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    One Hundred Jokes from Another Planet
    One Hundred Jokes from Another Planet
    One Hundred Jokes from Another Planet
    Ebook98 pages1 hour

    One Hundred Jokes from Another Planet

    By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

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    About this ebook

    This is a compilation of one hundred (generally inoffensive) jokes, some short, some long. Each joke is given a title and is numbered, and there is a list of the jokes by title and a list by number.

    They vary in length - from very short (a couple of lines) to fairly long (thirty lines plus).

    After the main body of jokes there is a section which explains each one for readers who might not have fully understood the joke.

    This could be useful for readers who are not native speakers of English - or even readers from other parts of the English-speaking world where the humour (or humor) of some jokes may be incomprehensible or opaque.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherEbenezer Jackson-Firefly
    Release dateJun 30, 2015
    ISBN9781311615619
    One Hundred Jokes from Another Planet

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      Book preview

      One Hundred Jokes from Another Planet - Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      One Hundred Jokes from Another Planet

      By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      Copyright 2015 Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      Smashwords Edition

      ISBN: 9781311615619

      COPYRIGHT: This book should not really be copied as Mr Jackson-Firefly has toiled and laboured for many a long week to put it together, in spite of his precarious living conditions and his eccentric habits.

      It seems that he would prefer the book to be purchased rather than copied and freely distributed, or bundled with packets of crisps or beer in supermarket promotions.

      A little income might allow him to have two pennies to rub together (an ambition of his ever since he found that pennies were still in use in commercial transactions), and maybe to have a new teabag every two days rather than every three at present for his many cups of tea.

      We appreciate your cooperation in helping the author inflict his works onto the public and try to derive vast amounts of cash from them. All the above was probably written by Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly himself, but as you will now note, it is attributed to 'The Editor’.

      The Editor.

      LIST OF CONTENTS

      1. INTRODUCTION (1% of the book)

      2. CONTENTS: JOKES BY TITLE (6% of the book)

      3. CONTENTS: JOKES 1-100 ACCORDING TO NUMBER (6% of the book)

      The jokes begin here:

      4. ONE HUNDRED JOKES (70% of the book)

      5. DON’T GET IT? THE JOKES EXPLAINED (20% of the book)

      1. INTRODUCTION

      This is the umpteenth compendium of jokes by the universally-known humorist Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly (the nom de plume of Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly, which coincidentally is the same as his real name).

      His first three joke books were published back in almost prehistoric times, in April and May in the year of grace 2012, a particularly happy time for the fans of quality laughter. A similar multiple launch of joke books occurred in January 2013, when his fourth and fifth bestsellers stunned joke-book connoisseurs [citation needed] and queues formed before opening time at bookshops all around the world on the date of publication [citation needed], although they were e-books and ethereal in substance rather than concrete (or paper).

      The next volumes - number six, seven, eight [citation needed], nine and ten - came out in slow succession after he had taken a sabbatical from the Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly Institute of Amusing Stories with a Punch Line at the End (EJFIASPLE) to go cycling for a year around Ilminster in Somerset. (The well-known EJFIASPLE is based in the rusting hulk of an abandoned Austin Seven in a clearing in a remote conifer plantation; the students - of which there are none at present, and apparently never have been - all live off-campus.)

      This is volume number twenty-two. Somewhere there are volumes eleven to twenty-one. It seems that he was so excited at finishing each one over the past two years that he forgot to publish them. Heaven knows where they might be at the moment. Perhaps in the boot of the car, which is locked. The key is long missing. If one day it stops raining he'll go out and have a look - if he can find a small stick of dynamite somewhere to blow off the boot lid. Too many ifs to overcome, however, for this to happen, he tells me.

      As of June 2015, sales of his works continue to be robust. In all of 2012 nobody bought a single copy. The same happened in 2013. And in 2014. And this year too. Mr Jackson-Firefly is not expecting the attentions of government tax inspectors or gold-diggers at any time soon.

      As you may have noticed, Mr Jackson-Firefly has called this volume 'One Hundred Jokes From Another Planet.' The word 'hundred' refers to the number of jokes in the collection, and 'another planet' refers to any planet which is not Earth. Which planet exactly? you may ask. We do not know. If it's in this solar system, it could be Mars, or Venus, or one of their companions floating around out there. It could also refer to the Moon, which Mr Jackson-Firefly firmly believes to be a planet. The word 'jokes' refers to the jokes contained in the joke book.

      As in the other collections, we have added a section ‘Don’t Get It?’ This explains what the joke actually is. Some readers (none of whom, however, bought any of the books) have pointed out that they do not understand the joke. I too (the editor, who may or may not be the same person as the author Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly) cannot fathom what half of them are about, never mind what the punch line is and how it relates to the rest of the joke.

      These explanations might be useful too to readers whose first language is not English, or then again they might be of no use to anybody. Mr Jackson-Firefly (who may or may not be me, the editor) was, in fact, dead set against adding this section, maintaining that all jokes by their nature need to be freestanding, and not propped up by intricate analyses and explanations. In this instance I have gone against the express interests of the author (who, once again, may or may not be me, the editor) and have added this helpful section 'Don't Get It?'.

      There is an eccentric numbering system for the jokes which Mr Jackson-Firefly is keen to patent. A search for the joke by adding the letter x to the joke number either at before the first digit, at the beginning, or after the last digit, at the end, should bring the reader to it instantly. Likewise, by adding the letter z at the beginning or the end of the joke number we have made it possible for the reader to find the explanation of the joke in a flash, in a trice, in the bat of an eyelid, in the blink of an eye, etc. In other words, quickly.

      Mr Jackson-Firefly (who may or may not be the person typing this immaculate prose) has told me that it’s almost eight o' clock a.m. and time for us to partake of food in an early-morning ceremony known as 'break-fast'. Apparently it involves frying an abundance of items of food in lard and then eating the newly-fried items. At the same time, as this is a perillous event for the human constitution for the amount of poison it involves, an antidote called a 'cuppa-T' is always at hand. I look forward to having my fast broken during the coming hour.

      This introduction is shorter than the introduction in some of the other

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