Sal

Prologue

Six Months Earlier

B abe! Are you here? I called, letting myself into Sal’s place and setting my purse on the side table. We’d made plans to go to dinner and I was starving.

I cocked my head, surprised to be met with silence.

Babe? I called again while wandering back to the bedroom.

In here, his deep voice responded from the back of the house.

I found him in the bedroom zipping up a duffle bag.

What are you doing? I asked, confused.

I saw him visibly swallow before his gorgeous brown eyes met mine. I’m leaving, he replied, his tone flat and so unlike him.

Sal could be removed at times, but this was something else entirely.

But we’re going to dinner, I replied, feeling utterly confused. Does Cole have you going on a run somewhere?

The club VP and my best friend’s fiancé did at times send Sal out for jobs, but I’d always known about them ahead of time. On occasion, I’d even gone with him.

He shook his head solemnly and hoisted his bag up, brushing past me as he headed for the living room.

I followed him feeling bewildered and confused. What’s going on, Sal? I asked quietly, leaning against the doorway, needing its support.

He turned to me and an eternity passed in seconds as we regarded each other. The mood in the room was thick with emotion and my heart pounded in my chest with apprehension.

I’m not who you need, he replied, his eyes burning with intensity.

What? I whispered, my hands shaking as they flew over my mouth in shock.

I’m not who I need either. He shook his head, looking off to the side. "Fuck, I’m just…I’m tired of knowing you need more and not being able to give it to you. I’m tired of warring with myself. I’m just fucking tired," he breathed.

But I never asked you to change, I protested, feeling like I was living someone else’s nightmare.

I know you didn’t, he said as he shook his head. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t want me to, he replied.

So you’re giving up, just like that, I murmured hoarsely, the words numb on my lips.

I don’t know exactly what I’m doing, he admitted. What I do know is you didn’t cause this, he said fiercely. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It’s just something inside me that’s fucked up. I’ve gotta try to figure it out.

Are you coming back? I found the courage to ask.

The air in the room felt thick and oppressive while I waited anxiously for his reply.

I don’t know, he replied finally.

And with that response, my world shifted on its axis and I found myself trying to stay upright.

You don’t know, I repeated his words, trying to grasp what was happening here. We’d gone from having typical Friday night plans to him walking out on me.

The guys will look out for you, he told me, like that mattered to me at all in the moment. The Knights, Sal’s motorcycle club, had become like family to me in the six months I’d been with Sal.

But Sal was my heart.

I can’t believe this, I whispered, unable to voice the expanse of my despair. I felt a crushing weight pressing into my chest. You’re leaving right now? We’re not even going to talk more about this? I demanded, baffled at how sudden this was, at how removed he seemed.

If I don’t go now, I know I won’t be able to, he murmured as his gaze met mine. He stepped closer, but I backed away not wanting his comfort when he was in the process of crushing me. He let his arms drop in defeat and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. This is just something I have to do, he explained, his deep voice laced with regret.

Anger flared along with the hurt and I crossed my arms protectively over my chest.

Clearly, I nodded coolly. Obviously, there wasn’t anything more to say. I certainly wasn’t going to plead with him to stay. I had more pride than that.

He opened the front door to the night beyond and gave me one last look as he grabbed his bag and walked out the door and out of my life.

******

The cavernous garage was quiet as usual, as I used my key and slid open the large metal door. It had become a nightly routine for me. After weeks of sleepless nights and torturing myself about what I could have done differently, the only place I could seem to rest was one of the places I’d felt closest to Sal.

Life and its irony continued to kick me in the ass.

The smell of gasoline immediately filled my nose with its reassuring scent.

Sal’s Charger sat covered and abandoned off to the side, along with Hank’s old Chevy truck they’d been in the middle of refinishing.

He’d taken the bike. I was surprised at how much I missed riding.

The first time Sal had brought me to the club’s personal auto shop I’d been bored to tears watching as he tinkered with his bike. But I’d quickly learned this was a special place for my man. This had been Sal’s sanctuary, the one thing he shared readily and openly with me. I’d felt so close to him inside these walls. I still did.

Sal wasn’t a big talker but he was a good listener. We’d had our own form of communication while he worked and I watched.

And watching him bent over a hood wasn’t half-bad either. The man had an amazing ass.

I dropped my purse and hopped up on the workbench laying my head on my arms and breathing deeply.

Tears threatened then as they so often did here. You asshole, I whispered, feeling my usual mix of anger and despair about Sal.

My lids grew heavy and I sighed in relief when sleep finally overtook me.

Kat, a deep voice woke me from an uncomfortable sleep.

Is she sleeping in there again? I heard another male voice ask incredulously.

Not anymore, I muttered, sitting up stiffly and wiping my eyes.

Axel and Xander looked at me with a mixture of concern and bafflement when I stood up. It wasn’t the first time I’d been caught here and it wouldn’t be the last.

You need a ride home? Axel asked, his grey eyes assessing me carefully.

Nope, I’m good. I waved him off with a forced grin.

If you say so, he muttered skeptically.

It’s his loss you know, Xander’s deep voice rumbled.

Yeah, I murmured with a headshake and a wave over my shoulder.

Whether or not that was true, Sal had still left me. He’d walked out of my life with a remoteness which still haunted me. I felt like I’d never get over it, over him. But I was a fighter, I’d come back from worse. At least that’s what I told myself every morning when I didn’t want to leave my bed.

All that was left to do was to pick up the pieces and try to move on.

Chapter 1

Present Day

Ahorn blared loudly behind me as I cut over into the right-hand lane.

Sorry! I hollered, waving my hand out the window in apology.

I’d started my day behind from the start. I slept through my alarm and barely made it to my kickboxing class. Now I was running late for work.

Annoying, yes. Unusual? Not so much. Punctuality had never been my strong suit.

Now, as for my driving skills, personally, I didn’t see the problem. I always drove with determination and perhaps a bit of a lead foot. Why my friends were always white knuckling it whenever they were forced to ride with me was beyond me.

It was a sweltering day and because the AC in my trusty Corolla had long since gone kaput, I had all the windows down, treating all those around me to my girl Dolly Parton crooning. I blasted her as loud as my poor speakers could handle.

My music tastes had always been what some might call eclectic and others might deem slightly schizophrenic. I’d always loved everything from country to heavy metal to pop. It all depended on my mood.

I know, I know, I’m late, I said apologetically as I swept into the bar, throwing my bag down and sweeping my dark hair out of my face. Even after months of growing it out, it was still an adjustment after having short hair almost all my life. But, change could be good, and I liked the side-swept bangs and longer layers I’d been rocking as of late.

It was still early evening and only a few regulars sat at the bar. They raised their glasses in a brief salute before turning back to the TV.

Pete, my boss, rolled his eyes. When are you not late? he muttered under his breath.

I heard that, I hollered to his back as he headed for the stockroom. I set to work slicing limes, prepping for what I hoped would be a busy night ahead.

When Pete had offered me the job at his bar, aptly named Pete’s, I’d jumped at the chance. He also owned Jupiter, the brewery I’d waitressed at for several years alongside my best friend, Scarlet. I hadn’t enjoyed working at Jupiter as much since Scar left to start nursing school and to prepare for impending motherhood. Pete’s was a nice change and offered me autonomy. Pete let me manage myself and I liked the patrons, for the most part.

The bar was small and dimly lit, as any good dive bar had to be. The worn leather stools looked well-loved with their nicks and tears from frequent use. The booths alongside the windows were equally worn but comfortable and relatively private. There was enough room toward the back for a pool table, which was almost always in use.

Cole had fought hard to get me to work at one of the bars the club owned, but I’d firmly declined. Being affiliated with the club meant I already had a band of badass, overly protective big brothers whether I liked it or not. I didn’t need to work with them, too.

The Lumineers sang soothingly through the speakers as I wiped down the bar, preparing for last call. Mike, one of my regulars, continued to prattle on about his ex-wife, a common occurrence. I nodded my head indicating I was listening as I continued going about my tasks.

I was a good listener and having an open ear seemed to be a cure of sorts for most of my regulars. I got along with them just fine. They came in to share a laugh, a beer, and some conversation. I probably knew more about some of these people than their families did.

The door swung open and I rolled my eyes good naturedly as Wes strode into the bar as if he owned the place. I’d been telling the guys every night for six months they didn’t need to escort me home, but so far, my requests had fallen on deaf ears. I knew they felt it was their responsibility to look out for me now that Sal was gone.

I was touched by how, even though he was gone, the guys still cared about me. But, there were downsides, too. For instance, when they found out I’d agreed, albeit reluctantly, to go out on a date, it would be interesting to say the least. Scarlet was determined for me to go out with one of her doctor friends. She swore up and down that Gavin was the perfect guy to reintroduce myself to the dating pool.

The truth was I’d sooner shave my eyebrows off than date. And my heart wasn’t ready. No one would ever measure up to Sal.

But Scarlet was pushy on a good day. A nine-month pregnant Scarlet? You might as well roll over and say uncle, which is basically what I was doing.

Kat, it’s not even that I want you to date, she’d said when we’d talked about it for the thousandth time the previous week. "I just want you to go out. Have some fun. Remember fun?"

I’d rolled my eyes in response. Vaguely.

I’d always been a bit of a wild child. I liked to burn the candle at both ends so to speak; go out late, dance, drink entirely too much at times, socialize. All that.

But I’d been somewhat of a hermit since becoming involuntarily single. I’d already mellowed my ways a bit when I’d started dating Sal. He was more of a few beers at home; throw in a movie type of guy. And I found I wanted to spend the majority of my time with him anyway. The late night parties and bars didn’t hold the same allure when I could be snuggling with my man.

Hey, Kat, Wes said with a grin, sitting casually at the bar as I prepared to close things down.

Wes, I said as I smiled back at my friend, Connie’s fiancé and one of Cole’s right-hand men. Like all the guys, Wes was intimidating until you got to know him. He was solidly built and carried himself in a way that demanded respect.

See you next time, Kat, Mike stated as he patted the bar and gathered his coat.

See ya, Mike, I replied. Hey guys, time to call it a night, I said firmly, turning to the two guys at the end of the bar who’d been tying one on for the past few hours. They grumbled in response, but rose unsteadily to head home.

You comin’ to the club for the barbeque? Wes asked conversationally as I locked the doors.

I shook my head. I don’t think so. I still avoided the club to some extent. It reminded me so much of Sal.

Hot date? he asked, teasing me.

Actually yes, I replied hesitantly.

Wes and Sal were close and I wasn’t sure how he’d feel about me dating. Then again, it was Sal who had left me. Was I supposed to wait around forever?

Wes’ brows quirked in surprise and then narrowed. Really? Who is he?

Oh, no, I said as I shook my head and let out a short laugh. I don’t need you going all big brother badass on him. All you need to know is Scarlet set it up, so he must be a good guy, I told him as we made our way out into the warm evening air.

His tall frame towered over me as we walked to my car. You doin’ okay? he asked quietly. Wes could be scary when he needed to be, but he had the biggest heart of any guy I’d ever known.

Fine. I tried to smile along with the lie. The truth was I was doing a hell of a lot better than I had been, but fine was a bit of a stretch. Not total shit would be closer to the truth.

How’s the wedding planning going? I asked to change the subject. He’d proposed to Connie a few months back. I was thrilled. They were great together.

He narrowed his eyes at my subject change, but sighed knowing me well enough to let it go. Pretty good. I’m staying mostly out of the way, he chuckled.

Smart man. I laughed and opened my car door, hearing its groan of protest.

That car is on its last legs, he grumbled. It’s gonna break down on you, he warned.

Well, good thing you or one of the other guys follows me home every night, I quipped.

Be even better if you let one of us back under the hood, he replied, clearly irritated with me. I’d repeatedly turned down his offer to look at it again. He, Cole and Hank had each already fixed it at least once. They had better things to do than piece together my beloved jalopy, again.

Thanks for coming by, Wes, I said by way of an answer.

He looked to the sky for a moment in search of patience before turning back to me. Anytime. You know that, he nodded, watching as I got in my car.

I heard the rumble of his bike start up and had to admit, his headlight shining in my rearview mirror as I drove home was a comfort, especially with the eerie feeling I’d had lately of being followed. I couldn’t place why I felt that way. Call it a sixth sense of sorts. I hadn’t told any of the guys about it, fearing they’d flip out. Plus I didn’t have anything concrete to tell them. For now, I was just trying to be vigilant.

I drove down the quiet streets toward what was still my relatively new home. I really missed living with Scarlet. We’d been roommates for close to a decade before she’d moved in with Cole. I liked my place, but living alone had definitely taken some getting used to, especially because it had fallen directly on the heels of Sal leaving. Those first few weeks had been brutal, though I never shared with Scarlet just how much. She’d struggled with a lot of guilt over moving in with Cole and I didn’t want to make her feel worse. She needed to move on with her life–we couldn’t be roommates forever. Cole was an amazing man who loved the shit out of her. I still couldn’t believe they were going to be parents.

I let myself into my building, which was far more secure than the place I’d shared with Scarlet. This was one of Cole’s requirements that I allowed him to press upon me. All of the Knights were hard to detract when they had their minds set on something.

I took the elevator to the third floor and let myself into my loft. It was a nice sized space with hardwood floors and high ceilings. My bed sat up on a platform to the far right, leaving room for a large living room space. The galley-style kitchen was simple but featured brand new appliances. I always ate at the bar, so I had no need for a dining table.

I put my purse down and moved toward the bathroom. I had a huge tub, my favorite part of my place. I loved taking baths and planned to do just that to decompress before bed.

My phone rang as I sunk into the warm, soapy water.

I smiled as I answered. Can’t sleep? I asked Scarlet knowingly. She had been uncomfortable these past few weeks. She still looked beautiful though, and had only gained weight in her belly, the lucky bitch.

No, she groused.

Anytime now, I replied soothingly. I couldn’t wait to meet my new little niece.

That’s what Cole keeps saying, too, she said with a sigh. I guess this little one is just getting a head start on keeping me up all night.

She’s a party animal like her Auntie Kat.

She laughed quietly at my quip. You should come by tomorrow. I could use a distraction, she said as I heard Cole’s deep voice murmur in the background. I’m fine, babe, I heard her tell him quietly. I’ll be there soon, she added in the soft voice she only used with him.

No doubt Cole wanted her back in bed. He’d been