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    A Humorous, Irreverent Guide to EPCOT 2015
    A Humorous, Irreverent Guide to EPCOT 2015
    A Humorous, Irreverent Guide to EPCOT 2015
    Ebook170 pages1 hour

    A Humorous, Irreverent Guide to EPCOT 2015

    By Deirdre Sargent

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    About this ebook

    Traveling to Walt Disney World? Need an overview of Epcot? Need to know how to drink your way Around The World without ending up in the lake? Want to know what's new and improved? Well then, this is your guidebook! Here is a breakdown of all the attractions with honest down-to-earth reviews with a dose of wicked humor. Overviews of all dining options, attractions and drink offerings are included.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDeirdre Sargent
    Release dateApr 20, 2015
    ISBN9781311274403
    A Humorous, Irreverent Guide to EPCOT 2015
    Author

    Deirdre Sargent

    Deirdre Sargent was born in San Francisco where she learned to charm the nice Italians out of snow cones. She has a degree in theatre arts and is a graduate of the American Academy of Dramatic Arts - West. She has been involved in theatre since she was eight including performing with the California Shakespeare Festival.Deirdre has been writing since college even if it was mainly on dressing room walls. Her style tends towards the humorous and irreverent, however she is also a huge Disney fan and is writing an extensive collection of guidebooks filled with her irreverent humor.Her next adult satirical humor book "I'm Bitchy Because I'm Starving" will be released in 2014 along with a Humorous, Irreverent Guide Through Epcot.

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      Book preview

      A Humorous, Irreverent Guide to EPCOT 2015 - Deirdre Sargent

      A HUMOROUS, IRREVERENT GUIDE

      THROUGH

      EPCOT 2015

      Deirdre A. Sargent

      SWM Press

      San Francisco

      Published by SWM Press at Smashwords

      ISBN:

      Copyright © 2015 by Deirdre A. Sargent

      All rights reserved. This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      This guidebook makes reference to various copyrighted characters, trademarks, resorts, properties and eateries owned by The Walt Disney Company and Disney Enterprises, Inc. All opinions expressed herein are purely those of the author and are not associated with The Walt Disney Company or Disney Enterprises, Inc.

      SWM Press

      282 Second Street, Suite 200

      San Francisco, CA 94107

      Cover Design by Michelle Marquis

      DEDICATION

      For The Jerry’s, The Kevin’s and the Singing Mary’s. Drink Around The World is always more fabulous with my girls. I love you to pieces!

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      I wish to give my thanks to all my friends that I have made these many trips to Epcot with. The good and the bad, the sunny and the wet. For even in the least of circumstances come stories that I can entertain others with.

      To Dave Ricker. The gardens of the Rose & Crown are one of your many resting places so you can drink ale, listen to music and watch the fireworks every night. To Bruno Dale for my new closing trip ritual. I hope to see you and Grace there one day.

      To all who come to this place of joy, hope of enterprise and concepts of a future that promises new and exciting benefits for all. May EPCOT Center entertain, inform and inspire and above all, may it instill a new sense of belief and pride in man's ability to shape a world that offers hope to people everywhere in the world.

      --E. Cardon Walker, Opening Day for EPCOT October 24, 1982

      EPCOT INTRODUCTION

      Welcome to EPCOT - The Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow. Walt initially described Epcot as taking its cue from the new ideas and new technologies that are now emerging from the creative centers of American industry. He envisioned an actual working community where people would live and work, showing the world the newest technological advances and ways to build better community living.

      Unfortunately after Walt's death, that idea died with him. The closest this dream came to reality was the planned community of Celebration outside of Walt Disney World.

      Also after Walt’s death, this became the only park to change names not once but four times. In 1994, some marketing idiot decided to rename EPCOT to Epcot ’94. Perhaps he thought it sounded hip and cool. Remember this is the decade of the Gulf War (both of them), Dolly the Sheep and Friends. However once New Year’s Day dawned, the name was obsolete. So what did they do? They renamed the park again to Epcot ’95. Yeah, they never learn. Once the world failed to come to an end and 1996 rolled around, someone with a brain stopped the yearly updates and just renamed the park Epcot.

      In actuality the best way to describe Epcot today is a combination of technology expo, amusement park and world's fair. In fact, this is my favorite park. Where else in Disney can you get a wide selection of adult beverages, charming shops and great food all in one place? Epcot has entertainment, alcohol, and the best night time spectacular there is.

      WHO AM I AND WHY DID I WRITE THIS BOOK?

      I am an actor, an adult satirical humor writer and Disney fanatic. I think The Mouse is one of the best things on the planet. I’ve loved Disney since I was small and made my first trip to Disneyland for my eighth birthday. Many years later, as a customer, I was chosen to ride on the finale float dressed as Princess Aurora during Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party. Yes, the park asked me and no I didn’t mug anyone and jump on the float. Though I would have paid The Mouse for that amazing, once in a lifetime experience.

      I wrote this book because I love the parks and hope to spread that joy to others. I feel you’ve worked hard for your vacation money and should get the most out of it. I’m here to help you, with my special brand of adult humor. Granted, just because I love the parks does not mean everything is hearts and flowers. If I think a ride is a waste of your valuable time, I’ll tell you. I’ll give you my opinion of a ride’s suitability for children and adults. Just because I like or dislike something does not mean you will have the same experience, although I do believe I have very good taste. You have been warned. Honestly, my goal is for you to have a laugh, a great vacation and face it, if you are going to Walt Disney World - you need a plan in advance.

      WHERE IS EVERYTHING?

      The attractions are listed in alphabetical order by name under their Land. Food is listed after the attractions in each land. The beginning of each ride will show the following:

      ADULT THRILL LEVEL – (Low, Medium or High)

      WAIT TIME – (Low, Medium or High)

      GUEST INFO – (Any special ride restrictions or device integration)

      FP+ - (Yes or No)

      KID GRADE – (G) (A letter grade for suitability and a quick tip)

      ADULT RATING – (C+) (A letter grade for ride experience quality and a quick tip)

      ANIMATED SHORT LENGTH REVIEW:

      (This is a quick run down of the ride/attraction with a thumbs up or down as to the experience.)

      FEATURE FILM LENGTH REVIEW:

      (If there are any extended observations, humorous comments, etc. they will be here.)

      MOUSE MOMENT - (A fun or historical fact regarding the ride/attraction)

      COME WITH A PLAN

      Walt Disney World is an overwhelming, sensory overload. If you don't have a plan of attack for each park, you will be stuck at the entry hub with a map in your hand and a glazed expression on your face, trying to figure out where to go and what to do. Don't be one of those people.

      PRACTICE RESPONSIBLE FUN

      Yes, alcohol is served at this park. We are all very grateful for that. Please remember to drink responsibly. You are at Disney, not on spring break in Cabo or shore leave in Thailand. There is nothing more obnoxious than a drunk run amok on Disney property. You will be detained. Don't be the person who gets to see the Disney detention facility or as I like to call it, the Mouse Jail. I hear they have paintings on the wall of Disney characters crying and looking very reproachful. Okay, now you want to check it out to be sure. Don’t! Really, don't be a moron. Please behave like a civilized adult.

      USE FP+

      I don’t understand people who don’t use FP+ in conjunction with the MyMagic+ system. This is the 21st century’s answer to FASTPASS. Do they like to stand in line for an hour or more? If you think spending half your vacation standing in line for the most popular attractions is your idea of fun, have at! But if you’re like me, you want FP+! It’s easy to use and it’s free. Yes, free. Some parks charge for the privilege, Disney doesn’t and we all know The Mouse likes to empty your pockets so take advantage of this free service. Check out the MyMagic+ section in Tips & Tricks that will cover FP+ as well as the My Disney Experience app.

      FOOD IS HERE – NO CARTS

      As a general rule, I will not list carts because a Disney hot dog or churro or Mickey Bar is the same for each park. If there is something you should avoid at a specific counter place, it will be mentioned. If there is something cool and special, I will let you know that as well. If your favorite churro cart is not mentioned, rest assured it may be special to you but I've found it to be like all the other churro carts in the park.

      In this book, all dining options are listed under their respective lands in alphabetical order.

      DINING IN EPCOT

      All A ratings were given to superior food.

      An A+ was only given to food that actually made me cry tears of joy.

      Above average, very respectable food received B ratings.

      Cs were average food that was a cut above McDonalds.

      D ratings were of the processed, fast food variety.

      Fs were things that I would not feed my dog.

      $ = VALUE (under $15 a plate)

      $$ = MODERATE (under $25 a plate)

      $$$ = DELUXE (under $45 a plate)

      $$$$ = LUXURY (over $45 a plate)

      FUTURE WORLD EAST (FWE)

      Ellen’s Energy Adventure (FWE)

      ADULT THRILL LEVEL – Low

      WAIT TIME – Low - Medium

      GUEST INFO – Must transfer to standard wheelchair, Assistive Listening, Handheld Captioning, Audio Description

      FP+ - No

      KID GRADE – (G) This is a very slow moving, dark ride. There are some large dinosaurs but it is pretty sedate for any child with the exception of the most high strung and nervous.

      ADULT RATING – (C-) This attraction is fabulous when the following conditions are met: Either it’s freezing cold outside, it’s boiling hot outside, your feet are killing you so bad you can’t walk anymore or you are dead ass drunk and need a place to sober up. If any or all of these apply to you get yourself to Ellen's Energy Adventure. If not, run - don’t walk, to Mission Space or Soarin’ and ride those attractions again.

      ANIMATED SHORT – This is a slightly humorous and highly informative look at the history of energy on this planet. I know, I can feel the excitement already. This is a slow moving tour starting with dinosaurs and ending with nuclear fusion. Even with the humor, it’s not enough to warrant wasting an hour of your valuable park time with this dinosaur of a ride.

      FEATURE FILM - While Disney calls

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