He’s Just a Man

7:9

Preface

I grew up Catholic. I went through the normal procedures for 90% of Italians: baptism, confirmation, communion and matrimony. Moreover, my middle school and part of my secondary school education took place in Catholic institutions, with parish priests and nuns respectively. In particular, for all three years of middle school and two years of secondary school, the priests would reserve an hour for mass every Saturday.

At around 25, having not attended mass, nor taken communion nor gone to confession (the one exception being for my marriage) for at least seven years, I began to ask myself some questions and a few doubts emerged. It seems incredible to admit it now, but until the age of 25 I had no idea that Christianity was divided into several branches. For me, Christianity was equivalent to Catholicism.

Faced with doubts and questions, I began to study both the alternative branches to Catholicism (Protestantism in particular) and other religions (Islam in particular). Something about Catholicism didn’t convince me, in fact several things didn’t: ritual upon ritual, phrases learnt by heart and always the same passages of the Gospel repeated in church. Is that really what Jesus would have wanted for me today? Phrases by rote, confession with a stranger who, unlike me, the Apostles and even the first Pope, embraces chastity? Who or what had diminished the belief in a Superior Being that had sent His Son, a man capable of performing miracles, here to earth? The church, perhaps? Doubtless, the church had its faults, but it couldn’t have done anything without the backing of its supreme head, the Pope.

Studying the popes, I was immediately struck by the theory of their infallibility ex cathedra, that is, when they speak on matters of faith. How strange, I thought, that a human being can believe himself to be infallible, even more so when discussing something theoretical that only God can know about. I was also intrigued by the concept of ex cathedra, which implicitly admits not only that the pope can make mistakes when not talking about faith, but that he in fact does. Ex cathedra or not, I decided to see which pope had made mistakes and when and what effects their errors had on our present days.

At the time I didn’t think there would be enough material to write a book, but before I’d even finished wading through the first-century the errors were already coming thick and fast. Well, I said to myself, why not keep note of them all in a few pages, with absolutely no biographical information not relating exclusively to the errors and curious or questionable actions, with a rich and carefully selected bibliography that no Catholic could argue with?

Thanks to Google Books I had an abundance of titles, allowing me to satisfy my curiosity and to find out who had got up to what and when. I liked the idea. But I could never have imagined the anger and the laughter that would result from it. Not even remotely.

I almost forgot to mention that my entire share of the profits from this book will be given away to charity. If anyone is wondering why, it’s not because I’m rich but because I laughed for at least fifteen minutes straight every day while writing it. I don’t think it is right to make money from something amusingly enjoyable, especially if it concerns religious issues and rituals that should have nothing to do with profit.

But that is the past, Pope Francis is now the vicar of Christ and it is his guidance that I want.

Liège (Belgium), Saint Jaques’s Church: Statue from Saint James the Just (1691) by Jean Del Cour, Flamenc, Wikimedia project

The Intransigents

Pope Anacletus I (1st Century)

Forced priests who to sport a ridiculous hair cut (known as tonsure), worn by those who celebrated mass in apostolic times1.

Pope Sixtus I (115-117/125-129)

Established that several ornaments of the altar (the chalice and paten) could no longer be touched by the laity but only by the clergy2 3.

Pope Telesphorus (125-136)

Established that no layperson could contradict the clergy4.

Pope Anicetus (155-166)

His only decretal in the eleven years of his pontificate was that no clergyman could have long hair; he also reinstated the use of tonsure. This decretal took it origins from the writings of Saint Paul5 6 7.

Pope Stephen I (254-257)

Ordered that the laity could no longer wear the vestments used by the clergy, introduced the blessing thereof and forbade their use outside of church8.

Pope Leo IX (1048-1054)

Decreed in a synod that the women who prostituted themselves to clergy in Rome were to become slaves serving the Lateran Palace9 10.

Pope Gregory VII (1073-1085)

Reaffirmed the celibacy of the clergy, declaring that he preferred them to engage in sodomy or sexual relations with family members over a legitimate marital tie11 12.

Pope Alexander III (1159-1181)

Issued a decree of excommunication for anyone who did not pay a tithe in advance in the territories of the Papal States. The tithe related to mills, fish farms, hay, wool and bees, for example, and was supposed to be paid before the income was received on the sale of the product13 14.

Pope Leo X (1513-1521)

Introduced a papal bull (Inter Sollicitudines) during a Council (Lateran V) that prohibited the printing of books not approved by the clergy. The penalty for those who published unauthorised book was excommunication, the public burning of the printed books, a fine (one hundred ducats) and a year-long printing ban. If the person repeatedly published unauthorised books, harsher punishments were administered. This led to the creation of the List of forbidden books years later, which remained in force for over four centuries (it was abolished in 1966)15.

His bull reintroduced the sale of indulgences, provoking Luther to post his 95 theses in a cathedral, which lit the fuse for the explosion of the Protestant Reformation. He was the first to give rise to the sale of indulgences in Germany and he declared that the proceeds would be used to reconstruct Saint Peter’s Basilica in Rome16.

Pope Paul IV (1555-1559)

He issued a bull (Cum nimis absurdum) ordering the Jews residing in the Papal States to live in seclusion in a ghetto in the Sant’Angelo district of Rome. He forbade them from possessing properties, which had to be sold to Christians (resulting in their depreciation) and from practising a business or profession. He compelled them to reduce the interests on loans to a maximum of 12% and forced them to wear a distinguishing mark. He declared that they were condemned to eternal slavery because of their ingratitude and insolence. He also forbade Christians from being treated by Jewish doctors, even if they were seriously ill17 18 19.

Pope Clement XIII (1758-1769)

Ordered the private parts of the subjects depicted in the statues and paintings in the Vatican to be covered up. The statues were consequently emasculated and the private parts in the frescoes of the Sistine Chapel painted over20 21.

Pope Leo XII (1823-1829)

Banned the dancing of the waltz, which he described as a "highly obscene dance"22 23.

Pope Pius IX (1846-1878)

During and because of the annexation of the Papal States to the Kingdom of Italy (which led to the formation of the Italian State, and the consequential loss of possessions on the part of the Papal States), he excommunicated the entire Italian government and King Victor Emmanuel II three times over. He also issued a decree (Non expedit) prohibiting Catholics from involvement in elections or any form of political life in the recently formed Italian State. This decree was revoked more than forty years later by Pope Benedict XV. Pope Pius IX was described by Garibaldi as "a cubic metre of manure"24 25 26 27.

He proclaimed that the pope could not err (papal infallibility) when speaking about questions of faith or morals (ex cathedra)28.

Pope Leo XIII (1878-1903)

Reiterated the decree issued by his predecessor (Non expedit) forbidding Catholics to take part in the political life of the Italian State

29.

He was a great admirer of vin Mariani (a blend of Bordeaux and cocaine), so much so that he sent the inventor a Vatican gold medal

30.

1 […] since Apostolic times, the Ministers of the Altar wore their hair tonsured, and when the Church was established Pope Anacletus forced them to wear it Relazione istorica della translazione del corpo di S. Filomena vergine, e martire by Francesco di Lucia, page 78, Publisher Giordano, 1833.

2 Only those in the holy orders were permitted to touch it, as determined by Sixtus I Dizionario di erudizione storico-ecclesiastica by Gaetano Moroni, volume LI, page 285, Publisher Tipografia Emiliana, 1851.

3 […] forbade the laity to touch the holy ornaments Storia del dispotismo ossia papi, imperatori, re, ecc. loro fasti e reati by Maurice La Châtre and Giuseppe Latty, volume I, page 313, 1850.

4 The priests and bishops may not be punished, nor even lightly reprimanded, by any of the laity Della Calabria illustrata by Giovanni Fiore, volume III page 17, Publisher Rubettino, 2001.

5 Writing to the Corinthians, Saint Paul told them that is a shame unto man to wear long hair on his head. Being Pope, Anicetus […] in eleven years, while he held the Papacy, issued no Decree except one, in which he commanded that no Priest or Religious man may have long hair Il perfetto leggendario della vita e fatti di N. S. Giesù Christo by Alonso de Villegas, page 287, 1702.

6 He totally forbade all the clergy to have long hair Delle historie del mondo by Giovanni Tarcagnota, volume II, page 180, Publisher Tramezzino, 1573.

7 He issued a Decree, complying with the orders of the Apostles, forbidding Clerics to wear long hair, and at the same time ordered them to wear the Crown, or Clerical Tonsure Esercizj di pietá per tutti i giorni dell’anno by Jean Croiset page 285, Published by Giovanni Gatti, 1793.

8 Pope St. Stephen I in 257 established the blessing of the holy vestments and ordered the priests and deacons not to use them outside of church, nor secular men to appropriate them. The fact that the vestments, which are still used for mass by priests today, were for a time common to both clergy and laity is also attested by Lambertini, Del sagr. della messa par. 4, sec. 1, p. 163, Dizionario di erudizione storico-ecclesiastica by Gaetano Moroni, volume LI, page 160, Publisher dalla Tipografia Emiliana, 1851.

9 "[…] he issued another decree on the celibacy of the clerics. This decree, known as the costituto, ordered that women found guilty of prostituting themselves to priests within the walls of Rome would incur the penalty of becoming slaves serving at the Lateran Palace" Dizionario di erudizione storico-ecclesiastica da S. Pietro sino ai nostri giorni by Gaetano Moroni, volume XI, page 60, Publisher Tip. Emiliana, 1841.

10 the women of crime who prostitute themselves to priests and are rounded up in Rome should be used as slaves in the Lateran Palace (cap. II, VII), "Vita religiosa