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    The Silly Book of Weird and Wacky Words
    The Silly Book of Weird and Wacky Words
    The Silly Book of Weird and Wacky Words
    Ebook235 pages1 hour

    The Silly Book of Weird and Wacky Words

    By Andy Seed

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    About this ebook

    Do you know what 'park your jam on the frog' means? Fancy some ognib? What rhymes with 'circus'? …plus many more amazing things you never knew about words.

    Have hours of fun wixing up your murds with this hilarious book, packed full of rhymes, puns, games, jokes, gibberish and more.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBloomsbury Publishing
    Release dateDec 3, 2015
    ISBN9781408866856
    The Silly Book of Weird and Wacky Words
    Author

    Andy Seed

    Andy Seed is an author and poet, living in North Yorkshire. He writes memoirs, funny poems and humorous non-fiction books as well as all sorts of things for teachers. Andy's most popular book for adults is All Teachers Great and Small and his most popular book for children is a non-fiction book, The Silly Book of Side-Splitting Stuff, which won the 2015 Blue Peter Best Book with Facts Award.

    Read more from Andy Seed

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      Book preview

      The Silly Book of Weird and Wacky Words - Andy Seed

      JUICY JOKES AND RIDDLES

      Everybody loves a good joke and many of the best jokes use wordplay to make us chortle. But don’t worry, there are none of those dreadful ‘dad puns’ here, just clever wit, cheeky riddles, new takes on old favourites and lots of loopy lines to leave you laughing.

      One-liners

      One-liners are short jokes that often fool around with language. Unlike many jokes, they don’t use the Q&A format.

      I didn’t use to finish sentences, but now I

      I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.

      You can’t have everything; where would you put it?

      I heard about a man whose whole left side was cut off but he’s all right now.

      Police station toilet stolen – the cops have nothing to go on.

      Archaeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.

      It’s bad luck to be superstitious.

      I’m going to get to school on time, no matter how long it takes!

      Wildlife wit

      Animals are a favourite topic for jokes – well, they can’t answer back, can they? Enjoy these:

      Why do cats chase birds?

      For a lark.

      What do you get if you cross a Crocodile and a hyena?

      I don’t know but I’ll join in if it laughs.

      What looks like half a camel?

      The other half.

      What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla?

      An animal that puts you out at night.

      Why did the whale cross the road?

      To get to the other tide.

      What did the spider say to the bee?

      Your honey or your life.

      When does a duck go ‘moo’?

      When it’s learning a new language.

      What do you get if you cross an elephant with a skunk?

      Rid of it.

      What’s the best way to keep milk from turning sour?

      Leave it inside the cow.

      Bumper stickers

      Bumper stickers are funny slogans stuck on the back of cars and trucks. Often they are something to do with driving but sometimes they are just short jokes.

      Follow that car, Godzilla – and step on it!

      Sorry for driving so close in front of you.

      Of all the things I’ve lost,

      I miss my mind the most.

      Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.

      Honk if you see parts fall off.

      Don’t use shampoo – demand real poo.

      Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

      GRAVITY ALWAYS GETS ME DOWN.

      Money is the root of all evil – for more info send me £5.

      He who laughs last thinks slowest.

      No one is listening until you fart.

      Riddles to untwiddle

      Can you work out the solution to these natty riddles?

      Answers at the back.

      1. What can you catch but not throw?

      2. What has a neck but no head?

      3. What has a face and two hands but no arms or legs?

      4. What can you hold but not touch?

      5. What has to be broken before you can use it?

      6. What is it that, after you take away the whole, some still remains?

      7. What kind of tree can you carry in your hand?

      8. What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

      Brain-ache riddles

      These word puzzles are harder than the previous ones. Maybe try them out on a handy adult…

      Answers at the back.

      1. What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?

      2. What loses its head in the morning but gets it back at night?

      3. What goes around the world but stays in a corner?

      4. What is so delicate that even saying its name breaks it?

      5. What’s tall when it’s young and short when it’s old?

      6. What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps?

      7. You must use it to change it. If you lose it you’re out of it. What is it?

      8. What are always fast, next to last, never there, everywhere?

      Nutty riddles

      These riddles are silly, but fun too. How many can you get?

      Answers at the back.

      1. What word begins and ends with an ‘e’ but only has one letter?

      2. What type of cheese is made backwards?

      3. Which letter of the alphabet has the most water?

      4. What starts with a ‘P’, ends with an ‘E’ and has thousands of letters?

      5. Forwards it’s heavy but backwards it’s not. What is it?

      6. What kind of coat can only be put on when wet?

      7. Can you name two days starting with T besides Tuesday and Thursday?

      8. If you take four eggs from nine eggs, how many do you have?

      9. Where does yesterday follow today, with tomorrow between them?

      Top notch knock knocks

      Sometimes the old ones are the best. And sometimes they are the worst…

      Knock knock.

      Who’s there?

      Cook.

      Cook who?

      That’s the first one

      I’ve heard this year.

      Knock knock.

      Who’s there?

      Howard.

      Howard who?

      Howard I know?

      Knock knock.

      Who’s there?

      Tank.

      Tank who?

      You’re welcome.

      Knock knock.

      Who’s there?

      Yoda Lady.

      Yoda Lady who?

      I didn’t know you

      could yodel.

      Knock knock

      Who’s there?

      Toodle.

      Toodle who?

      But I’ve only

      just arrived!

      New ones

      And here are some new knock knock jokes…

      Knock knock.

      Who’s there?

      Want.

      Want who?

      …three, four, who’s that knocking at my door?

      Knock knock.

      Who’s there?

      Nasty.

      Nasty who?

      SHOCK!

      Knock knock.

      Who’s there?

      What’s up.

      What’s up who?

      Well, it’s brown and smelly.

      Knock knock.

      Who’s there?

      Banana.

      Banana who?

      Knock knock.

      Who’s there?

      Banana.

      Banana who?

      Knock knock.

      Who’s there?

      Banana.

      Banana who?

      Knock knock.

      Who’s there?

      Orange.

      Orange who?

      Orange you glad I didn’t say ‘banana’?

      Doctor, Doctor!

      These medical jokes have been around for ages but new ones are being

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