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    Getting to Know You: Improving your Relationship Series, #1
    Getting to Know You: Improving your Relationship Series, #1
    Getting to Know You: Improving your Relationship Series, #1
    Ebook163 pages3 hours

    Getting to Know You: Improving your Relationship Series, #1

    By James Olah

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    About this ebook

    Getting to Know You is a good book for those who are serious in their relationship and looking to get married.  This book gives direction in addressing important issues that will equip them for a life together. A good understanding of a person helps you make a better decision about your choice. Dating is the time to learn both the negative and positive traits of a person so you can be on your way to a lasting relationship.

    Romance is exciting, but you need a clear mind and perhaps outside assistance in making your choice of a life partner. The questions in this book will help open the door to a better understanding of each other.

    Included with this book of questions is a series of articles to help you better evaluate and prepare for a healthy marriage. Articles to address those important issues include: Noticing the Red Flags, Do you Both have the same Worldview? How to do a Marriage Tune-up, and Considerations for Cohabitation. The final four include Celebrating Our Holidays, Maintaining Date Nights, Goals - Visiting the future, and Are you Entering Marriage as an Adult or a Child?

    Some of these articles are not the typical kinds of articles you would find in such a book. This is indeed a unique book that helps navigate the development of a meaningful relationship.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJames Olah
    Release dateJul 15, 2010
    ISBN9781516395637
    Getting to Know You: Improving your Relationship Series, #1
    Author

    James Olah

    James Olah-Author James Olah has pastored for over 39 years. He started as a youth pastor in Lapeer, Michigan and then pastored in Port Huron, and Davison, Michigan. He developed an interest in family and relationship issues during his last pastorate. As a result he has studied and has written much on relationships. He has been an active writer on a relationship blog answering questions for both those who are dating, or are in relationships.He has helped many couples in premarital counseling over his years of ministry. James is now retired and lives in central Michigan where he continues to write.

    Read more from James Olah

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      Book preview

      Getting to Know You - James Olah

      This Book...

      THIS BOOK is good to recommend for those who are beginning to get serious in their relationship and preparing for marriage. The more clearly a couple can think about how to get to know each other the better equipped they will be to make a wise choices for the future. All your dating should have the purpose of learning how to identify qualities you want in a lasting relationship.

      This book is designed to direct your thinking process for getting to know that special person. Do you really know the person that you are thinking of marrying? Do you know the kind of tough questions you need to ask?

      This book is made up of comments, observations and questions to guide you in your process of thinking realistically about the selection of a future partner.

      This book asks both the easy and difficult questions that help you reveal yourself to that special person as well as get to know them.

      This book is insightful for both the married and those contemplating marriage.

      This book has common sense questions to help avoid future conflict.

      This book is one that parents will want to get for their teen or young adult’s to help them understand the important issues that make for a good relationship.

      This book offers practical and informative helps in the eight supplemental sections for those getting married.

      As you get started

      QUESTIONS ARE A BEAUTIFUL tool with which to discover each other. These questions are not designed to be dealt with in any particular order. Deal with those that are relevant to your situation. Don't avoid the hard ones. The more you know about each other and their thinking process, the better your understanding of them will be. As you gain a more comprehensive understanding of the other, you can then contemplate a more accurate direction of your relationship.

      Take an evening to familiarize yourself with the content of the book of the book. Mark significant topics and questions. Some will be easy to answer and others will take more time. Some are more relevant than others. You may want to write your responses in a journal.

      Getting to know one another should be an exciting quest. Don’t use these questions as a club to make a point, but use them to inquire and help and grow together.

      Introduction

      IF YOU ARE GOING TO build a house you need the proper tools to do it right. You need hammers, nail-guns, power saws, levels, squares and many other tools for specialty jobs. If you are going to build a relationship you need information. Information is gathered by various means.  Some you gain from life experiences together. In these times you see how the other responds to you and with you. You learn how they react to new or difficult situations. You get a feel of the kind of relationships they have with friends and family. You learn if they have genuine relationships with family and friends. If they don’t have these relationships, then chances are they will not know how to develop a relationship with you. Another means of learning about each other is to talk about your ideals, values, beliefs, life experiences and thoughts. These areas can be explored by your questions.

      I took a trip to Burma several years ago. As I prepared for the trip I talked with a lot of people who had done world traveling and had visited Burma and inquired how they prepared for it, and what to expect at air ports and in the country itself. I asked all kind of questions to prepare for the trip. The answers I got helped me to know what to expect. I learned about the climate so I knew how to dress and what to watch out for in what I ate. I learned what kind of shots I needed to stay healthy. It seemed like I couldn’t ask enough questions in preparation for that long journey. With those questions I gained invaluable information to equip me for my travels. As much as I learned, I found that I learned much more by actually being there. This concept is also true in marriage. You can learn a lot, but being married reveals the truth about the person and how they do relationship.

      When you think of marriage you need to think long term. Most people get married expecting it to be for a life time but they only think of immediate concerns. Why do they rush in without getting to really know the person and discovering what that person believes and how experiences have shaped each other’s life?

      What are you expecting in marriage? What are their dreams and ideals? How do their ideas mesh with yours? The questions in this book will provide the means to explore what you value in a relationship and how you view marriage. It will help you make eye opening discoveries about the other person.

      Questions help explore each others’ thinking in areas that are important for a relationship, thus helping you see if there is a strong enough foundation upon which to build a relationship in which marriage can succeed. Are you both on the same track with your life, or are you traveling down different tracks and just living together in the same house? For a marriage to work you must have agreement in certain beliefs as well as have a similar philosophy of life. You will not agree on everything, nor should you, but you need to know what the other believes and how they view life. The fewer surprises you have as to what a person is really like when you get married, the greater potential you have for a lasting marriage. Problems and differences don’t just work themselves out on their own. If issues are not addressed, they can weaken your marriage. The more you know about your differences the better decision you can make about choosing the right person.

      Developing the foundation for a strong marriage is an important issue, because so many marriages are ending in divorce. Even though understanding these questions will not prevent difficult times in your marriage, or even guarantee a marriage that will not end in divorce, it does build a strong foundation for a good marriage.

      This book is designed to help both those who are getting married for the first time as well as those who are preparing to enter a second marriage. This book is designed to cover a variety of concerns. Some questions are relevant to you and your situation, and others aren't. Just skip irrelevant questions. Some questions have explanation of what needs to be addressed. Hopefully this book will direct you into areas of interests and concerns that you haven't thought of yet, but will come up later. So enjoy the adventure of your quest for knowledge. Life isn’t noted for being risk free or without pain but filled with surprises and unexpected difficulties. Such difficulties are not bad, but opportunities to grow together and understand each other. If you have a mate who knows and loves you, you will have a true partner in life to help you face the worst and the best life has to offer you.

      Hopefully some of the questions will make you feel uncomfortable, and some will make you think deeper. Be honest with each other in your responses. You don’t like it when a salesman lies to you about a product they are selling. So it should be even more important when you are selling yourself to the other in a relationship. Be honest and transparent. NEVER be dishonest. Relationships cannot be built on a foundation of lies. Let the other person know who you really are, don't try to create an image of yourself by saying what you think the other person wants to hear. That is fraud. This is not a time to give a false image. If they can't accept you as you are before marriage, what makes you think they will like discovering the truth you avoided revealing before marriage? I’ll say it again, No good relationship is based in lies. May these questions lead the two of you into a lot of interesting discussions, debates and maybe arguments. By the way, arguments are good as long as you do it in a respectful way. Arguments are about discovery, not winning or showing you are superior.

      How to use this Book

      Some couples will go over this book together and check the questions they need to discuss. Others work better in going over sections individually. Whichever method you use you will want to check the questions you think are relevant to your situation, and then make a point of talking about those questions when you are together or on a date. If the other is hesitant to talk

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