Joyful Gay Sex: The Ultimate Pleasure Guide

Table of Content

100 Missed Chances!

On good intentions, and why the author wishes he had a proper gay sex guide thirty years ago.

Man— that unknown Being!

A diagram of pleasure, all about the cock and how to work it with your hands! Also: why men have nipples, balls, and rosebuds; how to get rid of hair; and where you can get piercings.

In Bed with Fred The Porn star!

The ultimate truth about superhuman sexual performance in pornos, and why sex in front of the camera can be good for your relationship.

Don’t get undressed before you’re Naked!

From proper cruising online, light in darkrooms, action in sex cinemas, hot sex in the sauna, dress codes at sex parties, and a road map to fucking in parks.

Hold your Breath, Baby!

On proper cock sucking, a guide to deep throating, and the eternal debate: spit or swallow?

Safe is Safe! How Does Safe Sex Work?

Everything you need to know about AIDS, safer sex, condoms, lube, and the insanity called bareback.

Stick it In!

All about proper fucking, bottoming, and the necessary preparations. Singing the praises of the prostate, how to douche correctly, and sensational anal sex in all the best positions.

Play with me!

Using toys to change it up in bed. Dildos, plugs, and pumps—the right toys for big boys, and how to clean them after use.

Drugs: An Endless High!

From ecstasy to GHB—how bad are sex and party drugs, actually? What is maybe OK, and what is an absolute no.

Warning: Contagious

From itching foreskin to oozing pus. From syphilis to public lice—an expert explains the most common sexual infections and how to avoid them.

Fetish!

Feet, fisting, sneakers, and latex. The ultimate guide to the wild country of fetishes.

No End in Sight!

Why you can never finish writing a gay sex guide.

About the Author

About the Book

Imprint

On good intentions, and why the author wishes he had a proper gay sex guide thirty years ago.

The year is 1984. Butterflies in my stomach, my heart pounding in my throat, I slip into a bookstore a mere fifteen miles from my parents’ house. I’ve got a baseball cap pulled down over my ears, terrified someone will recognize me. Head down, I glance over the rows of books, passing among the shelves with no idea where to find what I’m looking for. Then, with a courage born of desperation, I ask the woman at the cash register, mumbling, if they might happen to have any books about (at this point I was barely intelligible) homosexuality? For a school project, of course. We’re studying it right now. In biology, blah blah blah …

Of course, the woman knew immediately what was up and sent me—in a barely audible, conspiratorial whisper—to a shelf in the back left corner. There were a handful of books there, all on the subject of homosexuality. But which one should I choose? I couldn’t flip through all of them. Then came my first disappointment: The books all seemed quite boring. Small print, full of text, lots of technical terms—and the worst part: no pictures! These books were merely attempting to explain homosexuality, describing ways of coming to terms with one’s sexuality, or how you could even know you were gay. But that was a question I didn’t need to ask myself anymore. I was absolutely certain I was gay! I just wanted to know how I could have hot sex with enticing men, which none of these books addressed. On the other hand, I could have learned everything there was to know about the suicide rate caused by suppressed homosexuality or learned how to accept my deviance in activist discussion circles. But sucking? Fucking? Negative!

But I was curious about the real gay world, particularly since I was under all the pressure of my late-adolescent hormones, and they wanted experience. Were all gay men really cocksuckers and butt fuckers? Did gay men really stick their cocks into each other’s backsides? Then what would happen to the poop back there? Did you end up getting it stuck to your dick? If you did, what was so hot about that?

All I knew was that I wanted to touch a man, feel him, explore him, smell him. Whatever would follow was still a puzzle to me, and none of these books could help me. In the end, I bought a book that at least contained a drawing of a naked man—don’t forget that it wasn’t so easy to find a picture of a cock in 1984. The Internet didn’t exist yet—the underwear pages of your mother’s Sears catalogue were the only place you could ogle men’s intimate areas without difficulty. Even for years afterward, I kept looking in vain for a gay sex guide that was written the way I felt. Not from the perspective of a total sex god who sees stars at every orgasm, the way most sex guide authors claim. No, I wanted a book that would pique my curiosity, perhaps, without creating false hopes for perpetual ecstasy. Sex is about trying new things, making new discoveries, and above all a constant matter of trial and error. Not every practice is enjoyable, and some things will feel very differently with different men.

Of course, today it’s easy for young gay men to watch the most extreme porn films online. What you can stick in what orifice isn’t much of a secret. But the Internet has no ready solutions for how to actually do those things—and much more importantly, how you can even find someone to do them with. Sure, there are all sorts of Web sites whose professed aim is to connect you with a suitable partner for all sorts of monkey business, but there are risks involved in such sites that are not really discussed.

True, a lot has changed in recent years. The rights of gay and lesbian couples are increasing in many countries. Equality is on the rise. But let’s be honest: at the age of eighteen, few guys are interested in a romantic wedding with another man—they just want to get as much good sex as possible.

A guide that would explain the basics of gay sex to me—that’s what I could have used! Then I wouldn’t have missed so many opportunities to have sex with hot men. If you know what you’re doing, you can react appropriately when you get the chance.

When I think of all those missed opportunities …

… I went on a camping trip when I was fourteen. After a long talk by the campfire with a sixteen-year-old heartthrob, I had no idea how to react when he looked me deep in the eyes, rustled my hair, and said: If you were a girl, I’d kiss you now! I would have liked nothing better—the first big chance of my life. The only thing I could manage to say was an uptight Well, I’m not a girl. And then I giggled like a twelve-year-old girl. He didn’t feel like laughing, though—he just looked me in the eyes and gave a sigh of disappointment. So stupid!

… Or when a well-known painter fell on his knees in front of me in a club and said I was as beautiful as a painting, and that he wanted to make me feel good. Again, all I could manage to do was walk away with an embarrassed laugh. Later I found out he gave some of the best head in the city. Another chance missed!

… Or the seasoned man who offered me tea or something in Russell Square in front of the British Museum in London—and I actually believed he just wanted to invite me for tea. Until my laughing friends revealed to me that Russell Square was a well-known cruising park, and this man was more interested in something than tea. If I had known that I would have gladly accepted!

… Or my secret crush, a muscular opera singer who answered the door naked when I came to pick him up for a date, dangling his enormous dick in front of my nose and saying he just happened to be coming out of the shower—and I actually believed he had lost track of time. So naïve!

… Or the steward on a flight to Philadelphia who told me about the big steaks they serve in Texas. If I wanted to know more about big beef, I should just come to him later up front. I would have loved to know everything about his personal beef but I missed the chance, thinking he actually wanted to sing the praises of the American meat industry.

Ah yes, to round it off nicely—there were at least ninety-three other opportunities I missed because my gaydar was not yet finely tuned.

That’s why I’m sitting here trying to carry over all my desires and experiences into the present day. What do young gay men hope for today? What questions do these boys ask themselves? Where can they read about, and replicate, the basics of gay sex in a simple and uncomplicated manner? How can I help these boys so that opportunities won’t slip through their fingers? I’ve done my best to pack this book full of personal experiences. I’ve spoken with boys and men, doctors and porn stars, sneaker fetishists and condom lovers, letting their experiences influence me. The result: a guide for those first exciting steps into gay sex life. Not every kind of play will please everyone, but so what? Even the worst pratfall is a great story the next time you go out for drinks …

Of course, I can’t guarantee that every practice described here will bring unimagined pleasures to every reader. Who could enjoy everything? I certainly don’t! And I can’t be held liable for any potential harm that comes from replicating these practices. Nor can I guarantee that every cruising ground named here will lead to a fulfilling encounter. This book comes without any guarantee—read it and screw at your own risk! I have humped across the gay world with the best of intentions, waded ankle-deep in sperm-soaked tissues, and shoved ugly plastic objects up my ass in the hopes that some young gay man will come across this book in a bookstore or online shop and know his choices are clear. Above all, I hope he will have lots of aha moments as he reads, and then go out into the wild to live out his own exciting adventures. And I hope all my readers will go out, balls bulging, and have as much wild, hot, tender, charged sex as they can!

A diagram of pleasure, all about the cock and how to work it with your hands! Also: why men have nipples, balls, and rosebuds; how to get rid of hair; and where you can get piercings.

The male body functions very simply: If a man’s cock is hard, he feels good! Cocks often get really hard really fast. Then you can do all kinds of fun things with it!

But only fucking? After a while that would get old! Anyway, you won’t become a sex god through fucking alone. There’s a lot more to it! For example, you should know a man’s erogenous zones and how to play with them. Then you can bring a man to absolute ecstasy without even touching his cock.

Of course, the first time you have free rein to work on a man’s body, it’s easy to go overboard. Hell-bent on doing everything right, you squeeze, knead, suck, and kiss the guy until he feels like he’s being crushed by a steamroller of pleasure. But if you take your time, play the explorer and experiment a bit, you’ll quickly discover that a man is like a big guitar—pluck the right strings and wonderful sounds will emerge! You’ll get to hear them after embarking on a little tour of the mystery called man!

Erogenous Zones—A Map of Pleasure

Erogenous zones are areas of the body that become enormously aroused through a skillful touch—in other words, they get a man’s motor running!

These zones come with a catch, though: If you play around with them when your partner isn’t in the mood, it can be pretty uncomfortable and even painful. Also, not every man is equally sensitive on the same spots. One guy might give an annoyed look at the ceiling when you nibble his earlobe, another might go through the roof if you even breathe in the direction of his ear. Finding out where a guy reacts most sensitively: this is your task!

But first, the most important thing: With the right touch, your entire body can become a single sensitive zone. Safe bets for a place to start: throat and neck, armpits, alongside his chest, below the belly button, crotch area, inner arms, backbone, tailbone, inner thighs, the back of the knee, and of course his feet. These are generally areas you can transform into minefields of pleasure with a little stroking, licking, and kissing.

If you have a willing man lying in front of you, it’s best to work slowly, top to bottom. Take your time, indulging him with soft hand motions, or tickle out his pleasure with your fingernails. From his reaction, you’ll be able to tell pretty clearly if you’ve struck sexual gold. Pay attention to this, in all probability other men are similar. Over time, you can build up a whole library of individual tricks for seduction.

Getting a man hot and bothered—seducing him—is a little bit like warming up an expensive sports car before you race it. If you can drive a guy crazy with your pleasure games, he’ll soon be switching into turbo mode and really hitting the pedal to the floor.

The Circle of Pleasure—How to Get Any Guy

Those general erogenous zones are trumped by the most central erotic areas. These are the parts of the body