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The Enlightened Bracketologist: The Final Four of Everything
The Enlightened Bracketologist: The Final Four of Everything
The Enlightened Bracketologist: The Final Four of Everything
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The Enlightened Bracketologist: The Final Four of Everything

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Every March, the NCAA men's basketball tournament blankets newspapers and the Internet, and attracts millions of television viewers over the course of three weeks. Will a perennial favorite like Duke win? Or will it be a dark horse like Gonzaga? The phenomenon known as March Madness galvanizes a nation of viewers as few other sports events can. The reason? Bracketology. America eagerly watches as 64 teams become 32, then 16, then 8, then 4, then 2, and finally #1.
Now it's time to use the same rigorous method for everything that really matters in culture, people, history, the arts and more. In The Enlightened Bracketologist the editors have organized the world's most haunting and maddeningly subjective questions into a scheme of binary pairings that finally reveal what is truly the best in its class: La Tache or Chateau Latour? (1) Barry Bonds or Terrell Owens? (2) "Vissi d'arte" or "Dove Sono"? (3) OJ verdict or JFK assassination? (4) "Top of the world, Ma" or "Nobody's perfect"? (5) Two by two, The Enlightened Bracketologist pits our cultural mainstays against each other; only the finest survive. Every double-page spread of this book will contain a series of brackets compiled by experts and celebrities, with text call-outs that highlight the reason why one competitor moves on and another doesn't. Already committed are Elvis Costello on popular songs; David Bouley on cookbooks; Leon Fleisher on piano music; Reneé Fleming on opera arias; Henry Beard on French phrases; Joseph Ward on wine.
LanguageEnglish
Release dateDec 9, 2008
ISBN9781596919471
The Enlightened Bracketologist: The Final Four of Everything

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  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Someone asks you, "What's your favorite food?"; you quickly answer "Spaghetti", because it's at the tip of your tongue. But then you start thinking...what about pizza? what about cheese fondue? what about donuts (and are they actually "doughnuts")? This is where you need bracketology. Yes, the system used in sports playoffs. With bracketology, you can put pizza against cheese fondue (and all of your other favorites) and really get to the heart of which is your absolute favorite, which favorite knocks all other favorites out of the bracket. This is, of course, a silly book. It ranks cheeses, beers, speeches in history, dogs, golfers, cartoon characters, and much, much more. For a topic you care about, the bracket is fascinating. For those that you don't, well, pages turn for a reason. The editor invited guest experts to create the brackets, so you're not reading one guy's take on all of these disparate subjects. It gives one lots to argue with, and--if you're like me--a "to do" list of cheeses to try.

Book preview

The Enlightened Bracketologist - Nigel Holmes

The Enlightened Bracketologist

Also by Mark Reiter

What Got You Here Won't Get You There (with Marshall Goldsmith)

The Creative Habit (with Twyla Tharp)

Also by Richard Sandomir

Don't Worry, Stop Sweating...Use Deodorant! (with Rick Wolff)

Life for Real Dummies (with Rick Wolff)

The Joy of Baldness

Bald Like Me

The Enlightened

Bracketologist

The Final Four of Everything

Edited by

Mark Reiter and

Richard Sandomir

Designed by Nigel Holmes

BLOOMSBURY

Copyright © 2007 by Mark Reiter and Richard Sandomir

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

For information address Bloomsbury USA, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010.

Published by Bloomsbury USA, New York

Distributed to the trade by Holtzbrinck Publishers

All papers used by Bloomsbury USA are natural, recyclable products made from wood grown in well-managed forests.

The manufacturing processes conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data has been applied for. style="text-align:

eISBN: 978-1-59691-947-1

Final Four is a registered trademark of the National Collegiate Athletic Association and is used herein with permission of the NCAA.

First U.S. Edition 2007

3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Designed and typeset by Nigel Holmes

Printed in the United States of America by RR Donnelley, Crawfordsville

To Griffin Miller,

who will always win the

most important bracket.

—R.S.

To Marie, Nick,

Will, and Hilde.

—M.R.

CONTENTS

Introduction

1 March Madness Moments

by GARY PARRISH

2 Where Were You When Moments

by MARK REITER

3 Animation Characters

by ROZ CHAST

4 Ad Slogans

by PHIL DUSENBERRY

5 Alt-Country Songs

by PETER BLACKSTOCK and GRANT ALDEN

6 American Beers

by MAUREEN OGLE

7 American Plays

by PETER MARKS

8 Bald Guys

by RICHARD SANDOMIR

9 Baseball Myths

by RICHARD LALLY

10 Black-and-White TV Programs

by ROBERT THOMPSON

11 James Bond Gadgets

by LOIS H. GRESH and ROBERT WEINBERG

12 Dodosaurs

by RICK MEYEROWITZ

13 Bob Dylan Cover Songs

by DALTON DELAN

14 Candy Bars

by SCOTT MOWBRAY

15 Mondegreens, or Misheard Lyrics

by MIKKI HALPIN

16 Celebrity Sports Couples

by SELENA ROBERTS

17 CEOs

by JOHN A BYRNE

18 Spokes characters Who Will Shill for Food

by STUART ELLIOTT

19 Cheese

by MAX McCALMAN and DAVID GIBBONS

20 Chick Flicks

by CARRIE GERLACH CECIL

21 Crosswordese

by TYLER HINMAN

22 Classic Comedies

by ROBERTWUHL

23 Conspiracy Theories

by KURT ANDERSEN

24 Corporate Jargon

by STANLEY BING

25 Dogs for the Ages

by CLAUDIA KAWCZYNSKA and CAMERON W OO

26 Marital Arguments

by PHIL LEE and DIANE RUDOLPH

27 Elmore Leonard Novels

by MARK REITER

28 Elvis Costello Songs

by MARK REITER

29 Emoticons

by J. DBIERSDORFER

30 Endangered Species

by CHRISTOPHER L JENKINS

31 Cooking Tools

by BILLYOSSES

32 Economic Indicators

by TIM HARFORD

33 Film Deaths

by MATTHEW SHEPATIN

34 Frank Sinatra Songs

by DAVID McCUNTICK

35 Freshwater and Saltwater Flies

by PETER KAMINSKY

36 Fruit

by NEILAMDUR

37 Game Show Catchphrases

by KEN JENNINGS

38 Sportscaster Signature Calls

by RICHARD SANDOMIR

39 Memorable Speech Lines

by JEFFSHESOL

40 Golf Swing Thoughts

by CHRISTOPHER SMITH

41 Horses for the Ages

by WILLIAM NACK

42 Jock Films

by RICHARD SANDOMIR

43 Guilty Pleasures

by SIMON TREWIN, TOM BROMLEY, and MICHAEL MORAN

44 Guitar Solos

by ALLEN ST. JOHN

45 Hairstyles

by GERSH KUNTZMAN

46 Hip

by JOHNLELAND

47 Indie Rock Albums

by JOHN SELLERS

48 Innovations in Sports

by JAMES BOICE

49 Inventions

by ADI IGNATIUS

50 Investment Strategies

by CLARK WINTER

51 Most Likely to Survive the 21 st Century

by MICHAEL ROGERS

52 Jew/Not a Jew

by MICHAEL SOLOMON

53 Kings and Queens of England

by CLIVEASLET

54 Latin Grammar

by HENRY BEARD

55 Long Songs

by JENSCARSTENSEN

56 Longevity Strategies

by DAVID J. LEFFELL

57 Magical Sports Numbers

by RICHARD SANDOMIR

58 Male Vices

by JOHN ALBERT

59 Meaningless Sports Statistics

by ALLEN ST. JOHN

60 Most Jersey

by TRIS McCALL

61 Mythological Figures

by JAMES C. HOGAN

62 NASCAR Phrases

by JEFF MacGREGOR

63 Newspaper Headlines

by JOHN WALTER

64 Opera Arias (Male)

by NEIL SHICOFF

65 Paul Simon Songs

by LUKE DEMPSEY

66 Perfect Book Titles

by ROBERT S. MILLER

67 Pickup Lines

by EM and LO

68 Punctuation

by JESSE SHEIDLOWER

69 Short Books

by SARA NELSON

70 Plastic Surgery Disasters

by MICHAEL MUSTO

71 Political Blunders of the Last 50 Years

by PAUL SLANSKY

72 Political Hot Buttons

by MO ROCCA

73 Presidential Speeches

by CURT SMITH

74 Priceless Things

by LEILA DUNBAR

75 Rednecks

by ALLISON GLOCK

76 Red Wines

by JOSEPH WARD

77 Rivalries

by WILL BLYTHE

78 Samuel L Jackson Films

by RICK STAEHLING

79 Scrabble Words

by STEFAN FATSIS

80 Sex and the City Wisdom

by SHERRI RIFKIN

81 Shakespeare in Film

by TOMAKSTENS

82 Sidekicks

by STEVEN REDDICLIFFE

83 Simple Things

by HENRY PETROSKI

84 Sins Against the Language

by BENYAGODA

85 Sport/Not a Sport

by BILL SCHEFT

86 Sports Books

by DICK FRIEDMAN

87 Sucker Bets

by RICHARD HOFFER

88 Talk Show Hosts

by BILL CARTER

89 Tell Me Again Why They're Famous

by LARRY AMOROS

90 Troll Models

by ROBERT LIPSYTE

91 TV One-Liners

by MICHAEL DAVIS

92 Typefaces

by NIGEL HOLMES

93 Underdogs

by MARK ST. AM ANT

94 Video Games

by SETH SCHIESEL

95 Wedding Gifts

by MARCY BLUM

96 White Wines

by JOSEPH WARD

97 Women's Magazine Sex Cliches

by STEPHANIE DOLGOFF

98 Women's Undies

by SPANKYVANAKEN

99 Your Boss's Annoying Habits

by MARSHALL GOLDSMITH

100 Yiddish Phrases

by MICHAEL WEX

101 Shakespeare Insults

by LAWRENCE GOODMAN

Coda

Acknowledgments

INTRODUCTION

By Mark Reiter

What is enlightenment?

Better question: What is Bracketology?

Bracketology is a way of seeing the world so that we can become more enlightened—about what we like, favor, prefer, abhor, or abjure. (Bracketology can even help us determine if we prefer the word abhor to abjure.) It is a system that helps us make clearer and cleaner decisions about what is good, better, best in our world.

Let's bring it down to a real-world level.

Has this ever happened to you?

Someone asks you,What's your favorite movie? Not a deep question, but a probing one, something that comes up occasionally among reasonably curious folk—or men and women on their second date. Your favorite movie is a classic single-question personality profile that reveals you, an easy-to-apply litmus test that gives folks a snapshot of who you are or think you are or want the world to think you are. Whether that film is Die Hard or Four Weddings and a Funeral or Top Hat or Grand Illusion or Reservoir Dogs or Persona or Groundhog Day, your answer signals your worldliness and sophistication, your sense of humor, and, most particularly, your individuality.

If you're like most people you have a default response that is either The Godfather The Godfather

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