New Life in America: The Un-known Reality

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CROSS STATE CULTURE

Brits and Americans have always been seen as interchangeable cousins on both sides of the Atlantic. We thought they were similar to us but more outrageous, crazy and violent. Then George W Bush came along and we discovered the Christian, conservative side of America and wondered if we really knew them at all. We don’t and they don’t have a clue about us either, hopefully this will add some clarity.

The reason for the confusion and lack of understanding is, the U.S is incorrectly seen as one country with one culture. It’s best to view it in the same way as the European Union, as in a collection of countries known as states under one umbrella called the United States of America.

Each state has its own culture, or several cultures, differing laws and a Governor answerable to the President. It’s also multicultural with every race and religion under the sun, no one book could possibly hope to encompass it all, it’s just too broad and complex a subject.

Instead I will focus on my own experiences and observations from living in the suburbs of Baltimore in the state of Maryland and various trips to surrounding areas including Pennsylvania, Virginia and New York, with some additional input from my wife to show the American side of things.

Maryland is a good state to pick, known as America in miniature by some for a number of reasons, including its geographical location being the first state below the Mason Dixon line.

It’s a former slave state and has always been like a bridge between the north and south two main cultural and economic blocks along the east coast, partly because of its history in the civil war. Maryland soldiers were split with two thirds enlisted to the Union side and the remaining third fought for the Confederates. This was probably more to do with political pressure as culturally it did and still does lean, more towards states further south, with only a slight influence from bordering northern states.

The more northern states like New Jersey and New York are culturally more similar to how the U.K is now. Where as Maryland is how we used to be in some respects about 15 to 20 years ago which is generally a good thing apart from the racial division.

The further south you go the more old fashioned, friendly and racist people are, the idea of a friendly racist is a strange concept to me but apparently in places like Alabama and Georgia a White person will say morning nigger, and the Black person will reply morning cracker which is a racist name for White people because their skin is the colour of crackers, it’s a flat crisp wafer.

Each state down sounds like it’s a few decades behind the last one. Alabama sounds like Old England in the Victorian era, not being polite down there can cause serious offence and trouble. The far South is also far less developed and populated than the wealthier industrial north. This gives credence to a theory I’ve long held about human cultural development. Hot weather stunts human endeavour and culture because it makes people lazy and content which would explain why Africa is so behind, having been there I can confirm that it’s too hot to even think let alone work, it can actually drive you insanely delirious. It also allows disease and bugs to thrive, slowing people down additionally with illness.

Seasonal weather like in Europe and the northern U.S forces folks to build homes, plant seeds, grow and harvest at certain times of year, and the colder it gets the faster they have to do it before Winter sets in. This has led to a work ethic which is severely lacking in the hottest parts of the world. Why plant your seeds and build your home today when you can do so tomorrow.

PERSONALITY

My most immediate observation is that Americans are very friendly, eternally enthusiastic, have a childlike innocence, and are always quick to introduce themselves. Some cynics see their friendliness as phoney but I can assure you it’s genuine.

They’re very big on old fashioned manners and will say Hi, how you doing in passing and Bless you on account of somebody sneezing. They also open doors and help out whenever possible, men are still gentlemen and women still ladies. The American idea of being a macho man is to be possessive and romantic with their women, not thuggish or aggressive.

The only thing you may find rude about them is they stare a lot, but don’t take offence. Look them back in the eye, it’s considered polite to acknowledge somebody, more so the further south you go.

It’s not uncommon for a complete stranger to strike up a conversation with no fear of rejection. To begin with this made me feel uneasy because like most Europeans I presume any stranger who speaks to me is mad or after something like my wallet. However, Americans down South in particularly are famed for their laid back Southern hospitality and parochial village mentality. Welcoming newcomers to the neighbourhood with a baked cake or dinner invitation is not unheard of. They never alienate people who weren’t born and interbred there.

Southerners are very formal in an informal way. For example, they shake hands in a dignified manner whilst being relaxed and easy going about it. A combination we’ve never really mastered as we tend to be either formal, cold and ill at ease, or informal and slovenly with few manners.

There’s no shyness about giving and receiving compliments either. Asking somebody for a date or swapping digits with a stranger to make friends is no big deal. It’s not like going out on a limb, as with us. Even being emotional and crying or expressing love in public, stirs no embarrassment. Americans are very open with feelings and wear their heart on their sleeve.

We’ve mistaken American’s like George Bush and all their swagger and outgoing vocals (loud to the point of deafening) for being outrageous. In actual fact they have very traditional Christian family values and are quite posh and conservative. Things tend to be done the way their parents and their grandparents did it, which does account for a slight lack of free thinking, but at least people know where they stand. Southerners of my generation (I’m 32) are more like my parents’ generation.

They’re basically how we’re supposed to be, how we used to be up until 15 to 20 years ago when liberalism and political correctness screwed everything up, and we’re how people think Americans are.

The best quality of Americans by far is their very positive and upbeat attitude. Americans like the word can, not can‘t, and won’t hear of any negativity. They like to boost people up, not kick them down. We’re down to earth and they’re on a cloud, even the sky is no limit here.

One negative trait Americans have a slight reputation for, is being greedy. It’s true they all aspire to be rich (because everything is so expensive) but they are the most generous people I’ve ever known. Too generous in my wife’s case, she often gives to people who are in less need than her.

Despite the astronomical wealth divide, there is no sign of spite or jealousy. Succeed here and you will be praised, not hated. Success is practically worshiped, quite astounding considering the behaviour of the top 1 percent rich. It‘s actually the less wealthy who tend to give the most.

One exception is New Yorkers, who are definitely a breed of their own, and probably the closest thing to us or at least Londoners. Only they’re far brasher, rude and think they’re it because they come from New York. The beggars and street hustlers are aggressive and ungrateful, give a NY beggar a dollar and he’ll complain it’s not enough.

Because of this, they’re disliked by Americans from other states. At least you can swear at them without them taking too much offence, unlike most Southerners, one of whom informed me that he’d been to Britain and clearly had a culture shock, at the way we swear at each other and don’t get offended. He couldn’t get his head round it or the behaviour of our politician’s squabbling like a bunch of kids.

Swearing is a big NO in the South. I actually got reprimanded by my wife for saying the words damn and arse at her parents’ house, because apparently they’re cuss words, but they say the word crap quite often which is nearer to a cuss word in my book, but not their’s. It made me scared to open my mouth in case I offended someone by accident. I did find this a little stifling at times as swearing helps me to express myself. My wife said people only express themselves with swearing if they lack the vocabulary to express themselves properly, to which I replied F@ck you @sshole.

I wonder what conservative Southerners said on 9/11 Oh my gosh, darn it, those jerk terrorists just blew up the twin towers. I would have been F-ing and blinding like a maniac.

Freedom of Speech is a 1st Amendment right, but isn’t fully practised here in the South as they tend to censor themselves. We no longer have freedom of speech, but say what we want anyway with risk of arrest.

Humour

American humour is clean and goofy, although somewhat lacking in wit. It’s a bit too corny and primary school for me so I had to be careful not to make somebody the butt of my jokes as Americans are very sensitive, which you wouldn’t expect for citizens so loud with such over exaggerated personas.

Banter and poking fun at people’s names is practically none existent, just as well with some of the crazy names you get here, some of which are just random words.

Actually there’s rarely any play on words in general, for instance: - I went to church at Easter and a lady said Happy resurrection day, now for a minute I thought she said Happy erection day. This thought just wouldn’t cross the mind of your average Southerner and I was told to get my head out the gutter on numerous occasions, but sometimes their innocent naivety was amusing enough in itself.

Humour is kept conservative and straight forward, unlike our more outrageous and complex jokes, which have a story line leading to a climax which can be funny on several levels or have a double meaning, you have to think about our humour. Their humour is just there, bold and naked with no subtlety, it isn’t brutal enough to be blunt, it’s just obvious, too obvious to have much of a punch line. Because Americans usually take things at face value, sarcasm and irony often evade them, when it doesn’t it can be taken the wrong way.

Not entirely sharing the jokes can make socialising a bit awkward as you either have to fake laughter (which I can’t do) or risk people thinking you have no sense of humour at all.

Comedians

Luckily there are some great comedians who usually do situation type comedy, something we can all have a laugh at. I must warn you though, if you’re a White dude don’t go to a Black comedian’s live show, why? Because virtually all their jokes are about racism, the only one I saw make fun of other subjects often is Patrice O’Neal, now sadly deceased. No subject was out of bounds with him, he was on the same level as Jimmy Carr, and of course the crackpot Tracey Morgan.

That said even some of the ones who go on about racism are hilarious like Dave Chappell who actually did one sketch where he was a Black/White supremacist. He had always been told he was White so he would fit in at an orphanage for the blind. He became a racist not realising he was Black. When he found out he divorced his wife for being a nigger lover. This guy is really crazy and definitely worth watching. So is Cat Williams, Kevin Hart and Chris Rock to name a few.

My fave White comedian is a Texan by the name of Ron White who likes his cigars and liquor. Generally White comedians don’t go on about racism as much so if you’re coloured seeing them live shouldn’t be a problem.

What do Americans Think of Us?

Americans have a closer affinity for us Brits than anybody else. We’re seen as friends from across the pond with a reputation for being well educated and stuck up with posh accents, which they like but find intimidating. Guess they haven’t seen the underclass. Apparently we dress good with the appearance of James bond but have bad teeth. An odd combination in my opinion, can’t really imagine Bond kissing one of his babes with crusty yellow gnashers. They know we like our Martini shaken not stirred along with anything else alcoholic.

Brits and Europeans in general are now regarded as more outrageous with an anything goes attitude of tolerance towards sex and drugs. The media has shown Europe being overrun by atheists, gays and Muslims, and they’re not impressed.

There’s also deep suspicion of the E.U from rivalry and its increasing similarities to the Soviet Union which they also hated, they still dislike Cuba too.

I heard a pastor talk about the coming of the anti-Christ and how he will lead the E.U into world war 3. I’d put my money on Tony Blair but other people think it’s Obama or a person currently unknown. This has a lot to do with the E.U’s persecution of Christianity and its parliament resembling a modern version of Brueghel’s depiction of The tower of Babel as described in the Bible.

Americans also wonder why the French dislike them, not realising that the French dislike everyone. The French have a good reputation anyway for excellent fashion, cuisine and cities. Italians have a similar reputation. The Germans are unsurprisingly known for a lack of humour, as are the Russians who are also viewed as being butch, sinister and smelly. Guess they watched Rocky 4 too often.

Americans do live up to the stereotype of being clueless about the outside world on some things though. They think we have the same culture across Europe, this misconception is more prevalent amongst Black folks who think whites are the same in every country whether it be Britain or Russia, then complain that White American’s think they’re the same as Africans.

When it comes to geography they really are lost, somebody who will remain nameless booked a flight to Bristol city in England via Amsterdam, thinking it was in England too. Luckily I found out before it was too late.

Another time I got ridiculed as a simpleton for daring to say it was Britain who came up with the most inventions on earth not Americans. When an internet search proved me right (Britain invented 52%, USA 25%) they were shocked and outraged, I probably ruined their whole lives and years of propaganda, the same propaganda which tells Americans they’re free, and the best, which is why they think all countries are less advanced. When questioning this attitude the usual response is to compare themselves with regimes like Sudan or North Korean.

The few Americans who have been to Britain love the humour, quant villages and landscapes, and most of all the history. The royal family are loved too along with the pomp and ceremony because it’s something they don’t have, although they’re happy enough to stay a Republic, but our judges