Floyd & Mikki 2: Zombie Slayers

Floyd and Mikki walked slowly away from New California Haven. They were in no hurry. Their social calendar was empty.

They had no place to go, no place to stay, and no idea of what lie ahead. They were low on ammo with no transportation, no maps, and no plan. They had little food and water and were lost in a city that neither one had ever seen before. And yet, they were perfectly happy. They were perfectly calm. Neither one had even the slightest hint of concern. They had stared Death in the face, and kicked his bony ass.

Each of them had started out the same way two years ago: lost in a world gone mad with nothing but their wits to survive. No friends to turn to. No one to trust. Hell, no one left alive! Zombies lurked around every corner, determined to enlist them into the ranks of the Undead. Humans gone insane or driven by power and greed would murder you for your boots. Yet they had survived. Each one…alone.

They had just lost nearly everything they had built over the previous two years, but they had two distinct advantages this time out. First, they had the kind of wisdom that only comes from experience. Reality is a harsh teacher. Second (and more importantly) they had each other, and they had proven to be quite a formidable team.

Downtown Long Beach wasn’t as populated as Los Angeles. The buildings weren’t as tall and or as closely crammed together, but there were still thousands of places to hide and thousands of creepers to hide in them.

Floyd and Mikki came to Ocean Boulevard and made their way through a little park to a long strip of sidewalk on the beach. The two followed the cement path as it stretched to the East as far as they could see. The sound of waves beating up the sand on their right assured them that any threat was far away. Zombies weren’t big on laying out at the beach to get a suntan.

Hey, Floyd. You think they’s still watchin’ us on them satellites?

I reckon. We’re their number one Reality TV stars, remember?

Good. That’s what I thought. Mikki raised her hand and gave her middle finger to the sky.

Floyd laughed. You really are somethin’ else. You know that? Then he gave a little wave to the sky (using all five fingers).

Yeah, I know.

They continued along slowly, inside hands holding on to each other and outside hands clutching their shotguns, Bonnie and Clyde. The only truly safe haven they were ever likely to find slowly receded into the distance as they walked farther and farther away. The two Zombie Hunters had traded security for an unknown future. They had abandoned all hope of a normal life for a zombie-filled, death-around-every-corner, God-knows-what-we’ll-run-into-next, insane, upside-down world. Somehow, it all seemed just right.

I reckon it’s just you, me, and about a ten million zombies now, Floyd.

I reckon so, Mikki.

I told you, you can call me Michelle.

I know, and I will. When the time is right. But you’ll always be Mikki to me.

Suit yerself. Hey, Floyd?

Yeah, Mikki?

"How come you never screamed at me for blowin’ up yer truck?

Come on, Mikki. We both knew it wasn’t goin’ nowhere once that transmission snapped. Besides, it didn’t seem like we were gonna live long enough for it to matter.

Yeah, things looked pretty bad, didn’t they?

No shit, Sherlock. Floyd laughed.

Hey! No stealin’ my line! But we made it anyways, didn’t we? Guess we really shoulda thanked them NCH guys before we left, huh?

Oh, I’m sure we’ll see them again. I don’t know where, and I don’t know when, but they ain’t gonna forget about us. Besides, I’m thinkin’ we should head back to Emerald Valley Campground. Them folks will need help gettin’ here.

Hell, Floyd, we don’t even know how we got here. We almost didn’t.

Yeah, but however we get there from here is how we’ll get them back here from there.

I don’t know what the hell you just said, but whatever.

As the city started closing in on their left, the two kept to whatever open areas they could find, avoiding any close buildings or dark areas where brain-eaters might lurk. It was still pretty early in the morning. They had seen a few shamblers hiding out in buildings, but the two walked quietly to avoid attracting attention. Of course, that wouldn’t help at all once the sun went down and the neighbors came out to party.

They had no truck, no place to stay, and no idea how they’d get back on the road. Floyd had lost all of his precious maps in Freedom’s explosive demise. All they knew was to head east.

Hey, Floyd! Lifeguard tower!

Good call, Mikki.

The two made their way across a patch of sand to a rather large tower built on stilts. A raked roof topped walls made of glass, no doubt offering a great view of the area in all directions. It looked like it could have held a dozen people easily. Climbing the steep stairs slowly and quietly, shotguns pointed ahead, Floyd and Mikki were ready for anything. Theoretically, zombies couldn’t climb ladders, but who knew if someone waiting above had turned zombie long ago?

Arriving at the top floor, they looked through the windows and saw no one and no thing inside. Even so, they opened the door carefully, stepped through, and checked every possible place to hide. Nothing. Mikki was actually disappointed. The two removed their helmets and relaxed a little.

Here you go, Mikki. Now you got your own binoculars. Floyd picked the set of lenses off a table and handed them to her. He carefully examined a large map of the surrounding area that was laid out on another table while Mikki tried them out.

Thanks, Floyd! These are great! Not too big but pretty powerful. Don’t suppose they got any grenades up here, do ya?

Floyd laughed. I doubt it. Besides, you still got a few left hangin’ on you.

Yeah, but you know those won’t last me long. Hey, look! You can see the Queen Mary from here! I mighta stayed back at NCH if they let us live there. Always wanted to take me a cruise.

Yeah, she’s a beautiful ship alright, Floyd agreed, looking through his binoculars at the majestic old lady. The grande dame of British ships. That ship ain’t goin’ nowhere though. They gutted it when they made it a tourist attraction.

Well, I prob’ly wouldn’t like it there anyway. That Colonel said it was full o’ politicians. Hey, Floyd, a radio! You still got that piece o’ paper in yer pocket with the frequency for the campground? Maybe we can reach somebody and let ‘em know we’re comin’ for ‘em.

If it works. Let’s hope we’re close enough to the NCH grid that we got power. That must be why that hospital we was danglin’ from had live electric cables.

Oh, they got power alright, Floyd. Look! Little fridge. Mikki removed a glove and laid her hand against the outside of the door. Feels cold, too.

Floyd flipped the power switch and the radio lit right up. He fiddled with the dials until he found the right frequency. He was about to try the mic when Mikki interrupted him.

Floyd, you ain’t gonna believe this.

What?

There is a God, and he likes you. She just stood there with an impish grin on her face.

What? What are you babblin’ about?

Remember when we was playing Zombie Shootin’ Gallery in that supermarket in Groverstown?

Yeah?

Remember what we talked about?

Oh, for God’s sake, Mikki, we talked about a lotta things. What are you gettin’ at?

Mikki held up a bottle. A brown bottle. There was no mistaking what it was, but she told him, anyway.

Cold beer!

Chapter Two

Mikki grabbed a chair and snuggled up close to Floyd as he savored his beer. She had taken off her jacket and laid her head on his shoulder. The little stuffed Oh Hell Kitty doll she had carried in her jacket sat on the table, watching them. Floyd had a direct line of sight down into Mikki’s cleavage and was admiring the view. She noticed where he was looking and smiled.

Why don’t we just stay here, Floyd? The sun’ll keep the creepers away during the day and we’re too far away to get their attention at night. And they can’t make it across the street with that cement side barrier or they woulda been out here when we arrived. We got power, a toilet, a shower and even a fridge!

Live like a couple a beach bums, huh?

Sure! Why not?

You know why not. We’re low on ammo and almost outta food. And somehow we gotta get back to that campground like we promised. At least there’s some water in the fridge. I never got around to fillin’ our water flasks when we was at NCH. Didn’t think we’d be needin’ ‘em any time soon.

Yeah, I know, but a girl can dream, cain’t she? For just one minute, I’d just like to pretend like we’re married, livin’ on the beach in one o’ them nice houses we can see out there. White picket fence and a dog named Dave.

Dave? Floyd burst out laughing.

Sure, why not? Mikki smiled, grinning ear to ear. Good dog name. Besides, we both know that in about eight hours it’s gonna get dark and everything’s gonna fall to shit again.

Floyd watched the smile fade from Mikki’s face and felt sad. Ever since he had told her he loved her, she had changed somehow. She wasn’t exactly clingy, but she seemed a little less…independent. She was more touchy-feely. She was more giggly and girly. She certainly smiled more. He liked seeing her happy and wished he could find some way to keep her smiling. But that wasn’t likely unless he found another truckload of hand grenades.

On the other hand, he was starting to worry that she might be losing her edge. That could get them both killed. He finished the beer and pondered these thoughts silently while staring through the empty bottle, watching how the light reflected through it. The world looked different through the brown glass. Not any better or worse…just different. Finally, he set the bottle down and reached for the radio microphone.

Floyd didn’t think lifeguards were supposed to drink on duty and presumed that beer in the tower was probably taboo. Whoever had brought it undoubtedly was beyond worrying about being disciplined about it now, one way or the other. His or her supervisors might not have approved, but to Floyd, that lifeguard was a hero.

Time to see if I can reach the campground, Floyd said aloud.

Mikki stopped him, taking his hand as he reached for the mic. That crazy smile was back on her face that told Floyd she was up to something, but he was never able to predict what. When her lips pressed into his neck in a passionate kiss, he nearly jumped out of his chair. What she did next surprised him even more. As well as he has learned to expect anything and everything from Mikki, she was still able to shock the hell out of him at times. This was one of those times

Giggling like she had gone insane, she stood up and pulled of her shirt. Then she pulled off her bra, scattering Saint Margaret’s holy cards all over the place.

Oops! she said, pausing for only a moment. Sorry! she called up to heaven, before resuming her original activity.

Before Floyd’s mind could grasp what was happening, she had unzipped and thrown off her boots, stripped off her pants, dropped her panties and stood provocatively before him in the nude. Just as Floyd thought he had finally figured out her plan, she blew his mind even further by blowing him a kiss and running out of the tower, totally stark, butt-ass naked!

Catch me if you can! she squealed.

Floyd ran after her, thinking she had finally, completely, utterly lost her mind. He was genuinely terrified. She ran down to the edge of the beach and straight into the water. She screeched as the water chilled her flesh, but plunged in anyway. After a moment, her head popped up again and she bobbed around waist-deep in the ocean.

Damn, it’s cold! But it feels great!

Floyd could tell the water was cold from the way Mikki’s nipples pointed at him and screamed hello. What the hell are you doin’? he asked.

Swimming, dumbass! Cain’t you swim?

I can swim. But we got things to do!

Seriously? Like what, Floyd? What things do we gotta do? Did you mean what you said back in the hospital? About not dyin’? Well, it’s time to live, baby! Come join me and let’s live!

Floyd looked around and the beach was completely empty, but he couldn’t wrap his mind around what Mikki was saying. No! Hell no! I ain’t getting’ in there!

Oh, Flooooyd! she called out coquettishly. I’ll make it worth yer whiiiiile! Don’t you want these, baby? She held up her breasts in her hands and laughed at him. Then, she tried mocking him. Big tough man afraid of a little water?

"No! I’m afraid of you!"

She splashed her way out of the water and came over to him, throwing her arms around him and planting a deep kiss on his mouth, her wet breasts soaking his T-shirt. When he tasted her soft tongue, his brain finally kicked into gear. This he understood.

Oh, what the hell! he said as he threw off his clothes and joined her in the water.

Come and get it baby! she squealed. You better enjoy it now, cause you ain’t getting’ any of this for a while.

Huh? What do you mean? Why not?

I told you before, Floyd, I know my cycle. So unless you want to raise a cute little Baby Floyd in nine months, no more fun after this for a week or so.

Why not a cute little baby Mikki? he asked, wrapping his arms around her as the cold water lapped against his body.

Oh, God no! She might turn out like me!

Exactly! I think you turned out just fine Mikki. Just fine.

Awwww. Maybe someday? In a perfect world, Floyd?

In a perfect world...Michelle.

He leaned over and gently kissed her forehead. As usual, she melted into his arms. Then she grabbed him and waded out deeper into the water, where they made love desperately, frantically, passionately.

Chapter Three

Back in the tower, Mikki was taking a shower while Floyd waited his turn. This shower wasn’t big enough for the two of them, and they had burned away all the passion they could muster, for the moment.

I tell ya, Floyd, that was amazing! But somehow in them romantic movies they never mention that sand gets into yer unmentionables!

Hey, it was your idea.

And a damn good one! Worth a little sand up my ass. And…a few other places.

TMI, Mikki. TMI.

Awww! And here I thought you wanted to know everything about me.

A little mystery is good for a relationship.

Mikki turned the shower over to Floyd with a quick kiss, then shook her clothes out one last time to expunge every grain of sand. Sitting in nothing but a clean pair of panties and a bra (with the holy cards tucked neatly inside again), she took the opportunity to polish her toenails bright red to match her fingernails. She had filed her fingernails to a sharp point with just the hint of a round edge. She had made it a point not to claw Floyd’s back when they were in the ocean.

Oh, crap! Floyd blurted out from the shower. I completely forgot about them satellites! We musta been on every TV in NCH!

Well, I bet that boosted our ratings. I hope they zoomed in real close, cause we gave ‘em one helluva great show, baby!

Floyd laughed. You really are somethin’, Mikki.

So you keep tellin’ me, Floyd!

Floyd Finished his shower, dried off with a towel, and got dressed. He opened every drawer in the tower, looking for anything useful. He took a first-aid kit that was hanging on the wall and a flare gun that had one shot. He had no idea what he’d use the flare gun for, but anything could be useful since they were so low on ammo. Maybe he could use it to signal NCH for another helicopter rescue if things got too crazy. Assuming they would respond again. Floyd and Mikki hadn’t exactly left on the best of terms.

Floyd also grabbed the map he had found earlier on one of the tables. It was just a tourist guide of the area, but it had the names and types of local businesses. He folded it up and stuffed it in a backpack pocket. It wasn’t terribly huge, but it covered the entire city of Long Beach and parts of other cities beyond its borders. It was all he had to go on for now.

Emerald Valley Campground, this is Floyd and Mikki, do you copy? Floyd spoke into the microphone. Emerald Valley Campground, this is Floyd and Mikki, do you copy?

Hell yeah, we copy! came a voice from the radio. Clearly sounded like Bob. How the hell you guys been? Did you make it to New California Haven? Is it real?

Yeah, we made it and it’s real. Repeat: NCH is real.

They could hear the shouts of more people than just Bob coming from the radio.

Give me the mic, give me the mic! Hello Floyd? This is Ranger Martin. Is it safe to follow?

Well, not just yet. You can’t come the way we did. We’re heading back to you and we’ll find a safer route. The good news is: the folks at NCH know about you and will be expecting you. If you can get close enough, they’ll send a helicopter for you. Really nice place for you and your people. You’ll all like it.

How long till you get here?

Hard to say. At least a week. Maybe two. Shouldn’t take long for you to get here after that, though. We’re kind of in uncharted territory here. You still got control of the raider camp?

Sure do. We’ll have more than enough cycles and dune buggies to make the trip.

Good. Keep an eye out for us. We’ll most likely head in on that interstate from the west. Not sure though. Ran into a few…complications along the way.

I can imagine. Everyone here wishes you the best. Emerald Valley Campground, out.

Before the radio went silent, they could hear a group of people shouting best wishes and thanks in the background.

Her toenails sufficiently dry, Mikki put on her socks, pulled on her pants, and stood up. You didn’t tell them, she said.

Nope.

Probably for the best. You’re right, Floyd. Good place for them. No place for us.

The only place for us, Mikki, is the one we make for ourselves. We figured that out a while ago.

Well, time to saddle up, Floyd? she asked, zipping up her jacket and snapping the neck collar.

Time to saddle up, Mikki. Let’s see what’s out there.

The two grabbed their helmets but didn’t put them on yet. No need for them at the moment. They left the tower, holding the helmets in their left hands and custom AA-12 shotguns in their right. If things went all to hell real soon, they’d run back to the tower and hope zombies hadn’t learned to climb stairs that steep yet.

Chapter Four

The two continued east along the narrow ribbon of cement that divided the sandy beach, helmets in their hands. No doubt, only a couple of years ago, this beach would have been full of people on blankets, with bicyclists, skateboarders and roller bladers zipping up and down the walkway. Floyd and Mikki would kill for a bicycle or right now, but there were none in sight. Zombies didn’t do very well on two wheels.

The sun had reached its place in the top of the sky and was already heading back down without anything eventful happening yet. Floyd and Mikki looked like any other couple taking a romantic stroll along the beach. Any other romantic couple wearing battle armor and carrying shotguns, Mini Uzis, sniper rifles and hand grenades, that is.

As they came to the end of the walkway, where the end of civilization began, Mikki blurted out, Damn, Floyd! What’s up with the Flyin’ Butt-Monkey Attack?

What?

Why d’ya hafta shoot all them flyin’ monkeys outta yer ass?

What the hell are you talking about?

You farted!

No, I didn’t! I thought it was you!

For God sake, Floyd. I’d think you’d know by now that I never fart. Never!

Floyd had to admit it. She never had. Not in his presence or not to his knowledge, anyway. Maybe she was really some kind of femme-bot? That would explain a lot more than just the absence of gaseous vapors exiting any of her bodily orifices.

I guess you’re right, he said, at last. You never burp, either.

Oh, I can burp, if I wanna. To prove it, she let loose the loudest belch Floyd had ever heard. She would have put all his buddies back at the auto garage to shame. There went the femme-bot theory.

Mikki laughed hysterically at the look on Floyd’s face. He interrupted her by saying, There’s the cause of the stink.

He pointed up ahead of them. A big nearby pipe trickled a small stream of raw sewage out into the ocean. As they went to step over it, the smell nearly knocked them over. Holding their noses, they jumped and ran away as fast as they could, but then Mikki stopped.

Hey, Floyd! Remember what you told me about that can o’ fish oil you used to have? Screwed up them creepers so they didn’t know you was human?

Yeah?

Well that stuff outta work just fine, dontcha think?

"Maybe, but can we stand it? This smell might make me puke up in my helmet!"

Well, if you do, don’t go kissin’ me until after you brush yer teeth. Maybe we can get you one o’ those little car air fresheners and hang it from yer nose.

Mikki laughed. Floyd didn’t think it was all that funny, but he reluctantly agreed the plan would probably work.

Alright then, let’s get to it, he said.

They donned their helmets to keep out most of the stench, and then went back. Reaching down into the green, slimy puddle, they smeared the disgusting crap all over each other, covering their legs, chest, back and shoulders. They even smeared some on the outside of the helmets.

I wonder if this is some kinda radioactive crap that’ll turn us into superheroes? Mikki mused aloud.

Nah. More likely just give us a rash in places we’d rather not have.

Always the optimist, Floyd! Now let’s test it out.

You really do love this zombie shit way too much, Mikki.

Love it or hate it, we’re stuck with it, Floyd.

He couldn’t argue with that. Shotguns at the ready, they crossed over Ocean Boulevard and made their way to Bay Shore Avenue. According to the one map Floyd had, the quickest way outta here was the East Second Street Bridge. They’d have to cross through or around some kind of little island and take another bridge, or so Floyd hoped. If either of those bridges were down, they’d have a much longer walk around a maze of waterways to get out.

They had to be careful. Floyd only had one and a half mags of slugs left for a total of 12 shots. Mikki had a few mags of anti-armor rounds, but that was exceedingly rare ammo and something they preferred to not waste on emptying creeper skulls of their contents. The drum mags held 32 shotgun shells, but they were all empty, waiting in backpacks to be refilled if the two Zombie Hunters ever found more shells. Their pistols all had a few mags each, but these were the least effective firearms they had.

Long Beach hadn’t been a very gun-friendly place when the infection hit, so they weren’t likely to find any abandoned gun stores in this area. Each Mini Uzi only had less than one clip left and they had divided up the remaining grenades, so Floyd and Mikki each had six securely fastened to the bandolier belts Floyd had made for them. The grenades could quickly and easily be pulled from their straps when needed, but wouldn’t fall out on their own, even if Floyd or Mikki was hanging upside down. That was something they generally tried to avoid, anyway.

The sun was still up so there was no sign of creeper activity on the streets. The two made their way up Bay Shore with the beach to their right and a row of cute little beach houses on the left. They passed a Starving Students moving truck parked outside one of the houses. Looked like the students never made it. Considering the alternative, starving to death would have been preferable. They were probably starving zombies now, hungry for a bite. Floyd debated taking the truck, as the keys were in it, but just firing up the engine would have brought out every brain-eater in the area. Not to mention it would be hard to maneuver through the tiny streets.

Continuing on, they could see an occasional creeper or two standing motionless in the darkest areas of a house, or shambling about aimlessly in an upstairs room. Clearly, none of them were aware of Floyd and Mikki’s presence, and the two planned on keeping it that way. The road was very narrow, so they decided to stay as far away from the buildings as possible by staying on the beach. The sand was harder to walk on and slowed their progress, but they had a clear view of whatever might lie ahead.

At the end of the street, just before the entry to the bridge, stood a pack of about eight shamblers, hanging out on a corner in the shade under an awning. Like high schoolers playing hooky. Mikki decided it was time to try out her stink theory.

Floyd, gimme yer machete.

Use your own!

I will use my own, but I want yours, too. We can’t afford to be wastin’ ammo on these losers.

Floyd sighed and grumbled, but handed over his machete.

Thanks, Floyd! Here take this. She handed him Bonnie. And this. She handed him the Uzi. And this. She handed him the rifle. "Alright, let’s see if this works. Showtime!"

Clutching a machete in each hand, Mikki shambled off like a creeper, shifting her feet unevenly and walking very slowly. Floyd held his breath, and his shotgun, as Mikki got closer. Inch by inch, she shuffled nearer and nearer to the group.

She