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    Nathan Nuttboard: Family Matters
    Nathan Nuttboard: Family Matters
    Nathan Nuttboard: Family Matters
    Ebook151 pages1 hour

    Nathan Nuttboard: Family Matters

    By Anthony Eaton

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    About this ebook

    Nathan, Gnarly, and the Nuttboard family are back again in this sequel to Eaton's popular Nathan Nuttboard: Hits the Beach. Narelle is as difficult as ever, Dad's still technologically challenged, Mum's her usual assertive self, little sister Nadine is intrusive and Nathan and his friend Gnarly are still up to their sure-to-miss-fire antics. What IS new is the arrival of a little known grandfather from Scotland, Fergus McCraigh. Self-centred, overbearing, canny, rude, Fergus makes life miserable for all the members of the family. Once again the siblings unite for a turn of slap-stick humour, this time to scare off Fergus, who, it must be said, is remarkably resilient.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherUniversity of Queensland Press
    Release dateAug 1, 2015
    ISBN9780702241857
    Nathan Nuttboard: Family Matters

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      Book preview

      Nathan Nuttboard - Anthony Eaton

      …

      Chapter One

      Trouble brewing

      You can always tell when something is about to go wrong in our house. There’re a few signals that are dead giveaways. First, Mum and Dad go really quiet and start having long whispered conversations in the kitchen.

      Second, my dad goes out to his shed and starts building things. It doesn’t matter what: spice racks, a pergola for the back yard, anything. He says working with his hands helps him to focus his thoughts, which I find strange, because if the results of his projects are anything to go by, his thoughts must be pretty darn blurry. The spice rack fell off the wall as soon as Mum put a bottle of dried oregano in it, and a man from the council came around and told him to tear down the pergola because it ‘posed a serious risk to anyone within about three hundred metres of it’.

      The final sign that something is up is that Narelle takes advantage of the fact that Mum is distracted and will try to get away with things Mum would normally shut down in five seconds flat. When Mum finally notices what she’s up to there’s always a huge blowout and that’s when we normally discover what’s really been going on.

      If you’re clever, you learn to read the signs and shoot through at the first available opportunity. I get over to The Shack and hang out with Gnarly, if I can.

      So when I came home from school and found Dad out in the shed hammering wood into something that looked suspiciously like a really wobbly outdoor table, I was concerned. Then when Narelle arrived home a few minutes later I took one look at her and bolted for the phone.

      ‘Hey Gnarls, it’s me.’

      ‘Nath! What’s up?’

      ‘Listen, I can’t talk now. Is it okay if I stay the night?’

      ‘Dude, it’s a school night. You know your mum won’t let you.’

      ‘Trust me, Gnarls, this is an emergency.’

      ‘How come? What’s happened?’

      ‘Nothing yet, but something will soon, it’s only a matter of time.’

      ‘Huh?’

      ‘You know the warning signs …’

      ‘Yeah.’

      ‘Well, I just got home and Dad’s building outdoor furniture.’

      ‘That’s not good, dude.’

      ‘It gets worse.’

      ‘How?’

      I told him about Narelle. There was a long silence.

      ‘Nath, we’ve gotta get you out of there right now!’

      ‘No joke. Can Jim come and pick me up?’

      ‘He’s not home yet, not for another hour or so.’

      I looked at my watch. It was ten to five. Mum could be home from work any minute.

      ‘That’ll be too late.’

      ‘What about your dad?’

      ‘I don’t want to risk it. He looks pretty intent on his woodwork.’

      Gnarly thought for a moment.

      ‘Can you get the bus?’

      ‘I guess.’ I’d caught the bus out to The Shack before, but only ever on the weekends, and only during the day. The ride took about an hour and a half.

      ‘I know it’s extreme, dude, but you definitely need to get as far from your house as you can, and quickly, too.’

      He was right, of course. One look at N a relle’s face would confirm that to anybody. I made my decision.

      ‘Okay. I’ll tell Dad, get my gear together and be on the next bus. See you in a couple of hours, okay?’

      ‘No worries. Good luck, dude.’

      ‘Thanks.’

      I hung up the phone and shot out to the backyard. Narelle was in the kitchen making herself a sandwich. She smirked at me and I knew she was waiting for some kind of comment, but right then I didn’t have time. I slammed through the back door and ran to the shed.

      ‘Hey, Dad?’

      He was fiddling with something on his router.

      ‘Hmmm … yeah, Nath?’

      ‘Is it okay if I stay at Gnarly’s tonight?’

      ‘Huh?’ He glanced up at me.

      ‘Can I go to The Shack?’

      ‘Oh … yeah. Okay.’

      Now I was really worried. He hadn’t even hesitated. I bolted for the house.

      I didn’t make it. I was only halfway across the lawn right next to the clothes line when I heard a sound that made my blood run cold. Mum’s car in the driveway.

      ‘Oh, no.’

      It was worth a try, anyway. I was through the kitchen and up in my room in about three seconds flat. I reckon I would have broken the world stair-climbing record. I threw my school uniform and pyjamas into my schoolbag and headed for the door. If I timed it just right, I might be able to sneak down the hall and out the front door before Mum noticed what Narelle had …

      ‘WHAT IS THAT THING IN YOUR NOSE?’

      Too late. The whole house shook. I swear, the windows trembled. My little sister, Nadine, shot past me in a blue blur on the way to her bedroom.

      ‘Narelle Nuttboard! You take that thing out of your face this instant!’

      Frozen on the stairs, I considered my options. It might be possible to sneak out while Mum was still getting over the initial shock of seeing Narelle with a nose-ring, but then again, it might not.

      ‘I knew you’d be like this,’ Narelle was shouting back. ‘You never let me do anything.’

      ‘I don’t want to see any daughter of mine looking like some reject from a pincushion factory.’

      ‘Then don’t look at me!’

      Suddenly, things in the kitchen went very quiet. The only sound was the back door slamming as Dad came in to see what all the fuss was about.

      ‘What’s …’ He stopped. I guess he saw Narelle’s face and realised exactly what was going on.

      I sat on the steps. No way was I going to make it to the front door now. A couple of minutes later Nadine sneaked out and sat beside me.

      ‘Did you see it?’ she asked.

      ‘Yeah,’ I whispered back. ‘It looks like she slipped when she was putting on her earrings.’

      The kitchen door opened and Mum looked out. For someone whose eldest child had just had a steel ring punched through her nose, she was surprisingly calm. Too calm.

      ‘You two can stop skulking around on the steps and come and join us. We have an announcement to make.’

      ‘Actually, Mum, I was just about to go over to Gnarly’s for the night and …’

      She fixed me with her best death-ray look. The sort that could strip paint off a wall. ‘It is a school night, Nathan, so you will be doing nothing of the sort.’ The kitchen door closed behind her like an exclamation mark.

      I sighed. Even Nadine gave me a sympathetic look.

      ‘Come on, Titch.’

      We went downstairs. It felt like walking into a tiger pit.

      Chapter Two

      The announcement

      The last time we had a family meeting with everyone around the kitchen table like this we ended up going on the camping trip. And things worked out okay then, so perhaps it would be the same this time.

      At least, that was what I tried to convince myself as Nadine and I walked into the kitchen. The moment I got through the door, though, I knew this would be different. Narelle was sitting at the table, looking angry. Through her left nostril a gold ring glimmered in the light. The hole where it went through her nose was red and puffy.

      ‘Nice ring,’ I said. ‘Reminds me of the bulls at the Royal Show.’

      She ignored me. ‘You can’t make me take it out,’ she snapped at Mum.

      Mum sighed.

      ‘You’re right. We can’t.’

      ‘Eh?’ Even Dad looked surprised. My mother never backs down that easily.

      ‘She’s right, Kevin. We can’t make her take it out. We might not like it, but it’s her choice.’

      I don’t know who was more nervous hearing Mum talking like this: me, Narelle or Dad.

      ‘Besides,’ Mum continued, ‘this isn’t really about her nose, is it, Kevin? We’ve both been distracted lately. Perhaps it’s time we told them.’

      ‘Told us what?’ Narelle had lost her whole angry expression. Now she just looked plain scared. ‘We’re not going camping again, are we?’

      ‘No. Nothing like that.’ Dad coughed slightly. ‘Actually, it’s quite good news, really. Should be kind of fun.’

      This was sounding worse every second. Mum interrupted.

      ‘We got a letter from your grandfather in Scotland the other week. He’s coming to stay for a while.’

      Nobody said anything.

      ‘He should be here in a few days and —’

      ‘Mum,’ Narelle interrupted, ‘when you say coming to stay you don’t actually mean here, in this house, with us, do you?’

      ‘Narelle,’ Dad answered, ‘don’t be like that. He is your mother’s father, after all, and —’

      ‘But he hates us! We haven’t spoken to him in years. Don’t you remember what happened last time we saw him?’

      I didn’t. I was only a baby when Mum and Dad took us to Scotland to visit her parents. Narelle had been about six years old and Nadine was still a long way off. Mum never talked

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