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    A Preposterous Portfolio of Parodies: Free Selections from Spoofs of The Hobbit, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, Star Trek and More
    A Preposterous Portfolio of Parodies: Free Selections from Spoofs of The Hobbit, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, Star Trek and More
    A Preposterous Portfolio of Parodies: Free Selections from Spoofs of The Hobbit, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, Star Trek and More
    Ebook98 pages1 hour

    A Preposterous Portfolio of Parodies: Free Selections from Spoofs of The Hobbit, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, Star Trek and More

    By Valerie Estelle Frankel

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    About this ebook

    A collection of short parodies, excerpted from the award-winning Henry Potty and the Pet Rock, An Unexpected Parody: The Unauthorized Spoof of The Hobbit, How Game of Thrones Will End, and new side-splitting material for readers young and old. A delightful romp through the world's favorite franchises.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherValerie Estelle Frankel
    Release dateNov 18, 2014
    ISBN9781310938276
    A Preposterous Portfolio of Parodies: Free Selections from Spoofs of The Hobbit, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, Star Trek and More
    Author

    Valerie Estelle Frankel

    Valerie Estelle Frankel has won a Dream Realm Award, an Indie Excellence Award, and a USA Book News National Best Book Award for her Henry Potty parodies. She's the author of 75 books on pop culture, including Doctor Who - The What, Where, and How, History, Sherlock: Every Canon Reference You May Have Missed in BBC's Series 1-3, Homages and the Highlands: An Outlander Guide, and How Game of Thrones Will End. Many of her books focus on women's roles in fiction, from her heroine's journey guides From Girl to Goddess and Buffy and the Heroine's Journey to books like Women in Game of Thrones and The Many Faces of Katniss Everdeen. Once a lecturer at San Jose State University, she's a frequent speaker at conferences. Come explore her research at www.vefrankel.com.

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      Book preview

      A Preposterous Portfolio of Parodies - Valerie Estelle Frankel

      A Preposterous Portfolio of Parodies

      Free Selections from Spoofs of The Hobbit, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, Star Trek and More

      by

      Valerie Estelle Frankel

      Copyright 2014 Valerie Estelle Frankel

      Smashwords Edition

      Discover other titles by Valerie Estelle Frankel at Smashwords.com:

      Henry Potty and the Pet Rock

      Henry Potty and the Deathly Paper Shortage

      An Unexpected Parody: The Unauthorized Spoof of The Hobbit

      Contents

      Introduction

      An Unexpected Parody: The Unauthorized Spoof of The Hobbit

      How Game of Thrones Will End: The Influences Driving the Show and All the Paths It May Take

      Henry Potty and the Man in the Iron Pants: A Star Trek: TNG Crossover

      The Terrifying Castle of Terror: An Original Generic Fantasy

      And Introducing…The Farce-ians of the Galaxy, Coming 2015

      Introduction

      What’s the only thing better than parodies? Free parodies! Along with plenty of commentary on pop culture (usually serious, unfortunately) I’m the author of roughly four parodies (sorry about the confusion on the count, but I parodied Harry Potter Book 1, then book 7, then 2-6 – published separately and also in the Harry Potter Special Edition as they’re quite short so it’s somewhat messy). Following this came my parody of the first Hobbit movie – much more straightforward, though to this day there’s no part 2. I’m publishing Harry Potter excerpts in a separate free volume, but included in this is one of them (killing two flying chickens with one stone, as it’s a Star Trek crossover). I’m also including the first chapter of An Unexpected Parody, along with its painful four prologues. There’s the silly bits from the published ebook

      How Game of Thrones Will End: The Influences Driving the Show and All the Paths It May Take (Thought Catalog 2014) and an original story parodying all manner of generic fantasy. In The Terrifying Castle of Terror, our heroes quest for a solid gold statue, having already obtained the prefect turkey sandwich. This finishes with a small preview from my Guardians spoof: The Farce-ians of the Galaxy, Coming 2015. Happy reading!

      An Unexpected Parody: The Unauthorized Spoof of The Hobbit

      Prologue the First: Fandom Rising

      It began with the writing of the great book. In the Beginning, the Dawn of Time, round about 1936, the Great Creator set about to make a marvelous work that would last throughout all the generations. And lo! He wrote a children’s novel and it was beloved. Twenty years passed. And the seeds of his planting grew into a mighty trilogy.

      Three books were given to the Fans, with many appendices to boot, and from them sprang a mighty genre. Bookstore shelves sagged with the weight of many fantasy series and brave heroes toiled to the ends of the earth and beyond seeking signed first editions. Then the Trekkies came. And lo! Their society lasted long and prospered. The great franchises followed on: the might of the Force rose, and begat a cult of followers in hooded robes. And the two tribes mingled and begat a race of Monty-Python-quoting, sneaker-wearing folk who spent their days designing humorous t-shirt slogans. They loathed the fresh air and hid from the sun in their parents’ basements where the big screen was anyway. United they built a mighty empire and named themselves the Geeks. Their realm thrived. Throve? Thrived. The wise among them gathered to meet in cities across the earth, and held mighty debates and sometimes swapmeets.

      Many years passed.

      Decades later, during the Second Rising of the Force, the Boy Wizard rose up. Marked by a lightning scar and wise in an odd tongue of Latin, Greek, and random additions of Hawaiian, he taught his followers to spend their gold freely, and consumerism swelled under his reign. With him came the midnight releases, and wide-eyed children, cranky from the late hour, uttered the sacred words Have you read my fanfic? and thus were converted. Their conferences swelled with screaming fangirls, and many other heroes followed, riding dragons and Greek-speaking pegasi and magical polar bears. Mighty temples of glory soared into the heavens, with amusement park rides, lunchboxes, and trading cards.

      But the doom of men is their greed, and movie producers have it worst of all. In their dark halls, deep in the heart of Hollywood, they schemed. For, they reasoned, if a trilogy could control the world, how much more might seven movies, or eight, or nine!

      Eight films were offered to the Boy Wizard, and many of his followers lost their way through the tangle and were cast aside. Three additional films were given to the followers of the Force, and lo! they were a letdown. Then another film franchise came, and it was not good, for as fans protesteth, vampires are not meant to sparkle. Then the power of the Force was given to the King of Mice, and many fans did tremble with sorrow. One by one, the free lands fell into despair.

      But then a light shined anon from the skinny isle of New Zealand, and the halflings strode forth, in twelve hours of Extended Edition glory, yea, even with bonus features and cast interviews. The saga was quoted on every screen and the seedling of a series, long sacred to the Geeks but unknown to many others, ascended into the gloried halls of pop culture. Elves crowded the renaissance fairs and joy was heard throughout the land.

      But the hearts of Men are easily corrupted. Another franchise had grown too powerful, too rich. A further duology was proposed and deep in the dark heart of Hollywood, it began to form. But they were all of them deceived.

      It swelled into a trilogy and nine hours were given unto the Geeks, to say nothing of the DVD extras. The halflings’ town in New Zealand was rebuilt, sturdier than before, so the creators might make of it a theme park, and the sheep were driven off. And the Geeks were divided: some clutched the new offering as a treasure and vowed to give it all their devotion as they had its parents, even to the buying of Denny’s meals to get the trading cards. And other Geeks spoke against the first of the films and complained that the rock giants and hedgehogs did not delight them–for it was that they stopped the movie dead.

      And thus the fandom was sundered. Among the unsatisfied was a smaller tribe called the Nitpickers, and they were the most dismayed. For, they reasoned, no great creator had the right to fashion rabbit-sledges and elf salads, which were

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