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    All I Want - Part Three: All I Want, #3
    All I Want - Part Three: All I Want, #3
    All I Want - Part Three: All I Want, #3
    Ebook111 pages1 hour

    All I Want - Part Three: All I Want, #3

    By Renna Peak

    3.5/5

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    About this ebook

    Gavin’s meltdown when confronted with the pain of his past threatens to keep him from finding happiness with Sidney. They must both find a way to move beyond the suffering of their previous lives to find a future together.

    Recommended for adults only. Steamy scenes and coarse language.

    This is the final part of a three-part series. The first two parts of All I Want are available now.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherRenna Peak
    Release dateJan 12, 2015
    ISBN9781507011645
    All I Want - Part Three: All I Want, #3

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      Book preview

      All I Want - Part Three - Renna Peak

      1

      Ithought I already knew what rock bottom felt like. I hadn’t thought there was any further to fall. I hadn’t ever thought I could hurt this much.

      My ribs felt like they were squeezing the life out of me—I couldn’t even take a breath. I just wanted a hole to open in the earth and swallow me. I didn’t ever want to have to face another person again—particularly not the two people who were outside with me now.

      I’m not sure if it was the sudden dizziness or how my muscles had lost every bit of their ability to hold me upright, but I crumpled to the floor of the deck. I covered my head with my hands, mostly to hide the utter humiliation and desperate shame I was feeling in that moment.

      I didn’t want her to see me like this. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, but definitely not Sidney. I was supposed to be strong—I wanted to be strong for her. After everything she had suffered through, I knew I wanted to be someone she could rely on. I knew that somewhere inside of myself—despite how I had behaved—I wanted to be a better man for her. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be weak at all, and this was the weakest I had ever felt in my life.

      Hot tears stung at my eyes, and I knew I had to force them back. I reminded myself that this was me scraping rock bottom, and the saddest part about it was the knowledge that I had done all of this to myself. I might have wanted to blame Kimberly for the predicament I found myself in—hell, it was her fault that this had happened. That I was like this now. That I had become an asshole who would treat a woman the way I had just treated Sidney. But it had been my choice—my choice to speak to her like that. To say the horrible things I had just said. And it was my choice to answer that damned phone in the first place. Just because Kimberly called me on every holiday known to mankind, it didn’t mean I had to actually speak to her—I knew that, but I seemed to always do it anyway. And I couldn’t for the life of me understand why I had chosen to answer the phone today.

      This was supposed to be it—I had brought Sidney here to meet my family. I had just wanted to share them with her and share her with them. Because I knew—even though I hadn’t really wanted to admit it to myself—I knew she could be the one. It was exactly how Garrett had told I would it know when I met her. I knew it in my gut, too—she was the one. And today was supposed to be a new start for both of us, but instead of it being a day we might have told our grandchildren about, now it was a day I knew I was going to regret for the rest of my life.

      I couldn’t look up. I knew she wouldn’t want to hear my lame-ass excuses, but I couldn’t even lift my head to make eye contact with her. I couldn’t think of a single thing I could do or say to get out of this particular hole I had dug for myself. And I had agreed to her three requests—hell, I had mocked her for those three things. No apologies. She had already forgiven me. And the worst one of all—she never wanted to see me again.

      But I could drive her home. I could at least do that much—I could tell her I would take her home and as soon as I had her alone, I could beg her not to hate me. I would plead with her, and I knew I could figure out a way to make the words not sound like an apology. Twisting words was what I did for a living. If there was one thing I was good at in my life, it was manipulating language to have everything and anything turn out the way I wanted it.

      I knew I had to calm myself down. I had to get some measure of control because I knew how I was with her—how the words I could think of in my head never quite made it out of my mouth in the order or the way I meant them to. Not that my inability to speak around her was the reason I was in a heap on the ground right now—that was just my stupid anger. My inability to get past that rage that lived inside of me like some caged animal that was desperate to come out and attack any time it had the opportunity. This situation was all on me and I knew it—I just also knew that I needed to think of a way out. I knew I needed to think of the perfect words to say that wouldn’t be an apology and I needed to do it quickly—but everything had gone into slow motion, including my heart and my mental faculties.

      I felt a hand on my shoulder and sensed someone sitting down next to me on the floor of my brother’s deck. They didn’t say anything—just sat there with their hand on my shoulder while I tried like hell to think of the right words to say before I showed my face to her again.

      I slowed my breaths, forcing back the tears that were still swimming in my eyes. I prayed that hers was the hand I felt on my shoulder, but I knew somehow that it wasn’t. I knew it was Garrett—I knew he was being supportive of me again, even though I definitely didn’t deserve it this time.

      I wasn’t even sure how much time had passed when I finally felt like I was able to look up. I expected her to be there, glaring down at me, ready for a fight. I was ready to hear the names I knew she would want to call me. I was ready to take her insults like a man. I wanted to hear them—I knew I deserved them. And there was some part of me that thought I’d feel better if she was angry—if she would come kick me in the balls the way I deserved, maybe I’d feel better. She could get her anger out and we could move on. I had fucked up and she had already said she had forgiven me—maybe she just needed to hurl some nasty insults in my direction. That was what I had done to her. It was how I would have reacted if our roles were reversed. Maybe her three requests were just her way of being angry—saying things she didn’t mean, just like I had done.

      But everything was so silent. I couldn’t even hear the wind or the breathing of the person touching my shoulder. It was like time was standing still—Sidney hadn’t said another word after she had congratulated Garrett on becoming an uncle again. Thinking about that—how I had brought Sidney into a situation like this—sent a wave of nausea through me. I hadn’t remembered Cassie was even pregnant until Sidney had said that to Garrett. And the last I had heard, the kid was going to be named Ian if it was a boy and they weren’t going to find out the sex, so there shouldn’t have been anything to worry about. I should have remembered, though—I should have warned her. I knew it probably still hurt her like hell to be around other women who were having babies. I couldn’t even imagine that kind of pain. I couldn’t imagine anything Sidney had been through, but she was so much more mature about her pain than I was. Her way of dealing with things seemed more mature, anyway—holding it in like that. But I also somehow knew that her holding her pain in wasn’t any healthier than my holding onto my anger. Our pain—as different as it might have seemed—was eating us both alive.

      My throat still felt thick with my shame. I had to force out my words. Sidney, please. But she didn’t respond. There was nothing—nothing but the hand on my shoulder and the awful silence. I had to hold my head for another second before I was finally able to look up. Before I was able to look over at my brother sitting next to me and see him looking at me with a frown and a look of disappointment I had never seen on his face before.

      I had to blink a few times—my head had been buried for so long that the sunlight almost blinded me for a moment. I looked over to where she had been standing, fully expecting her to still be there, pressed up against the wall. I expected to see the same look on her face that I had seen on Garrett’s—a look that telegraphed some mixture of disillusionment and pity that I hadn’t

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