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    Nobody Knows the Big Bang!: How Many Universes Can Dance on the Head of a Pin?
    Nobody Knows the Big Bang!: How Many Universes Can Dance on the Head of a Pin?
    Nobody Knows the Big Bang!: How Many Universes Can Dance on the Head of a Pin?
    Ebook138 pages1 hour

    Nobody Knows the Big Bang!: How Many Universes Can Dance on the Head of a Pin?

    By Nobody

    ()

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    About this ebook

    No area of modern science deserves the "Nobody Knows!" treatment more than the cosmological triumvirate of string theory, M-theory and quantum gravity--controversial, modern big bang theories that have dominated physics for over a generation now. These are scientific theories where everybody agrees that "Nobody Knows Anything!" so it's hard to be original. In response, Nobody! "takes it to the end of the line" in Nobody Knows the Big Bang!--a direct challenge to the Stephen Hawking books, A Brief History of Time and The Grand Design (written with Leonard Mlodinow). Nobody! looks to the works of the great British scientist Sir Fred Hoyle for more imaginative answers to the questions about the origin and evolution of the universe (or multiverse), and then supports those views with the most up-to-date evidence. Nobody Knows the Big Bang! includes the many imaginative alternatives that are currently available to the big bang theory--a marvelous theoretical cornucopia explained in short essays that the man or woman in the street can easily understand. As always!

    “Clearly the waste product of one of those monkeys attempting to type the complete works of Shakespeare.” Nobody at Save the Typing Chimps

    “During its golden age, the universe was a game of billiards. Apparently, the universe lost.” Nobody at the Billiard Congress of America

    “The Bob Dylan of popular science writes again.” Nobody on Maggie’s Farm

    “String theory as Orwellian cosmology?” Nobody on Animal Farm

    “Where scientists have long failed, Nobody! has successfully extracted sunbeams from cucumbers. All we need now is a new battery to store them in.” Nobody at the Grand Academy of Lagado

    “Nobody! believes that genies should be kept in bottles--except for Barbara Eden, of course!” Nobody at the American Genie Bottling Company

    “‘Imagination in a tight straitjacket!’” Nobody in Arkham Asylum

    “A Nobody! book is a quantum object. It invites all possible interpretations!” Nobody at Barnes & Noble Booksellers (“The Universe...in Books!”)

    “Hoyle without rules--who’d have thought?” Nobody reading Hoyle’s Rules of Games

    “You get Mr.Wizard, but you want Roxy Hart!” Nobody at the American Hart Association

    “Unfilmable!” Nobody at Variety

    “What’s easier to believe--that Nobody! is a genius, and the universe is stupid; or that Nobody! is stupid, and the universe is a genius?” Nobody in The Genius Universe

    “There does seem to be one silver lining. In an infinite universe, every idiot will have their day.” Nobody at Idiots Anonymous

    “In an infinite universe, every possible violation of Occam’s razor will occur an infinite number of times.” Nobody sharpening Occam’s Infinity Razor

    “The Supreme Court has already ruled that free will exists (United States v. Grayson, 1978). Maybe we should just make it illegal to promote the idea of a multiverse without citing evidence and leave it to the courts to decide!” Nobody in Washington D.C.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherNobody
    Release dateNov 2, 2015
    ISBN9781311618641
    Nobody Knows the Big Bang!: How Many Universes Can Dance on the Head of a Pin?
    Author

    Nobody

    Nobody! is the pen name of the author and central character of the books: Nobody Knows (The Thing That Really Matters About) Anything!: A Users' Guide for the 21st Century Written by: Nobody! Nobody Knows Evolution!: Bulldogs, Rottweilers and the Intelligent Designers Written by: Nobody! Nobody Knows Consciousness!: Demystifying Life's Greatest Mystery Written by: Nobody! "Who would've thought to reinvent non-fiction and make it funny in the process?" Nobody! "'Back to the Future' of Literary Non-Fiction." Nobody at DeLorean Motor Cars "It's as if the 'Extracts' ate 'Moby Dick!'" Nobody at Real Vanilla Extracts "Out Nabakovs Nabakov. 'Pale Fire' for 'Idiots!'" Nobody at the Red Onion State Prison "Super-Prison Literary Society" "'In Cold Blood'--without all the blood!" Nobody eating "Breakfast at Tiffany's" "Nobody! has arrived just in time to save the publishing industry singlehandedly!" Nobody at "Publisher's Weakly" Magazine "Nobody! writes for the cheap seats!" Nobody at Cheapseats.com "Nobody! takes 'abstract' writing to a whole new level. Plus, he had the good sense to number things!" Nobody selling Jackson Pollock's Numbered Paintings ("They make people look at a picture for what it is--pure painting!") "Nobody!'s genius was to realize that science was comedy!" Nobody at the University of Clown Science ("The Science of Clowns! The Clowns of Science!") "Nobody! makes Anonymous irrelevant!" Nobody at Warner Books "Irreverent--NO!--Irrelevant common sense. Nobody! Knows!" Nobody at "Rolling Stones" Magazine "We think Nobody! should make a movie!" Nobody at the American Institute of Corn Porn ("Pornography made entirely from corn--for when the ethanol subsidies end! Think creamed corn--and COBS!") To maintain his anonymity, Nobody! likes to pretend that he's Steve Martin ("to throw the paparazzi off the scent"). To be clear, Nobody! is NOT Steve Martin.

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      Book preview

      Nobody Knows the Big Bang! - Nobody

      GOLDMAN’S BULLDOG PRESENTS

      NOBODY KNOWS

      THE BIG BANG!

      HOW MANY UNIVERSES CAN

      DANCE ON THE HEAD OF A PIN?

      Written by:

      NOBODY!

      ____________________

      ADVANCE PRAISE FOR NOBODY KNOWS THE BIG BANG!

      Let’s have Nobodies review the book before we publish it. That’ll give us a jump on the critics! Nobody!

      Clearly the waste product of one of those monkeys attempting to type the complete works of Shakespeare. Nobody at Save the Typing Chimps

      During its golden age, the universe was a game of billiards. Apparently, the universe lost. Nobody at the Billiard Congress of America

      The Bob Dylan of popular science writes again. Nobody on Maggie’s Farm

      String theory as Orwellian cosmology? Nobody on Animal Farm

      Where scientists have long failed, Nobody! has successfully extracted sunbeams from cucumbers. All we need now is a new battery to store them in. Nobody at the Grand Academy of Lagado

      Nobody! believes that genies should be kept in bottles--except for Barbara Eden, of course! Nobody at the American Genie Bottling Company

      ‘Imagination in a tight straitjacket!’ Nobody in Arkham Asylum

      A Nobody! book is a quantum object. It invites all possible interpretations! Nobody at Barnes & Noble Booksellers (The Universe...in Books!)

      Hoyle without rules--who’d have thought? Nobody reading Hoyle’s Rules of Games

      You get Mr.Wizard, but you want Roxy Hart! Nobody at the American Hart Association

      Unfilmable! Nobody at Variety

      "A Nobody! book is The Crack in the Cosmic Egg!" Nobody breaking eggs at Ruby’s Diner

      ‘Until scientists work it out, the big bang really is just the big yawn!’ What’d we pay this guy? Nobody at NoDoz (Helps Students Stay Awake! Even during the Big Yawn!)

      You’re in good hands with...Nobody! Nobody at Allstate Insurance

      ‘Life is a snuff film!’ Give me a break! Nobody at Enough Snuff

      I hear that Stephen Hawking is going to sue! Nobody at Morgan Stanley Smith Barney

      Not one word! I hear that William Goldman is going to sue! Nobody at the Motion Picture and Television Fund

      If Frank Sinatra were alive today, he’d rewrite ‘My Way’ as ‘My Theory.’ ‘I did it! My-y-y-y theory!’ Nobody at Caesar’s Palace

      Why does the universe make me think, ‘Why does the universe make me think?’ Why does the universe make me think, ‘Why does the universe make me think?’ Why does the universe make me think, ‘Why does the universe make me think?’ Nobody repeating the CERN Koan

      What’s easier to believe--that Nobody! is a genius, and the universe is stupid; or that Nobody! is stupid, and the universe is a genius? Nobody in The Genius Universe

      There does seem to be one silver lining. In an infinite universe, every idiot will have their day. Nobody at Idiots Anonymous

      In an infinite universe, every possible violation of Occam’s razor will occur an infinite number of times. Nobody sharpening Occam’s Infinity Razor

      The Supreme Court has already ruled that free will exists.* Maybe we should just make it illegal to promote the idea of a multiverse without citing evidence and leave it to the courts to decide! Nobody in Washington D.C.

      * (United States v. Grayson, 1978)

      ____________________

      GOLDMAN’S BULLDOG PRESENTS

      NOBODY KNOWS

      THE BIG BANG!

      HOW MANY UNIVERSES CAN

      DANCE ON THE HEAD OF A PIN?

      Written by:

      NOBODY!

      http://www.goldmansbulldog.com

      Published by Smashwords, Inc.

      Copyright 2015 by Author

      Cover Art by Chelsea Potts

      ____________________

      SMASHWORDS EDITION, LICENSE NOTES

      Thank you for downloading this e-book. You are welcome to share it with friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form.

      ____________________

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      Chapter 1: Genesis According to Hawking

      PART ONE

      JUST ME, JUST YOU

      Chapter 2: Stamp Collecting

      Chapter 3: Schrodinger’s Rat

      Chapter 4: Just Me

      Chapter 5: Sim City

      Chapter 6: The Apple of I, Robot’s Eye

      Chapter 7: Brave New Reality

      PART TWO

      A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE GRAND DESIGN

      Chapter 8: When E. F. Hutton Talks

      Chapter 9: The M in M-Theory

      Chapter 10: God in the Machine

      Chapter 11: A Most Determined Scientist

      Chapter 12: Do Laws Govern?

      Chapter 13: Maps and Territories

      Chapter 14: The Bomb Man, the Cat Man and The Van Man

      Chapter 15: The Neighbor Problem

      PART THREE

      MAVERICK

      Chapter 16: According to Hoyle

      Chapter 17: The Knight Errant

      Chapter 18: Monkeys Typing Shakespeare

      Chapter 19: The Big Bang

      Chapter 20: Steady as She Goes

      Chapter 21: The Intelligent Universe

      Chapter 22: The Room-Temperature Universe

      PART FOUR

      THE END OF PHYSICS

      Chapter 23: The Golden Age of the Cosmos

      Chapter 24: Supernatural Laws

      Chapter 25: The God of Miracles

      Chapter 26: The Other Theories

      Chapter 27: The Governator

      Chapter 28: Physics Off the Rails

      Chapter 29: The Sunshine of the Eternal Mind

      PART FIVE

      KNOWN UNKNOWNS

      Chapter 30: House M.D.

      Chapter 31: Straw Dogs

      Chapter 32: To Serve Man

      Chapter 33: Lucy in the Sky

      Chapter 34: How Many Angels?

      Chapter 35: Murphy’s Other Law

      Chapter 36: Infinite Nonsense

      Chapter 37: We Think, Therefore, It Is

      ____________________

      APPENDIX

      The Rolls-Royce of Universes!

      ____________________

      Author’s Photo

      ____________________

      So many universes, so little time.

      The String Theorists’ Lament

      ____________________

      CHAPTER 1: GENESIS ACCORDING TO HAWKING

      In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.

      And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Uncertainty Principle moved upon the face of the waters.

      And God said, Let there be light, and there was light.

      Genesis 1-3, The Holy Bible: King James Version

      It’s amazing how changing just three words (Spirit of God to Uncertainty Principle) seems to completely change the meaning of the opening verses of Genesis. Of course, the authors of Genesis used language that was appropriate for the people who lived when the verses were written--people who believed that reality was ruled by the supernatural--but, as revised above, Genesis is a perfectly good stand-in for our current scientific understanding of the origin of the universe. Originally, the earth was without form, and void. This void of Genesis can be interpreted as the nothing that isn’t really nothing, which is what modern scientists believe is the correct definition of empty space. Physicists believe that empty space is not really empty at all. Virtual particles pop in and out of existence in an infinitesimal blink of an eye so that space appears to be empty, but it isn’t. The reason that virtual particles pop in and out of existence has to do with the Uncertainty Principle.

      Most physicists today believe that before the big bang the only thing that existed was empty space and the Uncertainty Principle. A fluctuation in empty space caused by the Uncertainty Principle caused an unbelievably huge, hot ball of plasma to pop out of, essentially, nothing. As this plasma cooled, the first things that were created were photons (Let there be light). After photons came quarks, then atoms, then galaxies, then us. The level of scientific accuracy in these bible verses is especially impressive when you consider that they were written more than twenty-five hundred years ago.

      Now, the Uncertainty Principle of Genesis--or the Spirit of God if you prefer--is not God. The Spirit of God is the means that God used to create the universe. The question that haunts us then becomes: Why would an infinitely powerful being like God create just one universe? Modern science has come to the rescue with an answer that makes perfect God-sense. God did not create just one universe with the Uncertainty Principle; God created an infinite number of universes! If you think of each universe as a thought in the mind of God, then you will be in perfect harmony with Stephen Hawking who has been seeking the mind of God in the explanation of the origin of our universe for the past twenty-five years. String theorists have finally found it for him in Genesis.

      An infinite God would create an infinite number of universes, no?

      What could possibly satisfy the Infinite but infinity itself?

      ____________________

      PART ONE

      JUST ME, JUST YOU

      Just you, just me

      Let’s find a cozy spot

      To cuddle and coo

      Just us, just we

      I’ve missed an awful lot

      My trouble is you

      Oh, gee

      What are your charms for?

      What are your arms for?

      Use

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