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    Thrive: How I Became A Superhero (Memoir)
    Thrive: How I Became A Superhero (Memoir)
    Thrive: How I Became A Superhero (Memoir)
    Ebook136 pages2 hours

    Thrive: How I Became A Superhero (Memoir)

    By Alexis Donkin

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    About this ebook

    How we respond to suffering is optional. When confronted by suffering, we have an opportunity to choose to be a victim or a superhero.

    THRIVE is a personal memoir chronicling one woman's suffering which she transformed into opportunities for empowerment. Get specific guidance and practical steps to developing resilience and asserting personal control through stories on that include: molestation, race and class relations, college rape, healing, speaking personal truth, homelessness, sexuality, illness, unemployment, birth, and fear.

    Whether you were once a victim, or want to become a better ally and advocate, THRIVE is a book for anyone who wants to take control in life, and learn how to transform into a real-life superhero.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAlexis Donkin
    Release dateJun 15, 2015
    ISBN9781310327636
    Thrive: How I Became A Superhero (Memoir)
    Author

    Alexis Donkin

    Alexis Donkin is passionate, purposeful, and prolific. If Margaret Atwood and C.S. Lewis had a lovechild, it would be her.Alexis currently lives in Southern California with her family and real-life familiar. She has lived many places and studied many things. Between writing, speaking, and chasing her kid, she paints, sings, and dances. Sometimes she does it all at once. Be sure to connect with her and sign up for her newsletter here: http://eepurl.com/btmIPD

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      Book preview

      Thrive - Alexis Donkin

      THRIVE

      How I Became A Superhero

      By: Alexis Donkin

      Copyright 2015, Alexis Donkin

      All rights reserved.

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Acknowledgements

      This book would not have been published without the tremendous support of several wonderful people. First I must thank those who allowed this path to develop, the good and the bad. I would not be the woman I am today without this.

      I must thank my beta readers – Krista, Stephanie, Danielle, and Alcione – not only for suffering through the early drafts of THRIVE, but the many emails, bordering on spam, hounding for feedback on specific items. I thank them for their warmth, compassion, and honesty.

      I also want to thank my social media campaign helpers, who likewise suffered excessive emails and reviewed countless press release drafts. Their feedback was invaluable and helped me to grow in an area where I used to lack.

      The beautiful cover photo was courtesy of Daniel Quinajon, a fantastic photographer who blessed me with his talent. I thank him for answering an ad on a whim and helping me out of your goodness.

      I am forever grateful to Lauryn, for her meticulous and repeated combing through manuscripts; she was my de facto editor, and without her, this book never would have reached its full potential. I can never thank her enough.

      My parents – I am grateful for their rolling with the punches, and jumping on board despite – and because of - the contents of this book. They are such rocks.

      Finally, I could not have done this without Christian - words can never express.

      Chapter 1: Superheroes

      I am a superhero. This is the first thing you need to know about me. It is the first conclusion you will come to if we ever meet. It is a conclusion I hear any time I meet someone and they start asking me about my story. It happens the same way. Sometimes they use different words – everyone doesn't say superhero but they are just as likely to use that word as another.

      One such time my husband and I visited his coworker on the west side of the San Francisco Bay peninsula. They were working on motorcycles together so Christian, my husband, could get a few spare parts for a project bike of his own. I went along because at the time I was about four months pregnant. I told myself the outing was for my personal sanity. Christian's motivation was probably to keep an eye on me.

      I remember his coworker's girlfriend was there. She was a sweet young woman, slightly younger than myself. She offered us juice, cookies, and crackers.

      As I politely took a cookie, she asked me question after question.

      What do you do?

      Well, I'm a writer and blogger. But for my day job? I teach art to inner city underserved elementary students in Oakland.

      Wow. What's that like?

      Really great. I smiled before adding, It's really nice to watch kids learn – to celebrate their successes, however small.

      And you're a writer?

      Yeah.

      What do you write?

      A little bit of everything, but mostly fiction. I have a couple of series out.

      A couple?

      Well, I just published the third book in one series and I have two in the other. I'm working on finishing the fourth and third books respectively.

      While you're pregnant?

      Yeah, I laughed, I figure I have to get as much done now as I can.

      She asked me more questions. Somehow it came up that I liked music, and that I performed with my father, that we'd recorded several albums. Then she asked about my schooling, and I explained I'd studied art before switching to peace and conflict. I told her about my travels. I told her some of my wild stories.

      Wow Alexis! You are a superhero! A real life superhero! I smiled and looked away.

      I guess, when you look at it that way, I guess. Yeah. Maybe I am.

      I wish I could be like you. Then I smiled at her and met her eyes.

      You can.

      I have done many things, and they are impressive. I have done a lot of things that society says are difficult. Indeed, I once believed some of them were difficult, but I chose to do them anyway. My accomplishments make me seem like a superhero, but that is just one side of me. That is the side everyone can see, and judge easily. It is the side that people know, that can be found with a search engine. However it is not the summation of myself.

      I have accomplished many more things than my traditional achievements. Most importantly, I have suffered. I believe a person is known through their suffering. How I interpret my experiences is what shows me for who I really am. Some people do not suffer well. People tell lies to avoid suffering or pretend it doesn't exist. They lie to themselves and others about the situation. It does them no service. People will buckle under the pressure of suffering. They may have a nervous breakdown. They may hurt themselves physically. Maybe it was their first experience with suffering. Maybe they lived a sheltered life. Regardless, their reaction often leaves deeper wounds than the cause of suffering.

      A defeatist might say such people were born this way and there is nothing they can do to change. It is true that some people are born with greater mental or spiritual strength, just like some people are born with the tendency to have bigger, denser muscle tissues. Does that mean that everyone can't work out? No. Anyone can make themselves strong. Anyone can make themselves mentally, emotionally, spiritually fit. Likewise, anyone can transform their suffering into superpowers. No one has to be a victim. Everyone can thrive.

      I am not saying these things to belittle difficult situations people encounter. I know how hard life can be. I have experienced many difficult things in my short time on this earth. There are absolutely things that occur in life that are hard, that are outside an individual's control. I can turn on the news or bring up my social media feeds and see story after story about police brutality, sexual assault, natural disasters, domestic violence and all manner of terrible awful things happening all over the world. There is suffering. I do not deny this in the least. Still, despite whatever happens in that chaotic world outside, I still have control over one thing: myself. This control makes all the difference in the world.

      Even when I was a young person, I felt like I had a strong purpose being in the world. I felt like I was meant to do something. That purpose and need were magnified when I studied my name.

      Words shape reality. Names shape reality. Every thing has a name, which makes it become itself even more than it already was. When I learned about my first name, I was overwhelmed. Alexis means defender or protector of humankind. What a heavy burden to bear! How could I even come close to fulfilling the promise of my name?

      To compound that promise, my last name means dark warrior. Donkin is an Anglicization of the Scottish name Duncan which comes from Dalraida, referencing a group of mercenaries from the highlands of Scotland. The Duncan Clan motto is Learn to suffer. This name, and its attached motto, became more appropriate the older I got. It was only recently that I came to understand exactly what it meant.

      This book is an account of my suffering, how I learned to suffer, and how I transformed my suffering into something not only useful, but beneficial. It is the story of how I transformed from a victim into the superhero I am today.

      I have written and deleted each separate piece of my story a thousand times. I have posted bits and pieces on my blogs, but never the whole thing. I never assembled the full narrative of my suffering. Every time I read someone's experience echoing my own, I felt the call to speak. Every time I read someone's experience where they struggled to maintain some semblance of sanity through their suffering, I felt the urge to comfort them – to offer an alternative path. In short, the need to share my story became so great, I could no longer ignore it. I could not maintain my silence.

      This is not an easy story. It was not easy to live. It is not easy to tell. Portions have been kept secret from those people closest to me in an effort to spare them, as well as myself, the pain of revelation. It is difficult to discover ugly truths about close friends and family members. I want to believe the best of people, and for the most part, people may be good. But sometimes they aren't. My choice to keep silent was a disservice to those around me as well as myself. It was a disservice to everyone who has gone through these kinds of experiences and everyone who will in the future.

      Because despite all society's good work to make the world a better place, there will be suffering in the future. There will be difficult experiences. There will be obstacles. People won't have the exact combination of experiences I had. Indeed, it is my sincerest wish they not. I would be grateful if these were never repeated, though I am not naive enough to believe this will occur.

      I am not writing about these things to commiserate. I am not writing my story to elicit pity. I am not a victim. I am a superhero. I am a superhero by choice. It is a choice I make every day, as opposed to wallowing or seeking victimhood.

      First let me share a bit of what I have done during my suffering. I have recorded two music albums. I graduated with my bachelors cum laude, as a transfer student, switching from a humanities to a social science major. I traveled to Central America and Great Britain. I studied abroad in Hungary for a semester. I lived in India for six months. I graduated with a masters degree. I have been interviewed on television, radio, and in newspapers. I volunteered and served in education, family, religious, and creative non-profits. I taught children and adults art. I taught adults public speaking and writing, and got top student reviews for my teaching. Students have cried when I left schools. I have been featured in multiple art shows, and had single shows of my work. I gave birth to my son completely naturally, in a birth center, in only 8 hours and it was magical. I have written and published over 10 books, and am working on more. I

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