Alex In Wanderland

One

Alexis came through the door like an unguided missile at the end of its orbit. She dropped her briefcase on the couch with a tired sigh and paused before the mirror on the mantle. Amazing. She continued to look good after a long day in the office. Well-groomed honey-blonde hair caressed her shoulders and a knee-length skirt displayed legs worthy of whistles. Damn, she might be dog-tired, but at least the fatigue didn’t show.

She kept on going until she reached the kitchen table and turned on the overhead light. The breakfast dishes still held sway, with remnants of jam, burnt toast, and solidified coffee on view. The plates and pots from last night’s dinner rested in a sink full of gray water. A row of empty mugs lined the counter.

She took a deep breath and suspected she was safe to assume supper wasn’t ready.

"Alexander, what have you been doing today?" She tried to keep that tone out of her voice.

A chair scraped, and his slow footsteps came from the direction of the den.

She sighed. Well?

He grinned, brushed aside a lock of unruly brown hair, and shrugged. Sorry babe. I got all wrapped up in my latest work. Going good. How about phoning for a pizza?

Her temperature rose, not unlike boiling magma preparing to leave the caldera. She clenched her jaw. I. Don’t. Feel. Like. Pizza. Again. This has been a long day. I’m tired. I expect a hot meal when I come home, and it’s already after eight.

This made three nights in a row nothing was ready. Her head gave notice of preparations to explode.

Alexander peered at the fridge. I’m not sure what’s in there.

It’d been a stressful ten hours, with difficult clients screaming about the collapse of the market and the decline of their portfolios. Water cooler rumors were flying through the office of possible corporate mergers and the elimination of some of the firm’s financial advisors. She’d already generated a headache before she left downtown. Her narrowed eyes focused on Alexander’s bland expression.

Our deal was I’d keep working while you took care of the house. That includes cleaning up and, at the least, making dinner. She supposed he had his face stuffed inside the stupid computer monitor all day.

He gave her a weak smile. No need to get testy. I’ve been working and not taken a break since you left this morning.

And what have you done? A single, but believed-by-you to be a brilliant, paragraph?

Completed three pages. Some terrific, meaningful prose. He gave her a winsome smile.

The dam broke, and all the words came spilling out. Oh good. You only have another four hundred pages to produce. Let’s see, at this rate your epic will be completed in the next year. No, wait, I apologize. You’ll need time for additional research and poetry readings and attending launches by other failing writers. Better make that three more years. She paused for breath and glared at him. Of course, by that time I’ll either starve to death or strangle you.

That’s not fair. He took out something shiny and new he’d been hiding behind his back and waved in her direction.

Her heart jumped and sped up like a bull witnessing a red flag. That’s not fair? Only yesterday he promised no more unnecessary purchases. Someone stuck a knife inside her skull and twisted the handle. What have you bought now?

Last week she’d come close to asking her father for money. Their credit card was maxed and a month past due. She was in serious need of a new outfit for work if she was going to keep her job. Alexis clenched her fist.

Alexander’s familiar boyish grin returned, complete with his standard rumpled-puppy expression. Wait till you see what came in the mail today. I ordered this online.

He held the thing out for her inspection. Tiny rows of green and red lights hurried back and forth across the gleaming black-plastic surface.

Isn’t this great? From Amazing Electronics. The latest in high-tech. Replaces all the cells and pods, and even scans. Plug into your USB slot and—

We decided we couldn’t afford any more foolish purchases while you were unemployed. Her cheeks heated, and she knew her eyes were flashing danger.

I’m not unemployed, I’m a writer, he bleated.

"How much did that thing cost? Oh never mind. You’re returning the stupid toy. Tonight."

I will not.

That straw broke the proverbial camel’s back. Alexis advanced toward him. "I’ve had it up to here with you and your nonsense. Give the gadget to me. We can’t afford any more stuff. That is going back. End of discussion."

I will not. I need this for my work.

You don’t work. She made a quick grab and snatched the thing from his fingers before he had a chance to duck.

Now babe, give it back.

Don’t you babe me. I’m finished with you and your geek-boy toys. If you want toys, get a real job. She held the offensive device above her head. One that brings in some money for luxuries like food and mortgage payments.

Outside, the window darkened and a rumble of thunder trembled the glass. The kitchen lights flickered. Someone from the great upstairs threw a heavy splattering of water against the pane; a splash that soon turned into a downpour.

Alexander made a sudden grab for his latest trinket. Alexis growled, pitched it over his head and followed the arc as the flashing colors passed above him like an orbiting satellite, heading for the living room.

He turned in pursuit, and she elbowed him aside in the doorway. They made a mad dash toward the probable landing site on the bare hardwood floor. She pictured planting both high-heeled shoes hard on the shiny polished carapace and the resulting sight of mass destruction.

~ * ~

Alexander got out a strangled, Nooo, as he imagined his precious shattering into a thousand pieces. He shoved Alexis aside, and they stumbled across the room in a wild flailing of arms and stampeding feet all coming together in a heap on the floor with both grasping at the offending box. She elbowed him in the stomach. He held on with grim determination.

The thunder and lightning united in an explosion of major earthquake proportions. The little gadget glowed, all its lights blazing bright. The electronic annoyance turned red hot, but he couldn’t let go. Electricity charged full speed through Alexander and passed into Alexis and out, burning a scorched hole into the hardwood floor. His latest toy shrieked in protest and began to melt. His hand opened as the room went black accompanied by a roaring sound like the sucking insides of a massive tornado.

His stomach churned. He was kneeling, sprawled on a floor of cold stone, not bare hardwood. Head spinning, he reached out for something to cling to and grabbed hold of fabric and flailing arms.

Alexis screamed in his ear. She doubled over as though ready to bring up supper—if she had any. She clutched at him and opened her eyes.

His ears buzzed as if his head hosted an unruly crowd of cicadas. Everything continued to revolve.

Alexis’ mouth gaped but no further sound came out. Her clenched knuckles bulged white where they gripped his arm.

Shaking, he clung to Alexis and, using her as a prop, staggered to his feet. The world around him slowed, dissolved into focus and the sensation of sickening movement ceased.

A loud ringing echoed inside his skull. Was that the doorbell? Who could that be? The ringing didn’t sound like the front door, more resembled a Chinese gong. Where did that come from?

They lurched together like a pair of drunken dancers, and after a long moment, steadied. The sky above glowed with a million stars displayed through parting clouds. Darkness stretched to the horizon, except for the shimmering ring of a thousand pinpoints of flickering light somewhere at his feet.

Alexander’s straining eyes accustomed to the gloom, and he stared around. He stood, clutching Alexis and swaying on a platform, or maybe a flat roof, at the top of a high building. A loud ringing echoed through the night. Someone pounded on a gong, a large one by the sound.

Whatever was that? He gasped. His stomach did a flip-flop.

He inhaled wood smoke, or perhaps some sweet incense. Alexis held a firm grip on his arm.

She moaned. What happened? Oh, my head.

The Twins have come, they are here, a hoarse voice shouted from close behind him.

Roaring rumbled up from far below. He turned around, Alexis still hanging on tight to him.

A round, bald man garbed in a yellow robe stared at them wide-eyed. The glow from a nearby torch gleamed gold off his nose ring. He shouted, Quick, acolytes assist them.

Half a dozen men, also hairless, and garbed in what appeared to Alexander to be lemon-yellow bathrobes, rushed forward from behind a high, triangular archway and pressed around them, bowing and bobbing like a flock of hungry pigeons. The newcomers surrounded the clinging pair, reaching out for them with painted nails.

Get your filthy hands off me, Alexis cried out.

From the strangled sound of her voice, she struggled to hold back a full-fledged scream.

Two

What happened? Alexander gaped, his head still spinning. Did we just get hit by a tornado? Which way to Oz?

The yellow bathrobes closed in on them. Garlic breath swept toward him in choking clouds. Alexis screamed, coming close to shattering Alexander’s eardrum as she held tight to his arm. Any harder and she would wrench his shoulder loose.

Hold. Stay back. Do not offend the Twins. Prostrate yourselves and pray they will forgive you. The round man pushed through the crowd as his companions flung themselves to the floor, face down, arms stretched out toward the pair. He dropped to his knees and offered out his hands in a gesture of supplication. Forgive us. We have waited for so long. Forgive us, O Divine Messengers. We are your most humble servants.

We are your servants, reverberated from far below.

Come. The spokesman stood. You will be tired and in need of refreshment. He smiled and offered an open pudgy hand. I am Senior Brother Ecclesiex, Keeper of this temple of the goddess. Come. He hesitated and touched Alexander’s free arm. Please follow me, O favored messengers of the goddess.

He led them to the edge of the platform. They paused, swaying on the top of what appeared in the gloom to be a weathered pyramid of cut stone. A steep ramp of narrow steps stretched down between orderly rows of flames blazing up in what seemed to Alexander large ornamental flowerpots. A large brass gong stood at the foot of the stairs. A sea of wavering torches surrounded the base of the structure. Beyond their dancing pinpoints of light everything lay in total blackness.

They wait to honor you, Brother Ecclesiex said. They journeyed from leagues around to witness the arrival of the Sacred Twins.

I think he’s mad as a hatter, Alexis whispered. She still clung to Alexander. Where in the hell are we? What happened?

I must be dreaming, he muttered, shaking his head. But not a normal dream, if such things existed.

Ah yes, first is the Disbelief, said Senior Brother Ecclesiex. As is written in the scriptures, so it is.

I bet I can fly. Alexander gazed cautiously over the brink. After all, this was only a dream. But even if he knew he could, he wouldn’t.

Don’t you dare, Alexis said. Besides, this is my private fantasy.

Come, take my arm. We will descend with regal grace. Let the people drink in your magnificent glory. Time is precious but the faithful who waited several years for this night deserve a brief glimpse. Thanks be to Gladys. Brother Ecclesiex took the first step down and they followed him in a daze.

Don’t worry, babe, I’ve got you. Alexander’s voice shook.

Don’t call me babe.

She eased her hold on his arm and squeezed his hand instead. The steps were worn and she moved with care, as though afraid of tumbling forward and falling all the long way down. I feel light-headed, like after having one too many. She shuddered. I can smell burning incense and taste the smoke from the torches. I even got a whiff of the oily perspiration from our host. I can’t remember ever having a dream this real.

He scanned the throng below. An ocean of faces stared up at them, the whites of their eyes catching the light. Mouths were wide open. Like dazed goldfish, he muttered. I’m dreaming, but what am I hallucinating?

Usually old cheese and dill pickles right before bed brought on his strangest dreams. He couldn’t remember eating anything at all that night.

He concentrated on the narrow steps. This might be a dream, but the vision below dredged up childhood night-terrors, falls and tumbles into bottomless black pits. He’d wake from the nightmares covered in perspiration and screaming out loud. Those vivid frights ended the year he turned eighteen.

Alexander kept a firm grip on his wife’s damp hand. The crowd parted as they reached the foot of the pyramid. When he glanced over his shoulder at the route they descended, a full blood moon was rising above the archway at the top of the structure. He caught a glimpse of busy activity around the crest of the towering building, and then they were swallowed up by the eager press of the surrounding multitude.

He couldn’t make out all the details of those along the way, just the shadowy forms of men and women and clutching children. The glimpses of the clothing he caught in the dim front rows were of unfamiliar styles and less than the latest in fashion.

An eager whisper of, the Twins, rustled through the faceless throng.

Make way, Senior Brother Ecclesiex called out to the crowd. Step aside in the name of Gladys. He turned and shrugging, apologizing to them as he said, You must excuse them, Divinities. They have waited so long for the Coming.

Six big men in yellow kilts and bare chests slipped in on either side, pushing the spectators aside. Marching alongside the three, they carried large polished axes balanced on their shoulders and stared straight ahead. Unlike the Brother, they wore their long black hair drawn back into a single pigtail sprouting from the left side of their heads.

They’re fine-looking specimens, Alexis murmured, her gaze admiring their escort. I knew I’d arrange for excellent players in my dream-sequences.

Alexander frowned. I don’t even remember us going to bed.

This way please. Brother Ecclesiex gestured toward a set of wooden steps leading up to a small platform and a second floor entrance into a round stone tower. The top of the lofty structure disappeared into the night.

Alexander remembered the bad dreams and the danger of entering through unfamiliar doors. Wait a minute. He hesitated. His breathing came in short gasps. It was strange for this to happen to him in a dream. Hopefully this wasn’t the opening scene of a nightmare.

Brother Ecclesiex motioned again toward the tower. Please, go on ahead. Everything will be explained inside. We have studied the scriptures. They will be followed in all things, as was written down by those who came before.

I don’t think so, Alexander said. After you.

Oh don’t be such a wimp. You un-hero, even in my dream-fantasy. Alexis pushed past the brother and took to the stairs. Let’s see what happens next.

But…

Chicken. Dream chicken.

Here in his dreams he still faced her often annoying nicknames.

There is nothing to fear, Divinities. Senior Brother Ecclesiex bowed so low Alexander feared he might tumble forward on his plump face. We are the servants of the Messengers. You are safe in the sanctuary of the goddess.

Alexis disappeared through the entrance, and hesitating, Alexander climbed the stairs after her. The brother followed close behind him, while the axe men took up positions in the courtyard facing outward in a semi-circle around the foot of the steps.

The door led into a cozy room lit with fat candles mounted inside niches in the walls. A large wooden table and benches filled the center of the chamber.

Please be seated, Ecclesiex said.

Why not, my feet are killing me. Alexis kicked off her shoes. These heels weren’t designed for mountain climbing. She frowned. Should shoes hurt in dreams?

We will, of course, provide you with the proper footwear. Brother Ecclesiex beamed at them.

Alexander eased onto a bench across the table from his wife and peered around the room. I’ve never seen a chamber like this before in any other dreams. This whole set-up looks like something out of one of your absurd fantasy novels.

She waved her finger at him and arched one eyebrow. Just watch out. This is a private dream-world, and if I wake up now, you’re toast. Behave yourself or you’re gone. Besides, no one reads the crappy literary crud you write.

Would you like some tea? Senior Brother Ecclesiex asked, while pushing steaming cups of a heavy-scented herbal brew beneath their noses.

Ah, now that’s one sweet aroma. Alexis moaned. Hopefully the tea tastes as good. She inhaled deeply, sighed again and took a sip. Yes it does.

I trust our meager offering will ease your transition. The brother smiled. The blend is from the original recipe taken unchanged from chapter twelve, verse three, as written in the last translation.

Alexander stared at his plain earthen cup with suspicion. The oppressive sweet scent of a thick flowery aroma assaulted his nostrils. I can’t recall a time when I could smell anything in a dream. This is weird.

You’re weird. Alexis licked her lips. Now, if we can only conjure up something more substantial to fill this vacancy in my guts, the scene would be complete.

Brother Ecclesiex clapped his hands. I will order some cold fowl brought right away. I’m sorry, Favored Ones, but this fare is the best we can offer on such short notice. You must eat up quickly, because if the scriptures are correct, you will soon be very tired.

That’ll be fine. She smiled at them dreamily.

Alexander stared around the room as a warm contented feeling crept over him, starting at his toes. Based on what he remembered from his brief glance at the tower’s exterior, the chamber took up about a third of the floor space of the inside of the round tower, the outer walls hewn from large, carved blocks of stone fit tight together. A tapestry depicting a head and shoulders portrait of a smiling middle-aged woman gazed down at them from over a doorway leading further into the interior. She wore a broad necklace of what appeared to be a woven gold chain around her throat.

He yawned. Who’s that supposed to be?

The brother seemed surprised for an instant. Ah, your question is a test of faith. Why, that is the image of the goddess. She who sent you to us. I fear your disorientation is as strong as prophesied. He relaxed and gave them a gentle smile. Have no fear. Everything will come back to you. Gladys should fully reveal your mission to you at the proper time.

My mission? Alexander frowned.

Another bald man entered the room carrying a platter containing the carcass of a large bird and chunks of dark brown bread.

Hooray, the chicken is here. Alexis applauded. She snatched up a leg and took a bite. Ah, now that hits the spot. Amazing what hunger can do to a dream. She helped herself to a handful of the bread.

Alexander couldn’t focus. The room seemed ready to revolve. Across the table, his wife gave a wide yawn as his bones turned to jelly. Helpless, he slumped backward into waiting hands.

Three

Wake up, most worthy Divinity. Time to prepare for your journey. Wake up.

Go away. Either this is Saturday and I’m not moving, or the alarm hasn’t gone off yet. Alexis rolled over, face toward the wall. Certain rituals, like Saturdays, were sacred.

But Divinity, you must leave before dawn. Please wake.

She groaned, turned over on her back. Her mattress was much firmer than usual, with a scratchy covering under her fingers instead of cool cotton sheets. Her eyes snapped open. A stranger holding up a lantern leaned over her, the candlelight reflecting off of his bald head. His hand rested on her shoulder.

Please, Divinity, it is time to leave.

Alexis blinked and pulled the woolen blanket up to her chin. Who the hell are you, bud? What are you doing in my bedroom, and where am I? She squinted, recalling through the haze a pyramid and attendants in their yellow robes, and frowned. I’m still dreaming.

Alexander appeared in the doorway yawning as the little man ducked out of the room. Awake, babe? The Lord High Pooh Bah decrees we must be off on a quest. He’s convened a meeting.

Start without me. This is my dream. I don’t do meetings in dreams. She peeked under the blanket, almost relieved to confirm she still wore her suit jacket and fitted skirt from work. Why couldn’t she have designed something better in her dream state? In most of her fantasies she was completely in charge.

Oh come on. Let’s go find out what the old boy wants. I’m curious to discover what ridiculous plot device is being hatched now. He gave her a feeble grin, followed by a shudder. I suspect this will turn into a full-blown nightmare, and I’ll wake up in a cold sweat. I’m waiting for someone to start a dreadful and boring game of Dungeons and Baggins.

Dragons. Her husband also wore the same clothes he had on when she came home from work—a baggy sweater, old jeans, and running shoes ringed with holes.

She followed Alexander into the room where they’d eaten and joined him on a wooden bench. Senior Brother Ecclesiex waited as he beamed at them, his pudgy hands folded together. Another, much younger man, bald like the brother, but wearing shabby garments that appeared as though they spent the night in a pig-pen, stood gazing in their direction with an expression approaching awe.

This is Brother Pontifex. He will be your humble guide and the Scribe on the Sacred Quest.

Brother Pontifex appeared about twenty at most, and his scrawny frame inside the ill-fitting peasant clothes reminded Alexis of a starving scarecrow, something straight out of Washington Irving.

Pontifex smiled and bobbed. This meeting is the honor of a lifetime, Divinities. I am your most unworthy servant.

Listen, buddy, Alexis said to Brother Ecclesiex. You may be a main character in this comedy, but I don’t go wandering off with simply anyone, especially someone who looks in bad need of a good meal and a bath, even in a dream.

I agree, Alexander chimed in. Sounds like a marvelous way to send things downhill fast.

Let me explain something, Favored Ones, Ecclesiex began in a careful tone he might use explaining the facts of life to a hanging judge or an executioner. The barons had their spies at the sacred ceremony last night. Those treacherous agents hurried away to their evil masters as soon as you appeared. We watched out for them, of course. A pity but we couldn’t catch them all.

A dreamy expression lit up his face. We did lay hands on two though. They denied everything, as expected, but give us another hour and the wretches shall confess their sins. Anyway Divinities, I suspect by noon today the barons will be on the alert and have their Crimson Dragoons mounted and scouring the countryside for signs of your passing.

What happens if they find us? Alexander winked at Alexis.

Ah, well, as is written, the usual process is to drag you back to the nearest fortress and torture you until you admit who you are. After, they will send you in chains to Illyrium for the king to pronounce sentence. You will be drawn, quartered, and hung on the city wall beside the main gate. At least that is what happened the last time.

The last time? they said in unison.

Do not worry about such matters now, most hallowed Messengers. Brother Pontifex, would you instruct them to bring in your fellow travelers?

Fellow travelers? Alexis said, feeling like part of a chorus in a bad high school version of a Greek tragedy.

Two big axe-carrying men came through the door leading an even larger man held securely between them by stout leather leashes fastened to an iron collar around his neck. The newcomer, naked to the waist, had muscles bulging in places Alexis wouldn’t believe possible, before today. She suppressed a little smile.

A thick layer of dirt covered most of his torso and his long black locks looked like storks had been using it for a nest. His scraggly beard matched his hair. Bright, blue eyes scanned the room, darting glances that took in the two priests plus the pair watching from the benches.

Interesting specimen. Brother Ecclesiex seemed pensive. Where did you find him, and what is he in for?

Brother Pontifex smiled, rocking on his toes in his eagerness. I found him in one of the dungeons. It seems he murdered two people in the marketplace.

They tried to cheat me, rumbled the prisoner. I simply wanted to sell my horse for a fair price. My axe slipped. It was an accident.

Alexis noted the newcomer was missing at least three teeth and his nose had been moved a wee bit to the left. Otherwise, he might be considered almost attractive.

Can you use a sword? Ecclesiex asked.

Yes. I have.

Perfect, the barbarian warrior, the Protector from beyond the frontier. What about the Thief? Ecclesiex seemed very pleased, smiling like some garden Buddha freed from watching birdbaths and enjoying the sunshine.

Good lord. It appeared Alexander couldn’t contain himself another minute longer. Somebody pinch me and wake me up. If this plot gets any more formulaic, I’ll puke.

Alexis punched him hard in the ribs. He had a habit of ruining her moods—but in a dream? She didn’t think it was fair.

He winced.

Pontifex glanced at them with a nervous twitch of his eyebrow. There was not much to choose from in the stockades. This one is the best of the lot. He gestured toward the door. They caught him trying to steal a jug of wine. Had to chase him halfway across the village.

A guard entered, dragging along a slender figure who made a half-hearted effort to bite his captor’s hand. The thief was, at most, sixteen years old, undernourished and dirty, with short, rough-cropped, mouse-colored hair, and shifty brown eyes.

Are you any good at your trade, knave? Brother Ecclesiex prodded the young man in the chest with an iron poker.

Turn me loose an’ I’ll slip your false teeth out an’ be gone before you can say roasted red-breasted robins, the little fellow snarled. You’d never had caught me except for that puddle of cooking oil I slipped in.

Excellent. He will do marvelously well. Brother Ecclesiex clapped his hands in obvious glee. That completes the Five.

Would someone like to tell me what’s going on? Alexis needed more sleep and something solid to eat. Should you be hungry in a dream?

I crave your pardon, Divine Messengers. Ecclesiex bowed deeply. This is obviously another test of our knowledge of the scriptures. Divinities, you are sent to us by the goddess to free the honest folk from their oppression by their greedy rulers. To complete this task you must undertake the long and dangerous journey to Illyrium and place your petition before the king. As ordained by the goddess, five will go: the Twin Messengers, the Warrior, the Thief, and the Scribe. Did I pass the test, my lords?

And if we refuse to take this journey? Alexander asked the Senior Brother.

A sad expression crossed his brow; he smiled sadly and held out his hands, palms empty and raised. Why, as you also know, the barons will seize you, torture you, and—

Yes, yes, we’ve been all through that part. Anything else come to mind? Alexander looked as though he considered taking all this stuff seriously.

Well, the Senior Brother said slowly, first they force their way in here, and finding you, they will slaughter the priests of this temple to the goddess, destroy the local village, and slay all who live there. When they finish the bloodshed they must needs set fire to the fields so any survivors starve.

~ * ~

I was hoping for alternatives to the torture and the other fun stuff. Alexander had the sinking sensation in the bottom of his stomach this dream was trying to lead him back into his old high school nightmares.

Oh why not, sounds amusing. Alexis stood and stretched. Let’s do the priest’s quest.

So you will be less conspicuous on the journey, there is a change of clothes laid out for each of you on your cots. Brother Ecclesiex gestured for them to hurry.

He turned to the prisoners. Barbarian, you are charged with protecting the Divine Twins until they reach Illyrium. Once safely arrived, the task is done, and you are to be provided with a written pardon from the goddess and a writ of freedom. Your immortal spirit is thus thrice blessed. Will you undertake this?

I will be free to go home? said the big man.

Yes, and well-paid by the priests in Illyrium for your work. Do you accept?

Yes.

Unchain him and find him some weapons. Brother Pontifex will swear you into the sacred service of the goddess before you leave. Brother Ecclesiex turned to the youth. Thief, will you accompany the Divine Twins and guide them safely through to Illyrium, using your skills to provide for their needs on the journey?

What’s in all this for me?

You will receive a pardon and payment for services and the usual business opportunities for your talents in Great Illyrium. Ecclesiex smiled. His was not a pretty smile. Of course, if you refuse the task, I will make certain you are fed to the lizards that haunt the lower levels of the pyramid.

I’ll do it, grumbled the thief.

By the way, Alexis called from the other room, "we’re not twins, and only I am divine."

Visible through the open door, she struggled into a patchwork skirt and faded blouse and pulled on a short jacket in bad need of repair. The clothes were clean, but showed signs of use.

Is this the best you could come up with? She swirled around.

The leather boots were worn and broken in, but sturdy and seemed to fit her quite well.

You must not appear conspicuous if you wish to make a safe journey through to Illyrium, Brother Ecclesiex replied. Please cover your head with the shawl too.

Why? This glorious hair is one of my best features.

Your hair is too neat and clean and a strange color. Not like our peasants. You will attract unwanted attention.

Oh good grief, the things I must do to play this game. She rejoined her companions.

Alexander stood there frowning and wondering what would happen next. He was dressed in baggy trousers and jacket and his old running shoes.

Pontifex inspected them both with a critical eye but said nothing.

Their barbarian warrior returned alone. He carried a large sword with a plain cross-hilt belted on his back and a pair of wicked-looked daggers fastened around his waist. A hand axe hung at his side. The thief sat in the corner going through what looked like a small canvas bag of burglary tools.

I find major holes in this ridiculous plot, Alexander explained. "Everyone is expected to drop