The Sound of Circumstance: Puget Sound ~ Alive With Love, #5

Dedication

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For my friend Paula who taught me the most important way to survive is to just keep breathing.

~~

To finally leave the past behind, they’ll have to trust ...

their friendship, and especially their love.

Stacie Nightingale doesn’t what the 2.5 million dollars of blood money she’s been awarded as a result of the lawsuit she filed. She also doesn’t want the memories that are flooding her mind, causing her to remember everything that led to the car accident that killed her friend and left Stacie with a traumatic brain injury. Neither of those circumstances matter though once her boyfriend Owen Landry proposes to her. She doesn’t want his proposal, not due to the circumstances that drove him to it. The mysterious woman he seems to be keeping company only fuels her insecurity and doubt. Stacie loves Owen, but with her past continuing to haunt her, she questions if their love is strong enough to survive.

Owen Landry has been carrying the ring around for months, waiting for the perfect moment to propose. He has a plan, but when a gallery owner starts swooning over Stacie – and not just her paintings – Owen once again has to face the demons of his own past. His insecurities spike when Stacie not only refuses his proposal, but confides in her brother rather than Owen. He doesn’t believe she would betray him, but his past has proven he can be a bad judge of character.

Chapter 1   

Stace, there's some stuff I need to tell you. The dread in her brother’s voice made Stacie Nightingale’s heart drop into her stomach. Stuff about Greg. He just got fired from the school for sleeping with a student. Other girls are coming forward. Allegedly, this has been going on for years.

Her phone bounced off the floor and disappeared under the couch as the nausea she’d been battling all day returned, a vengeful stab that made Stacie dizzy with fury. 

Taking a deep breath, she attempted to get her stomach and breathing under control. On the exhale, she closed her eyes and imagined herself on the ferry, taking in the sea air on a sunny day.

Keith’s voice bellowed in the distance, calling her name and asking if she was okay, but Stacie tried to focus on her breathing.

Once it finally settled, she opened her eyes. Though her stomach still threatened to unleash lunch, she couldn’t keep ignoring her brother. 

Dropping onto her hands and knees, Stacie searched for the stupid phone, hearing her brother continue to call her name and ask if she was there.

There was no way Keith could have just said what she heard. Maybe he was messing with her. Except Keith was the nicest guy in the world. He never messed with his sisters.

The phone slipped out of my hand, she yelled. Her hand swept across it, causing it to spin. When she finally managed to get a hold of it, she brought it back to her ear with ice cold, slippery hands. A chill raced across her body as she wiped the sweat from her forehead.

I'm here. Sorry.

Don't apologize. I was shocked too. I can't imagine that was easy news for you to hear. Keith's voice was steady, as usual. As an attorney who specialized in family law, he'd faced off with countless angry parents, disgruntled spouses, and rival lawyers, as well as ornery old judges, so he'd learned how to keep his voice level in the most stressful of situations. A skill Stacie never developed.

Basically, you just told me my fiancé of six years, the man I was in a relationship with for ten years, was cheating on me with our students. Our students. She'd intended to take a breath during that sentence, but since she lacked the training and experience of her lawyer brother, she failed miserably. With her lungs nearly imploding, she forced herself to take some of the precious element in.

A key flashed through Stacie's mind. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to hold on to the image, to figure out why it seemed so familiar.

But as usual, her amnesia wouldn’t let any memories surface.

I'm sorry, Stace, Keith sighed, losing that level tone in his voice and making the vision of the key disappear.

Opening her eyes, she paced slowly, not wanting to wear a path in the new flooring. How long have you known?

I heard about it yesterday. Son of a bitch had the audacity to ask me to represent him.

Represent him? For what?

He's filing a suit of wrongful termination against the school.

Stacie would have laughed except for the seriousness of the situation. Of course Greg wouldn't accept responsibility. Nothing was ever his fault. She wouldn't be surprised if he tried to blame it on her somehow.

Settling on the couch next to a napping Daisy, Stacie absently stroked the soft fur. She hadn’t expected the kitten to sleep so much. Didn’t they like to get into mischief? You're not going to represent him, are you?

You really need to ask me that? If she'd been in the room with her brother, she'd have bet he raised his brow and cocked his head.

No, sorry.

Anyway, I wanted to get more information before I told you, so I called Glenn this morning. He confirmed everything.

Principal Glenn Richards had been Stacie's boss before she left her job as an English teacher at the high school she'd graduated from.

Stace, he wants you to call him.

Keith ... Stacie fell back against the couch and tucked her feet under her butt, careful not to kick Daisy. She wanted to curl up into the fetal position and forget about her past life, but even moving across the country couldn’t keep it at a reasonable distance.

Listen. This is important. I know it's unpleasant, but–

Unpleasant? It's horrible. Her voice went up so many octaves, she almost sounded like her mother. How could he do that? I mean, he didn't even like having sex with me.

Stace–

Sorry, she groaned, cutting him off. I know you're probably one of those brothers who doesn't want to know about his sister's sex life.

It's not that. I know you're no prude.

I was. At least that's what Greg said. Stacie shook her head, remembering how things had been with Greg. She had tried so hard to put some passion into their relationship, but Greg wouldn’t allow it. "But that's how he wanted me. Holy Hemingway, all those things he didn't want to do. Is that because he was living out his fantasies with high school girls?"

I can't answer that, Keith said quietly. He sounded uncomfortable, and Stacie realized she probably shouldn't share her sex life, former or not, with her brother.

I gotta go.

Do not hang up on me, Keith demanded. Since he never took that tone with her, Stacie kept the phone firmly pressed to her ear and sighed.

Keith sighed too.

Stacie closed her eyes, reaching for a memory she had stopped trying to conjure months ago. It had been thirteen months since her brain surgery, fifteen months since the car accident that killed her friend Audrey and left Stacie with a traumatic brain injury. She didn’t remember the accident, had no memories of that day. After so many failed attempts with her therapist to trigger the memories, Stacie had given up. Audrey would have wanted her to move forward. When Stacie had moved to Seattle, it was to do just that. Remembering the past wouldn’t change anything.

I didn't know, she sighed, lurching forward to try and tamp the waves of nausea that just kept rolling. What kind of a fool doesn't know her fiancé is cheating on her?

You're not a fool, Stace. As Keith said the words, Stacie felt the tingle on her neck that always signaled Owen was near. The condo door clicked shut and Stacie turned to find Owen staring at her.

~~~

Stacie's words slapped Owen across the face. Though there was no physical connection, the sting lingered.

He knew the kind of fool who didn't know he was being cheated on. He'd lived it.

Twice.

I've gotta go. Owen just got home. I'll call you later. She disconnected the call and tossed the phone on the table that separated the kitchen from the living room. That was Keith.

Owen liked Stacie's brother. When his ex-wife came to town last winter, Keith had hooked him up with a lawyer and a private investigator to find out what Kristina was up to. Then he'd helped with a new custody agreement with his first ex-wife, one that allowed him to see his daughter on a regular basis. So Owen owed the guy. Big time.

When he had finally met Keith face to face in April while he was in town to take the Washington Bar exam, Owen got to witness just how tight Stacie and her brother were, something he could appreciate. He and Morgan were close too, and there's nothing Owen wouldn't do for his sister. He knew the same was true of Keith and Stacie.

Looking at Stacie now, with slumped shoulders and teary eyes, Owen knew whatever she and her brother had talked about, it wasn't good. Of course, her statement when he walked in the door was probably the first clue.

He wanted to go to her, hold her in his arms until the sadness was gone, but his own demons raced to the surface, triggering the Landry temper that always lingered. Two women had played him for a fool, and while it was in the past, the humiliation liked to sneak back into his mind and burrow deep. So instead of holding Stacie, he stood at the edge of the kitchen, ready to do battle with his instincts. What kind of a fool doesn't know her fiancé is cheating on her? Owen asked, trying to hide the bitterness of that accusation.

Stacie's eyes widened, probably not aware Owen had been within earshot. Since she always defended his honor and justified his actions, he'd been surprised to hear those words roll off her tongue, especially with the angst so heavy in her voice.

She looked away, whether to avoid eye contact or push away the tears he wasn't sure. Either way, he still felt the sting of those words and the betrayals that always haunted him.

Greg got fired for sleeping with a student. Allegedly, she said, using her fingers to signal quotes, he's been doing this for years. A bunch of girls came forward.

Still standing at the edge of the kitchen, Owen fisted his hands, ready to strike anything. The wall. The stainless steel refrigerator. That douche bag who didn't know a good thing when he had her. Lucky for him, Stacie's ex was on the other side of the country and the truth was, if he hadn't been such an ass, Stacie might not have left him.

Still, it was too bad the son of a bitch wasn't within striking distance. Greg, however, wasn't the only person spiking Owen's temper. The memory of catching his second ex-wife in bed with another man, coupled with the knowledge his first ex-wife had gotten pregnant while he was deployed, was a smoldering fire he'd done a good job of putting behind him since Stacie came into his life. The betrayals still hurt, though, if for no other reason than for him being a fool.

He laughed, realizing he described himself with the exact word Stacie used. Only she wasn't a fool. She was wronged. Terribly wronged by a man who didn't deserve her.

When the tears streamed down her cheeks, he knew just how much she was hurting.

Dammit, Owen wanted to pound the guy. Something like this never should have happened to Stacie. The fact it had poured gasoline on the inferno his ex-wives ignited. If Greg were in Seattle instead of safely across the country in Maine, Owen would hunt him down and beat him to a pulp. The DB didn't deserve any less.

The anger, however, wouldn't help get Stacie through this. Though she didn't love the guy and had left him over a year ago, this wasn't about Greg. It was about being betrayed by someone you trusted, being deceived by someone you loved. It was about being played a fool.

You want to talk about it? Owen took a few steps forward. While his instincts pushed him to fight, Stacie’s MO was to run. The problem was that running never solved anything. Hell, neither did fighting, but sometimes putting your fist through something was exactly what he needed to feel like he had some control.

Stacie still stood next to the table. Shaking her head, she laughed. Not the beautiful laugh which sent a surge of happiness through his body every time he heard it, but a dark, sardonic laugh Owen rarely ever heard from her.

No, Owen. I don't want to talk about this. It was over between me and Greg long before I walked out on him. Now I don't have to feel bad about the way I ended things.

I wasn't aware you felt bad, Owen snarled, jealousy prickling every nerve ending. What did she have to feel guilty about? Her ex was a douche bag and didn't deserve any of Stacie's courtesy.

I left without saying a word. Not even a note. I put the ring on the table, packed my things and left. I felt bad because after ten years together, Greg deserved a little more respect than that. He was a jerk — is a jerk — but that’s not me. I stooped to a level I’m not proud of. Now it doesn’t matter. I guess our relationship was as over for him as it was for me.

I know you're upset, but–

I'm not upset, Stacie spat. Then she took a deep breath and plastered on a fake smile. I'm not upset, she said again, with a control Owen knew she was struggling to maintain.

She stormed into the kitchen and opened one cupboard before slamming it closed and opening another. Owen wanted to suggest delivery before she did any damage, but it was obvious Stacie needed something to do and needed to work out some aggressions, so he stood by while she continued to bang around.

The reasonable side of him understood. Having just found out about this, she needed time to process it and Owen being in her face, trying to talk her through it wasn't going to help. Of course, the cave man side wanted to pound his chest and claim Stacie as his, grunting that no other man could have or hurt her ever again.

Instead of giving in to his primitive urges, he settled on the sofa, folding his hands on his lap and watching as she stormed around in the kitchen.

After several minutes, she just stood there, her arms braced on the counter in front of the sink. Her back was to Owen, so he couldn't see her expression, but he imagined she was fighting back the tears. He wanted to go to her and hold her, force all the anger away, but he wasn't sure she was at that stage of acceptance yet.

That's why I left, Stacie mumbled.

What? Owen asked, not quite sure he heard her right.

She turned to face him. I bet I found out. I bet that's why I left. Good Gatsby, I bet that's why I left.

I thought you didn't remember?

I don't, but I was in Audrey's car and her parents had said something about my car being at her house. I know something horrible happened that day. I've always felt like something horrible happened. I thought he'd hit me, but I bet it was because I found out. But how? How did I find out?

She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. That's when her words sank in.

Owen bolted off the sofa. You thought he hit you?

Stacie's eyes opened, regret playing across her face.

How long? he asked.

Owen...

How long, baby? How long have you thought that he hit you?

Stacie sighed. It’s not important.

No secrets. That’s our promise to each other. So tell me how long. The demand in his voice reminded Owen of his army days, giving orders to unruly soldiers who didn’t understand the chain of command or their roles in the organization.

Owen, she pleaded, but he held his ground just a few feet away. The woman was stubborn, but after breathing out a heavy sigh, he knew she was relenting. Since the surgery, when he was here. I kept having this strange vision and I didn't know if it was a memory or a dream. When he was here, I realized it was a memory, but other than that vision, I don't remember, so I don't know for sure.

And you didn't tell me.

Stacie crossed her arms and pinned him with a look he imagined she had used on her students when they were being disruptive. What would you have done, Owen?

I would have hunted the bastard down and–

And that's why I didn't tell you.

He hurt you. That's not okay. She didn't understand a man's need to protect the woman he loved, to keep her safe from harm. It was a primal instinct Owen couldn't fight. It pumped through his veins, just like blood, but fueling everything male and possessive.

She closed the distance between them, her arms falling to her sides until she reached him. The tender caress of her fingers on his cheeks calmed the angry fire in him, but ignited the desire her touch always stirred. No, it's not, she said, her voice nearly a whisper. She avoided looking at him, as though she was ashamed of what that bastard had done to her. But you know what? It's done. I don't love him. I don't miss him. Whatever he was doing, none of that matters.

Finally, Stacie met his gaze, a fire in her eyes. Her tender caress left his face, her hands tangling in his hair as she pulled him to her mouth. Her kiss was aggressive, giving more than taking, as though she was trying to prove something. Before Owen could register what that something was, she backed him into the living room until the backs of his legs hit the chair. Stacie’s initial push caused him to drop into the chair and without missing a beat, she straddled his lap and ground her body against him. The friction inspired his cock to wake up, but Owen knew what this was. It wasn't the first time Stacie had tried to use sex to avoid talking about something unpleasant.

He stopped kissing her even though her lips kept moving against his. All the laws of attraction were at work and it was nearly impossible to reverse the momentum, but Owen had never believed sex was a problem solver. As much as he wanted to make Stacie feel better, his instincts told him this wasn't the way.

Please don't stop, she pleaded.

Stacie–

Owen, please. I need you. Right now, I need you.

The desperation in her voice cracked his heart. He needed her too, if for no other reason than to remind her how much he loved her, how much she meant to him. Owen’s possessive side also pushed him to stake his claim, but now was not the time for either of them to feed their own insecurities. Then let me hold you.

No. Make love to me, she whispered, her voice a seductive caress in his ear.

Baby, that's not what you're after.

Fine, she snapped, sitting back and looking him in the eye. Then fuck me.

Owen launched out of the chair. Somehow he got Stacie firmly planted on her feet before stepping back from her. The shock of hearing that word cross her lips was like a hurricane force wind crashing through his brain. It came head to head with the tornado of memories of his ex-wife.

That had often been Kristina’s idea of dirty talk. There was nothing sensuous or affectionate in the sex he had with his ex-wife. In the later part of their short marriage, sex was fueled by anger masquerading as forgiveness. There had been a time when that worked for Owen, but it didn’t now, not with Stacie.

In the year they’d been together, he’d never once heard Stacie utter that word. She rarely swore, and after his experience with Kristina, he found it endearing. He wasn't sure if it was because of the bad memories of being with Kristina or the way he'd grown up, with his father’s incessant cursing, or maybe a combination of both. Owen didn't want to speculate. What he did know was that hearing Stacie making that demand was not a good thing.

I'm not going to do that, he managed to say when he finally found his voice.

As much as he wanted to keep her close, he took another step back. The physical separation was the only way to keep his primal desire from overriding his brain's decision to do the right thing.

We should talk about this, he insisted.

It was Stacie’s turn to retreat as she held up a hand and stepped back, shaking her head. No. I'm not talking about Greg. Ever. There's no place for him in my life.

We don't have to talk about him, but I know this affects you, baby. I know what you're feeling right now.

One fool feeling sorry for another, she muttered. Aren't we the perfect couple.

She crossed her arms, the tension coming off her in waves as she moved to the glass slider and looked out over the city. Owen wanted to massage her slumped shoulders, reassure her she was no fool, but the physical gesture would only encourage the sexual desire between them and the words would be just that. Owen had received the same consoling words both times his ex-wives had cheated on him, but the words never helped. 

The humiliation was the worst part for me too, he said, maintaining his position near the kitchen.

Stacie turned, surprise sparking in her eyes. Owen hated that they had this horrible betrayal in common now, but he couldn't ignore it. His pain could help ease hers.

The principal wants to talk to me. She dropped her head and rubbed her arms as if cold, but Owen figured the goose bumps were from the horror of the situation. He probably wants to know if I knew, which makes sense. I left. Abruptly, without saying a word. I bet the whole town thinks I knew. I don't know what's worse, admitting that I didn't or them thinking that I did.

Owen wanted to tell her not to worry about what those small town people thought, but he knew that was impossible. The same anxiety had stalked him. He'd heard people whispering when walking by, or worse, going silent, as if they'd been talking about what a fool he was and didn't want him to overhear.

At least you don't have to see the pity on their faces.

Stacie took a deep breath and lifted her chin. I'm sorry, she murmured.

For what?

I don't know.

Then don't be sorry. Tell me about tomorrow. You have a dress fitting? He knew how difficult it was to talk about betrayals from people you had trusted — not that there was any other kind. Talking about her best friend’s wedding always made Stacie smile and Owen hoped he could distract her with wedding details.

He’d prefer the distraction be with details of their own wedding. As he fingered the ring in his pocket, Owen knew now was not the right time to propose. He’d had the ring for months waiting for the perfect moment. If he proposed now, Stacie would undoubtedly run from him.

Fortunately, a slight smile curved her pretty mouth, signaling his tactic had worked. Owen wanted to kiss that smile, but that would lead them to the bedroom and the topic of her ex wasn’t far enough out of her mind yet. Hell, it wasn’t far enough out of Owen’s brain.

That dress shop isn’t going to know what hit them, she laughed. We are all going together. Stacie was the maid of honor in Jenny and Ty’s wedding in just six weeks. Owen’s sister Morgan, her nursing schoolmate Holly, Jenny’s current business partner Carmen, and Jenny’s former co-worker Mia were all bridesmaids. When those women got together, things tended to get rowdy.

Oh, that reminds me. Jenny sent me a text today. Ty has some exciting news.

Oh yeah? What is it? Owen asked with sincere enthusiasm. Even though he knew she would need to talk about the situation with her ex, it wasn’t a topic that fit well within his comfort zone and he was happy to focus on something else.

Stacie settled next to him, her body leaning into his. Instinctively, his