A Plagiarized Christmas: The Definitive Edition
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About this ebook
When Max returns to California after a semester at college, he is met with all sorts of problems including a disaffected father, an aimless theater geek sister and a bipolar racist aunt. Despite all of this, he is frustrated to learn that somebody made money off of his book idea. This edition features the complete story as well as 26 pages of new exclusive content including essays on great obscure Christmas songs, Bad Santa and what Christmas means to me.
Thomas M. Willett
I'm a writer based out of Long Beach, CA who enjoys movies, TV, and getting inside your head.
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A Plagiarized Christmas - Thomas M. Willett
A Plagiarized Christmas
- The Definitive Edition -
By
Thomas M. Willett
A PLAGIARIZED CHRISTMAS: THE DEFINITIVE EDITION
© Thomas M. Willett, 2014
Smashwords Edition
Art Design
by Thomas M. Willett
Notice to the Reader:
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All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information or retrieval system, is forbidden without the prior written permission of both the publisher and copyright owner of this book.
*Author’s Note:
The people and events depicted in A Plagiarized Christmas: The Definitive Edition are fictitious. Any resemblance to reality is coincidental.
Praise for Thomas M. Willett
BUT DAD NEVER LISTENED TO DANNY BROWN
What a fantastic creation this book is. A young man who is starting to realize that his earlier years that were spent as a some times troubled some times care youth are over. It is time to make more mature decisions. A great example of today's social urban life styles. I did not want this short story to end. I wanted it to continue to explore this youth's new realizations and life in his new future.
4/5 stars - rucrazy
A very interesting read, well written. It sounds like a teaser for a novel; I would have liked it to continue through life...he gets a job, marries, lives his life, etc. Maybe there is more to come?
4/5 stars - Sue Gross
Also available from Thomas M. Willett:
BLUE MATTERS
With Purgatory modeled after an undisclosed DMV location, this story follows the lives of two coworkers (Veronica the Clock Puncher and Gary the New Guy) and one recently deceased (Judith the Beach Girl) as they explore the business side of death while questioning ethics and past decisions. For some, it is just another miserable day at work while others wait in line for their fates to be processed.
THE TURKEY TROTTERS*
With Thanksgiving a few hours away, Sam must find a way to get his holiday food home after his car won't start. With the help of a Black Friday shopper, the two discover just how much is different between the two.
You can purchase these for $1.99 each. (*The Turkey Trotters is available for free until January 1, 2015)
Chapter One
He was attracted to a plastic Santa Claus attached to the roof of a two story house. With strings of multi-colored lights almost too bright to see anything else, he watched the plastic Santa sit in his sleigh and wave to the crowd below. It didn’t have any reindeer nor did it feature any redeemable features. It was a bland Santa in a field of undecorated houses. On the ground was a series of presents the size of beach balls. He considered kicking one until he became distracted by the neighbor’s dog running into the yard and unleashing his hold on this hypnotic trance. It was all immaterial and the thought of the dog chewing on a hidden electrical cord made him laugh. As he watched his breath hang in the air, he noticed the neighbors running up to get the dog. Even if he didn’t live there, he took it as his moment to exit.
It was the usual displays in the usual December pattern. Looking at the ground, he tried to make the next few blocks pass by without any hesitation. Still, he kept coming across a new house that he would get stuck wondering about. He saw reindeer, snowmen, presents and vaguely worded greetings. Still, he tried to figure out what he was going to say when he got to his destination. Sticking his hands in his coat, he watched as a car whisked by, blasting its stereo. Then he saw it. It was the perfect place. With a twinkle in his eye, he made a visual memory to return to this exact location and finish the deed.
Reaching the doorstep to a very plain house, he let his breath hang one last time in the air. Jumping up and down, he took a second to remove his hat and scrunch it into his hands. He was committed to the sympathetic orphan routine. Brushing his shoes off on the doormat, he knocked on a door that was very plain. Even the wood on the door seemed to lack personality. Looking through the eye hole, he finally knocked on the door and got into the position. Staring at the base of the door, he pushed his foot back and closed his eyes, trying to make them twitch into a sympathetic jangle.
As the door opened, he finally looked up, Excuse me, Miss Steinhauser. Is Max home?
Cram it, Bill
she replied, You know my name’s Allison.
"Well, Allison he said while looking at her very plain pilgrim outfit,
May I come in?"
As she stepped aside, Bill entered the Steinhauser household and looked at the earthy textures. Taking a more circular view of Allison’s outfit, he became curious about why she looked so dated. She even had a bonnet on that made her face look big. As he approached the couch, he sat down and looked at the magazines on the coffee table. He figured out that a grown-up lived there based on what he saw. He laughed, thinking of how Max wouldn’t read any of these. He didn’t have an opinion about nothing. To him, nothing was too much.
As Allison sat down in the seat across from him, she looked towards the booming fire. He was already removing his coat and feeling the warmth capture him. The chills in his neck began to sweat off. Still, he was perplexed by the pilgrim outfit. Allison had some tea on the table in a pitcher, to which she poured some into a plastic glass. Sipping it, she finally looked at him and his dumpy look. It was cold, but his excuse for lack of layers was atrocious. Well, the design on his shirt was pretty bad, anyways.
So,
he said while pointing at her, What’s with the get-up?
I was rummaging through clothes in my closet and I ran across this outfit that I bought for a play that I was in…
she thought hard, two years ago about Plymouth Rock. They made fun of us, but it was so cold that the Indian characters complained about hypothermia.
Pausing to sip tea, I also wore this in some Jane Austen production. It was probably…
pausing while staring at the ceiling, ‘Sense and Sensibility.’ Just had to alter the bonnet, tis all. I tell you, this is about as useful as a little black dress.
I heard that dirt shows up a lot more on those.
What?
she said, leaning in before realizing the comment, No! Not the little black dress. This one, right here.
She said pointing up and down, You wouldn’t expect it to be so comfy. I’m probably going to go shopping in it.
Aren’t you afraid of what people will say?
he asked, beginning to feel his stomach yearn for a drop of tea but not finding a cup.
Me? Ha! Everyone’s too wrapped up in looting TV’s and bashing in skulls to worry about a pilgrim lady buying a new top,
she paused to laugh, It might even confuse them.
Is that a good thing?
he paused to let his stomach speak up.
Well, Bill.
She said while getting up to get him a glass, You have to be an original nowadays. Nobody cares if it’s good or bad. You know that chick, Lady GaGa? Everybody loves her because she’s weird.
Placing the cup on the table as he waved a thankful reply, Now I’m not going to go out and buy a meat dress, but she taught me to dress like myself.
Whatever happened to just being functional?
he asked while pouring the glass.
Life’s too short for functionality, Bill,
she said while leaning back and crossing her legs. Taking a moment to breathe in, she looked back at him with a crooked head, You’d do well by finding your own identity.
As they sat while trying to figure out the next sentence to the conversation, there was a mix of synth, drums and strings coming from the stairway. The beat bled into the living room with the sound of a singer singing miserably of New York City. It slowly devolved into a fake 70’s song with backing vocals to match. He almost thought that he would round the corner and see a disco ball lighting everything in the building. As he got up, he nodded at Allison and stood at the base of the stairway and looked at the doors. He heard Ooh, yeah. Feels good to be free
coming down those steps as the guitars kicked in again.
Walking up, the chorus started up again. It was getting a little goofy and he was trying to hold back laughter as those backing vocals kicked in again. Once at the top, he heard a new backing vocal. This one was a man with a poorly effeminate voice singing the lines over and over as it began to fade away. Right as the silence hit, he heard the track start up again and he did his best not to just laugh as he heard that familiar off-key voice sing along. After the chorus kicked in again, he felt too stupid not to just approach the door.
Looking in, he saw a bespectacled man with a full beard and jet black hair combed back lying on a bed, swaying his head back and forth. His eyes weren’t open, so Bill crept along the floor quietly, hoping not to disturb him. Approaching the radio that he had built a muscle memory for, he shut the song off. The man on the bed went on for another five seconds until he paused and grew anxious in the silence. Getting up, he saw Bill on the floor waving a toothy smile at him.
Hey Max,
he said, Long time, no see. How was college?
It’s all right,
he said while trying to calm down his heart rate, Had a rough couple of weeks there at the end, but I’ll be all right.
Finals got to you, eh?
Finals? No. I passed those. It’s just,
he said while letting out a sigh, It’s just that I’ve been down since she left me.
Wait…
Bill said while leaning against a cabinet full of DVDs, You were still with Helen Kilborn?
For some reason, yeah.
I can’t say that I didn’t warn you.
Bill said while stretching his calves, When I saw you two making out at the graduation party, I wanted to punch you in the face.
Bill…
Max said while giving a long stare, You did punch me in the face.
Well, you deserved it. She was no good for you. Remember Zack? She took that sucker down fast. One day he’s smiling and the next he is listed as a sex offender.
"That’s