To Love An Aluminum Bitch: Stories & Lyrics of Aviation Maintenance & Adventure
By Fred Robel
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About this ebook
Here, you will find aviation stories that were passed down to me, and others of things that happened to me. Which is which, is it tall or is it true? As with most things in life, it’s often a mix of both; though some of the tales are indeed pure fiction.
The tales will have you believing in Superman, in form of an airplane that can cut through radio towers and fly on like nothing happened, that physics can be suspended, that the cherry pie is the best choice always, and that that I only have three toes on one foot.
The poetry will expose the inner voice that speaks to us sometimes when we day dream about our airplanes. Or describe the recurring nightmares that we have when we are so eaten up by our work, and aircraft, that our REM sleep is polluted with it. How we love to hate them, and hate to love them, because she is in the end, an aluminum bitch.
Also includes the acclaimed novelette, Kisses, Blood, Kerosene, & Silk.
Fred Robel
Born and raised in Michigan, and currently residing in Northern Michigan. I am an aircraft mechanic and inspector by trade, and a writer as a hobby. My wife and three kids keep me busy all the rest of the time.
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Book preview
To Love An Aluminum Bitch - Fred Robel
A Hardware Prayer
God bless the rivets
Which form ordered lines to the horizon
All checked for perfect pitch
Singing songs of joining metal skins
Keeping in the atmosphere
Keeping out the nightmares
That live at forty-thousand feet
Amen
Flying Circus
1
I looked out across the cargo deck in wonder
Long rows of large containers and cages the length of the cargo deck
Bits of hay and straw were littered here and there along the walkways
An occasional growl, whinny, grunt or roar would punctuate the regular airplane sounds
And it smelled like a zoo
I've flown with a plane full of horses
Fancy ones with fancy names
Braided tails and ribboned manes
Polished hooves and soft blankets on their backs
That plane smelled like a stable
I've flown with a load of beef cattle
All in partitioned pallets
Mooing and milling about the whole flight
Poking up their soft noses into the air
It all smelled like a dairy farm that time
This time had a very distinct zoo smell
Though that wasn't exactly what we were transporting
In our (formerly) clean Boeing 747 freighter
This charter flight was for a circus
There were handlers moving up and down the cages and crates
Making sure all the animals had their food and water
Checking the bedding wasn't too soiled
Double checking that each special pallet was secure
Hanging out in the front of the plane
In the little area I liked to think of as mine
Where my tool box and travel case were stowed
Next to the box of aircraft spare parts and tools
A few ladders and fire extinguishers making the area more interesting
I made sure everything up front was tied down and locked up
Wouldn't do to have things rolling or bouncing about in flight
As I did that I stopped and stared at our cargo
I couldn't see any of the animals from where I was standing
Except one
The giraffe
His crate had an open top
With pads along the top of the walls
That way she could stick her head out to her heart's content
I know it was a girl giraffe because I'd asked
And found out that her name was Gina
Gina the giraffe
Of course a circus giraffe would have a name like that
It seemed she was watching me too
Facing me with her soft brown eyes
About eighty feet back from where I was
Gina the giraffe chewed on a mouthful of food thoughtfully it seemed
Not terribly concerned with anything
The loader hollered something in the back
And the large main cargo door on the left aft side of the plane slowly closed
Its hydraulic motor emitting its familiar whine
The multiple locking claws rotating in place when it got to its closed position
Green lights showing up on the forward panel near me when it was locked down
Almost time to get going
And the three handlers were heading up to the front of the plane
We all were going to climb the retractable ladder to the upper deck
Where there were business class seats for everyone
Everyone except me this time
The three handlers and the loader would ride in the passenger upper deck area
Sitting in those four seats
I'd be up in the cockpit riding in an observer's seat for the whole flight
Which wasn't so bad
There was usually something interesting to look at up there
I felt the unseen pushback tractor jolt the aircraft as it started pushing us out of our spot
And I climbed the aluminum ladder to the upper deck
Time to get situated for takeoff
2
I rested my eyes as I sat strapped in with the four point harness
Held securely in place on the sheepskin covered cushions
Activity went on around me
The captain at the controls
Steering the airplane around the airport's complex network of taxiways
Talking to the tower with one hand on the tiller
The other on the throttles
Feet occasionally dabbing at the top of the foot pedals for a bit of braking
The copilot had a checklist in his hands
Going down it item by item
Talking back and forth with the flight engineer at his own panel
Both of them participating in the checklist routine
Switches and circuit breakers being pressed or verified
Not much being asked of me back in my second observer's seat
Just to be quiet and stay out of the way
Which is just what I was doing
Eyes closed for the moment
As the big Boeing 747 freighter came to a stop short of the runway
I perked up and started looking around
An arriving flight roared just ahead and above us
Streaking by to touch down about one hundred yards down from us on the runway
The tower gave us the go ahead to line up on the runway for take-off
Brakes released
Throttles nudged up to get us rolling then pulled back again
We crossed the hold line and entered the runway
Hanging a sharp left just as the runway centerline was even with the captain's shoulder
Then stopping once we were all lined up and centered
Once the aircraft that had just landed cleared the runway
The captain got clearance from the tower
Throttles pushed forward
Takeoff power set
A seconds pause as the engines and airplane quivered in anticipation
And a leap forward as the brakes were released
To start gobbling up runway faster and faster
Until we jumped upwards into the sky
Pushed back and down into our seats pleasantly
I closed my eyes again
Soaking up the feeling
All too soon we leveled out at our first flight level
The animal handlers asked if they could go check on the critters
So I got up to let the ladder down to the main deck for them
The four of us climbed down to look around
On my way down I saw the loader was already asleep
I tossed a little masking tape ball at him
He opened one eye at me
But otherwise didn't move
I continued down the steps following the handlers
Once down there I stretched my legs a little bit
Following the handlers around a bit
As they looked into every cage
Making sure that the animals weren't too miserable
A zebra had gotten tangled in a loose strap somehow
Which provided some excitement for about five minutes
But everything else seemed shipshape
With the animals all pretty bored more than anything else
They've all apparently seen it all before
The glories of showbiz and travel
Gina the giraffe shuffled around slowly in her open box
Lazily looking around
I left everyone to their business and went back upstairs
Time to check out the meal situation
I wasn't a fan of the catering food
But there were some menu items I'd learned to avoid
And upon inspection
There were a few of those 'off limits' to me items in the box
After selecting a safe meal for myself
I stowed it in a corner of the cockpit and sat back down in my seat
Idly looking out the windows at the massive cotton candy clouds all around us
After a while I dug out my latest trashy novel
Leaned back and had a read until suppertime
3
In my own little trashy novel world
Stomach just starting to tell me it was almost dinner time
I became aware of a discussion between the flight deck crew members
"See that?
It just did it again!"
The captain had his hands on the elevator trim
Putting a few degrees of nose down on the aircraft
I just watched for a minute to try to see what was happening
After all
I might have to fix something once we landed again
Is the autopilot letting the controls creep?
The copilot was idly speculating
The flight engineer had a manual open in front of him on his little desk
It was the flight operations manual
He didn't add anything to the discussion yet
He was still double checking the way the system was supposed to be working
Just in case something had been dialed in wrong
I decided to jump in
What's it doing exactly?
I asked
The copilot half turned to face me
"About fifteen minutes ago
We had the autopilot set and trimmed up
When it started yawing to the left a little bit
We corrected and it seemed to go away"
He looked skeptical
We blamed it on a glitch or some strange turbulence
"Everything was fine for about ten minutes
Then we pitched down slightly
Then up slightly
So we checked the mach trim
And tried to see if the autopilots were fighting with each other or something
But everything seemed fine"
Now he looked irritated
"Then just now we started yawing again
This time to the right
I can't figure it"
We discussed it for a few more minutes
And I was just about to break out the microfiche machine and the manuals to read the trouble shooting trees
Just then
The handlers all headed back down to check the animals again
I went with them as before
Just in case something was amiss and I could help
I also kept my eyes open for anything out of the ordinary that might explain what was going on with the plane
The 747 Classics don't have liner all the way around the cargo compartment
About seven feet above the floor level
The gil liner walls end
Leaving the insulated aircraft structure exposed
And way up in the crown area of the fuselage
Flight control cables ran in their runs and pulleys
From where the upper deck ended
Until they disappeared through the aft pressure bulkhead on their way to the tail
As I wandered the cargo deck
Walking in and out of the cages and crates
I let my flashlight play on the cable runs
Looking for anything wrong
Everything seemed fine
The only obviously alert animal
Gina the giraffe
Watched me walk around intently
I don't have any treats for you darlin'
I said on my way by her box
She looked down at me
Fluttering her long lashes at me
What a flirt
Going back up to the upper deck
About twenty minutes had gone by
During that time nothing unusual had happened
And not finding any obvious answers
The crew had slowed down on their troubleshooting mission
Having switched the topic to the latest baseball stats it seemed
I went back and tidied up the galley a bit before sitting back down
Finding my book again
The handlers all came back up a few minutes later
And we all spent a few quiet minutes minding our own business
Which was, of course, when the plane yawed to the right again
The crew started right back where they had been with the problem
Which was when I remembered one more place I could look for trouble
At the back of the passenger upper deck area
There is a false wall
In this wall on a freighter is an access door
This is where I went
On the other side of the door the floor continued for another five feet or so
Where it ended in some structure that tied into the main fuselage
In all this were wire bundles, air ducts and flight control cables
And just beyond that
Was a big nylon guard net
Designed to keep tall pallets of cargo from ramming into the more delicate upper deck structure
Beyond that was the open main cargo deck
Which I could see through the tangled web of everything else
I looked around with my flashlight
Checking on the cable runs in here that I hadn't been able to see from down below
Nothing seemed wrong
Everything was happily going where it was supposed to
Nothing touching anything that it wasn't supposed to
I switched off my light and was just about to turn around to head back forward through the access door
When I saw Gina the giraffe
She was extending herself as far as she could and picking at the ceiling area
With nobody around she was being naughty
I watched her for a moment
Thinking I should tell the handlers
As she could get sick if she ate the insulation
When Gina the giraffe did something surprising
She grabbed ahold of something and pulled
I could see her neck flex as she pulled hard on whatever it was
Simultaneously with what I was seeing the giraffe do
I heard a complaint from the cockpit
Muffled through the access door to me
"Again!
It's doing it again!"
I realized what Gina the giraffe was doing
And I knew why the plane was pitching and yawing
Gina was pulling on the flight control cables that ran above her pen
Certainly not hard enough to break them
But just hard enough to start the plane gradually going this way and that
With a wry smile I went back forward to share my news with everyone
As something was going to have to be done about naughty Gina the giraffe
4
The captain and first officer were mouth agape at what I told them
Neither one of them believed me about Gina the giraffe
So first the captain went back to see for himself what she was doing
Then the first officer took his turn
Both of them came back shaking their heads at what they'd seen
The sight of Gina pulling on the flight control cables with her big giraffe teeth
For some reason the flight engineer hadn't needed convincing
Perhaps he'd seen it all before
You know the type
The captain took charge and gave me a mission
"Get with the handlers and see if you all can figure out how to get her to stop
I can't have her doing that
Especially when we are coming in to