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Trolls on Ice (Smelly Trolls : Book 3)
Trolls on Ice (Smelly Trolls : Book 3)
Trolls on Ice (Smelly Trolls : Book 3)
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Trolls on Ice (Smelly Trolls : Book 3)

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Book 3 in the Smelly Trolls series.

Brawnulator Powerknees picks other people’s noses, smells like mutated tuna and eats small children. He is the strongest, fastest, most desirable man on the planet – to a troll.

When Rufus and his friends go on a skiing holiday to the Craggle Alps, they have no idea that the Winter Trollympics – the biggest sporting event of the troll calendar – is taking place nearby.

Sporting a wide variety of dangerous athletes, including Brawnulator, the Winter Trollympics is a hazardous place for children to be. But an avalanche blocks the railway line, leaving Rufus and his friends stranded amongst the hungry beasts.

A slippery, icy adventure packed with hideous trolls, winter sports and lots and lots of snotacular calamities.

LanguageEnglish
Release dateNov 1, 2014
ISBN9781310048173
Trolls on Ice (Smelly Trolls : Book 3)
Author

Rosen Trevithick

She was born in Cornwall and grew up on Restronguet Creek. She studied Experimental Psychology at St Catherine's College, Oxford, before moving back to the West Country. She now lives in Falmouth with two imaginary cats, fantasising about getting a real one. In 2011 Rosen was an aspiring author. Writing was a hobby. The following January sales of her books took off. Readers have now downloaded over a quarter of a million copies of her books. Rosen has a variety of books in print including My Granny Writes Erotica - Threesome, Pompomberry House and two Seesaw collections, as well as over a dozen digital titles. In 2013 she founded the Smelly Troll series - children's chapter books written by Rosen and illustrated by Katie W. Stewart. The series, which begins with The Troll Trap, has inspired hundreds of children to get involved in creative writing. Rosen writes in a variety of genres with a strong leaning towards comedy. She has also dabbled in psychological fiction and mystery writing. She loves wild swimming, interesting boots, quiffs, 'sampling' chocolate and cooking tasty treats. She dislikes house spiders, seagulls making a racket and doing laundry.

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    Book preview

    Trolls on Ice (Smelly Trolls - Rosen Trevithick

    Trolls on Ice

    Book 3 in the Smelly Trolls Series

    Written by Rosen Trevithick

    And Illustrated by Katie W. Stewart

    Suitable for independent reading by children aged 8-10.

    Ideal for reading aloud to younger children.

    First Edition (1.0.5)

    Text copyright Rosen Trevithick, 2013

    Illustrations copyright Katie W. Stewart, 2013

    All Rights Reserved

    Thanks to TextMender Editing Services

    www.textmender.com

    Further thanks to the talented class known as Trollversity for contributing many ideas, especially the Trollympics.

    For Reuben and Sebastian

    Prologue

    Prologue

    The lady troll fainted when she saw Brawnulator Powerknees. He cut through the night like a jet-propelled blade, arriving at Sludgeside in no time. He had heard that Sludgeside was a good place to find snacks, because Sludgeside no longer had any trolls of its own.

    The lady troll picked herself up. She panted and wheezed as she struggled to catch up. But Brawnulator’s strong legs, flat stomach and enormous muscles made him three times faster than any other troll in the land.

    He stopped just outside the window of a large detached house with a fountain in its garden. Brawnulator examined the house. One of the upstairs windows had trucks on its curtains. A little boy! boomed Brawnulator with glee. Little boys weren’t quite as tasty as little girls, but Brawnulator needed to eat three times as many children as a regular troll, so he couldn’t be too choosy.

    He ran forwards, gaining momentum, and then ran straight up the vertical wall! He dived headfirst through the glass window.

    Crash.

    Shattered glass splintered onto the floor. Brawnulator didn’t care. Like other trolls, he had thick, self-healing skin. Unlike other trolls, he wasn’t at all bothered by cuts and grazes. He was snotacularly brave.

    Barry Blither was not snotacularly brave. He was a big bully. And like most bullies, he was a coward. He was also a heavy sleeper.

    But not even Barry could sleep through a troll smashing in through his bedroom window. He blinked rapidly and shuddered. Even before his eyes could focus, he knew that there was something bad in his room – something to be feared. He could smell evil. It smelt like a skunk that had spent an hour on a treadmill and then cycled home without a shower. Barry reached for his bedside lamp and flicked it on.

    The lamp illuminated a figure. It got up from the bedroom floor and brushed itself off. The figure glared at Barry with a hungry glint in its eyes.

    Barry thought it was a … no … it couldn’t be … The knobbly creature looked like a brick stuffed with potatoes. Barry hadn’t seen many trolls in his time, but he knew that you could identify them by big round bellies. This creature had no belly at all, just rock hard abs like a beach boule set.

    Its hair was light – almost blond. It hung in shaggy clumps from its head. Its square chin was covered in stubble and its well-defined chest wore a fine layer of golden hair.

    The creature had deep, yellow eyes and green saliva dripped from its chapped lips. On its head were two short, stumpy horns. It wore no clothes, just a troll cloth to hide its smelly bottom. But unlike most troll cloths, this one was not grubby but bright white.

    Are … are you a troll? stuttered Barry.

    "Not just any troll! I be Brawnulator Powerknees!" exclaimed the figure, as if that should mean something to Barry.

    Instead, Barry’s mouth hung open, gormlessly.

    Brawnulator stared back at the boy, rather perturbed at being unknown. Then he shrugged, licked his lips and croaked, Yummy!

    Barry tried to scream but found that he couldn’t make a sound. The fear had turned his throat dry as a rice cake on a sunny beach.

    Brawnulator stepped closer and reached out his strong, muscular arms.

    This is it! thought Barry, I’m going to be eaten by a troll!

    Brawnulator ripped Barry’s covers from the bed, leaving Barry and his truck pyjamas exposed. Barry screamed. Brawnulator frowned. Why, you be a tubberlumper! he cried.

    Barry didn’t know what a tubberlumper was, and was too scared to care.

    Brawnulator tutted loudly. This won’t do. I can’t be gobbling a tubberlumper! Then he muttered, Where can I be getting a healthy snack?

    With that, he turned and dived out of the window, in much the same manner as he had arrived.

    Thud!

    Brawnulator Powerknees landed on the lawn. He picked himself up. There was a deep, Brawnulator-shaped hole where he’d landed.

    Brawnulator heard a noise in the bushes. Somebody was watching him! Reveal yourself! he ordered.

    The lady troll peeked out from behind a work of topiary, blushing. Brawnulator Powerknees! she gushed, fanning herself with a podgy, clawed hand. She loved his aftershave – Aqua Mutated Tuna Pour Troll™.

    Yarb. ’Tis me! he confirmed, flexing his muscles proudly.

    The lady passed him a piece of paper – a receipt she’d found on the pavement. Autograph! she squeaked, before fainting for a second time.

    Chapter 1

    Chapter 1

    The Journey to the Craggle Alps

    Barbecued bogies? asked Bruno Super-Troll-Knobbly-Foot.

    It’s ‘I spy’, not ‘I smell’, chortled Polly, pushing Bruno’s foam antlers to one side. The journey to the Craggle Alps was another two hours long, so the three friends were playing travel games to amuse themselves.

    He’s right, though, said Rufus, I can smell barbecued bogies too. Don’t you think that’s a strange thing to smell on a train?

    Bruno sniffed the air once more. Being a troll, his nose was finely attuned to stinky things. Definitely barbecued bogies, he agreed. Then he grinned – even good trolls like bogies.

    Where’s it coming from? asked Polly.

    I’m not sure, admitted Rufus. But I think we can rule out anybody actually barbecuing a bogie. We are, after all, inside a moving train.

    Rufus’s blue eyes sparkled. He was getting taller every day, though never any wider. He was scrawny with scraggly, red hair.

    Rufus, Polly and Bruno were an unlikely trio. Despite being only ten years old, Rufus Sebbleford was a troll hunter. This could have been rather inconvenient for Bruno, who happened to be a troll.

    Bruno and his family, the Super-Troll-Knobbly-Foots, were living as humans so that they didn’t have to eat little boys and girls. In short, they were good trolls. Because he wore a cunning disguise, Rufus and Polly were the only children to know the truth about Bruno.

    Real trolls are not like the trolls you read about in fairy tales. They could pass for humans apart from a few tell-tale signs. Usually, Bruno’s disguise involved putting on fake tan (to hide his skin’s greenish tinge), wearing a hat (to hide his short, stubby horns) and chewing coloured bubble gum (to hide his green spit). But he sometimes made mistakes when trying to blend in. Today, he was dressed from head to toe in a furry reindeer costume, complete with antlers.

    Isn’t it brilliant? Bruno had asked. It covers most of my body so I only had to fake tan my face.

    Polly had gasped. But you look like a reindeer!

    You said we were going to play in the snow. All the people were dressed like reindeer in that snowy picture you showed me.

    Bruno, that was a Christmas card!

    Polly had laughed. She rather liked Bruno’s reindeer outfit, even if she sometimes had to brush his antlers out of her face.

    Bruno’s entire family were bad at blending in. His parents, Ma and Marv Super-Troll-Knobbly-Foot, had volunteered to be chaperones on the ski trip, and since they couldn’t leave Bruno’s seven-year-old twin sisters at home alone, Betty and Belinda were coming too.

    The four had arrived at the train station wearing white, fluffy onesies. Because trolls, by nature, look like a series of blobs one on top of another, their tight-fitting onesies gave them an uncanny resemblance to snowmen. In place of the usual fake tan, Ma had covered their skin in white face paint. They wore top hats, scarves and their noses were painted orange.

    You look like snowmen! Polly had exclaimed.

    I looked up snow in a book! said Ma, proudly. And lots of people were dressed like this.

    Polly had rolled her eyes. She wasn’t opposed to being a little bit different – today her messy, brown ponytail was secured with a curtain ring – but there were limits! So much for the Super-Troll-Knobbly-Foots trying to be inconspicuous. But there had been no time for the family to change, so they had just had to tell everybody that they were in fancy dress as an early Christmas treat.

    The game of ‘I spy’ continued. Polly was just about to guess ‘Bruno’s belly’ when the three friends were distracted by some rather energetic screaming. They looked around to find out where all the fuss was coming from.

    Aala Snickermouth came hurrying along the train, squealing melodramatically. Aala was beautiful, with skin the colour of milk chocolate and intense brown eyes. She was a complex girl. When she hung around with Anita Grumblenose, which was most of the time, she was mean. But when she was alone, she was much nicer. Bruno had seen her kind, friendly side, but Rufus and Polly still thought that she was a pain in the bum.

    Bruno jumped up from his seat. Whatever is the matter, Aala?

    Troll! she cried, flopping into the empty seat next to Rufus. Troll on the train!

    Troll? asked Polly. Are you sure?

    Of course, most humans don’t know about real trolls. But on a terrifying school trip to the Mr Splendiferous Science Park, this particular class had encountered five bad trolls. And once they had learned about trolls, life had never been the same again.

    Because real trolls look rather similar to humans, the class were prone to thinking they saw trolls wherever they went.

    The vicar is a troll! Barry had suspected. But she had just been overweight.

    My dentist is a troll! Aala had reckoned. But he

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