You Have the Answers: Discovering Your True Life Path ... One Question at a Time

You Have the Answers

Discovering Your True Life Path ... One Question at a Time

Phyllis Lundy

Copyright 2015 by Phyllis Lundy

All rights reserved.

Published by Cherry Creek Communications, Inc.

YouHavetheAnswers.com

Phyllis@YouHavetheAnswers.com

No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from Phyllis Lundy, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. All images, illustrations, logos, quotes, and trademarks included in this book are subject to use according to trademark and copyright laws of the United States of America.

Cover image 2013 Estate of Pablo Picasso/Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York. Reproduction, including downloading of Picasso works is prohibited by copyright laws and international conventions without the express written permission of Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York.

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Dedication

For Ben, who inspires me to be my true self.

Contents

Preface

A Note to the Reader

What to Expect

Section I — Who Are You Now? How to Discover or Rediscover Your True Self

You Know

What Lies Within

Being Flannery

Being Phyllis

Yakety Yak (Don’t Talk Back!)

Listen In

Up the Hill

Reading Your Life from Someone Else’s Script

Before You Were Told Who You Were

All in the Family

Stifle Yourself, Edith!

The Tyranny of the Shoulds

In Danger of Becoming Real

The Old Self-Image

Pittsburgh Steel

The Original Self

Composing a Life

Making Meaning

What Moves You?

Flow

Now Tell Me, Who Are You?

Section II — What Do You Want? How to Recognize and Align with Your True Desires

The Mid-Life Renaissance

You Must Go to Paris

Mapping the Moon

On Beyond Zebra

Who’ll Pay Me to Read?

What Would You Do, Anyway ... Even If You Weren’t Getting Paid?

Do What You Love at Every Opportunity

Falling into Grace

After the Fall

Be Like a Brushfire

Swimming with Dolphins

If You Knew You Couldn’t Fail

I Don’t Know Much about Art, But I Know What I Like!

I Don’t Care; I Just Want to Do Art!

Bus Stop, Bus Go

The Direction of Your Dreams

If Only ...

Don’t Be Late for Your Life

Tune In and Tune Up That Banjo!

What You Want Is Waiting for You

Get Real!

That’s Why They Call It Work

If You Had Five Lives to Live

Are the Neon Lights Still Bright?

The Mosaic Career Identity

You Win!

Your Ideal Day Vision

Section III — What Could Stop You? How to Break Through Fears and Barriers

Stuck in the Comfort Zone

Throwing Up Barriers

It Is What It Is

The Cult of Busyness

The Neutral Zone

The Yeah, Buts ...

Energy Vampires

The Thought Doctor

Persistent Dandelions

Morning Mind

The Shopping Cart Bag Lady or Living in a Cardboard Box Under a Bridge

The Life of Riley

It’s Too Fabulous!

You Can Keep the Baby

Break on Through

Are You Sure I Don’t Need Another Degree?

But I’m Not Qualified!

Armchair Decision Making

Don’t Figure It Out; Experience It Out

Jump!

Section IV — What Are You Willing to Do? How to Take the First Steps

Try It, You’ll Like It

Do or Do Not; There Is No Try

Fearless Creating

Someday Is Not a Day of the Week

The Bridge Will Appear

The Willingness Check

A Sign from Reverend Cynthia

It’s Never Too Late, Baby

Water, Water, Everywhere

You’ll Have to Read My Book (And My Pins!)

How Vivid Is Your Vision?

Your Life Landscape

On the Verge

The Mind Map

Loving Self-Discipline

Knocking on the Door of Opportunity

How Will I Know Your Ship When I See It?

Touchstones

Creating You

Helpful Tips

Reading List

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Preface

What do you long for? What are your passions? What do you wish to get out of life? What do you want to leave behind as a legacy? In my capacity as a career management consultant and coach, people often come to see me because they are feeling unfulfilled in their jobs, in their careers, or with life in general. Sometimes they know exactly what they don’t want; sometimes they just have a vague or growing feeling of dissatisfaction. Most of the time, they say they aren’t at all sure what they would rather be doing with their lives—what to do instead of what they are already doing. Sometimes they do know what they want, but are afraid to name it because they don’t think it’s possible. They say, with a laugh and a shrug, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up!

If you came to see me in person, I would listen in between the lines to what you say and don’t say about your life, and then return to you your own words, hopes, dreams, and longings, spoken and unspoken, so you could hear them. Together we would discover the patterns that lead to a clarity about what you, in all your uniqueness, are here to contribute to the world.

I have observed that each of you almost always already knows, somewhere inside, what you long for, what you are passionate about, and what you most want to use your life for. But the truth of what you seek is hidden or buried for the moment or for a lifetime, somehow inaccessible to you on your own. Each of you has a doorway to go through to find your own truth, and, often, all you need is a key, a catalyst—someone asking the right question or telling the right story—to remember that truth or to uncover the answer you seek.

In this book, at the end of each chapter, you will find some keys in the form of questions I have asked myself, my clients, my friends—and sometimes complete strangers—preceded by some stories to illustrate those questions. Please know there is no one right answer for any of these questions. The right answer is the one that resonates with you. You may find you are moved to write several answers to a particular question. As you contemplate the questions in this book, I encourage you to write down whatever occurs to you, even if your answer doesn’t make immediate sense to you or doesn’t seem possible to achieve at this time.

Some of the questions may seem repetitive—and, by design, they are. Sometimes asking a question one way doesn’t get much of a response; ask the question a slightly different way, and the light switches on and illuminates your innermost desires.

Some of these questions will be especially helpful for you and inspire the answers you have been waiting for. Some may not seem important. Answer the questions you are moved to answer—the ones that speak to you in this particular time of your life.

As you answer the questions in this book, you will write down your hopes, dreams, desires and longings, see revealed the patterns in what you have written, and read between the lines to discover the touchstones of your true life path.

A Note to the Reader

At the end of each chapter, I have provided one or more questions for you to answer. I encourage you to write your answers to these questions as you read along through the book. The cue that lets you know it’s time to journal is this quill pen:

To write your answers, you could use anything from a pad of paper to a journal to a Word document to an online application. Think about what would be the most fun for you, the most practical, or the most conducive to the act of writing. Do you prefer to write longhand? Do you want to write in something small that you can carry with you? Would you like a large journal where you could also draw or paste pictures or mementos? Or will you be most motivated to write on your laptop or other electronic device? (Penzu and Evernote are two free online journaling tools that have been recommended to me.)

Keeping a record of your answers to the questions will help you come to understand your true self and help you see the patterns that emerge to lead you down your true life path.

What to Expect

We must be willing to let go of life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

~ Joseph Campbell

The book is divided into sections designed to take you through a process of self-discovery. Section I, Who Are You Now? How to Discover or Rediscover Your True Self, helps you look inside to remember or to discover your true self. You may be living a life already that exactly matches with your true self: you know yourself really well and your life activities—work, relationships, leisure time—are 100% aligned with who you know yourself to be.

But, chances are you are like me and most of the people I know—you are living your life only partially reflecting who you really are now, at whatever stage of your life you find yourself living in today. You may still be living out someone else’s idea of what your life should be. Not all that long ago, I discovered I was still attempting to live out the script of good girl that was provided for me long ago in my family dynamic.

Or, you may now be living an antiquated life—one that used to fit you but no longer does. Until I started my own business, I was very busy and relatively happy, climbing the corporate ladder. When, during a company transition, I had the opportunity to think about what I really wanted, I discovered that the role of fast-climbing, company-loyal manager, while it had its benefits and exciting moments, was just okay. When I took time to think about it, I realized it no longer suited me, and I no longer wanted to settle for okay. I had grown, and I wanted to find my new calling.

You may have wallpapered over your true self. With all the demands, requirements, judgments from others, directives, and manipulations we encounter, we develop responses designed to help us survive. While those strategies may help us survive in the moment, they can prevent us from thriving in the long run.

My family tells me that, when I was a little girl and an argument erupted at our dining room table, I would slowly and surreptitiously slide off my chair until I was under the table. Effective survival strategy for a six-year-old, right? Even kind of cute! Not so great, however, in my role now as a team facilitator—I don’t think I’d be invited back if I slid under the table at the first sign of conflict during a team-building retreat. I have had to strip off the old wallpaper and uncover my true self. I had to remember who I am—a strong, capable woman, who can navigate life’s inevitable conflicts, safe in this world: one who has nothing to fear.

You may know yourself very well in some areas of your life but not so well in others. I think we are constantly growing and changing. After having been an agnostic for many years, I felt a pull toward finding out more about spirituality, and when I did, I discovered that I do have some deeply-held beliefs about who I am as a soul and who I am as part of the larger spirit consciousness. That truth, which evolved in me over time, now informs everything else in my life. Who knew?

So, Section I is about taking some time to be present in the moment and to discover or re-discover who you are now.

When you know more about who you truly are now—your True Self, the unique way you show up—you can start to explore what you want. Section II, What Do You Want? How to Recognize and Align with Your True Desires, helps you discover what kind of life you want to have. You will find the many ways you could express yourself and consider which of those forms of expression you are willing to invest in.

Although the focus of the book is on what you want in your career or life’s work, this section will help you look at all aspects of your life and start to uncover some of the specifics you want to bring into your life, and some of the arenas where you want to focus your precious time, energy, and heart. Section II helps you add what you truly want to be, do and have, to who you truly are.

At this point, you may be wondering, How do I get there from here? Becoming aware of who you are and what you want is satisfying in and of itself. However, while coming to know yourself and your true desires, you might find yourself simultaneously excited and scared to change the habits of your life so that you can allow your true self to emerge and do its thing in the world. In Section III, What Could Stop You? How to Break Through Fears and Barriers, you’ll tackle the many seemingly insurmountable roadblocks that can pop up as you move forward on your journey of self-discovery and change. You will begin to notice at least two voices inside your head providing an inner dialogue: one voice—the voice of your True Self—propelling you toward your desired life, and the other voice—your Internal Saboteur—throwing up barriers that could prevent you from taking even the first step.

In this section, you will shed light on that inner dialogue and find ways to overcome the fears that come up and try to convince you to stay within the comfort zone of what you already know. You’d think that, once you know who you are and what you want, you’d make a beeline for it. And, sometimes you do. But, often, you think about doing what you want—about taking that first step—and your Internal Saboteur immediately springs into action and informs you of the many reasons why you should just go flip through channels on the TV, visit the refrigerator for a snack, or take that job that will provide a steady paycheck.

So Section III describes some of the common barriers you may encounter, and helps you find ways to break through them.

In Section IV, What Are You Willing to Do? How to Take the First Steps, you’ll explore how to get moving on your new or newly rediscovered path. There are many practices, techniques, and tools available to help you get moving and sustain your momentum. Included in this section are some of the tools that have helped me, my clients, and friends to move forward.

One of the amazing things about getting started is how, once you take that first step—the one that seems so impossible or hard or ridiculous—the universe somehow responds and provides what you need and shows you the next step.

A client of mine, who finished graduate school and started her own private practice as a therapist, kept taking scary steps and making the decisions that felt right to her even though her Internal Saboteur popped up every step of the way. She decided not to work for an