Colored Lily:Poppa Took My Innocence

COLORED LILY

Poppa Took My Innocence

(Secret’s prequel)

MIRIKA MAYO

CORNELIUS

COLORED LILY

Poppa Took My Innocence

This is a work of fiction.  Names, characters, places and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.  Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved, including the rights of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. 

ISBN 0-9708517-2-3

Library of Congress Control Number: 2005906936

Copyright © Mirika Mayo Cornelius, 2005

Book cover by Akirim Press, akirimpress.com

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

First, this is for my God Almighty in Heaven above, my omnipotent Father.  Glory to Jesus Christ and His blessed Holy Spirit.

I thank God for my son, husband, parents, siblings, relatives, friends, church family, and the many people who were there with me and are still here with me through all, in support of the many things God has blessed me to do. 

To my fans and followers, thank you so much for the time you put in, showering me with love for my work!  God bless.

To every man or woman who has been hurt or abused, Jesus is here for you.  Just believe He can heal you, and you will be healed.  That is His promise, and it can’t be broken. 

Love forever.

More Akirim Press Books

Books by Mirika Mayo Cornelius

Secret

Colored Lily: Poppa Took My Innocence

Paton

The SECRET Novel Collection

Ain't Quite What I Thought!

Ain’t Quite What I Thought! 2

First Degree Sins

Inside the Gates of Doons

Sunny Sides of My Shade

Murders at Gabriel’s Trails: The Complete 5 Part Series plus bonus Sins of Bain

Murders at Gabriel’s Trails: An Alexis & Bain Love Story

Murders at Gabriel’s Trails II: A Son’s Sacrifice

Murders at Gabriel’s Trails III: Paths of Revenge

Murders at Gabriel’s Trails IV: Littered Deception

Murders at Gabriel’s Trails V: Lies in the Crossfire

Books by Rod Cornelius

Ugly

Diggin’ Gold

The Trusted

Single Again

Ghetto Eyes

The Best Kept Secrets

Books by Cyan Deane

Dead Man’s Mayhem

Execution’s Karma

Table of Contents

Colored Lily

Summer’s Beginning

Midsummer

Late Summer

COLORED LILY

Poppa Took My Innocence

(Secret’s prequel)

Summer’s Beginning

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Matthew 18:5-6

(The Amplified Bible)

And whoever receives and accepts and welcomes one little child like this for My sake and in My name receives and accepts and welcomes Me. 

But whoever causes one of the these little ones who believe in and acknowledge and cleave to Me to stumble and sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be sunk in the depth of the sea.

The first time he touched me, I don’t remember, but it was when I was in the middle of the rug on the floor in between my momma’s legs.  There was a lady there pulling me out of her while poppa stood over us and watched.  Momma was screaming and groaning pushing me out.  That’s when the lady trying to pull me out of momma had to hurry up and take that cord from around my neck before I died all the way.  I still don’t know who that lady was.  She died soon after I was born I was told.

Poppa then went to put his body up under momma’s head to make her relax a little bit more.  She’d already passed out one time, and he didn’t want her to do it again, I suppose.  I would’ve probably died for sure if she’d had to done that with the cord being wrapped around my throat.

When I came all the way out, legs and all, the lady wiped me off and handed me over to poppa so she could tend to momma.  He held me up to his nose and smelled me.  Held me up to his lips, kissed me.  Then, he tapped my back side.  He believed that the first beating you give a baby lasts the longest, and the baby will somehow always remember that beating even though it was one tap and not meant to hurt too bad but only hurt enough though...just enough to make it cry.  It’s this beating that will keep the baby on the path you want it on.  It’s the beating for being born, and it’ll keep you out of the bad path as long as you don’t raise up at the person who gives it to you.  That’s what poppa knew.  That’s what he still believes.  Guess that’s why it was hard for me to stray his way.

Momma knew different.  She prayed.  She still prays to the Lord, not believing in fairies nor their tales.  I didn’t know whose side to take being that I was just getting here.  I listened to both...what momma said and what daddy said.  Of course, all of that stuff about my near dying at my birth, I don’t remember any of it, but I know it’s the truth.  Momma and poppa. . . both of them told me.  It was the same story, and since the stories were the same, I couldn’t pick out the liar.  Now that I think about it, I probably didn’t know there could be one living in my momma or my poppa.  But when I got older, I found out where liar was, and he had a few friends to come along with him.  They were all living in my poppa.  From then on, momma was always the truth.  God first.  Not the fairies and their tales.  Only thing is, I couldn’t break free from the fairies and the tales of my poppa because seems like his love taps turned into his hands hurting me all over...ever since he lied and started calling me woman in his eyes. 

I put back on my clothes.  Had to take ‘em off to do my weekly duties.  It’s Thursday afternoon, and I’m supposed to be in school, but I didn’t go off to school this morning with Junior because momma told me I didn’t have to on a count of a fever that I picked up.  Yesterday is when I told her it started.  I was in school learning my lesson, and as soon as I got myself home, that’s when I told her my fever got worse.  That’s when momma boiled something in a pot of water that looked to me like a rock, and it made a flavor in the water like tea.  I drank it straight down.  Before she went to bed last night, she told me it would take effect in one full day with prayer and stillness.  So that’s the reason I didn’t go to school today.  At least that’s what momma thinks.  I’m willin’ to let her believe that, too.

She’s out working.  She works for these people out in the town with big houses and things that they act like they can’t care for on their own.  I figure a person shouldn’t get so much that they can’t care for it by themselves.  Sometimes, she even washes these people in their fancy tubs because they’d rather have somebody else wash the crack of their nasty tails than put their own hand down there and do it.  Some of ‘em aren’t even old folk!  The way I see it is they’re just lazy, and my own momma’s been picking up after them since I’ve been on this earth.  I haven’t seen her do anything else in my whole life either but pick up and do for them and them not do for her but treat her like the money they pay her...less.  Now, I can see if she was doing natural stuff like washing dishes and dusting floors, but wiping down children that’s not even hers and grown folks that act like babies but can get up everyday and read the paper and talk nasty about her?  That’s why, whenever I’m home, I start supper on a count of her getting home from taking care of those lazies out there.  It’s a new day now.  She can stop that if she really wants to.  Stay at home with me and take care of home.  I need you here, momma.

Turning the corner to go into the kitchen, I see that momma already took out some meat from the ice box and some pinto beans, the ones she took from Aunt May’s kitchen the other week.  I call ‘em meat beans because they taste like meat to me.  They’re soaking in a pot of water on the stove.

I go to the sink to wash my hands with a piece of cracked off soap at the back of the sink, then, tumble the beans around in the pot with my fingers.  Up underneath the sink to the right side on a little wooden shelf is where momma keeps the matches to light up the stove.  It looks like she already poured all the dirt off of these beans, so I reach down to get one of the matches, then, flick the gas on.  After lighting the match, I watch as it catches a blaze on the eye, then, I turn the fire down and blow out the match.  That’s when I hear poppa’s zipper.

Gettin’ that food alright there, girl?  You know your momma on the way.  His voice is deep, and it’s the kind that I can’t love anymore.

I get ready to turn and answer him but, then, catch a view of him buttoning up the top part of his pants.  I fling my face back in place over the pot on the stove and feel the heat rising onto my neck from the fire I started on the eye.  It’s gettin’ hot, but I won’t move...not an inch.

It’s fine, poppa.  My back is starting to itch.  When I get nervous, feels like I can’t stop itching back there.  And I’m better, too, now that the rock tea momma made for me is taking effect.  My eyes stay fixed on the water with the pot of beans waiting on the first bubble to rise up and take its course.

That same ole rock tea.  She swear by that stuff, but tell you what, ain’t never worked for none of the sicknesses I done fell to.  He leans against the wall.

I don’t say not one word.  Maybe he’ll fall dead one day then to one of them sicknesses he done fell to.  That way, he won’t have to worry about drinking the rock tea momma takes her time out to make for his evil self.  From the side of my eye, I watch him lean over off of the wall and walk over near the refrigerator.  The air behind me moves as he passes by, and it makes me feel like he’s gonna reach out and rub his hands on me again.  Because of the feeling, I start to shake.  Then, he stops and backs up so that he’s right behind me.

You cold or somethin’?  Ain’t got no reason to jump, he pauses, Or do you?  I can feel his breath beatin’ down on my hair making it dance all over my backside.  He likes it when I wear it down.  He says he likes to see it move.  Answer me! he commands yelling and punching his fist down into the stove.

No!  No I don’t have a reason!  I yell, accidentally yanking the handle on the oven making it come open.  I let it go, and it snaps itself back together.  Tears roll down my cheeks and stop to make a puddle down at the corners of my nose.  Looking down at the stove top, I see that poppa put a small dent in the side.

You best remember what I tell ya’.  Order for you to be a woman, it takes me to teach ya’.  I teach you what a man likes, He comes closer to my ear.  Not your momma.  You tell her what we do, and I’ll get ya’.  I’ll take your breath from your body that I give to you long time...

It’s momma.  I can’t hear poppa anymore because I’m so scared.  All I can do is watch her from the window and hope she gets here faster.  Poppa backs up from up over me, and looks out the screen door.  I turn my head to the side to see how far away he is from me, then, he takes his hand and wipes his face from his forehead to his chin.  Then, he drags his feet out of the kitchen.

Jocie!  Jocie!  Momma’s calling for me from the outside.  Come on out here for your momma and help me get these bags in there.  I done dropped a whole bag of food out here on this dirty ground here!

Before I move, I wait until I hear his feet stop moving, then, I run outside.  As I near her, I can tell she’s breathing kinda hard.  She must be some tired.

Momma, go on in the house.  I tell her as soon as I get to her.  I stare back into the kitchen through the screen, then back at momma.  I’ll get all these bags.

Let me look at your eyes here, girl.  She tilts her head back, and then, tilts mine forward.  These eyes of yours don’t seem to much different than when I left them early this morning, chile.  You feel better?

Yes ma’am, I do.  While I’m talking, I try to make my eyes look weak, so I drop my eyelids real low. 

Must’ve caught yourself a virus from somebody in that school of yours.  Anyway, there’s a sale, down at that market in town, so I stopped on down there and picked up more food on the way from the Young’s house.  He was nice enough to give me a ride to the store and then to the corner up yonder.  Didn’t have to catch that bus today.  Yes, Lord, we can eat off this for a good solid week and a half.  She goes to open the screen for me to come inside, my hands full of food.  Junior come home from school yet, Jocie?

No, ma’am, I reply mashing the packages into my body so they won’t fall again and running them to the kitchen table leavin’ momma holding the screen so she can catch her breath.  The Youngs.  That’s who momma mainly works for, and after momma’s been with them all day, Mister Young can’t take more than two minutes and drop her off with some groceries to her front porch?  Seems to me like the road don’t stop near the main road, but keeps coming down this way, so why couldn’t he keep on driving her right down to the front of the house so she wouldn’ta had to tote these bags.

And, Jocie, guess who I run into at the market?  Your cousin.  Remember October? she asks as I run back outside to snatch the rest of the food off of the ground.

Um hmm, I answer tucking the rest of the groceries under my chin.

She’s getting ready to have her first baby.

She is momma?

Yes indeed.  Your poppa home?  He finish fixing the car yet?

In the back.  I don’t know, momma.  I scoot pass her and dump the rest of the stuff on the counter next to the stove.  I’m free now that she’s home.  Thank you, Lord. 

Paton!  Come here.  I saw your niece today, October, and guess what she’s having.  As she’s talking, she lets the screen door shut behind her.  I start putting up the groceries as fast as I can because I don’t like to be around them both together in the same room.  It makes me feel like I can reach inside myself and pull out what poppa does to me every week and show it to  momma in plain sight.  Just make her look at it so she can leave him here all by himself, but I can’t hurt her like that.  She loves this family.  Put her heart and soul in it as the Lord wills.  From what poppa says, it’ll make her life be pain.  I know what he’s saying could be a lie, but half of me believes it.  I have to hold it inside me... for momma and for my life.  I’m almost grown anyway, so soon, I’ll be gone.  Can leave old Louisville, Georgia behind that day.

Who’s that you saw, Rain?  Poppa comes around into the kitchen from the hallway.

"I said I saw your niece, October, down at the market and was talking with her a while, and she come off a tale about her being pregnant.  I even asked about the young man that got her that way, and she said that he’s prepared to even marry her now."

Yeah?  Where’s she staying now?  She say?

She’s still with your sister, January, but she’s gonna be moving after her and her friend visit the court house some time after July fourth.

Yeah?  And January. . . last time I talked to her, he says taking one of the kitchen chairs, swooping it around and sitting in it backwards, She was telling me about how that girl picks up more men than any kind of woman she know, let alone the ones she don’t know.  So she’s finally getting herself settled in there?

I reckon so, Paton.  It’s a good thing, momma sighs while taking off her work shoes.  Oh, Jocie, I see you started up the supper for me.  Thank you, honey.  Don’t make a bit of sense, I tell you, working in somebody else’s house and for their family and got to tend to my own late.  She stands up.  I thank the Lord for what I can do though.  He made me enough a woman to take care of my family as good as I know how and then some others families since they don’t want to and probably don’t know how to in the first place.  Lemme go put up my shoes.

I drop the celery out of my hands onto the bottom of the ice box when I hear momma getting ready to leave the kitchen.  She’s not leaving me in here.  Momma, I turn to her quickly, I’ll get ‘em and put ‘em in the room for you.  Just sit down.  I glance over at poppa without momma nor poppa seeing, and then, take hold of her shoes. 

Thank you, baby.  Paton, your job call you back to work yet, or they forgot about you already?

Rain, I tell you.  If it ain’t one thing, it’s what it ain’t.  I plan on going down to that factory up the road from Pontiac with the boys on next week for work.  I’ll get some there.

I take momma’s shoes and walk right out of that kitchen.  The whole time momma was in there talking, it seems like he was in there staring at me.  Every time I went to put something up in the cabinet, seems like I would catch him from the side of my eye following me while momma was talking.  It seems like he was taking my clothes right back off my backside in front of my own momma.  Momma didn’t see it.  She never sees it.  It’s almost like she’s blind.  I shouldn’t need to tell her, should I? 

In their room, I shove her work shoes under the bed and go over to her closet to pull out her soft house shoes.  The kitchen floor is hard, too hard for momma’s feet when she gets home from work.  I remember when she got so tired of her legs and feet hurting her that when she got home, she went and got these house shoes from the store the next day.  And when she got back home with them, we stuffed the bottom of them with bunches of cotton and sewed it back with some extra cloth.  Putting your feet in these here house shoes make you feel like you’re walking on the clouds of heaven.

Jocie!  Psst. . .Jocelyn! 

Who’s that?  I jump around to see Junior sliding himself in the room and cracking the door behind him.

Jocie, come here.

Junior!  I shut the closet door and turn back to look at him.  He looks like he done seen the Lord. 

Girl,  shut up from being so loud before momma comes in here.  And poppa, too!  he tells me putting his finger in front of his mouth.

They didn’t see you come in? I ask.

Noooo!  I climbed in the house through my bedroom window.  I look bad?  he asks me, holding his head out to the side so I can see it better.

"What you mean, do you look bad, Junior?  From where I am, it looks like your eye got beat in.  Who beat you in your face like that?"

"Beat up my face? he says cocky like.  You just ain’t see the face I kicked in, now did ya’?"

Who were you fighting with, Junior?

That boy named Willie.  You know the one that got that sister that’s just as big as he is and built like her poppa?

Boy, you crazy!  What’d you fight him for? 

Jocie!  That’s momma calling me about her house shoes.  At the sound of her voice, Junior ducks down like she’s right behind him getting ready to knock him upside the head with a frying pan. 

Come on in my room after you take them shoes in there to momma, but don’t you tell her I’m in this house, Jocie, ‘cause I’m not ready for nobody else to be hittin’ me today, he commands like he’s gonna do something if I do tell.

We both leave out of the room at the same time, but before he goes into his room, I pick, Momma’s gonna get yooouu!

He balls up his fist, and I watch as he slips into his bedroom so he can wait on me to get back.  The alarm clock on the dresser in the hallway says three fifty.  Momma’s gonna ask where he is.  I know she is. 

I walk fast into the kitchen and try to leave just as fast as I got in here.

Here, momma.  I hand her slippers to her, then, turn back around to leave out of the kitchen again, but she stops me.

Jocie, you coming back in here later to finish up this supper with me?  You know I can use some help here now.

Uhm humm, momma.  I’m just going to do something now, but I’ll be back in here.

Hurry on back now, she says sliding on her house shoes.

Turning to leave, poppa’s still sitting on that chair with a toothpick hanging out of his teeth, and his eyes are on me like I’m a street walker.  I glance back at momma, but she still doesn’t see him. 

Going down the hallway, I slow down some to make my footsteps softer so that momma and poppa can’t catch on to the fact that I’m going pass my room into Junior’s.  His room is across from theirs at the end of the hall.  Before going in, I make sure poppa’s not coming down the hall after me.  I always do that, when momma’s home or not and when Junior’s home or not.  It’s a habit now for me.  When I know for sure he’s not coming, I go in and shut the door behind me.

Boy, his room stays messy!  All his clothes are all over the room and everywhere.  And all that’s surrounding his clothes are papers and school stuff that he don’t ever look at.  Junior?  I call but don’t see him anywhere in here like he said he would be.  Junior? I call again just a little louder than before.  He must be hiding. 

Come out here, Jocie! 

He’s out the window, so I ‘spect he wants me to come on out there with him.  I walk over to the window and scoot my legs and