Special Needs Special Answers: Memories and Milestones Toward Hope and Help for Special Needs Children and Parents

Special Needs

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Special Answers

Memories and Milestones Toward Hope and Help for Special Needs Children and Parents

Irwin Katz

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2014 Irwin Tiny Katz

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Edited by John William Johnson

Ebook formatting by www.ebooklaunch.com

Dedication

This book is dedicated to Uncle Abie - May he rest in peace.

Thank you for making my life better - Tracy

Acknowledgements and Thanks

In the book I preach the importance of getting help from anyone and everyone. It is impossible for anyone to get ahead without help from others. I tell my children and others that whenever you hear of a success story which includes a self made man (or woman) I can assure you that at least one person, and probably more, helped. In our case, for Tracy, the amount of people who helped, were too many to individualize for thanks. So when possible I bunched them as named groups and some anonymous and a few (quite a few) who served as major cogs in advancing Tracy's situations. First and foremost, my immediate Family of mommy (Terry) who has been my partner and rock throughout this journey . And Toni (Ponnel) , Tracy's sister who has already stepped in on our behalf to help her sister. Tracy's nephew Craig and niece Lauren Ponnel who are at Toni's side. In the course of her lifetime the following have stepped up and served Tracy's purpose in major ways. Michael Mascari, Executive Director of AHRC-Nassau County NY and his entire staff. My colleagues on the AHRC Board of Directors and the staff at The Ain Clinic. The entire staff at Woodland Gate (group home) and Tracy's friends and housemates. David Gross who hit a home run for Tracy-we"ll always be indebted to him. The couple that introduced us to David, Tracy's aunt and uncle, Sandy and Joel Busel who have always been stalwarts for Tracy's betterment. Their family, cousins too many to mention - we thank them. My brother's , Howard (Hesh) and Al (Yidel) who also hit grand slams for Tracy. Knowing that they and their families as well as Terry's family are behind me is and has been a great source of comfort.

The Mystery Man was a great help. All the therapists who have worked with Tracy are thanked as well as my old friends at NYABIC-ANIBIC in Bayside NY. Dr. Martin Cohen and Esther Spindel who have disappeared from our lives but will never be forgotten for the help they gave us. All the people who have answered my call for some sort of contributions throughout the years, deserve special thanks. Daniel Berlin (may his soul rest in peace) and Errol Silverberg were always there when asked-Thank you.

If I left someone out it's not because they don't deserve to be thanked it's because I just can't remember everyone at this time. Almost forgot my buddy Michael Luetjin who serves as a good friend as well as my computer guru. His patience, time and tech support in helping Tracy via video, camera and iPhone has been great. The dentists who allowed me the use of their equipment and the friends (The Widensky Family) and relatives who served as actors for videos to help our daughter (and her friends)-Thank you.

ps: The dedication has the thank you for Uncle Abie-He was special. Very special.

pps: Special thanks to my writing teacher Emily Rosen, M.A. who urged and nurtured me to write this book.

And to you Tracy, thanks for helping me to help you.

Disclaimer

Some of the names, locations, institutions and other identifications in this book have been changed to promote and protect privacy.

Preface

What's this book about?

Two words: hope and help.

For the longest time I felt that I would like to write about some of my life experiences. For many would-be writers, time passes before we figure out how, when and where to start.

Wanting to catch that train, I joined some formal writing classes. I thought (and still do) that my friend Sonny Sunglasses and our escapades would be interesting to readers because it involves intrigue, mystery and humor. However — and for a variety of reasons - my writing teachers convinced me otherwise. In the meantime, the weekly class writing assignment was a title to be selected from a list of different topics - and somehow I would bend every topic to fit one of two things:

* Sonny Sunglasses

* Our daughter Tracy, a special needs child.

The stories about Sonny seemed to pique my classmate's interest, and yet the Tracy stories seemed to light up more eyes. It started the first week when I heard more than once:

Wow, Tiny, I loved it. You should write a book for other parents with children of special needs.

Which is what you're now reading — and about which nothing would make me happier than for this book to give you the hope and help I've intended to provide.

Behind any door could be the solution or answer your need. My wife Terry has more than once called me a yenta (nosy body) because I speak to everybody and anybody - and indeed, some very good problem solving has come from strangers. Our daughter's productive survival has always been my goal. The right answer for you could be in this book or with the person right in front of you.

And whatever else you do, don't forget to use your imagination.

Table Of Contents

Section One: In The Beginning

Keep Your Eye On The Target

The Knowing Of Alex (Wine Tasting)

Love's Timeless Trio

The Neat Birthday Bleat

As only a child can do.

Between the Lines and Laces

Showing And Remember

The Diagnosis

Incidentally Accidentally

You're Cringing?

The Generational Spirit

It's About Paying Attention

See That Stone? Turn It Over

Brace Yourself - Tracy Did

Initiative - Out Front And Winning

School - What School?

School - What School?...Continued

School - What School?...Continued

School - What School?...Conclusion

Section Two: Learning and Growing

If Opportunity Knocks - Perhaps A Mystery?

If Opportunity Knocks - Keep Opening The Door And Keep The paper Towels Handy

Nothing Can Be Taken For Granted

Down The Aisle?? You Bet

It's About The Child - Not You

Trials, Tribulations - And Then It Got Worse

Coming To A Fork (Or Spoon) In The Road

So - You Think You're In Charge?

So-Called Free Time

And Now A Song From Our Daughter

Section Three - Learning and Knowing

The Many Faces Of Being Involved

Picture That

You Rather Not — But You Should Talk About It

Retirement Means Not Working???

We're Still Learning - And Still Here

Here And Now Counts - Get The Attention

The Gospel (In A Manner Of Speaking) Truth

The Larger World Of Praise

Section Four: And In (Not in) Conclusion — But Celebration

In The Proverbial Nutshell

Once Bitten - Twice Learned

These Were Some Biting Questions

There's More Than One Wise Solomon

I Can't Believe What I Did

Wanna See A Trick?

A Cookie More Than Crunches

It Sounds Simple - Because It is

Through The Facts And Fears Microscope

Moving Forward - Always Forward

And Your Question Was?

All Around - And Just Around The Corner

Sign On The Dotted Line - Please

Reading, Listening And Learning

From And To The Eyes Of Eddie

Growing Your Human Garden

And The Other Children?

Light At The End — And The Tunnel Itself

It Was A Left Boot Kinda Day

The Latest Buzz

Siblings

Section One : In The Beginning

Keep your eye on the target

Early in Tracy's life one of my philosophies evolved out of an anecdote I'd read many years earlier:

Driving around town a man observes along several streets a target painted on numerous tree trunks. In the middle of each target is a bullet hole. He's trying to imagine the dead eye that's doing this when lo and behold he spots a man standing near a tree - and what's that — a can of paint at his feet?

The man pulls to the curb and addresses the stranger, asking: How are you able to hit every target right in the bulls-eye? The stranger looks at him and smiles. He then looks down at the paint can and slowly replies: It's simple. First I shoot — and then I paint the target around it.

Throughout my special needs daughter Tracy's life, I've used a similar tactic when faced with certain situations - a strategy that anyone can employ. Let's say a government agency or a special school (city, state or federal) needs certification that a child has a diagnosis. The parent is confident that the child belongs in a specific facility, but is told that a proof is needed from a certain type of doctor, psychologist or specialist.

Sound impossible? Here's what I've done.

I figure out who is the most flexible person that could fulfill the need. Using the words and terminology needed, I question that person - while keeping in mind that the goal is placing my child, not making points.

If I've chosen the right flexible person, he or she will at least agree with some of the points I'm making. When I see this occurring I delicately suggest the placement for my child and ask for agreement while reminding them of the goal and that I've just cleared up my child's qualifications for entry.

Beyond that, I use my imagination. Use yours.

Still, and if your family has a special needs child, the problems can seem insurmountable. Remember that it will take lots of patience, perseverance, determination - and most importantly, a hard shell that won't allow anyone or anything to get in your way.

Following are some of the most difficult things faced by parent(s) of a special needs child:

* Sending a child away is one of the most difficult parental tasks. But is the child better off at home or at some other facility? And if a facility, how do you find one that's appropriate?

* Who will fund? (There are ways).

* How to be fair to all the children in the family which also has a special needs child.

* Where and how to find the kind(s) of therapy needed, and then the right therapists.

* How do I beat the red tape?

* How the special need child affects the siblings and how to make it a cohesive family.

* Who (family-friends) do we tell that our child has 'special needs' — and why do we tell?

* How important is imagination?

In the meantime, the balance of Section One will be events from Tracy's early life, followed by a variety of vignettes in Sections Two and Three detailing events as she grew through her teens and 20's and on into her 30's. Section Four concludes with and celebrates some of the universal truths that Tracy - and together with her mother Terry and I — have learned moving forward to where Tracy is now almost 50.

But first I'm going to relate an event from early in my own life - an event that helped to forge my general understanding of human need outside of self, and how a young man named Alex changed my life forever.

****

The Knowing Of Alex (Wine Tasting)

Where I grew up in the Bronx there was a young man who seemed to aimlessly wander the neighborhood. Alex looked different than most men and didn't act like most men. Later I learned that his difference was termed Down's syndrome. Most people shied away from Alex. I wondered why, and it wasn't until adulthood that I came to understand that my interaction with and learning about Alex gave me a greater understanding of persons with special needs.

Like me, Alex was of the Jewish faith. When Saturday afternoon descended into evening, Alex and I were at our synagogue. The cantor finished the service with a special prayer relating to the week's separation from the Sabbath, and a special braided wax candle was held by Alex as the cantor recited. When the prayer ended, the cantor sipped the wine and gave the remainder to Alex who polished it off with glee - followed by his face reddening as he left the pulpit.

Alex also delivered milk in the neighborhood, and when the doorbell would ring I'd quickly follow Mom's orders to run down, take the bottles and pay him — including a tip.

However, one day the doorbell rang and when I opened it Alex stood there sobbing. I couldn't understand him, but as he gestured for me to follow, we went downstairs where he pointed to a mess that the milk bottles he had dropped. I tried to calm his fears and rushed upstairs for a mop and bucket. Alex assisted the best he could as I cleaned up.

After we finished I took the tip money from my pocket and handed it to him saying, You worked for it so you earned it.

Looking down at his palm and seeing the money he tried to hand it back, and again I didn't understand him. I repeated what I said earlier and before I could turn and gallop up the steps he grabbed me in a bear hug - the raw human sincerity has coursed through me from that day when I was 12 years old until this very day more than 60 years later.

****

Love's Timeless Trio

Teach them