Love and Sex Signs: Venus, Mars and Astrology

1940–2019

Introduction

It does not much signify whom one marries, as one is sure to find next morning that it is someone else.

Samuel Rogers

How many of us have found ourselves in this situation? You meet the man or woman of your dreams, have a whirlwind romance and then settle down to a steady relationship, whether it’s marriage, living together or going steady. And what happens? They change! Before your very eyes they change – from prince to frog, from dreamboat to shipwreck. You are taken by surprise, but soon learn that this change is the only certainty in love. So what can you do?

•    Give up and retreat to a life of solitude and celibacy?

•    Put up with the unwanted metamorphosis, but inside seethe with resentment and the feeling that you have somehow been cheated?

•    Try to change your partner? …which is a recipe for disaster and only results in mutual feelings of inadequacy and guilt.

None of the above is recommended. The solution is to go back to the cause of the problem, to face the unpleasant fact that from the moment you fall in love you do not see your partner clearly. You see an idealised image of them, heavily laced with your own projections, which usually bears little resemblance to the real person.

This is where astrology can help. By understanding your partner’s Love and Sex signs, you can gain a more realistic insight into how they operate in a relationship, and what they are expecting from it. Of course you already know their Sun sign, but that’s not enough – not when you enter the complex realm of close relationships where love, romance, passion and sexual desire all converge. The Sun sign describes a person’s basic character: their inner self, ego and individuality. It shows how they operate in social situations, and indicates their capacity for leadership and success. The Sun sign does not show how they relate in intimate relationships – for this is the realm of the celestial lovers, Venus and Mars.

Venus and Mars

Everywhere we look in nature we find polarities: hot and cold, day and night, north and south, summer and winter. Everything is based on the relationship between expansive and contractive principles and the universe is held together and governed by the various laws of attraction. All life springs from an interplay between yin and yang, positive and negative, masculine and feminine. From the vast movements of the solar system to the perfectly balanced centre of the atom, these mutual attractions create all things.

In our solar system these archetypal masculine and feminine energies are represented by two pairs of planets. The Sun and Moon (symbolising the Father and Mother) tell us how we were parented and how we will in turn parent. Venus and Mars (symbolising the Lovers) tell us how we relate to others and what sort of lover we are.

In Greek mythology Venus and Mars emerge as the Goddess of Love, Aphrodite, and the God of War, Ares. Aphrodite’s origins are a mystery. She rose out of the sea on a cushion of foam and this image of her was immortalised by Botticelli in his painting The Birth of Venus. Gods and mere mortals from far and wide were attracted by her beauty and love of life. She adored glamour, gaiety and sensory pleasures, and she blessed the world with the arts of sculpture, poetry and music. Ares, the courageous and angry God of War, was the only son of Hera and Zeus. Handsome, passionate and impulsive, he fought valiantly in the Trojan Wars and loved nothing better than to don his gleaming helmet, jump aboard his war chariot and rush off to fight battles. Although Aphrodite and Ares were not married to each other, their contrary natures led them to form a relationship that lasted for many years and produced several children.

In astrology, these two planets indicate how we express ourselves in intimate relationships. Venus is the daughter of the Moon (the archetypal feminine principle) and represents a receptive, attracting force. Mars is the son of the Sun (the archetypal masculine principle) and represents an active, driving force. The symbols (also known as ‘glyphs’) for Venus and Mars reinforce these energies. The symbol for Venus represents the hand mirror of Aphrodite, and has long been used as a symbol of the women’s movement; and the symbol for Mars depicts the shield and spear of Ares. These ancient astrological glyphs also represent the male and female sexual organs and are now used as the biological symbols for male and female. Both glyphs are used extensively in advertising and have appeared on clothing, beauty products, cars, appliances and, most aptly, condoms.

Like Aphrodite, our Venusian side is more passive – it attracts people and events to us. And like Ares, our Martian side is more active – it goes out and gets what it wants from life. On a psychological level, Venus represents the part of us that needs to merge with others – the us principle – while Mars represents the part of us that needs to establish personal identity and space – the me principle. And this is where the balance between the two is so important, for we cannot truly love and be loved (Venus) until we have established and understood our own identity (Mars). It is the balance between these two energies that gives us mutually satisfying sexual relationships – learning to balance the urge for self-gratification (Mars) with the need to please the partner (Venus). When these two energies work in harmony within a person, they create an individual who is able to love and pamper their partner, while still retaining their own needs and individuality. Neither overwhelms the other.

In our western society we are not encouraged to strive for this balance between our masculine and feminine sides. Males are encouraged to ignore their Venusian side and concentrate on their Martian traits of being sexual, brave, competitive and independent. It is then very easy for a man to overdevelop his Martian side, leading to selfish, aggressive or even violent behaviour. Meanwhile the Martian side of females is neglected and the Venusian qualities of being romantic, seductive, compliant and giving are actively fostered. It then becomes easy for a woman to overdevelop her Venusian side, leading to dependent, possessive behaviour and lack of initiative. Although there are exceptions to the above, our society still prizes and rewards different qualities in males and females. Psychologist John Gray Ph.D. wrote a series of best-selling books based on this theme starting with Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Gray writes, ‘He wants sex. She wants romance. Sometimes it seems as if our partners are from different planets, as if he’s from Mars and she’s from Venus.’ An astrological model that has been used for over 5000 years has finally being recognised by modern psychology!

However, this does not mean we can use astrology (or pop psychology) as a further excuse for gender-stereotyping. While it is true that Venusian energy is more accessible to females and Martian energy is more easily expressed in males, we each contain within us both energies and are capable of expressing both energies, regardless of our gender. Every man has within him an inner female, and every woman has within her an inner male (Carl Jung named them ‘anima’ and ‘animus’). The astrological signs that your Venus and Mars are in provide a key to help you develop both sides. They give you something to work with, somewhere to begin. In the words of Robert Bly, ‘We need noble women and gentle men’ – women who revel in their Martian side, and men who own and nurture their Venusian qualities.

How to use this book

This book can help you gain more insight into your own love and sex needs, and those of your partner. For there are no right or wrong ways to relate, just many, many different ways. Use the tables at the back of this book to find out what signs your Venus and Mars are in. All you need to know is your birthdate – day, month and year. Your Venus and Mars may be in the same sign, but usually they are in different signs. One or both may even be in the same sign as your Sun sign, which intensifies the effect of that sign in your life.

Model Naomi Campbell and singer Kylie Minogue both have their Sun, Venus and Mars all in Gemini. So their basic character and mode of relating in intimate relationships is therefore very Geminian: restless, versatile and changeable. Former Guns’n’Roses singer Axl Rose has his Sun, Venus and Mars all in Aquarius. His basic character and mode of relating in close relationships therefore very Aquarian: individualistic, unconventional and unpredictable. Author Shere Hite has her Sun, Venus and Mars all in Scorpio: her life involves appropriately Scorpionic preoccupations, as she researches (and transforms) our ideas about relationships and sexuality through her series of The Hite Report books.

Venus

The planet Venus represents your love nature and sense of values. The astrological sign that Venus was in when you were born shows how these Venusian urges manifest in your life. If you have Venus in Leo, then you love others in a dramatic, affectionate way, and you value loyalty and positive feedback in a relationship. If you have Venus in Virgo, then the way you express your Venusian urges is different; you love others in a reserved, analytical way, and you value order and perfection in a relationship. If you have Venus in Cancer, then you relate to your partner in a nurturing and caring way. You place a high value on domesticity, security and deep emotional exchanges within the relationship … but if your partner has Venus in Aquarius – beware! They are looking for an unconventional relationship where they have lots of freedom and autonomy, no heavy emotional drama and little security. See the potential for conflict and misunderstandings arising from your different needs and expectations? This does not mean the relationship is doomed, but many adjustments need to be made regarding what each expects from the other. The first step is to take off your rose-coloured glasses and realise that your Venus in Aquarius partner will never be satisfied with just home, hearth and family, for these are Venus in Cancer priorities.

Mars

The planet Mars represents your sexual nature, and the energy and motivation you put into a relationship. The astrological sign that Mars was in when you were born shows how these Martian urges operate in your life. Your Mars sign shows how you initiate and perform the sexual act. If you meet someone with Mars in Aries, you can confidently predict that they will make the first move – sooner rather than later! But if you wait for a Mars in Pisces to make the first move, you’ll be waiting forever! Your Mars sign also suggests your ideal sexual fantasy: with Mars in Sagittarius – making love out in the open or in a plane; with Mars in Gemini – oral and phone sex; with Mars in Scorpio – bondage and black leather; and with Mars in Taurus – sex and food.

Example: Jack Nicholson

The first rule in any endeavour is to understand your subject – for outer appearances (and Sun signs alone) can be deceptive. Jack Nicholson was born on April 22, 1937 when the Sun was in Taurus. Many Taurean traits apply to him – he is hard-working and persistent, with a shrewd business sense. His Taurean staying-power has seen him thrive in the fickle movie business for nearly 50 years and he is a millionaire many times over. But when it comes to love relationships, the Taurean traits of being responsible, reliable, faithful and security-conscious do not apply. He is now in his 70s and still single, with a string of relationships behind him and a reputation as one of Hollywood’s most notorious womanisers. Just knowing his Sun sign does not help us here, because the main things Taureans crave are stability and permanence. He has certainly shown these traits in his career, but not in his relationships with women.

What signs are his planets of relating in? His Venus is in Aries and his Mars is in Sagittarius. Aries and Sagittarius are fire signs – hot, fiery and passionate (ex-lover Angelica Huston said of Jack, ‘He makes my blood boil’). Both are signs that crave freedom, independence, variety and change. Venus in Aries falls in (and out of) love impulsively and regularly, while Mars in Sagittarius (the sexual wanderer of the zodiac) needs constant excitement and adventure in intimate relationships. Both signs are easily bored and have a great fear of commitment. So Jack approaches love and sex from a restless Aries/Sagittarius perspective and saves his steady Taurean dedication and patience for his work.

Example: Janis Joplin

Music icon Janis Joplin was born on January 19, 1943 with the Sun in Capricorn. Many Capricorn traits applied to her – when it came to her career she was incredibly ambitious, disciplined, dedicated, serious and hard-working. But, when it came to her love life, these traits definitely did not apply. Janis found it difficult to maintain romantic relationships and had a string of affairs and one-night stands with men and women (including Leonard Cohen, Jimi Hendrix, Kris Kristofferson and Jim Morrison). Just knowing her Sun sign doesn’t help us here because the main things Capricorns crave are security and commitment.

What signs were her planets of relating in? Her Venus was in Aquarius and her Mars in Sagittarius, which are both signs that are fiercely independent. Venus in Aquarius is unconventional and experimental (Janis became a colourful and controversial symbol of the counter-culture movement in the 1960s and proudly declared ‘I might be the first hippie pinup girl’ plus ‘I won’t quit to become someone’s old lady’). Mars in Sagittarius fears being domesticated and settling down, and revels in excess – whether it’s love, sex, food, alcohol, drugs or good times. (Joplin’s former guitarist Sam Andrew observed ‘Janis had a big appetite for everything’). So Janis approached love and sex with free-wheeling Aquarius/Sagittarius abandon, and saved her steady Capricorn commitment for her work.

Understand Yourself and Others Better

The best way to use this book is to blend the qualities of your Venus and Mars signs with your Sun sign – keeping in mind that the Venus and Mars signs specifically describe how you express yourself within intimate relationships. Knowing your partner’s Love and Sex signs also helps you understand their needs, and prepares you for what lies ahead. But remember: a little knowledge is a dangerous thing! Use this potent information with discretion. Apply it as a tool for self-awareness, and to gain a better insight into others – their needs, expectations, desires and secret longings. So sit back, read, ponder, enjoy – and use in the name of love.

Part One

VENUS

Venus: planet of love & romance

The trouble is that my heart would not willingly remain one hour without love.

Catherine the Great

The planet Venus represents this innate need within all of us to love and be loved. Venus is the planetary symbol for what Carl Jung called ‘eros’ – the feminine capacity in both men and women to be affectionate, and to respond to others in a loving way. Venus also represents our capacity for self-love, as well as our ability to obtain enjoyment from the things we love most in life. The astrological sign our Venus is in shows how we express these Venusian needs:

1)   How we love and value ourselves;

2)   How we love others;

3)   What we love and value most in life. Let’s take a closer look at these three areas.

Self-love

Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all.

Linda Creed

Self-love is a concept many people feel uncomfortable with, thinking it is synonymous with vanity, selfishness and conceit. Well, it’s not. What it is synonymous with is high self-esteem. Chambers’ Twentieth Century Dictionary defines self-esteem as ‘self-respect’ and The Oxford English Dictionary calls it ‘favourable appreciation or