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    Too Late For Fruit; Too Soon For Flowers
    Too Late For Fruit; Too Soon For Flowers
    Too Late For Fruit; Too Soon For Flowers
    Ebook224 pages3 hours

    Too Late For Fruit; Too Soon For Flowers

    By Harry Jay

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    About this ebook

    Romantic Relationships - Too Late For Fruit; Too Soon For Flowers is about advice on relationships, relationship help, and offers tips on relationships. This book will assist in relationships healthy and ways to keep a good relationship. It may even provide ideas for romance and more. Betrayal! Deception! Cheating! Why do we love and lose and why can't we just get along? Too Late For Fruit; Too Soon For Flowers begins where a person exists between being betrayed and a new beginning. Learn why people behave the way they do. Dr. Harry Jay, one of the leading behavioral scientists and relationship expert, opens his case files to demonstrate real patient histories that have suffered the very worst of betrayal and deception. Have you loved and lost? Order Too Late For Fruit; Too Soon For Flowers today!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDr. Leland Benton
    Release dateFeb 22, 2015
    ISBN9781311532213
    Too Late For Fruit; Too Soon For Flowers
    Author

    Harry Jay

    Dr. Harry Jay is Director of Research for AppliedMindSciences.com, a mental health and mind research group of Applied Web Info, and is the author of over 100 books and research papers as a behavioral scientist. In his 31-year career, Dr. Harry Jay has contributed many new mental health treatment treatments and protocols using some of the new advances he has discovered in Energy Psychology. He specializes in addictions of all kinds, sexual abuse, child predation and gender relationships. He is also a board member to ePubWealth.com and serves on the science committee assisting non-fiction science writers in book publishing and promotion. As a leading behavioral scientist, he provides profiling services to the company's ForensicsNation.com unit as well as criminal psychology research to aid in identifying and apprehending child predators and cyber-criminals of all kinds. He resides in Southern Utah and enjoys the outdoors, fishing and photography.

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      Book preview

      Too Late For Fruit; Too Soon For Flowers - Harry Jay

      Too Late for Fruit; To Soon for Flowers

      By Dr. Harry Jay

      ~~~

      Smashwords Edition

      Copyright © 2013 Dr. Harry Jay. All rights reserved.

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      The Truth Will Set You Free!

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      Prologue

      My name is YOU and this is my story…

      Knowledge is Power Only When It Is Applied

      Look for the clues…

      The Meaning of Love & You…

      Why We Do The Things We Do…

      The Body

      The Mind

      The Soul

      The Spirit

      Who or What defines you?

      Good Goals vs. Bad Goals…

      A Good Look at Love…

      Good versus Bad Relationships…

      Letting Go…

      Doing Your Best vs. Doing What Is Required…

      We own the night and nothing else…

      The Story of Tithonus…

      A Woman Surrounds a Man…

      What it means to be a man…

      The Clown…

      You look but do not see; you listen but do not hear…

      The Humility of the Polluted Soul…

      Pulling it all together…

      Come; let us reason together for a moment…

      Appendix #1: Famous Last Words…

      Appendix #2: What does love mean to kids?"

      Appendix #4: What about all of those exercises?

      Why Do People Lie, Deceive, and Live in a Fantasy World?

      I Have a Special Gift for My Readers

      Meet the Author

      Prologue

      http://whatwillmatter.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/AA-Relationships-Love-gazing-in-same-direction.png

      Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.

      --T. S. Eliot

      Too late for fruit; too soon for flowers! Hello, my name is Dr. Harry Jay, and as a human behavior scientist, my job is to study why people do the things they do. Please be assured that although I am a pessimist by trade, I am very much an optimist by nature. We live in a world fraught with betrayal and deception. If I were to ask you what the opening adage, Too late for fruit; too soon for flowers, means to you, how would you reply?

      Science tells us that all life comes from death. As strange as this might sound, a flower must die to give way to fruit. A grape must be crushed to give forth a satisfying wine; a sperm and an egg must die, individually, and become one, for a baby to be born. In non-secular thought, we call this communion – to become one with someone. However, there also exists its counterfeit… companionship – to be with someone. When two people come together in a relationship, and do not die to their own self-interests, then a companionship-type relationship begins. Lust is the result of companionship. Love, on the other hand, is sacrifice, and is the result of communion. Love grows; lust always has to be renewed.

      But, let’s get back to my question for just a moment. The adage implies a sort of stagnation. If it is too late in the season for fruit, and too soon for springtime blossoms, then it is easy to see that the phrase may suggest being in a sort of limbo. And this is certainly one way to look at it. However, there is another interpretation, worthy of consideration too. The phrase can also imply that life is getting ready to be born again. In other words, restoration is at hand; another chance... another shot, at what you seek, is unfolding.

      So, this brings us to the purpose of what we do. I want to introduce you to an amazingly beautiful and passionate lady. YOU is a very real person but chooses to remain anonymous. This is why we call our workshop, Love & YOU. Our story will unfold, and it is quite real. YOU is a woman who has been horribly betrayed and deceived. After a difficult marriage, and subsequent deceitful relationship, YOU sat herself down to define in her mind what she was looking for in a man. As her story unfolds, within this book, you will see yourself. There is nothing wrong with the woman called YOU - at least nothing counseling can fix. She is simply a victim of bad choices; there are no protocols, or treatment programs, to teach people how to make good choices. But, good choices come from knowing the alternatives, having the knowledge of how the opposite gender thinks and behaves, or better put, knowing why they do the things they do. This book is a result of YOU’s experiences, her complete story.

      YOU had a given mindset that was wrong. Her experiences had caused her to believe in wrongful conclusions. I asked her to accompany me on a business meeting one afternoon. The man we met with had been a methamphetamine addict for many years, and had gone to prison, for crimes related to his addiction. As YOU and the man talked, it became obvious to her that this man had reformed and repented of his ways.

      After he left, I asked her, If you were having a relationship with this man, and he had revealed his past, would you end the relationship?

      She slowly shook her head and said no, she wouldn’t. I then asked her why.

      She replied, Because he is no longer that man.

      EXACTLY! BINGO! People can, and do change, and a man who is in love, will always want to be the best man possible, for his lady.

      So, my point is to look for the clues (both good and bad), and look real hard at the facts, but don’t look away, or let your heart get in the way. The first step is up to you. This book is designed to help you discover a true and long-lasting love. It is a labor of love, and it is YOU’s way of giving back to those who have suffered, and who are presently suffering, from deception and betrayal.

      It has been said, When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Are you ready? For if you are, you are about to begin an adventure of a lifetime; one you will never forget. Restoration is at hand; it may be too late for fruit, and too soon for flowers, but you are exactly in the right spot to begin again. This time, however, you will be equipped with the proper knowledge to do what is required for an everlasting love. YOU took a good look at herself beginning her journey by discovering just who she really was in beliefs, conviction, and love. The journey begins with YOU! So once again, I ask, Are you ready?

      You will be learning a great many things today. Truth hurts! And sometimes it hurts very much. But, by using an adage that has become quite familiar to me, Where there is no knowledge, ignorance calls itself a science, you will find that truth does set you free.

      I know questions will arise; if I can be of service to you, write to me at harry@epubwealth.com . As you work through this book, I need you to think, outside the envelope, and begin to see things in a different manner.

      The lesson YOU learned, from the meeting with the ex-methamphetamine addict, had a long and lasting affect on her. She began to think outside the envelope. If that man could change, then she could too. And, if she could see the whole picture then it followed that she could make good choices and do the right thing. And she did!

      Remember my most favorite adage, Do the right thing! As with You, we will teach you how to do this. So, sit back and relax; get ready to take a journey into yourself. Good luck and blessings to each and every one of you.

      My name is YOU and this is my story…

      http://rightnow.ph/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/YesYou001.jpg

      You are the music while the music lasts. --T. S. Eliot

      First of all, I want to say that my story is one from a female perspective; however, I am not a man hater. I cannot tell my story any other way than from my own perspective, and experiences. As horribly betrayed and abused as I was, I know that women treat men poorly too, and practice the same kinds of betrayal and deception on them.

      With that said, I was raised in a small Midwestern town, in Ohio. I attended college in Tucson, Arizona, and have a bachelor’s degree in psychology, from the University of Arizona. My relationships with men were always good, but I noticed men always wanting to possess a woman, and this bothered me.

      I was pretty much a free spirit and had goals and dreams that were important to me. I had a couple of very traumatic, abusive events with men, all of which are too painful to list here, and I now know, that these did affect my other relationships, with men, in a big way.

      I was an actress in Hollywood, appearing in soap operas, commercials; I was also was a disc jockey. I was never in a hurry to get married, and even thought, at one point, I would never marry. When I met my ex-husband, he asked me to give up my career, which I did. The marriage was horrible from the beginning. I was abandoned when I became pregnant, left without any money to live, or get help, and to this day, he has never provided for my daughter.

      For ten years, I suffered emotional and financial hardship, before I decided to end the marriage. One of the most difficult things for me to handle was the discovery that many of the things my ex-husband had told me, were simply horrible lies. Lies about his past, his job, and his lifestyle were piling up faster than the bills. I remember having a feeling of being totally overwhelmed. My ex-husband caused my credit rating to plunge, and the financial hardship that followed was terrifying to me, especially with a small baby to provide for and love.

      I was angry with myself and felt responsible for everything that was happening in my life. I was to find out, in counseling sessions with Dr. Jay, that my misunderstanding of the situation and my lack of knowledge, about men and addiction, were the real culprits behind my problems. I was never the cause; I blamed myself, wrongfully, for things that simply were not true. I just got in the way. Once I was armed with the knowledge Dr. Jay provided, I was able to see things clearly and correctly, and my healing began.

      To say that I was gun shy with men, after my marriage ended, is putting it mildly. The distrust and skepticism was very intense and did not want to go away. Everyone I met I put through the meat grinder, and I know I chased away some really neat guys, but I didn’t care.

      I lived in a world of blame; one that I felt sheltered me from the lies and deceit, but one that really pushed me to the brink of collapse. I soon became obsessed with busting the bums, and had little time for meaningful relationships of any kind.

      After a while, I was introduced to a man, by my mother, and was really not interested in him at first. I cannot even describe how we eventually got together, but suffice it to say, I spent a good many years with this man. I discovered, once again, that he too, lied to me and deceived me. He was a cocaine addict and an alcoholic. He would disappear for long periods of time. I now know he did this to drink and get his fix.

      Looking back, I was so naïve. I didn’t understand what was going on, so I started looking into his behavior, discovering his habits and lifestyle. I also discovered that he stole my jewelry, to pay for his drugs, and borrowed money from my parents. I was so devastated and angry, that this was all happening to me again, that my physical health began to fail. I was neglecting my job and my daughter; I, once again, felt overwhelmed with fear and anger.

      I read an advertisement about Dr. Jay’s book, called Addictions, so I called and ordered it. I actually ordered it for my ex-boyfriend, to help him, but as I began to read it, I soon discovered that I too, was demonstrating addictive behavior. Dr. Jay had said, in his book advertisement, that everyone is an addict in some way, and I now believe it to be true. I wouldn’t let go, and end the relationship, even knowing it was bad, because I felt it was my job to help him and provide him emotional support.

      I called up Dr. Jay’s assistant, and asked her if he would be available to counsel me. His assistant said he wasn’t taking any new patients, but she must have heard the desperation in my voice. She told me that she would personally talk to the doctor. He called me later that day, and set an appointment to see me.

      I have to tell you, I was a total wreck when I met Dr. Jay. I had walking pneumonia and, mentally, I was a basket case, suffering from emotional and physical exhaustion. I couldn’t do my job, as a pharmaceutical rep, and was neglecting my 12-year old daughter’s needs.

      Dr. Jay told me, later, that he took one look at me and wanted to run. I poured out my heart and soul to the man, and he listened very closely. After the third session, he wrote me a letter that said he would help me. I actually broke down and cried because I needed help so badly.

      After just a few sessions, I bonded with this man. For the first time, I actually had someone to talk to, and vent my frustrations with, and he did assure me that I could call him any time. To be candid, I never left the poor man alone. After hours and hours of conversation (even in the middle of the night when my demons would haunt me), I began to realize what I had been doing wrong.

      First , he pointed out that I had an abiding distrust for men, and even when I knew, full well, the relationship was bad, I refused to end it. I wasn’t co-dependent, but I was close, and I did live with a fear of rejection. He said that I wasn’t dealing with the real man; I was dealing with an addict. My ex-husband also lived in a fantasy world; one that I could not enter. I kept getting in the way of his fantasy.

      Second , I felt that if my ex-boyfriend and I loved each other, I could get him off the drugs and alcohol. This was simply not true. As Dr. Jay taught me, I cannot control anyone else but me, and I wasn’t even doing a very good job of that either. Dr. Jay pointed out that, like my ex-husband, my ex-boyfriend loved the fantasy, that caused his addictions, more than himself, or me, and I just kept getting in the way. I would go looking for him, at the bars, and confront him. The rejection would devastate me; I would cry.

      Third , I was in a lustful relationship, not a loving relationship. I was willing to sacrifice, but my ex-boyfriend was not, so it was doomed from the beginning. I want to comment on one important point that Dr. Jay emphasized to me. Premarital sex devastates a woman’s psyche more than a man’s, because women operate on an emotional plane, rather than a physical plane, like men. Men view sex as a physical experience, while women view it as an emotional experience. Dr. Jay told me that a woman should never submit sexually to a man unless in marriage, because lustful sex gets in the way of the relationship growing. And the more I thought about it, he was right. I was not only looking for someone trustworthy, but also someone with commitment.

      Fourth , my perception of the relationship was different than the reality. I viewed my behavior as an act of supporting my man, but in reality, I had become obsessed with changing him, and busting him when he lied to me. Dr. Jay pointed out that I was enabling

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