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    Radical Joy: How to Live Like There's No Tomorrow
    Radical Joy: How to Live Like There's No Tomorrow
    Radical Joy: How to Live Like There's No Tomorrow
    Ebook129 pages1 hour

    Radical Joy: How to Live Like There's No Tomorrow

    By Phyllis Coletta

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    About this ebook

    Using stories from the dying, the traumatized, and the brave Phyllis Coletta exposes the razor's edge of living life to the fullest. With great humor and searing directness she compels readers to examine their own lives from the perspective of the end - after all, we all have a terminal illness. Drawing on experience as a Zen Buddhist chaplain, an Emergency Medical Technician, and her own journey through breast cancer, Phyllis focuses in on the behaviors, attitudes, practices and skills of people who endure trauma and emerge even better - a phenomenon psychologists call "Post Traumatic Growth." Who knew that when bad things happen to good people, good things can happen? How do we build our lives in preparation for the worst while living every day to the fullest?

    Phyllis provides questions, exercises, and a solid roadmap (The Top Ten Habits of the Healthy) for people who are ready to live authentic lives of joy. This book will engage you right from the start and - if you commit to the practices and exercises - it will change your life deeply and for the good.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPhyllis Coletta
    Release dateMay 14, 2015
    ISBN9781311531438
    Radical Joy: How to Live Like There's No Tomorrow
    Author

    Phyllis Coletta

    I'm a writer, coach, and speaker but really, who am I to tell you anything? Why would you buy my books or listen to me speak or set me loose on a roomful of decent folks? Who am I to teach you anything?I’m certainly no scientist, therapist, counselor, mega-coach, movie star, expert or authority on anything other than myself. I’ve had a rollicking fun adventurous life, raised three boys as a mostly-single mom, practiced law for 15 years (I am now in recovery), taught high school English, became an EMT, a cowgirl (not a good one, but a cheerful one), a ranch hand, back up wilderness guide (the one who does all the scut work), and a Buddhist chaplain. I’ve worked in classrooms, courtrooms, emergency rooms; with ski patrollers, cowboys, doctors, lawyers, teachers, and kids. Born and raised in Philly, I’ve lived in a 300 square foot cabin off the grid on 5000 acres in The Middle of Nowhere, Colorado. From the Jersey shore to the Purple Mountain Majesties, I’ve skied, rafted, climbed, biked, run and hiked through life. It’s a pretty fun resume but I’m no Dr. Phil. Except for my JD degree which is technically a doctorate, making me - indeed - Dr. Phyl. Having collected so many experiences, I am a helluva storyteller.How else to put this? I was born to inspire other people to their best and highest selves. Nothing is more fun for me - NOTHING - than being a positive, collaborative, sensitive, intellient and fun agent of REAL CHANGE. Try one of my books on for size, or contact me about coaching or speaking. We can just talk for awhile and then see what you think. The truth is that everything you need to know is right inside you. I can just help clear the air.

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      Book preview

      Radical Joy - Phyllis Coletta

      RADICAL JOY

      How to Live Like There’s No Tomorrow

      Phyllis Coletta

      Copyright © 2015 by Phyllis Coletta.

      Smashwords Edition

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

      This is a work of creative nonfiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental or with the subject’s approval.

      *Names in this story have been changed.

      Discover other titles by Phyllis Coletta at

      www.phylliscoletta.com

      To spiritual warriors everywhere. Ride hard, die free.

      And the days are not full enough.

      And the nights are not full enough.

      And life slips by like a field mouse,

      Not shaking the grass.

      Ezra Pound

      CONTENTS

      PART 1

      Chapter 1

      Chapter 2

      PART 2

      Chapter 3

      Chapter 4

      Chapter 5

      PART 3

      Chapter 6

      Conclusion

      Aknowledgements

      About the Author

      INTRODUCTION

      Sorry about your terminal diagnosis. Of course it’s upsetting. Everything’s got to change now. You may have to quit your job. Your family has to adjust to this new state. You’re going to need to pay attention to things you forgot, or never knew and your friends and family are going to be called on in ways that will upset them. Truthfully, when people hear about your diagnosis they may not want to hang around you much longer.

      Don’t tell them, but they’ve got the same disease.

      Have you ever met anyone who actually lives like there’s no tomorrow? We throw this term around to describe gluttony (he ate like there was no tomorrow!) or it may conjure up images of rock stars trashing motel rooms. But what does it look like to live like there’s no tomorrow? It would mean, by definition, that you’re living your last day on earth, completely awake and aware of your imminent demise. To live like there’s no tomorrow doesn’t mean we act desperately or recklessly. Quite the big fat contrary: we are exquisitely tuned in, acutely awake and not doing anything that would cause harm.

      I’ve met a handful of people in my whole life who live this way and they are vibrant and alive, passionate, funny, keyed in to the deepest secrets. They love big, laugh hard, and engage in life with some kind of magical intensity that’s both wild and profoundly peaceful. A few of these folks actually didn’t know if there would be a tomorrow for them. And there may not be for you either. Today may be your last day on earth.

      You know exactly when you got this news? The second you took your very first breath. As soon as we come wailing into this world there is only one absolute truth: No one gets out of here alive. You’re dying, and so is the guy next to you. Your terminal diagnosis is being born human. How are you handling the fact - maybe the only True Fact we ever know - that you’re going to die?

      My guess? You’re watching a lot of television.

      This is a book about exquisite joy, about living an amazing life teeming with happiness like trout in a mountain stream. And because this is a book about living a joyful life we’re going to start at the end as happy people do, seeming always to understand a bigger picture. We’re going to start at the end and talk about death. If you’re squeamish about the fact that you’re going to die you might want to close this book for now and go buy some new clothes or find a book about vision boards or Servant Leadership or anything else that will distract you from your death. If you’re an 18 year old male this discussion won’t appeal to you (pretty sure 18 year old males are seeking something other than joy). You think you’re invincible and that, sadly, is why we send you off to war. Here are more kinds of folks who might not want to venture into this book: people who are really focused on their careers, getting ahead, staying young, having Botox treatments, and/or lots of sex or those who just really shop a lot, drink a lot, worry, hold resentments towards exes, feel disappointed by kids, parents and spouses.

      Oops. Think I just kicked the human race out altogether. Publishers don’t like that much, excluding readership that would include, well, everyone. Based on my microcosm, the big circle of people I know, an awful lot are busy doing whatever is possible to avoid death, staying fairly deliberately distracted with career plans, money woes and crazy relationships. What we’re going to understand clearly in just a few chapters is that this way of living can create a boxed-in joyless, squandered life in the worst case. Mostly, it’s a waste of time to just walk through the days half asleep, unaware of the deep glory of everything. Who wants to throw away their one precious life?

      Our frantic pace of living- the ping of the text message - our obsession with boobs, sex, six-packs, our endless self-medication are all symptoms of one thing and only one thing. We are afraid to die, and so we tend to live small, frantic lives of worry, anger, and alcohol, wanting smoother skin, smaller body parts, some bigger body parts and as many different variations of visual entertainment as possible.

      Still, you’re gonna die. You, yes you. You. Are. Going.To. Die.

      Some of the happiest people you’ll ever meet, including me, have or had cancer. Think about it. Think about someone in your circle who has or had The Big C diagnosis and I bet you’ll find some annoyingly joyful people in that lot. Of course others might be angry and miserable (happiness is always a decision) but isn’t it strange that so many oncology patients are happy? And yes, this has actually been measured with the yardstick of psychology. It has to do with a particular phenomenon that we’ll see called Post Traumatic Growth (PTG). PTG is sort of the quiet cousin of Post Traumatic Stress but it’s just as real and definable as its well-known negative kin. What psychologists are beginning to tease out is this very counter-intuitive concept that people who suffer life shattering devastating trauma like a cancer diagnosis or sudden unexpected loss can often not just bounce back. They bounce forward. This is why life after cancer, loss or a near-death experience can be richer, fuller, more deeply joyful in a sustainable way than life pre-trauma. And here’s another strange finding: the majority of people who suffer a sudden trauma report at least some measure of positive growth and change in their lives. The majority.

      Who’s been hiding this research? Well, to state the obvious, we seem to gravitate towards the negative and the entire industry of psychotherapy is based on bad childhoods, flaws and suffering. I’m grateful those people exist, those helpers and counselors who walk us through the tough stuff but if everyone understood the basics of Post Traumatic Growth and could actually build their crisis muscles then when the shit hit the fan - and it will if you live long enough - people might not need those services. Better yet, their lives might organically improve.

      I have a degree in Theology from Boston College. I drove those poor Jesuits nuts. Once I challenged a priest with what has become one of my deepest beliefs: there’s no such thing as sin. He was outraged of course maybe in no small part because if we aren’t inherently sinners then we don’t need to go to priests for absolution. A population of non-sinners puts the confessional out of business.

      What if we had a population of joyful people? Who would that put out of business?

      Retailers, for one, because a joyful life rarely involves consumption of stuff. People who live in Radical Joy don’t think to spend their idle hours at the mall. You’re more likely to find them doing fabulously free stuff like hanging out by a river or dancing to the rhythms of a street musician. People who live truly happy lives don’t buy a lot.

      Who else would go out of business if we lived joyful lives?

      Alcohol producers (en masse) because the tendency to medicate yourself lessens as your joy increases. Same for pot purveyors (in Colorado and elsewhere, legal or not). Infused with real joy you rarely want to alter your conscious state, even if it’s uncomfortable. Joyful people would tend to spend more time reading and talking, less time watching other people do things. No reality TV for these guys. So, television and movies might take a hit. Huh. How bad would that be, really? It actually sounds pretty cool. Imagine a population of truly joyful humans.

      If research supports

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