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Arcanist's Lament
Arcanist's Lament
Arcanist's Lament
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Arcanist's Lament

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After magic almost caused the end of the world, its use was outlawed and anything magical (including priestly magic and psionics) was forbidden. Centuries passed, and people thought of magic as a relic from a less enlightened time and forgot all about it. Civilization in the city of Albanzion is divided into two sections: the haves who live Above (as it is called) and the have-nots who live in Undercity. After getting into a fight Above with a colleague/enemy named Ably , Steiger is sentenced to work off his crime mining below Undercity. There, he meets a Kobold named Zoe, escapes from his captors, and is held prisoner by a sentient spell named Myst once it is revealed that he has the gift of magic. Steiger’s friend Dinny -who secretly happens to be a thief- and his sister Grae set off to rescue the young man from captivity, unknowing of his newfound abilities.

LanguageEnglish
Release dateSep 6, 2015
ISBN9781311185082
Arcanist's Lament
Author

Shane W Walley

Hello all! My name is Shane, so glad to meet everyone! I'm 41, a father of 3 amazing children, and now an author. I've been reading since I was 3, and the minute I found fantasy I knew that I had found home. I love writing, but never considered doing it until I took a couple of writing classes in high school and had my teacher tell me that I had a unique voice. Well, as most of you have experienced, life gets in the way and I put writing on the back burner until I took a few classes at the local community college and realized that this was what I was missing in my life. When I'm not writing, reading, or being a dad, I like to adventure through Azeroth (World of Warcraft), the Galaxy (Star Wars: The Old Republic) or Nexus (Wildstar), and I also Dungeonmaster my D&D campaign with my friends.

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    Arcanist's Lament - Shane W Walley

    Chapter One

    Steiger shook his head once to help clear the foggy feeling of being shoved hard into the stone wall, before pushing himself off and charging into Alby’s stomach head first. This elicited a groan from the unfortunate young man and a cheer from the crowd of other street kids watching them fight. It was past the dinner bell so they were the only ones out right now; since the brightness of the overhead bulbs had been turned down to simulate night time, no adults were around to ruin the scuffle. The hum of the artificial lights was the only other sound to hear, and even that was faint compared to the whooping and yelling of the other kids as they fought. The roof of Undercity was 150 Hands above the streets, yet sound tended not to echo too much down here since there were a lot of buildings to dampen any excess noise.

    Like most other Undercity dwellers, Steiger barely paid any of that much attention, though Alby probably spotted the roof far overhead as the young man tripped over his own feet –courtesy of the hand-me-down black leather boots that were too big on him- and fell down hard on his back. Not wanting to let him catch his breath, Steiger pushed Alby’s arms out and kneeled on them, then proceeded to punch him in the mouth repeatedly. Blood sprayed out from Alby’s rapidly swelling lips and stained Steiger’s pale skin red, and also made a huge mess all over Alby’s white shirt and patched black vest. Steiger was pretty sure he cut his knuckles on Alby’s teeth, but he didn’t want to stop.

    How dare Alby tell the rest of the 11th Street Crew that his sister was moonlighting as a member of the Red Light Brigade?! It wasn’t any of their business! Besides, she wasn’t actually doing that. Her boss at the Information Emporium had gotten a scoop that someone was killing off members of the R.L.B. and his sister thought tagging along on some of their nights out was a good way to gather more info. But none of them had believed him when Steiger stuck up for his sister; they thought he was naïve and a baby and… It was at that point that Alby managed to bite down on Steiger’s fist and tore off a good chunk of flesh. Steiger howled, but managed to punch him one more time with his left fist before staggering off of Alby. The other kids booed when they saw that Steiger wasn’t going to beat Alby to death, their bloodlust pumping and making them ferocious. Alby hadn’t made too many friends in his time down here, what with his arrogant better-than-you attitude, and so no one was really rooting for the pompous jerk to win.

    Standing over Alby and breathing hard, right fist dripping blood on the street, Steiger reached down and offered Alby a hand up. It took the beaten boy a moment to focus on Steiger’s open hand, but finally Alby wheezed and reached up and took it. Then Steiger pulled Alby up and dusted him off, grateful that Alby’s grey pants wouldn’t show any of the dirt from the cobblestone street; he knew all too well how most moms viewed stained clothes. Now Alby, I know what you think your brother saw, but my sister wasn’t ‘lying on her back making footprints on the ceiling’ OK? So what do ya say, you admit your brother was wrong and I apologize for making your face Gnome pretty, deal?

    Alby just stared at him, spitting blood and teeth out onto the gray cobblestones. His blonde hair was beyond disheveled, and after some time down here his tan skin was beginning to lighten up without a constant dose of sunlight. The smaller man –shorter than Steiger at just past 11 Hands tall and only weighing barely 15 Stones- never took his gray eyes off of Steiger’s face, even after Steiger cocked an eyebrow at him waiting for a response. After a moment, Steiger shrugged his shoulders and turned to walk away. He felt more than saw Alby swing at the back of his head. Quickly dodging the sluggish blow, Steiger turned around and gave Alby a haymaker punch, which actually made the unfortunate young man shoot up a couple of feet before hitting the ground hard. It was only the rise and fall of his chest that let everyone know he was still alive and not ready to push up daisies. Steiger almost felt a little bad, but the idiot had tried to sucker punch him and that kind of thing he just wouldn’t put up with. Turning around again, the young tough continued walking away, making sure to grab a rag before wrapping his wounded hand in it and pressing it under the opposite arm.

    The rest of the 11th Street Crew gathered around Alby to help get him up and home (even though he was not their favorite, he was still part of their crew), except for Dinny; as always, she followed Steiger, running after him in her typical mismatched colors of purple suede boots, evergreen pants and yellow billowy shirt. By the Steam could that girl be annoying! She was just a month older than Steiger, and yet she acted like she was so much more mature than he was at 16 years! Steiger tried to shake his head in annoyance, but ended up wincing as the post-fight headache set in. It’s not that Dinny wasn’t cute or anything. Granted, she was more slim whereas he usually liked girls curvy; shorter than him whereas he usually liked being able to look girls in the eye; short straight red hair where he preferred brunettes with long curly hair; light purple eyes instead of green or blue; and freckled skin almost as pale as his own instead of tan from a high allotment of sunlight. But she was pretty enough, Steiger mused to himself, for being Dinny.

    When she caught up, Dinny showed her concern by punching him in the shoulder and then reaching up to ruffle his spiky brown hair. Steiger almost cried out; apparently, when Alby had shoved him into the mortar and brick wall it had hurt more than he realized. So did it feel good to pummel a little boy that badly? she scolded him while keeping pace easily with his shuffling gait. So glad I got to witness that display of manliness, and all in defense of your sister’s honor.

    Leave me be, Dinny. I gave him the chance to apologize and take it back, but he wouldn’t back down. I had no choice. And what do you mean little? He’s almost a whole year older than me! While they were walking, Steiger was wiping the blood off of his fists on his auburn pants. At least no one would question one more stain on his much beloved but equally abused breeches. His auburn colored vest also had blood on it, but that was normal; miraculously none had gotten on his sky blue shirt or brown rawhide boots. He knew how much his mom hated trying to get stains out of his shirts, and his stepdad whupped him if he ever messed up his boots; he had learned from a young age how to keep the boots clean and shiny, since they were very expensive to replace.

    He may be older, but he’s only been in the Crew a few months after his parents split and he had to move down here to the Undercity, so he’s naïve in that regard. And compared to you he is little, most of the boys our age are! I swear, sometimes I think you’re part Orc or something. Like most young people down here, Steiger, Dinny and Alby were members of a gang of sorts; it was mainly for hanging out and such, but it was also used for protection from kids from other neighborhoods. The adults acted like it was shameful that they all hung out and got into mischief when they weren’t working, but to be fair most of the adults who had grown up down here had also spent their youth in gangs. Such was the way of life in Undercity.

    Steiger tried glaring at her, but ruined it by wincing as he tried to furrow his brow. Dinny giggled at his misery, and then stuck her tongue out at him when he glared in spite of the pain. They stopped walking, and Dinny began to shuffle her feet as if she was shy, a word that he never would have used to describe the tomboy. Well, this is my home. She said quietly as Steiger looked up, wondering why they weren’t moving anymore. Without realizing it, he had walked her home! She must’ve changed directions when they were moving along, and in his addled state he hadn’t paid attention. Damn, if the rest of the Crew knew he’d walked her home, he’d never hear the end of it! The teasing they would do would make him miserable for weeks!

    He turned to Dinny to tell her to keep her mouth shut when she surprised him by standing up on her tiptoes and kissing him softly on the lips. Good night, Orc-boy. She giggled again nervously, then spun around and ran up the steps and went inside, quietly closing and locking the door. Steiger just stood there, looking and feeling like he had been pole axed. When did that happen? Dinny liked him? As if his life wasn’t complicated enough! Shaking his head to clear the cobwebs –and once again wincing when his aching head reminded him how much pain he was in- Steiger finally turned and started to head home. Thankfully, the walk had given his hand time to stop bleeding, and so he dropped the rag in a nearby alley.

    As he was making his way back to his house, Steiger noted that a couple of the steam-powered street lamps were flickering, which meant that it was time for power rationing. He hated when the people Above drew so much power for their fancy homes and whatnot that the power that was generated down here was sent to them instead, and the ‘Dwellers had to suffer. It wasn’t fair, but then again the people who lived in Undercity were used to getting the short end of the stick, as it were. The buildings were all very close together, none being more than two stories high; up in what would be the ‘ceiling’ were a few panels that collected sunlight and then spun to reflect it down here at certain hours of the day. Something that had been discovered when Humans first started living down here in what were the maintenance tunnels for the steam, sewage, water and power lines for the city Above: without some sunlight during the day, most of them became depressed and stopped working. Since over half the population that lived down here maintained in some fashion the pipes that the citizens Above depended on, it was deemed in everyone’s best interest to make sure that as few people as possible got sad. That wasn’t good for business, Steiger thought morosely as he kicked a rock down the street.

    The automated clock tower in the center of this section of Undercity gonged out the time. It was almost 20th bell! Any minute now, the Order of Vigilant Patrollers would start making sure that the curfew was observed, and Steiger had no desire to be escorted home. That would earn him a whupping for sure. Doing his best to ignore the protests of pain from his body, he broke into a run. It was only a few blocks away, and he was pretty sure he could get there in time. His feet had just made contact with the doorstep when he heard the march of the O.V.P., the metal nails in their boots ringing out on the cobblestones as they patrolled from block to block. Trying to open the door, Steiger was shocked to realize it was locked!

    Knocking was out of the question; doing so could possibly alert the O.V.P. and if they came over to investigate, whether or not he was on the doorstep of his home, it would earn him a whupping. He looked up at his room on the 2nd floor; thank the Steam he had forgotten to close his window! Telling his screaming muscles it would be a lot worse off if they got caught, Steiger took a step back and made a running leap for the top of the stairwell and bounded off of it to grab the overhang of his windowsill. Just barely managing to catch it (and his bitten hand didn’t make it any easier), he manhandled his massive frame into his room and closed the window seconds before a patrol came around the corner. Quickly he ducked down so they wouldn’t see him looking out, which usually made people suspicious. Their footsteps faded as they continued on their way before he stood up and closed the blinds. Safe, he was safe! And that was when the lights came on his room and illuminated his mother and stepdad sitting on his bed. Steiger gulped loudly. How had he not sensed them in his tiny little 10 Paces by 10 Paces room? This night couldn’t possibly get any worse.

    Just where have you been, young man? His mother screeched, tired brown eyes shooting daggers at him. He got his brown hair and pale skin from her, his size and pale blue eyes from his real father, who had died when he was just a toddler. She looked much older than her forty years should indicate which was unfortunate but normal; living down here, this place tended to age people prematurely. It was because his father died and left them nothing that they had been forced to move down to Undercity from Above, a fact that she never let either him or his sister forget. Up there, she had been a member of the Modeling Advertising Society; after childbirth and two kids, her looks were never the same (or so she claimed) and then being a widow gave her no choice -after her modeling money ran out- but to move somewhere where people like her, the losers and the outcasts (again, her words) could make a living.

    Nowadays she was a member of the Laundry Laborers, and spent her days cleaning the garments of the people who lived Above. Steiger noted that she wasn’t slurring her words, so maybe she would be a little more lenient with him. If it wasn’t for the fact that his stepdad was sitting next to her, he would’ve thought himself off the hook. The curfew bell just chimed, and you know you’re supposed to be here before then! The patrol said if they found you out past curfew again, it would be a day down Below! She shuddered when she said it, as did Steiger.

    The Great City of Albanzion needed more resources (coal to power all the steam powered devices, materials to make all of the scientific advances that powered the city, things of that sort), so within the last couple of years they had begun excavating below the Undercity for more ore and other essentials. Most people in Undercity referred to it as Below with a capital B. It was a form of punishment for criminals; screw up, but not bad enough to be banished, and you were sent to mine Below. Most of those people who came back said that the old caverns from before the Fallout were haunted and cursed, and those few who weren’t broken or driven mad after they finished their sentence never really wanted to talk about all they had seen. It was so bad, that no Human overseers were used down there to supervise the prisoners on their mining expeditions; it was Golems and Controllers who made sure that everyone did what they were supposed to, and all knew they had not an ounce of pity or remorse in their artificial hearts.

    His stepdad rubbed his mom’s shoulders and then glared at Steiger like it was his fault. Steiger really disliked the man. Granted, he wasn’t as bad as some of the Crew’s stepdads: he didn’t take all of their money and spend it on booze or pills; he didn’t beat his mom; and he didn’t try and sleep with either his sister or him. But still, he was a hard ass and they had never gotten along since his mother had married him around his 7th Name Day. Steiger just had to be patient until his 18th Name Day and he could move out and find a place to live on his own… well, ‘own’ meant sharing a 2 bedroom loft with three other guys. It was the reality of this place; those who could afford a place on their own usually lived Above and not in Undercity. Really, Steiger, just what were you doing out so late? You know your mother and I worry about you! Steiger was amazed the man could say that with a straight face. Rather than answering his stepdad, Steiger stood up and untied the coin purse from his waist and then tossed it into his mother’s lap. She squeaked in surprise, and then squeaked again when she opened it and counted all the copper and silver coins inside.

    I was just settling some differences of opinion with another member of the Crew. Plus, today was a good day for roadkill Above and I made a lot of coins selling it all to the Butchers Union and Leatherworkers United down here. Feeling emboldened by the quiet, he got a little demanding. Now, if you don’t mind, it’s been a really long day and I’d like to get some sleep. Miraculously, there were no arguments from his mom or his stepdad; the money he brought them probably helped buy their silence. They got up off the bed and went downstairs, even going so far as to close the door behind them.

    Grateful for small favors, Steiger flopped down backwards onto the bed as soon as they left and let out a groan of agony as his body lodged its complaints about the recent activities. It even felt like his fingernails hurt! He had just started to doze off when there was a tentative knock at his door. After a few seconds it opened slowly and his sister Grae came in, bearing a tray with some rags, a bowl of steaming water, and another bowl of what smelled like her homemade rat stew. Steiger sat up and smiled the best he could while gratefully accepting the soup bowl from his sister. Never minding how hot it was, he began to wolf it down while she tsked over him and began to clean and bandage his wounds. Unfortunately, he had to stop when she wrapped his wounded hand, but it was worth it.

    Steiger stole a glance at his sister while she worked, humming softly to herself. If his sister was what their mother looked like when she was young, he could totally believe she had been a member of the M.A.S. Whereas he could honestly buy that he had some Orc in him, his sister could be proof that they had Elven blood somewhere in their line. She was shorter than him, only 11 Hands or so, with curly auburn hair and almost hazel colored eyes. Dimples appeared when she smiled, which was often, and her skin had a nice healthy glow to it. Being a member of the I.E. meant she usually got a lot more sun than other Undercity dwellers, as she was often sent out Above for the stories and scoops. He was so proud of her, and would do anything to protect her. Unlike him, she had a future.

    What happened this time, Steig? She asked him after he winced one too many times when she was cleaning out the cuts and scrapes. Steiger knew he could go to the Health Restoration Clinic and get patched up, but it cost money and they tended to ask questions. Besides, he was stubborn and proud of his wounds, seeing as how he earned them defending his sister’s honor. He always said that girls really dug scars, which usually made Dinny roll her eyes and give him a punch in the arm. Around a mouthful of soup, he told her about the fight. She tsked at him again. You know I don’t care what a bunch of little hooligans think, right? I just thank Urea that you’re all right and nothing serious is broken. Out of habit, Steiger checked to make sure the door was closed.

    Sis! How many times have I asked you not to talk like that? If mom or…

    She interrupted him. I passed my 19th Name Day a few months ago, and since I am renting my old room from them I consider them more landlords than parents. Besides, I don’t care if Eleanor or Noel hear me talk about Urea. You know I believe that She is real.

    Steiger shushed her. I know you think that this, this… Goddess is real, but everyone knows that Gods don’t exist!

    Grae gave him a sad little smile. It doesn’t matter what you believe, Steig, because I know that She is real. She helps me out, talks to me, comforts me. Have you ever wondered how it is that every time I tend to you after one of your numerous fights you heal so quickly? It is Her, working through me.

    Chuckling uncomfortably, Steiger changed the subject. Since when did you start calling them by their real names?

    She stood up and gazed down at him coolly. I started when I became more tenant than daughter. Besides, they are not worthy of my respect anymore. They have done nothing much for me these last few years, as mom… I mean Eleanor has slipped further and further away with her drinking, and Noel has started eyeing me like I was a piece of meat. Now, finish your soup. Steiger quickly slurped down the rest of the bowl and sighed contentedly before letting out a large resounding belch. Grae hooted in protest of his lack of grace before smacking his leg in a playful scolding manner. If you’re done being an Orc, I think you need to get some sleep to help the healing process along. Good night, Steig.

    Good night, sis, Steiger yawned as he crawled under the covers and his sister turned off the light. He stopped her before she could leave. Sis? Do you ever think of dad?

    Unable to see her face in the darkness, Steiger still sensed the unshed tears in her voice as she turned back around. All the time, Steig; all the time.

    What was he like? I mean, I never really got to know him. There were very few times that Steiger envied his sister, but this was one of them. She was 4 when their father passed, and so unlike him Grae had actual memories of the man, not just barely remembered fragments. So softly it was almost a whisper, Steiger went on. I wonder if he would be proud of me, of who I am.

    This time, he could hear the joy in his sister’s voice. He was a good man, and I know he would be proud of what kind of young man you are becoming. We all make mistakes, but as long as you learn from them and always treat others the way you want to be treated, then you are a good person. Don’t be so hard on yourself, that’s my job. After letting out a small giggle, Grae impulsively rushed back into the room and planted a soft kiss on Steiger’s forehead, like she used to do when he was much younger. Sweet dreams, little brother. He responded in kind, and then burrowed under his pillows and quickly let sleep claim him as his sister shut the door and went back downstairs.

    Chapter Two

    The morning bell rang out, seeming to echo inside his aching head as Steiger grumbled and sat up gingerly. If he didn’t have his shades drawn down so tightly, he was well aware that all of the steam lamps would be on and some of the solar reflecting panels would be turned to bring some light down into the murky depths. He knew he needed to get up and break his fast, but the blankets were so warm and inviting. But, he snarled to himself, he knew his stepdad would take perverse joy in coming in and dragging him out of bed, and if there was anything that motivated Steiger it was thwarting his stepdad’s desires. So begrudgingly he threw the covers off, stumbled out of bed and headed down the hall, not even paying attention to his blank walls. It was funny; most kids his age had drawings or posters or something up on their walls, even if they shared it with two other kids, to add some personality and make it their own. Steiger always just felt like his room was the place he slept in, and it held not much more appeal than that.

    Like most of the houses down in Undercity they only had the one washroom, and if he knew his sister as well as he did she had probably used up the rest of their morning allotment of hot water. He grabbed a towel from the linen closet, entered the washroom and closed the door before getting undressed and stepping inside the shower. As he started the pump that drew the water up into the shower, he hoped that maybe just this once Grae would’ve taken a quick shower and not left him to freeze. Luck wasn’t on his side. Yup, he thought as ice seemed to form on his skin, she did use it all up. Thankfully, he had learned years ago –not by choice- how to shower quickly. In just a minute, he had turned the water off and was drying himself before getting dressed. Today was Sixth-day, and all he had to do was make it through today and he got a day off tomorrow.

    He headed down the stairs, smelling the oatmeal boiling on the stove. Grabbing a bowl and a wooden spoon, he ladled himself a good amount, topped it with honey and a slice of butter, and sat down at the only table in their house and began to shovel it down. His mother and sister were nowhere to be found; probably they were both off at work. Noel was sitting in his chair by the window, reading one of the few books he owned, as he was wont to do before he started his shift. The image was ruined by the fact that he kept mouthing the words as he read.

    Steiger rolled his eyes; why his stepdad insisted on acting like he was educated was beyond him. It didn’t help him at his job in the Street Repair Guild, and so as far as Steiger was concerned he was only doing it to try and prove himself better than the rest of the family. Quietly he finished his breakfast and put the bowl and spoon in the sink. Later on, his mother would clean the dishes before making them all supper; maybe tonight he could actually be home for the meal, he chuckled to himself. He ran upstairs and buckled on his tool belt and his dagger and then ran back downstairs and out the door.

    As usual, Dinny was waiting for him. He didn’t get it; she went to bed around the same time as him, yet always managed to be up before him and waiting outside his house. How did she do it? And she was always so, so… clean! Her hair was brushed out, her skin wasn’t dirty, her breath smelled like she cleaned her teeth regularly. Uh-oh, Steiger thought. He cupped his hand over his mouth and breathed out into it, then took a tentative whiff. Not bad, he reluctantly agreed. Wait a tick! Since when did he care how his breath smelled, especially around Dinny? That fool girl has messed with my brain, he argued with himself. He was gonna set her straight once and for all! Marching up to her, he started to open his mouth, but forgot all what he was going to say as she repeated her behavior from last night, standing up on her tiptoes and kissing him softly. C’mon Orc-boy, we’re gonna be late, she giggled as she turned and ran ahead. Steiger paused for a second, and licked his lips. She tasted of strawberries. He grinned like a fool and ran to catch up to her.

    They were both roadkill scavengers, and they needed to get Above early if they had any chance of getting any choice pieces to sell off. Granted, no self-respecting citizen from Above would eat rat or anything else that got accidentally killed in a busy city (so they had no worries about anyone like that taking away their livelihood), but it was up to people like Dinny and himself to help keep the Undercity dwellers supplied with meat and leather for clothing. The day usually passed pretty quickly, and no matter how confused Dinny was making him feel, they got along great. Their back and forth came naturally, the result of being good friends for over eight years now. Not that he would ever admit to her that he enjoyed having her around. By the Steam, he would die of embarrassment!

    Steiger finally caught up to Dinny waiting in line for the Lift. Undercity had a good amount of steam powered elevators to Above, and this was the closest lift to where they lived. Just as he had suspected earlier, now that it was daytime the artificial lights were turned up and illuminated a lot more of the streets and buildings, even though there was not that much to look at with the lights on or off. Most of the buildings were brown, gray or red; it was only on the inside that people gave things a splash of color…at least, those that could afford to buy or make such things. He had time to notice these kinds of things, since there was usually a small crowd of people waiting to go to work.

    The Lift Operators Union guard was checking passes. To travel Above for more than a few minutes most Undercity dwellers had to have a pass, which was only given if there was a viable reason to be out among the normal citizens. Thankfully, both Dinny and Steiger had passes authorized by the B.U. and L.U. so they were allowed to go up. The L.O.U. guard, a friendly bronze skinned Dwarf named Gustav, waved as he saw the both of them. Down here non-Humans were a lot more common, which wasn’t surprising. When people who think they are your betters look down on you because of where you live, you tend to not care about the color of your neighbor’s skin or if their ears are long and pointy or if their frame is short and squat.

    Ahoy, Steiger and Dinny! How goes it this fine Sixth-day? Hopefully better than me boy, who is being a right wee scamp lately! he bellowed out as they came to their turn in the queue and pulled out their passes for him. Steiger couldn’t help but smile back at Gustav. He was just so likeable! His green leather uniform was a little snug on him, mainly as it was sewn for a large Human child, but he still tried his best to keep it clean. Spots and stains all over it told of how effective he was at it. His fiery red hair and beard, however, were always kept spotless and foodless. Gustav always told them that if the food wasn’t going to go in his mouth, then by the Steam it sure wasn’t going to be saved for later!

    We’re doing well Gustav, thank you for asking, Dinny replied for both of them. Gustav arched an eyebrow at Steiger, who blushed furiously.

    Ooh, I see! So she’s speaking for both of you! It’s about damn time! Should’ve warned you, laddie, once a female makes up her mind you’d have more luck getting a Golem to cry than make her change it! Seeing as he had Steiger on the ropes, Gustav continued his assault. And once they have their sights set on someone, just surrender peacefully. That’s how it went with me missus. It’ll save you aggravation later! Gustav burst out into big guffaws at his

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