What a Trip!: Out of the shadow...into the Light

What a Trip!

Out of the shadow

...into the light

Francis Xavier Aloisio

An Autobiography

What a Trip!

Out of the shadow…into the light

By Francis Xavier Aloisio -Copyright © 2015.

ISBN: 978-13114-9-445-0

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronically or mechanically, including photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission

in writing either from the author and

the publishers or their appointed agents.

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite

eBook retailer and purchase your own copy.

Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Published by the author under MaltaTempleJourneys (MTJs).

Formatting of eBook by author and Smashwords.

Cover designed by author and Lighthouse Printing-CA.

Cover photo by Christine Aloisio.

(Berwick Churchyard-Sussex UK).

All paintings and photos are the artwork of the Author.

Quotes by various artists at the end of selected chapters from The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.

********

Dedicated to all my Mothers

My Natural Mother - Maria Rosaria,

My Motherland – Malta - Sacred & Mystic

And Mother Church – Holy & Roman

********

I tell you truly,

you are one with your Earthy Mother;

she is in you, and you in her.

Follow the laws of your Mother

and she shall heal and protect you.

And those who love their Mother,

she never deserts them.

Essene Gospel of Peace

********

Acknowledgements:

I would like to give appropriate acknowledgment to all the authors that I quoted during this journey of mine. They were a font of inspiration and a window of enlightment:

A very special appreciation and acknowledgement goes to the work of my cousin Joseph S. Abela, and to other Maltese writers: Anthony Abela, J. S. Ellul, Anthony Mifsud, J. Attard, Caroline Wirth, Mary & Peter Belizzi.

Foreign writers and personalities: N. Smart, Paul Roland, Scilla Elworthy, Veronica Veen, Harry Luke, Lucindie Lidell, James Joyce, L. Pickett and C. Prince, E. Carpenter, Deepak Chopra, Julia Cameron, Eckhart Tolle, Caroline Myss, Neale D. Walsh, Louise L. Hay, Barbara Marx Hubbard, M. Woodman & E. Dickson, James Redfield, Thom Hartman, Joan Parisi Wilcox, Andrew Harvey and Gregg Braden.

Special thanks to the following persons for their help, support, friendship and encouragement: Godwin Genovese, Joseph S. Abela, Neomi Weil, Marlyne Hodgson, Marlon Briffa, Joseph Farrugia, Geraldine Camilleri, Natasha Pantovic, John M. Mizzi, Alfred Difesa, Vibe and Ole Larsen.

Special thanks to: Diane Capuano from St. Louis. (USA) for her painstaking and thorough review of the manuscript of my autobiography, her constructive feedback during its early version, and for my cousin Noemi Weil (also from St. Louis) for her support, suggestions and encouragement.

And to: Claude Absolum, Adrian Mercieca and Carmen Houlton for the editing, and Christine Auriela for her intuitive support and insightful suggestions including the sub-title.

And to myself: for daring enough to write on such a personal subject…my incredible trip on Earth. I did the last edition so any errors that may appear in this publication are solely mine.

********

My Dear Reader, I invite you to accompany me on this journey of mine during which you will experience many surprises and magical moments!

In the first part, I will take you first through my Introduction to let you know why I decided to pen this self-reflective story of mine. From there, I will take you through an invitation to a Tantric Workshop on Gozo-Gharb. I will lead you through the crossing by ferry to Gozo and my second return to the village of Gharb since childhood. Then I introduce you to Malta’s glorious past and in chapter 4, I will give an Overview of my life. Afterwards I escort you through the preparation for the Tantric workshop…the morning meditation, the shaking exercises, pillow talk and session calling. Then we will delve into the real staff of the workshop: re-framing sex and ‘how I see my future sexual life’ session! In the next chapter, I jump from the present to the past, my return to Malta after 33 years absence and my Childhood Home revisited. Early conditioning is the subject of the 10th chapter where I saw my life expression divided in three phases during the morning journaling. This is followed by Denied Expressions spanning from early childhood onwards and how I dealt with my repressions until I finally left the priesthood. My years in Peru signalled a turning point in my life. I come now to that phase when I had to learn to let go of all past issues during the time I embarked on new pastures in England. I had to finally Face Denial and look at myself in the mirror to be able to move forward. The healing was done, I made peace with mum and I was ready to love and be loved.

At the back of the book, you will find the Epilogue, an Author’s Note and the Research Sources.

So, now all you need to do is to allow me to lead you through this magical trip of mine.

********

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 – The Invitation

2 – Crossing to Gozo

3 – Malta’s Glorious Past

4 – An Overview

5 – Workshop Preparation

6 – Tantric Workshop

7 – Re-Framing Sex

8 – Home revisited

9 – Massage Session

10 – Early Conditioning

11 – Denied Expression

12 – Final Prescription

13 – Letting Go

14 – Second Phase

15 – New Pastures

16 – Facing Denial

17 – My Last Day

18 – The Healing Done

19 – To Love and to be Loved

Epilogue

Research Sources

About Author

Published Works

Introduction

Why don’t you write about your life experience?

This was the question that an old lady asked me one day when I was living in Canada. I never thought that there was anything interesting in my life worth writing about, much less anything for others worth reading about. Generally only famous, important and successful people write their autobiographies. I had no such attributes. However, having some time to kill while I was in Vancouver, I decided to write an ‘overview’ of my life without much detail.

(I dedicate this introduction to this wise old lady!)

On my return to Malta, an opportunity arose to attend a Tantric workshop on the island of Gozo, which is something outside of my normal curriculum as an artist and spiritual facilitator. However, I knew deep in my heart that God works in mysterious ways. My inner voice was saying: Why not quench my curiosity by venturing into the unknown? With a thirst to discover my true emotional feelings, I listened to an inner voice.

The time was ripe to go beyond my fears and be true to myself, particularly in regard to my sexual expression, which had been suppressed for far too long! This workshop was a first in Malta and also for me.

After the week in Gozo, where I had the opportunity to meet my inner self and to rediscover my true emotional feelings, the urge to put on paper my experience of the Tantric week was very strong. That inner voice came back again, saying: Start writing about this workshop! Somehow the story wanted to be written, and once I started writing, things came to me unexpectedly. The book then took on a life of its own, and one chapter led to another. To my amazement, certain information that I needed at the moment of writing literally fell into my lap, along with meeting the right people to give me the necessary direction.

I was very much surprised with the creation that was taking place in front of me. As I had never planned to write my life’s story, the surprise was even greater. The life story, as a self-reflection autobiography, came to completion with a combination of conscious intent and unconscious attraction. As an added benefit, the words on the blank screen on my PC were shedding some light into the dark corners of my inner self and also bringing me into contact with my innermost feelings and emotions, and ultimately with my own spiritual reality.

The months spent on unravelling my whole story—from those early years of my childhood up to the present moment—turned out to be a long period of reflection, re-evaluation and meditation. What surprised me was that, while I was writing and exploring my past, I discovered my sexuality and became more connected to my spiritual path and inner growth. These two diametrically opposed entities were very much working and moving in tandem. My ‘coming of age’ spiritually came with the lesson of being in love, and a true sexual loving relationship came much later with my surrender to Spirit.

Although my past conditioning was weighing heavily on me, I felt at the same time, a sense of relief and transmutation during the whole process of writing. It gave me the opportunity to, first, detox my whole system from past restrictions and to release sexual emotions and buried dreams, and, second, to come to the point of spiritual fulfilment and new consciousness.

I think the book is a ‘first’ in Malta, in so far as someone is daring to write on such a personal subject and in such an open manner. I am sure that many might not concur with my views and beliefs. I respect their opinions, as I hope they respect mine. It is, after all, an expression of my personal journey on the long trip towards my own happiness and spiritual fulfilment.

But, I believe that in some way, it is also about you, the reader, on your own journey in search of your own ‘truth.’ Deep down, I know that some of my doubts, aspirations, struggles, frustrations, restrictions, handicaps, pain, anger, observations, achievements and experiences are similar to yours. But in spite of all the past conditioning and negative situations, we can all take control of our destiny and change our lives for the better.

I share mine with you. Sexuality and spirituality have no national boundaries, gender or denomination. They are a common reality to the entire human race. They are as timeless as the cosmos we swim in and breathe life from and as varied as the different hues and colours on an artist’s palette.

I perceived you, the audience/reader, as not being Maltese. Thus, I felt the need to insert some details of the history of Malta, as well as some description of the Maltese and their mores. For the Maltese reader, the book can be a mirror reflection and another viewpoint of the same scene. While narrating my trip, I inserted ‘present moment’ accounts that explain what was going on at that moment of writing my personal life, in Malta as well as other places in the world I have called home.

From these moments, you can realise that it took me several years to write about this journey of mine and over twelve years until it was finished and ready to be published. Sometimes, when I lost confidence or purpose, I went for long stretches of time without writing one sentence. But as I said before, the book wanted to be written. And so it was!

I was meant to return to Malta. It was the place where I could create my own story or a story of my own, and where I could feel the connectedness with my past history. Malta gave me that opportunity and gift! The words on paper might lack technique, but they surely have an abundance of love and feeling.

I hope that you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It was for me a psychological and spiritual catharsis as well as an opportunity for awakening and re-evaluation, and a gradual process towards fulfilment. I took my adventurous trip and became my authentic self on the way.

Francis Xavier Aloisio

(I highly recommend the reading of some of the books quoted).

********

Chapter 1 - The Invitation

It was a very warm morning—not so unusual for the month of May. Fortunately there was a slight breeze to cool the air. I had been noticing that the weather pattern was changing lately, and it seemed that the seasons were starting earlier and getting shorter every year. I had that funny feeling that we were going to have one of those hot summers that year.

May 2000

There is a phone call for you, my receptionist informed me that morning. It was a friend of mine. We had not seen each other for some time—not since I started this new job. She asked how I was doing at my job, and she inquired if I had some free time so we could meet and have a chat. As a matter of fact, I was planning to go out during the lunch break.

So, can we meet for lunch somewhere near? she asked me. We decided to meet at the entrance of the Main Gate of the old capital city of Mdina.

True to her word, my friend was on time. After the usual introductory niceties, we entered the Old City to find a coffee bar. We made our way through a stream of tourists from different nationalities. They were visiting the old city with its fine cathedrals, museums, monasteries, bastions, palaces and homes of the old nobility of the Maltese Islands, its coffee places and its narrow streets. We were in search of an eating-place where we could have a good chat during the mid-day break.

Coffee Place at Mdina

We found a pleasant coffee place in a narrow lane. My friend knew that it was famous for its great salads. The surroundings and the ambiance were just superb. We sat down in an area where we could enjoy some shade procured by the trees in the courtyard. We badly needed some reprieve from the sun already too hot for the month of May.

We had not seen each other for some time, so we chatted about everything and everybody. We ordered some drinks and salads. We sipped our drinks while we took in the pleasant atmosphere in the patio. The salads were served and they were huge. They looked inviting and appetizing. I was digging into my tuna salad and wondering at the same time at the reason for our meeting. Then, out of the blue and in a very serious tone, she asked me:

Would you like to come for a Tantric week in Gharb-Gozo?

Did I hear correctly? A Tantric week in Gozo!

Yes. Well, I am organising a Tantric week on the island of Gozo, she clarified.

I had heard the word Tantric or something quite like it. Although I did not know much, if anything, about the subject, I did not want to sound foolish or ignorant about it, so I was hoping that she would volunteer some more information for my sake! And she did! She went on to share her own experience when she went with her partner to Switzerland for a Tantric week. This experience had changed her whole attitude toward sex. It enhanced it and made it more rewarding. Since then, she always dreamt of organising a similar workshop in Malta. She did not want to advertise it on the local scene because of the sheer amount of flak she would get from the church authorities and from the very pious sectors of the public and the local press, that attack and devour any idea that goes a little against the walled mentality of the status quo or daring enough to hint at something progressive.

This type of workshop might be a bit too progressive for the Maltese culture! she commented. So word of mouth was her vehicle of advertisement. It was the only way through in Malta on such occasions. Apparently, various people had already contacted her and had expressed interest in the workshop. But when it was time to make a decision, their willingness and enthusiasm to participate were dropping fast like dry autumn leaves. She was relying more on advertising it on the Internet.

Up until now, I have two couples coming from abroad, she said. So do you think you would like to come to the workshop? she asked me. I had never done such a thing. I never thought of ever doing such a thing!

I do not think so, was my mumbled reply. Besides I do not have any particular partner at present to embark on such an experience!

Well, as it happens, a local lady, who is going to attend the workshop is also without a partner, my friend was prompt to inform me.

Then she asked me frankly, Would you like to partner her?

I am not sure, as I do not know this person from Adam, or from Eve, for that matter! was my reaction to this sudden invite. Well, I need to think about it, I replied after some hesitation. As it happened I also had a good excuse. I need to check with my work diary...if I have any engagements during that week. I will think about it during the weekend, and I will phone you early next week to let you know, I said sheepishly, feeling that I had managed to escape without any damage to my image and to my manhood.

We continued to chat over a cool drink at that coffee place at Mdina, while my mind was spinning