People I Want to Punch in the Throat (Vol #3): People I Want to Punch in the Throat, #3
By Jen Mann
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About this ebook
The THIRD collection of Singles from the New York Times best selling humorist, Jen Mann. This is a collection of original essays that can not be found anywhere else.
Each volume is different and you never know what you'll find. They are an assortment of Jen's childhood memories, stories about her family, and rants about everything that make her punchy all told with her usual snarky take.
Volume Three of this series includes 3 NEVER BEFORE SEEN essays:
HEY DICK, WOULD YOU SEND YOUR MOM THAT PICTURE?
LAURA INGALLS WILDER NEVER HAD A SIGNATURE LIPSMACKER FLAVOR
MISSED MOM CONNECTION
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People I Want to Punch in the Throat (Vol #3): People I Want to Punch in the Throat, #3 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5
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People I Want to Punch in the Throat (Vol #3) - Jen Mann
Introduction
Hi there , I'm Jen. I'm assuming that if you bought this Kindle Single, you already know that. I can't imagine that anyone except my mom and maybe a handful of the die hard fans of my blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat
would buy this, so I'm not sure why I'm writing an introduction. I figure that anyone who bought this book already knows me and what I'm all about.
Wait. You don't know who I am? You're just sitting in a carpool line or in your cubicle at lunch time with your egg salad sandwich and you've never heard of me or my writings before? Well, then! Pull up a chair and let me tell you a little bit about myself.
I'm a sarcastic, sweary, hysterical, sometimes offensive, middle-aged, exhausted, married, mother of two who tends to say out loud what everyone else thinks. One of my friends actually called my writing brilliantly acerbic with a surprising warmth.
I couldn't write a better description―that sums me up perfectly―so now I just use that description everywhere!
I have two kids: Gomer (aged 10) and Adolpha (aged 8). Before you have a coronary and pull out your embossed stationary to write me a nasty letter about my horrible taste in names, just stop, because you're an idiot. Of course, those aren't their real names.
Their real names are actually worse, but I can't take the ridicule.
If you still feel strongly, go ahead and write me a letter. Hate readers are my favorites.
I call my husband The Hubs. It annoys the hell out of lots of people, so I keep doing it. His name isn't important, you can call him The Hubs too. Everyone does. He's a cheap bastard who can be a tad anti-social, but he treats me like gold, so he's my lobster. Oh yeah, he's Chinese and I'm Caucasian, sometimes that information is good to know when you're reading my stuff.
I've lived in Iowa, New Jersey, Illinois, Kansas, and New York. I currently live in Kansas. It doesn't blow as much as you'd think it would. I don't live on a farm or anything like that. I live in a suburb with gun-toting competi-moms, douchey dads
, McMansions, and award-winning schools. It's like its own circle of hell, but with Targets and Starbucks on every corner―and a few of our Targets have Starbucks INSIDE of them (a sure sign of the impending Apocalypse).
My mom is a certified overachiever who mastered the fine art of housekeeping. That woman gave me a white glove test every week before I could go out with my friends and actually combed our