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    A Friend in Grief: Simple Ways to Help
    A Friend in Grief: Simple Ways to Help
    A Friend in Grief: Simple Ways to Help
    Ebook108 pages1 hour

    A Friend in Grief: Simple Ways to Help

    By Ginny Callaway

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    About this ebook

    "What in the world am I going to say?" This is one of our first thoughts when a friend loses a loved one. Everyone feels unprepared when faced with another's grief. We want to reach out and be supportive, but we fear saying the wrong thing and making matters worse. A Friend in Grief: Simple Ways to Help gives you the words and actions to reach out and support your friend, with confidence and compassion. Topics include:  What NOT to say and why  Small things that you can do to make a big difference  How to support a colleague at work  Suggested wording for writing a note  How to provide support when you live far away Author Ginny Callaway, whose ten-year-old daughter Sara Jane died in a car accident, draws on her own experience and the stories of people she interviewed, whose loved ones died. They have lived through grief and know first hand what comforts and what hurts. Here are the straightforward answers you've been looking for.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherIndieReader
    Release dateJul 20, 2011
    ISBN9780942303490
    A Friend in Grief: Simple Ways to Help

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      Book preview

      A Friend in Grief - Ginny Callaway

      DEDICATION

      To my family, my husband David, my son Zeb, my brother Wayne, and my sisters Myra and Dicksey.

      I can't imagine my life without you.

      And to Sara Jane who lives in all our hearts.

      ©2011 by Ginny Callaway

      All Rights Reserved

      In some instances, names and circumstances in the stories have been changed to protect privacy.

      This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without prior written permission from the publisher except brief quotations in reviews.

      Book interior, cover design and illustrations by Dana Irwin

      www.irwindesigns.com irwindana@bellsouth.net

      ISBN: 9781626752535

      High Windy Press

      PO Box 553

      Fairview, NC 28730

      www.afriendingrief.com

      (800)637-8679

      NOTE TO THE READER

      As you read this book, your own experiences with death and grief may surface. These feelings may be intense and surprising, because grief is one of the most powerful emotions.

      Allow that pain to help you understand your friend's pain. Use your time to reflect on a loss that you may not have completely processed. Your empathy, compassion and personal experience will support you as you reach out to your friend.Your own healing will continue, too.

      CONTENTS

      NOTE TO THE READER

      INTRODUCTION

      My Story

      My daughter Sara Jane died in a car accident when she was 10 years old. This is my story.

      CHAPTER 1    How This Book Will Help You

      What in the world am I going to say? Being supportive is much easier than you think.

      CHAPTER 2    Immediately After a Death: What to Do

      When a death occurs, whether it is anticipated or unexpected, friends need immediate help. Here are practical suggestions and checklists.

      CHAPTER 3    Planning a Reception

      One of the few rituals we have in our culture is the practice of friends gathering together before or after a funeral or memorial service. Help your friend with the details

      CHAPTER 4    I'm Sorry: What to Say that is Kind and Helpful

      Saying something that is compassionate, kind, and caring is much simpler than you might imagine.

      CHAPTER 5    Aren't You Over This Yet?: What Not to Say: Words, Actions, and Attitudes that Hurt

      Here is a list of things not to say, and why they can be hurtful, along with true-life stories that drive home the importance of being sensitive.

      CHAPTER 6    What Most People Don't Know About Grief

      The grieving process is very complicated and consuming. The more a caring friend understands, the more compassionate and helpful he will be.

      CHAPTER 7    The Medical Community

      Caregivers are often the first people to talk to someone after a loved one dies. Take the time to set the tone for healthy healing.

      CHAPTER 8    The Workplace

      Here are ways employers can support an employee through the tough transition back to work. Included are ways co-workers can help lighten the load and show they care, too.

      CHAPTER 9    Writing Cards and Letters

      Sometimes the first words are the hardest to write. The suggested wording for writing a note can make taking that first step easier.

      CHAPTER 10    Caring From a Distance

      Even if you live in another town, state, or country, your caring can still be felt and is still needed.

      CHAPTER 11    The First Year: A Year of Firsts

      The first year after the death of a loved one is the hardest because it is a year of firsts. How can you help make these firsts more manageable for your friend?

      CHAPTER 12    In the Future: Holidays and Anniversary Dates

      Anniversaries of the death date, birthdays, and holidays are all especially painful times for those who have experienced a loss. Reaching out to your friend months, even years later on these special days lets her know you remember, too.

      CHAPTER 13    Something's Not Right

      Each person grieves differently, but there can be warning signs if the healing process has taken a wrong turn. When is it appropriate or essential to intervene?

      CHAPTER 14    Road Map for the Grieving

      My husband David Holt shares his insights about handling grief.

      AFTERWORD

      Must we experience tragedy firsthand to change our life's priorities? My personal thoughts

      Resources

      Immediately After a Death Checklist

      Help Around the House Checklist

      Suggestions for Talking with Your Grieving Friend

      Helpful Ideas for the Workplace

      Important Dates to Remember Sheet

      Acknowledgements

      About the Author

      INTRODUCTION

      My Story

      On Monday, November 13, 1989, my children and I moved into our dream house. My husband, David, who is a musician, was on tour in Texas, so the move was in my hands. It was a glorious, sunny day and the movers were as nice and helpful as could be. We were so excited. It had taken us five years to find this house and it was just what we wanted, with room to spread out just as the kids were becoming teenagers. Everything was perfect.

      Tuesday was still beautiful. I let the kids stay home from school to unpack their boxes and settle into their rooms. Zeb, 13, helped Sara Jane, 10, in her room for a while, and then Sara Jane helped Zeb with his. I was tickled to see the big brother come out in Zeb, as he advised her where she should place her dollhouse in relation to her bed. Later that afternoon, I went to our old house to pick up Spike, our cat, and take him to the vet to be sure he had no fleas before moving him in, too. I couldn't stop smiling.

      As day turned to evening, the sky clouded over. By six o'clock, the thunder and lightning started and the rain began. I drove Zeb to his Boy

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