Ladies and Gentlemen, Dallas Maxwell: A Gay Young Adult Romance

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dallas Maxwell: A Gay Young Adult Romance

By Derek Clendening

Published by Rainbow Reader Press at Smashwords

Copyright 2014 Derek Clendening

Chapter 1

Hey everyone! I’m Dallas Maxwell—and I’m the greatest. That’s what my Mom says but, hey, my friends all say it, too. So, it’s got to be true, right? No one likes a metric ton of blah-blah-blah-ing before you get to the good parts, but there’s some stuff you’ve really got to know before we get started. You don’t even have to buckle up yet. (But I recommend it). This little intro is perfectly safe . . . sort of.

I go to Lafayette High School in Buffalo, New York, a place I like to call my ‘turf’. I might be the baby of the family at home, but school is where I feel like the man. I can’t do anything wrong there and it’s one of my favorite places to be. Too bad classes get in the way, huh? But, hey, there’s always my free period and the cafeteria for me to flex my muscle and cruise boys.

Here are a few little facts you should know about me: I’m dying to get my driver’s licence. I’ve got brown hair and eyes that you’d definitely think are irresistible. I was voted king of the junior prom which I went to with a smokin’ hot boy named Tyler Frank who moved to Philly this summer. Everyone said we looked so cute on that throne together with our crowns.

Oh, and I’ve got a pickup line for every occasion—and every boy. If it’s a more ordinary boy with a lot going for him, I bat my eyelashes and say, Well, hello there, and I can win him over with my good looks, wit and charm. If it’s a really popular and handsome boy, I’ve got to be creative and put in more effort, but make no mistake that I know how to get the job done.

I’m also the king of the school. No, it’s not official. Nobody took a vote. But, if anyone was going to vote for anyone to be king of the school, just like king of the junior prom, it would be yours truly, right?

You’d think a guy a popular as moi wouldn’t have any enemies. Think again. I don’t think I have an enemy as much as I have a nemesis. Sounds way cooler and totally darker, don’t you think? Anyone can have an enemy, but you’ve got to be a totally cool cat like me to have a nemesis.

My nemesis is a boy named T.D. Austin, but he just goes by Austin at school. He says the T.D. stands for Theodore David, but I’m pretty sure it really stands for ‘Totally Dorky’. No, no, no, it stands for ‘Turd Delivery’. One time, I had the nerve to make that Turd Delivery crack within earshot of him and it wasn’t pretty. He put up a fit and tried to make a witty come back, but he didn’t stand a chance against the master. But enough about Austin’s name. You’ve got to hear about why we dislike each other so much and why ‘ol Turd Delivery is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Okay, Austin’s a good looking guy. You know, if you’re into muscles and dimples, nice eyes, a great smile and a killer butt. Okay, fine, he’s great looking. All right, he’s a real stud and a Greek god. But he thinks his studly good looks alone are his ticket to getting any guy he wants. It’s like he’s never heard of a charming, witty personality. Heck, it’s like he’s never heard of Dallas Maxwell.

That’s not even the real problem when you think about it. I mean, I can handle a guy with an ego the size of Cincinnati. The real problem is that he has this little habit of chasing the guys I’m after. He probably wants to steal them from me so he can show me how much the gay boys of Lafayette High like him better than they like me. That would make me look like less of the king of the school and much more of a pushover. Oh, and the way he always uses his muscles and that perfect posterior of his to try and win him over. Totally lame and unoriginal.

He would’ve gotten to take Tyler Frank to the junior prom and maybe he would’ve been voted prom king with him if it weren’t for the one teeny tiny thing I did . . . . Okay, time to come clean. Tyler wasn’t sure who he wanted to go to the dance with and he’d narrowed it down to me and Austin. I couldn’t lose to a guy who’s initials could easily have stood for Turd Delivery, so I told Tyler that Austin believed in martians and that he’d been communicating with them for over a year. And whaddaya know? He bought it!

Next thing you know, rumors are flying all over school about how Austin believes in aliens and is trying to contact the mother ship. While those rumors were flying around, there were other rumors about how the limo Tyler and I had rented just for us was rocking mighty hard after the prom. I didn’t do anything to kill those rumors or the Austin martian rumors. Ever since then, our relationship went from frosty to downright freezing!

Oh yeah, he tried to get me back by telling the whole school that I was actually straight, that I had a girlfriend and that I was living a lie. Everyone knew how deeply I love boys. No way was anyone gonna believe that story. Besides, they knew he was just trying to get me back for that little alien bit. Thank God my reputation as Lafayette High’s number one gay kid stayed right where I wanted it to.

Ever since then, you could say he was my nemesis and school was a battleground for who could land the cutest boys. Whenever Austin won the guy, he took plenty of time to gloat about it bit, come on, it’s not like he got to do it that often.

Enough about him, though. I’ve got to tell you about my best friend Cole. I call him Cole ‘The Mole’ for reasons that are going to become very obvious really soon. If I need to know something, he’s the guy that can get the info for me. You wouldn’t believe what this kid can turn up. Now, Cole isn’t exactly Mister Popular, but he’s no charity case. We’ve been best friends since the second grade and I could never leave that kid behind just because I became the king of the school later on.

I’ll never forget the day Cole came out of the closet to me. He told me he had something really mega, ultra, uber important to tell me, that it would be totally hard for him to say, but that he couldn’t wait. Oh, and he said he just couldn’t hold the information in anymore. (Which is understandable for a guy who dishes out information). I told him to come on over to my place for milkshakes and he could spill his guts.

He came over to my house and met me in my basement. It was there, with tears in his eyes, that he told me that he was straight. No just straight but one hundred percent straight. He said that he really wanted a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend and that he’d never really thought Brad Pitt was hot. And then he said that all the time he’d spent trying to chase after boys had been pointless because that wasn’t what he really liked. Then he threw his arms around me and sobbed, not knowing how I was going to react. He worried that I would hate him and that I wouldn’t want to be his friend anymore. Poor kid.

First, I promised him that I’d never turn my back on him because he was straight. Second, I told him how surprised I was to hear he was straight. It’d never occurred to me that he could be anything other than gay. It’s not about straight stereotypes either; it was just a general feeling. All that time, I’d just assumed he was gay like me, so I’d said all sorts of dumb things in front of him that I sure wish I could take back now.

Let’s just clear one thing up, though, I said. You still think I’m totally hot, don’t you?

Huh? Oh yeah, yeah, right. Ridiculously hot.

"And all those times I thought you were checking me out, looking at my ass, practically salivating . . . you actually were checking me out and looking at my butt and salivating, right?"

Of course.

Good. Glad we’ve got that out of the way.

So, you don’t hate me? he asked.

Of course not. I’m seriously open-minded.

But . . . I’ve been living a lie all this time. I misled you, I made you think I was totally gay, I told you I jacked off to that Brad Pitt poster you gave me for Christmas, I—

Don’t beat yourself up over it, man. It wasn’t easy to tell me something like that. After all, it’s not like you chose to be straight. And if you do get that girlfriend you’re after, you can double date with me and whatever boy I’m going out with. Sound good?

Cole smiled and hugged me.

So far, that’s the skinny on my life, so no more background. Now it’s time to buckle up and get ready. (Hands and feet inside the tram at all times, please!). Time to hear about my battle with T.D. Austin for the cutest guy this side of the Mason-Dixon line!

***

The first day of school was my favorite of the whole year—the school year, anyway. Summer’s awesome and all, but there’s a point when I’m ready to go back to being with my friends who I haven’t seen all summer. Plus I can always count on a few new boys to turn up each and every year. Yeah, I can meet new boys on the beach during summer, but I really can’t romance them over a day of fun and sand the way I can with a whole semester ahead of me. So, the first day of school gave me plenty to look forward to. Like I said, it’s too bad classes get in the way.

Math class was especially evil. All that thinking made it ultra hard to pick up on boys. I rolled into class and took a seat near the back of the room next to Cole who was already scoping out the new girls, which I’d gotten used to. The second I kicked my feet up on my desk and laced my fingers behind my head, Mr. Evans, the stuffiest teacher in school, pointed to my feet right away and then pointed at the floor. I put my feet down, sat up straight and folded my hands neatly on my desk like a good boy. God, you’d swear he’d done S&M with Satan or something.

Dallas, Cole said. "You didn’t bring anything with