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    One Hundred Jokes In Search Of A Good Home
    One Hundred Jokes In Search Of A Good Home
    One Hundred Jokes In Search Of A Good Home
    Ebook105 pages1 hour

    One Hundred Jokes In Search Of A Good Home

    By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

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    About this ebook

    This is a compilation of one hundred (generally inoffensive) jokes, some short, some long. Each joke is given a title and is numbered, and there is a list of the jokes by title and a list by number.
    They vary in length - from very short (a couple of lines) to fairly long (thirty lines plus).
    After the main body of jokes there is a section which explains each one for readers who might not have fully understood the joke.
    This could be useful for readers who are not native speakers of English - or even readers from other parts of the English-speaking world where the humour (or humor) of some jokes may be somewhat unrecognisable.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherEbenezer Jackson-Firefly
    Release dateSep 15, 2015
    ISBN9781311203106
    One Hundred Jokes In Search Of A Good Home

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      Book preview

      One Hundred Jokes In Search Of A Good Home - Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      One Hundred Jokes in Search of a Good Home

      By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      Copyright 2015 Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      Smashwords Edition

      Cover Text: One Hundred Jokes in Search of a Good Home / Kind Lady, please allow us to live with you / Kind Sir, please permit us to share your abode / We are orphaned jokes and require somewhere to live / Please listen to our pleadings and pity on us all / We are but few – a mere round hundred / If you read us you’ll love us / On second thoughts, you might not / Greetings! I’m Joke 2169 THE DONKEY IN THE FIELD / Hi there, I’m Joke 2137 ALIEN ABUCTION / Hello, I’m Joke 2139 FAIRY TALES / Hello. I’m not one of the jokes. I’m the owner of this striped shirt. May I have it back now? Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly a.k.a. Anonymous.

      COPYRIGHT: This superbly crafted joke book by Mister Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly is the result of his spending many long nights next to a flickering candle flame and breathing in large clouds of foul tallow smoke. Because he has worn out his eyes and lungs in order to produce this little masterpiece, Ebenezer (or ‘Jackson-Firefly, E.’ as he is known to the debt collectors who are always one step behind him as he sneaks from sanctuary to sanctuary) would prefer the book to be bought rather than acquired in a transaction not involving cash.

      He has taken the precaution of having a good-luck spell cast on the book (courtesy of a neighbourhood lady practitioner of the white arts and goodly magick) so that the readers who have paid for a copy will have happy lives. They will also find the jokes funny, since they’ve expended money for them.

      We appreciate your cooperation in helping the author in his vain and illusory quest for riches beyond compare. I am, I believe, The Editor.

      LIST OF CONTENTS

      1. INTRODUCTION (1% of the book)

      2. CONTENTS: JOKES 2100-2200 BY TITLE (6% of the book)

      3. CONTENTS: JOKES 2100-2200 ACCORDING TO REFERENCE NUMBER (6% of the book)

      The jokes begin here:

      4. ONE HUNDRED JOKES (70% of the book)

      5. DON’T GET IT? THE JOKES EXPLAINED (20% of the book)

      1. INTRODUCTION

      This is the umpteenth collection of jokes that the ‘master of laughter’, Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly, has brought into the light of day. .

      Although he is also well-known for his collection of varnished fish and of Victorian blue-glass pill bottles, his fame as a purveyor of fine jokes has eclipsed his previous fames.

      Before going any further with my introduction to his new opus, Mr Jackson-Firefly has asked me to point out that, although he is also known as ‘Anonymous’ or ‘Anon.’, not every work tagged with this name is him, and he supposes that somebody else is also using it. He has requested the editors of various anthologies of poetry and compilations of sayings to make this clear in their various publications, but since none of them have had the courtesy to do so – or even reply to his letters – he has seen fit to include this disclaimer in this introduction. (From the Old French verb root ‘desclam-’, ‘des-‘ negative prefix and `clam-`to call out).

      He would also like to see the hyphen reintroduced into ‘today’ and ‘tomorrow’, and after the prefix ‘re-’ when it means ‘for a second time’. He has written to this effect in a letter sent to the ‘Gentlemen’s Magazine’ entitled ‘Let Us Re-create To-day And To-morrow’), although the said magazine ceased publication altogether in 1922.

      A third demand by Mr Jackson-Firefly is to ask anybody who is stuck for a name for a new road or housing estate to write to him as he has a stock of names which might be suitable, such as Ee-Jay-Ef Avenue, Ee-Jay-Ef Boulevard, Ee-Jay-Ef Mews, and Ee-Jay-Ef Meadows. If the names do not seem suitable, he suggests that ‘Ef’ could be spelt ‘Eff’ to give the name more bulk, if lack of bulk is causing unsuitability.

      And there is yet another note for inclusion in this introduction. Mr Jackfire-Sonfly (as he once called himself by mistake after drinking a very strong cup of tea) has invented a new word ‘zbwuf’, and if any lexicographer is interested in it, he is ready to negotiate a price for it. He submitted it to a certain well-known dictionary who informed him that they were not interested and they suggested that Mr Firejack-Flyson (as he once mistakenly called himself, again after drinking another very strong cup of tea) did not appreciate how dictionaries were compiled.

      Their short-sightedness has deprived English-speakers of a useful word, but luckily it is available now to the highest bidder. As it has no meaning as yet, it could be used in the sense of ‘a craving for another breakfast immediately after finishing the first one’, an important sensation for which the English language surprisingly has no word. Or else ‘a spiral-bound notebook from which some pages have been torn out’ – ‘zbwuf’ would be a single word for such a notebook instead of eleven.

      And a final note. Mr Jackson-Firefly tells me that in the 1611 King James Bible, in 1 Chronicles 2:3, it is said that ‘Er the first-borne of Iudah, was euill in the sight of the Lord, and he slue him.’ Does anybody know what Er did that caused the Lord to slay him? Mr Jackson-Firefly is wondering whether he too (inadvertently, however) might have been evil in the sight of the Lord, and is rather worried about being slain without warning by a thunderbolt from on high.

      Let us now return to the thread of this introduction after this short wandering along the byways of the noble author’s prodigious mind.

      This new volume of jokes is number twenty, as we might have already said. (In fact, we haven’t). Along the way five other volumes, ready for publication, have disappeared into an electronic black hole when a ‘hard disk’ (apparently a kind of metal storage-box in the shape of a discus) failed. A search of pen-drives and other space-age inventions is revealing fragments the ‘opera’ (plural of ‘opus’) that were lost (One Hundred Merry Jokes / One Hundred Whimsically Whimsical Jokes / One Hundred Great, Great Jokes / One Hundred Insane Jokes / One Hundred Very Curious Jokes). I hope to reconstitute these magnificent works by bringing together the fragments. I need to do this very quickly before the venerable author realizes that his ceaseless toil over the year 2014 was not published and so the world is five hundred jokes short.

      Here we add the usual paragraph about the success of the genial author’s ‘joke books’ (or books with short anecdotes which are, hopefully, amusing). Sales continue to be zero.

      The reason is difficult to discern.

      It could be because there is some dark conspiracy afoot to deny the poor author a decent living wage, involving professional graphic designers who are jealous of the author’s dazzling book covers, or zealots and followers of disturbing doctrines who dislike humour. Or possibly a boycott of his books has been organized by an unknown and unseen enemy. Conspiracy or boycott, these, if they exist, have

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