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    The Bloody History of the Fertile Crescent
    The Bloody History of the Fertile Crescent
    The Bloody History of the Fertile Crescent
    Ebook213 pages2 hours

    The Bloody History of the Fertile Crescent

    By Barry Pomeroy

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    About this ebook

    Biblical stories offer possibilities not found in typical prose; even magic realism cannot supplant the evocative nature of the true fantasy. They are the only fantastic stories hanging on the rusty hook of metaphor that people insist really happened. Thus, they have a grave and exhilarating rhetorical power.
    Here, I write the story hovering just behind the dominant interpretation, the story never told, perhaps because the characters were seen as uninteresting or unpopular and therefore no place was reserved for them in the dominant record. I also evoke the hidden story secreted within the main figures, their more obscure motivations and hidden wishes.
    Read here to see how Ismael and Isaac are one person, to see how Jesus came to be the son of God, how Satan and God's relationship deteriorated, how Jonah fared in the whale, why Adam and Eve left the garden. Read to find out why Job was punished, where Joseph got his coat, the origins of Mary's fantastic explanation, to find out what happened to Sodom and Gomorrah. Learn about the second set of commandments, and what Moses did with the first, why Cain slew Abel, why the Tower of Babel faltered, what Jesus has to say about investment.
    Read this alternative bible so this ancient text can fulfil its original project: a bloody history of the Fertile Crescent.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBarry Pomeroy
    Release dateNov 28, 2015
    ISBN9781987922349
    The Bloody History of the Fertile Crescent
    Author

    Barry Pomeroy

    Barry Pomeroy is a Canadian novelist, short story writer, academic, essayist, travel writer, and editor. He is primarily interested in science fiction, speculative science fiction, dystopian and post-apocalyptic fiction, although he has also written travelogues, poetry, book-length academic treatments, and more literary novels. His other interests range from astrophysics to materials science, from child-rearing to construction, from cognitive therapy to paleoanthropology.

    Read more from Barry Pomeroy

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      Book preview

      The Bloody History of the Fertile Crescent - Barry Pomeroy

      The Bloody History of the Fertile Crescent

      by

      Barry Pomeroy

      © 2009 by Barry Pomeroy

      All rights reserved. Copyright under Berne Copyright Convention, Universal Copyright Convention, and Pan-American Copyright Convention. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission of the author, although people generally do what they please.

      For more information on my books, go to barrypomeroy.com

      ISBN 13: 978-1987922349

      ISBN 10: 1987922349

      Table of Contents

      Acknowledgements

      God and Satan

      Adam and Eve in the Garden

      Cain and Abel

      Noah and the Flood

      The Tower of Babel

      Sodom and Gomorrah

      Abraham and Isaac and Ismael

      Joseph’s New Coat

      Moses and God’s Laws

      Samson and Delilah

      David and Goliath

      The Story of Job

      Jonah and the Whale

      When Jesus was Young

      The Miracles of Jesus

      More Than One Talent

      Jesus and the Cross

      The Unknown Soldier

      The Ascension of Jesus

      Saul and Paul

      Acknowledgements

      I would like to thank Christiano, easily my most sympathetic reader, and Biss, who was by turns outraged and vindicated. Also Ibrahim, who told me of the twinned stories of Christianity and Islam. Sharon Connor has also laboured to make this a better book and me a better person by being both kind and instructive.

      Finally, I have to pay homage to the Black Stockings of New Brunswick, at, or over whose knee I learned many of my biblical narratives, if not my reverence. I like to think that in some field they still set up their discount circus tents, and that the afternoons they spend howling at the empty universe bring joy to the minds beneath their tightly-wound hair and razor-strap pants.

      A few stories in this collection have appeared in the following publications.

      God and Satan, Xenith, 2009.

      Noah and the Flood, Best of Lame Goat Press Anthology. 2010.

      Noah and the Flood, Diamonds in the Rough Anthology. 2010.

      David and Goliath, Oddville Press. 2008.

      The Bloody History of the Fertile Crescent: a Rationale

      Biblical stories offer possibilities not found in typical prose; even magic realism cannot supplant the evocative nature of the true fantasy. They are the only fantastic stories hanging on the rusty hook of metaphor that people insist really happened. Thus, they have a grave and exhilarating rhetorical power.

      Here, I write the story hovering just behind the dominant interpretation, the story never told, perhaps because the characters were seen as uninteresting or unpopular and therefore no place was reserved for them in the dominant record. I also evoke the hidden story secreted within the main figures, their more obscure motivations and hidden wishes.

      Read here to see how Ismael and Isaac are one person, to see how Jesus came to be the son of God, how Satan and God's relationship deteriorated, how Jonah fared in the whale, why Adam and Eve left the garden. Read to find out why Job was punished, where Joseph got his coat, the origins of Mary's fantastic explanation, to find out what happened to Sodom and Gomorrah. Learn about the second set of commandments, and what Moses did with the first, why Cain slew Abel, why the Tower of Babel faltered, what Jesus has to say about investment.

      Read this alternative bible so this ancient text can fulfil its original project: a bloody history of the Fertile Crescent.

      God and Satan

      God had always been the bigger of the two brothers and Satan would have been lying if He said He didn’t feel any resentment. The age-old discomfort went much deeper than that. Although They shared the same womb, God took advantage of every situation. As infants They sat side-by-side, and God would quickly gobble down His food and then turn to Satan’s, distracting Him with such tricks as, Look over there, or, Oh My Me, is that a bug. God left the table well fed and Satan chewed on the bitter rinds of His resentment.

      When They were older and began to play together, the disparity between Their size and attitude grew more apparent. God was stronger and more commanding. He’d trick Satan into playing games like putting Satan in the box and rolling it around the room, always a delight for at least half Their friends. Satan had His supporters among the neighbourhood kids, but only those with squints and limps, the weaker ones with lisps, the downtrodden. They comforted Him afterward when He was watching God crowing in the yard. He fought back tears and stood inside, looking through the glass while His brother enjoyed the sun.

      Their play continued into adolescence, and Satan was later to realize, that the games were only entertaining to God because Him and Satan were so evenly matched. The great disparity between Them was at least partially artificial, kept in place by games such as Knock the Apple off Satan’s Head, a game Gabriel, the loud mouth, was particularly fond of. There was also Race You to the Back Fence, in which Satan could only win if He drove Himself with all His strength and, upon His arrival, crashed into the fence—hilarity for His playmates. Upon seeing God laugh, Satan would have the sinking realization He’d lost again.

      The only game at which Satan consistently won was Tie Up. Satan would pick His ropes carefully, plan His knots, and God, blustering in His confidence, would allow Satan to tie Him up so He could try to struggle out. God was never able to undo the knots. He had poor reach and seemed constitutionally incapable of contorting Himself to free the ropes. Satan couldn’t escape either when it was His turn, but He still consoled Himself with His victory. God took to tying Satan with ridiculous amounts of rope, twisting His thumbs behind His back so that they were almost stretched out of their sockets and tied to His feet, and He’d leave him that way for hours. They finally abandoned that game, but Satan’s relations with God took a new and more frightening twist.

      God started playing with fire, lighting matches behind the house and filling the rooms with smoke. When caught, He’d blame Satan, who would be shaken from sleep and accused. It was about this time that God began to lock Satan in the basement. It was a dark deep hole, and one wall was hard-packed dirt. The windows were so small escape was impossible, and so grimy that what light was resolute enough to force its way through felt trapped and turned, battering itself against the dirty glass until it fell in a dusty heap on the floor. Satan hated the cellar. It reminded Him of something He couldn’t quite remember, and although it was cool, it felt hot to Him and stifling. When He told God that, to inspire His sympathy, God took to throwing firebrands in after Satan, further polluting the rank air with smoke, or ambience, as God called it. Satan was kept running after the fires, putting them out with dirt, since there was no water at His disposal except what dripped from the pipes, and He needed to keep that for drinking. Often God wouldn’t let Him out for hours, and once, days.

      God would stand at the top of the stairs and taunt Satan, telling Him that He would never win against Him, and make Satan continually admit what was becoming so patently true, that God was stronger. God began to demand other statements more fallacious when He saw how easily Satan could be forced to speak. Lord of Heaven, God of all You Survey, King of the Beasts, The Lead Goose, The West Wind. There was no real end to the statements Satan was asked to make, and as He became inventive, God made Him write them down so He could lord them over Satan at the dinner table. That stopped when God began to detect a trace of sarcasm in Satan’s list.

      Melting Snowflake? Big Dick? Flying Snake? You little bastard, You’re making fun of Me.

      Satan stifled a grin and some of His growing group of supporters among the neighbourhood kids snickered. God was irate and in His rage He threw everyone with a grin on their face that wasn't in pious worship of Him into the basement with Satan.

      Although God’s real undoing was His original mistreatment of Satan, there were many who agreed afterward that putting potential supporters in with Satan was a grave misjudgement. Satan had never had fans and when as a group they were able to go over their grievances, He realized how much He needed to feel that He didn’t deserve this treatment, how He needed His fellow sufferers to affirm His now flagging self-esteem. They were a motley lot, with their speech impediments and baggy clothes, but Satan looked beyond that and saw that their innate sense of justice was outraged. He fanned the flames and finally they began to meet in secret, their fantasy society affirmed by special handshakes and knowing nods when they met in the street. God saw He was losing control over the neighbourhood. He began to lord over the other less rebellious kids, causing even them to secretly support Satan and His new friends, or Gang as God insisted.

      Relations between God and Satan continued to break down and They played no more games. They came together to watch TV but since God insisted on controlling the remote and would switch channels whenever Satan seemed to be enjoying Himself, Satan became sneaky. What a terrible show, would often cause God to sit through Satan’s favourites, or what became increasingly more common, utter nonsense—God’s urge to torment Satan ruining both of Their afternoons.

      Perhaps what happened when They were older was inevitable. God brought Jesus in as a power play when They were adults and began to mumble about a ghost in the attic. Satan tried to pay no attention, but He began to spend more and more time away from home. Jesus was naturally prejudiced against Satan, since He relied on God’s version, but when Satan heard Jesus call Him a cousin, things came to a head.

      What the hell have You been telling him?

      Hell, said God, unhelpfully.

      He told Me the truth, Jesus said prissily, although His fear showed in how He crowded in closer to God. Jesus went on to tell Satan how He knew Him to be a cousin who’d come to visit Them when His family had trouble.

      Lies. We’re brothers. God this is too much. Why do You think We are in the family pictures? The matching toys? The twin beds? And look at this, Satan started to pull aside His hair.

      That’s enough. Get out of my house. God was standing at the table and shouting over Satan so Jesus couldn’t hear about the birthmark.

      That They shared blood was an embarrassment to God, that They shared a birthmark was humiliating to the extreme. Near the top of the scalp, if you pulled aside Their hair, you could see three figures that many years later would be taken as numbers and vilified and worshipped far in excess of their simple meaning.

      God grabbed Satan and threw Him out. Satan crashed into the back fence God had tricked Him into painting and rose a bit shaken, His arm broken and feeling a strange clicking in His jaw. He started to protest, but God thought He was going to talk about the birthmark again, so He decided He needed to make a break between Him and Satan for all time.

      He called in some heavies, Gabriel and Michael, who were conspicuously pious after God had put them on salary, and asked them to dispose of Satan. They were at first reluctant to lay hands upon Him, but when they saw Satan’s arm hanging loose by His side they threw Him in the back of the truck God had given them, heaving Him high over the giant tires and lifted suspension, and took Him to the inner city tenement God rented to the poor. The elevator was broken. Part of their responsibility was to quiet the complaining tenants with the lie that it would be fixed soon, so they quietly carried Satan down the stairs to the basement. They locked Him behind the door of the new furnace room, the one they never used since they were waiting until the furnace condemned by the fire inspectors had finally quit. It was a real workhorse and looked like it might go on forever. The advantage of the new furnace room was its lack of light.

      They left Satan in the dark. He sat against the wall holding His arm; a lot had happened and He needed to digest. When the door opened and then slammed shut again, He thought God had come to apologize, but instead He heard the shaking voices and weeping of his friends. They told Him they had finally spoken against God and tried to tell Jesus the truth, but God turned on them and brought them here. They sat in the dark and comforted each other, and after many months had passed, children were born of the comforting. They settled into a routine. They used the new furnace for light, although it made the basement unbearably hot, and began to dig with their hands and loose sticks, extending the basement down into the earth, seeking coolness and space. Satan hooked up the furnace to the ductwork and the tenants upstairs were happier, since they benefited from what heat was funnelled out of cellar.

      When God finally came to the door with His hat in His hand, Satan told Him He lived here now, and invited God in. God feared a trick and wouldn’t enter, but He left the door open and Satan’s people passed in and out as they wished. Satan’s resentment slowed to a simmer and He began to visit God in Their old house, which seemed cramped now and stuffy, Jesus’ new germ theory making Them keep the windows shut.

      They started playing card games at least once a week. God was irate when He lost, but at least They were able to maintain a relationship of a sort. Sometimes God threw Satan out of the house again, momentarily forgetting He had already, but it had no sting now that Satan had His own place. They gradually patched together a kind of relationship, although things would never be the same and God refused to tell Jesus the truth.

      Adam and Eve in the Garden

      It was Eve who first noticed something strange about the garden. She mentioned it to Adam over dinner but he said he had noticed nothing, which for him meant the topic was closed. Eve spent the next morning trying to identify what it was that was different and by noon she had her answer.

      There are more plants and animals.

      What?

      The garden is growing more plants and animals.

      Adam liked to believe he was in control of what went on and he disliked Eve’s interference, and since he hadn’t noticed a change in the garden, Eve was trying to cause trouble.

      You’re trying to cause trouble.

      They both tried out the new word and it felt strange on their tongue. It had never been said before, and although most words came to them in association with physical objects, or more rarely, moods, some appeared unbidden. It was a mysterious process Adam said he could explain, although when Eve asked him he became silent and grumpy.

      God was delighted with His latest project and even though Satan had helped, God couldn't resist but see the project as His. He’d imagined a vast acreage, surrounded by a high fence shutting out the forbidding mountains and hinterland, but Satan said the garden borders should be left undefined, merging gradually with

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