Weep Not: Overcoming Grief, Disappointment, and Loss

Author

Introduction

The supporting Scripture for this teaching on overcoming grief, disappointment and loss is from Luke, chapter 8, and 2 Corinthians, chapter 1.

First, let’s look at Luke, chapter 8, verses 49-52:

While He was still speaking, someone came from the ruler of the synagogue’s house, saying to him,Your daughter is dead. Do not trouble the Teacher.

But when Jesus heard it, He answered him, saying, Do not be afraid; only believe, and she will be made well.

When He came into the house, He permitted no one to go in except Peter, James, and John, and the father and mother of the girl.

Now all wept and mourned for her; but He said,Do not weep; she is not dead, but sleeping.

Later in this teaching, we will come back and look at this story in detail, but now I want you to notice the words of Jesus, Do not weep.

Second Corinthians, chapter 1, verses 3-4 says:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort [Notice the phrase, God of all comfort.],

Who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

At some point in our lifetimes, we all experience loss or disappointment of some kind. Regardless of the type of loss or disappointment — it might be the death of a loved one, divorce, loss of a relationship, a possession, a position, a pet or an unfulfilled desire — yet God’s comfort is sufficient to handle any situation.

The Bible calls God the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our tribulation, and His comfort can handle any situation.

The number one goal for this teaching on grief is to encourage, reassure, and bring healing to those who have experienced the loss or the death of a loved one. However, I have expanded this teaching to more than just the death of a loved one, to include disappointment and loss of any kind. Since loss of any nature, opens the door to grief, the principles that apply to the death of a loved one will also apply to other types of loss. So even though I will be using many illustrations concerning the death of a loved one, the same principles will apply regardless of the situation you might be walking through.

If you are going through a divorce or if you have been divorced, the principles will apply. If your pet died and your pet was a comforting companion to you, the principles will apply. God is concerned about what you are concerned about.

If you look in Mark 10, verses 21-22, you will see the story of the rich young ruler who was asked to part with his great possessions:

Then Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, One thing you lack: Go your way, sell whatever you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, take up the cross, and follow Me.

But he was sad at this word, and went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.

This Scripture has nothing to do with the death of a loved one. Death is separation, and it comes in many forms. Yet separation is connected to loss and grieving. So the prospect of this young man losing his possessions produced deep sadness and grief. And while we are not talking about death of a loved one in these verses, it was a form of loss for him.

Loss comes in many forms.

My second objective for this teaching is to prepare you for the inevitable, future challenges you will face in this life. Perhaps you have already gone through the death of a loved one or you are experiencing it right now. You will, no doubt, experience it at some point in your lifetime. Someone you know, who is close to you, is going to die. You might say, Pastor, don’t say that. That is a negative statement.

The Bible says in Hebrews 9:27, And as it is appointed for men to die once… . If Jesus should tarry, we are all going to die physically. There will come a day when someone who is extremely close to you will depart from this life, and I want to prepare you to be able to handle it.

You cannot override the will of other people. No matter how much you pray for them to live or stand in the gap for them to live, you simply cannot override their will. Sometimes people want to die. When enough pain or pressure is applied, especially if the person is born again and they are right with God, they will want to go. The Bible says we do not have dominion over another person’s faith. We have to consider not only what we believe, but what that person believes.

The Bible says in Genesis 22:14 that one of the redemptive names of God is Jehovah Jireh — the One who sees ahead and provides. God wants you to be spiritually prepared to handle grief, disappointment, and loss of any kind. [Tony Cook has written a wonderful book, Life After Death, which will be a great help to you in handling death appropriately. I highly recommend that you read it.] In Weep Not, we will study together the topics of understanding grief and mourning; understanding death; understanding that God is not the author of death; walking in the peace of God; allowing the joy of the Lord to be your strength; receiving the comfort of the Holy Spirit; and stepping into the new life that awaits you.

May the peace of God that passes all understanding, minister to and comfort you as you read this book.

Michael D. Moore

CHAPTER 1

Understanding Mourning

T here is a difference between mourning and grieving. Mourningis the natural, emotional side of the issue. I often say that mourning is an emotional experience. On the other hand,grief is the spiritual side of the issue. I like to say that grief is a spiritual experience.

When you are confronted with grief, you are not just dealing with emotions. You are dealing with the spiritual. That needs to be separated in your thinking. If you confuse the two, you will be waiting for your condition to change and it never will.

Let’s separate the two and distinguish between mourningand grieving.

Let’s look at Genesis 23:1-2:

Sarah lived one hundred and twenty-seven years; these were the years of the life of Sarah.

So Sarah died in Kirjath Arba; (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan, and Abraham came to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her.

Mourning is the natural process of natural emotions and feelings of sadness which are uniquely experienced after the loss of any significant relationship, possession, position, or ambition. I want you to see that mourning is a natural thing, and the sadness that accompanies mourning is a natural thing. It is a unique thing. In fact, it is so unique that we have to be careful when we tell others, I know how you feel. Maybe it would be better to say, I am concerned about you and I love you, because, in truth, no one can really know what you feel.

Usually mourning is accompanied by crying and crying is caused by the natural feelings of personal loss in the sense that the person known and loved will no longer be there for you to have personal, physical contact or fellowship with. The person you knew and loved — Mama, Daddy, a child, brother, sister, friend, or church member — will no longer share personal contact and fellowship in your life. This is why there is a sense of sadness, which is usually accompanied by tears.

The Bible says that Sarah died. Abraham loved Sarah, and he came to mourn and weep for her.

We all mourn the death of our loved ones. Mourning is not a sin. You are not out of the will of God when you mourn or cry.

John 11:32-35 says:

Then, when Mary came where Jesus was, and saw Him, she fell down at His feet, saying to Him,Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.

Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled.

And He said,Where have you laid him?They said to him,Lord, come and see.

Jesus wept.

Even Jesus, the Head of the Church, wept, so mourning is the normal process of natural emotions and feelings of sadness that are uniquely experienced after the loss of any significant relationship, possession, position, or ambition.

Mourning doesn’t have to involve a relationship. I was in law school, pursuing law in preparation to become an attorney. My esteem was deeply associated with becoming an attorney. One day, in between classes, I went out to my car to eat lunch. This was when God called me into the ministry. I mean, literally, I was called into the ministry between classes! He altered my direction. It certainly wasn’t what I had planned and wasn’t something I was looking forward to doing. But I followed the call of God on my life, quitting law school, and set out to pursue the ministry. That was a huge loss in my life because a certain ambition was unfulfilled in me. I struggled and mourned over it. I would go to sleep at night and dream about law school. It took me a good while to overcome that feeling of loss.

The loss that you are experiencing may not be the death of a loved one. It might be the death of an ambition, as in my situation, or any disappointment for that matter.

Crying is associated with mourning. It is healthy and it is scriptural. It is not a sign of a lack of faith.

Crying is associated with mourning. It is healthy and it is scriptural. It is not a sign of a lack of faith.

The Bible says we are to follow in the steps of our father, Abraham. The Bible calls Abraham the father of the faithful. We see in Scripture that Abraham mourned the death of his wife, Sarah. He wept for her.

I don’t know about you, but when members of my church die, I cry, but I have to get my crying over before I minister to the people. I have to pull myself together. I feel better after I cry. The Bible says Jesus wept. We know Jesus had faith, didn’t He? Yet the Bible says Jesus cried.

On the other hand, if you don’t feel like crying, don’t. If you don’t cry, it is not a sign that you don’t care or didn’t love the deceased.

I am dealing with two extremes. There are some Christians who are not going to cry because they have a perception that if a person has faith then they should not cry. That is not a sign of faith. You are robbing yourself of a very important emotional release you receive when you cry.

On the other hand, there are so many expectations that people have and maybe you honestly don’t feel like crying. Maybe the tears aren’t there and you don’t need to cry. What I am trying to say here is to be genuine. If you don’t need to cry, don’t worry. It is not a sign that you don’t love the deceased person if you don’t cry. It is not necessary that you meet the expectations of others. It is normal to mourn and natural to cry. We are all unique individuals and our experiences in the way we deal with grief are all very unique.

We are all unique individuals and our experiences in the way we deal with grief are all very unique.

Mourning Is a Process

For most people, mourning is a process. A series of thoughts, actions, and feelings that you experience at the death of a loved one or when you go through a divorce. Let’s say your pet dies. You have various feelings and emotions. Much of the time it is a process of adjustment.

Psalm 23:4 says, Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death… . Now, I am not going to camp or set up residence in the valley. I am walking through it. I want you to think about this valley as being the different emotions that we feel when we experience a loss.

Notice, I am walking through, but it is going to take me time to get through the valley, and that is alright. It is alright if it takes you a period of time to get through the valley, because mourning involves a process. When a significant loved one departs, you aren’t suddenly over that person. I don’t care how much faith you have. This is someone that you loved, someone who played a serious part in your life. Your life was tied into that person. There was a bond. You are not just going to get over it in a day. It is a process.

Experiences in the Mourning Process

Yea, though I walk through the valley… . The process may include any or all of the following 10 experiences:

1.    The adjustment may include shock, which is emotional numbness. You may be stunned and in disbelief. It doesn’t seem real.

When my daddy died, (my hero), it just didn’t seem real. I felt like, I am dreaming. I am going to go to sleep,