Bo makes are patently untrue. For instance: men are incapable of being as nurturing as women? As if! I know plenty of men, both gay and straight, who are more nurturing than a lot of females I know. Statements like that are just insulting. This book seems to teach a girl about how to cope with dating a complete jerk rather than teaching her to move on and find a worthy man. Skip this one, it's completely useless.
    • 5/5
      An excellent read that made me laugh and cry. The author shares insights into dating relationships and why things sometimes unfold the way they do. I laughed because of some of the author's views of life. I cried because I saw myself in some of the situattions he described. The book had more than one AHA moment in it for me. It also helped to identify and clarify some of my own mis-steps. It certainly provokes you to think outside the box. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has ever wondered "why" about a dating relationship.

    Book preview

    Your Gay Friend's Guide To Understanding Men - Bo Sebastian

    cream.

    Chapter 1:

    What Straight Men Are Like: Can One Rib

    Make a Difference?

    When God took a rib from Adam’s side to create Eve, He also removed estrogen, mammary glands, ovaries, a few other reproductive organs, and mostly, that part of the brain that produces sensitivity.

    Now, we all know that God created a gay man in a completely different book of the Bible, in one of the lost books of the Dead Sea Scrolls. That’s where we find out for certain that from a completely different Adam, which means ruddy, or red in the face in the original Hebrew, God created his gay partner, Maurice. This was the Creator’s second chance to make man, so he had an opportunity to create gay men with a few more female traits. That’s why we know how to dress, design, and listen.

    You see, it’s not a straight man’s fault he is deficient of what it takes to be relationship oriented and caring. He came from a different mold than you and I. God gave us the sensitivity, Girlfriend, so we’ve got to use it to our advantage.

    Most of the time straight men are built to be stronger than women. Their physiology is often larger, bulkier, tighter, less flexible, and a lot less pretty than you. How does this information help or hinder you?

    Let’s start with a comparison of the female and male physiology:

    Sammy Can’t Straddle

    Men’s muscles are bulkier, making them a lot less flexible. I teach yoga a few times a week. Let me tell you, straight men have a time of it touching their toes. Using the axiom that states who we are on the exterior is a mirror of who we are on the interior, this means men are also a lot less psychologically able to be flexible. (The truth is, though, if they work at it, men can be flexible; most just don’t work at it enough.)

    When your man wants something bad enough, he will probably never take no for an answer. Once he has made a decision, he would more than likely leave your relationship before he would change his mind about a strong choice. You have to remember that men take a lot more time and deliberation to make decisions. They don’t necessarily use their intuition and heart to lead them to choices. They sort out their problems  mathematically and scientifically. Therefore, when they deduct an answer, it feels as if it is fact. Fact can’t be argued or reasoned with. So, don’t try. There are ways of getting around this, which we’ll discuss later.

    Nowhere is this more evident than when it comes time to admit he’s been wrong about something. Don’t expect him to bow down and do a ceremonial I’m sorry dance. It won’t happen; I promise. It will be hard enough for him to acknowledge his mistake.

    Listen up, sweetness! Men hate to be wrong. If you are the type of woman who enjoys flaunting your rightness in a man’s face, you are also probably a woman who isn’t able to stay in an enduring relationship. Unless, of course, you have a wimp of a husband who lets you verbally abuse him. Then, what’s the use of having a husband?

    Men take it deeply to heart when they are wrong. They feel being wrong means they are less adequate and feel shamed by it. When it happens over and over, they lose the important self-esteem that helps them cope in this tough world.

    I am not saying don’t ever tell your man he’s wrong. I am, however, suggesting that you treat this special occasion with trepidation.

    Here’s an example of the wrong way:

    Mary considered herself completely competent when it came to the household finances. She was on top of it in every way, paying her bills even before they became due. However, one day, she got a bill for something she never bought—a chainsaw.

    She remembered loaning her charge card to her boyfriend, Sam, to rent the U-Haul they used to move her couch. No, he wouldn’t have. She dismissed the thought and called the credit card company.

    To her dismay, it turned out that Sam had actually used her Visa card to buy something without even asking.

    She was furious. She waited until after he came over that weekend and broached the subject. By this time she was chomping at the bit.

    She practically threw up in his face with violent words, only to find out that he had bought the chainsaw to remove the fallen tree in her backyard from the hurricane the month before. He understood she was saving a lot of money by having him do the work, even though he had purchased the saw. By the way, the chainsaw was in her basement. It wasn’t as if he had taken possession of it.

    She had forgotten all about the conversation about the tree. However, it was too late. She had already shown him how she would handle a trust issue. She demeaned him, and he quietly took it until, soon after, leaving the relationship.

    In my estimation it is never a good thing to blow up at any man before you ask him for a reason why he has done something. Remembering that men think differently than you do, should help you recognize the need to ask before you slaughter.

    Now if a man is truly wrong, and you have discussed it like adults, you should gently tell him your opinion and let him know that what he has done has hurt your feelings. This is better than accusing and making him feel inadequate. At least he knows there are probably ways to make you feel better. You may

    even get an unexpected gift or an incredible make-up session out of it.

    Eventually, men who have been treated as fools end up leaving perfectly good situations.

    Remember: It’s not that men won’t bend, they simply aren’t made to be as flexible as you are.

    So, if you know that your man has made an unsound decision, it would be better to let him make the mistake and learn from the circumstance or another person, than point it out. You don’t want to be the one who has to say, I told you so. He’ll end up hating you for always being right.

    And we thought being right was a virtue!

    Pappy’s Paps

    Imagine this scenario: An infant Gabriel cries out into the dark night. Daddy wakes up first and kisses his wife. I’ll take care of him, honey, he says sweetly. Mommy rolls over and falls quickly back into zzz-land.

    Daddy dons his robe and proceeds to Gabriel’s room, adjacent to his. He turns on the hall light, so he doesn’t hurt the child’s eyes. He stands by the crib gazing down at his beautiful newborn. Little Gabriel is hungry, that much is clear by the sound of his cries.

    He gently reaches for the boy and sits in the rocker by the bed kissing each of Gabriel’s tears. Daddy pulls open his robe and offers Gabriel some milk from his breast. Gabriel nuzzles up to Daddy and feeds quietly from his paps, then falls asleep on his chest.

    Girlfriend, this just ain’t never going to happen—ever. No matter how sensitive your man gets, he will never be able to have working mammary glands. So, how does this make a man different?

    First of all, it makes a man less able to understand dependency. A man will truly never be able to physiologically feel a mother’s instincts to nurture and cuddle. He may feel the need to be nurtured and protected, thereby giving him some compassion for the feelings, but he has not been created with innate sense about these issues.

    Therefore, don’t expect him to be the one to understand when you are hurting—before you tell him. His intuitive instincts are not usually honed enough to be that perceptive. Now, most gay men, on the other hand, have well defined intuitive instincts. That’s why you can expect me, not him, to understand and commiserate with your problems.

    Childbearing Hips

    Although some men have hips wide enough to shove a submarine through them, they don’t have the proper productive organs or that ever-important delivery door. They don’t have the innate ability or instinct to parent. They also don’t have a biological clock ticking urging them to have children while they are still able. So, your need to have children may be much greater than his desire to propagate and produce clones just like daddy.

    I wonder sometimes why most people have children. Some say they just want the experience; they want to reproduce while they can; they want someone to keep them company; or they just want someone to teach and mold into instant replicas of

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