My Name It Is Andrew

End

**********

The papers and the t.v., they say Andrew, he has murdered over 100,000 black people. Maybe they are right. Maybe they are not.

Andrew must be honest. He has long ago lost his count.

But the papers and the t.v., they say many things about Andrew that are not true to, like he is an animal or a butcher or a crazy man. That is why Andrew, he is writing this down on paper so you can decide for yourself if he is right or wrong to do what they say he did.

My name, my full name, is Andrew Tomas Charnecki. Most people, they do not say it right, especially my last name. They say it like Char-neck-ee. But that is not the right way to say it. It is said like Char-na-key, with a key on the end. This use to bother Andrew very much, but now it does not because he is so use to it now.

Andrew comes from a very small country. It is called Czechoslovakia. Many people in America, they do not know anything about Andrew’s first country. They do not even know where it is or how many people live there. Or what is the capital city. People in America do not know much about geograpfy eggsept when a bad thing happens there. Then maybe they learn about the country. Why is this, Andrew always asks himself? But never does he hear a really good answer.

Andrew comes to live in this great country of America many years ago when he is only a little boy. But still he does not speak English to good and Andrew can tell you this, this embarases him very much. But now, maybe now, Andrew, he finaly has the time to pracktis his English and get better at it so that he will not have to be so ashamed anymore.

The building that Andrew lives in, it is not a very nice place. It is true. It is a dirty place, the building. Andrew would be ashamed to bring people there if he had any friends to bring there. In the hallways, it is very dark, even in the daytime because always the lightbulbs, they are taken by the other tenants, and everytime Andrew walks in them, he must tell you now, he thinks in his head, the bad people, they are hiding there maybe to rob him or to hurt him.

The walls in the halls, they have big cracks in them and the paint, always it comes off in big pieces and falls to the floor and is crushed there. So when you walk in the hallways you make this sound like you are walking on eggshells. Which in one way, Andrew thinks, you are. In an other way, Andrew, he has just made a joke.

Everywhere in the halls, there are these bad words and bad drawings of peoples body parts on the walls. And big rats they run also in the hallway like they own them, especially at night. Many kinds of insects live in the building to. But Andrew, he does not like most the kinds that look like giant roaches. There is a nest of them in the cracks behind his chest of draws. And no matter how many times Andrew plasters the wall, they always eat there way out again. At night Andrew, he can hear them moving, always moving in the walls. And if Andrew is quiet for a while, and then he turns on the light very fast, maybe he catches five, maybe six of them crawling up the walls and down the walls. And then Andrew, he can kill them before they can run away.

But when Andrew takes a magazine and he rolls it up, he has to be careful not to hit them to hard because then they will splater and leave a mess on the wall where he hits them. So Andrew, he learns to hit them only to stun them. And when they fall to the floor upside down with there legs wigling in the air, then Andrew, he can smash them hard. Andrew has many sprays and poisons but they only make him cough and choke and they do not work so good. So Andrew, he does not use them anymore.

Many times Andrew complanes to Juan about them, but Juan, he just says, Andrew, what jew expect me to do, eh man? They in every building on the block. If jew kills them all in one building, they just gonna come over from the next one. So no matter what jew you do, jew always gonna to have cockaroachas he says. Juan, he is funny because he says cockroaches like cockaroachas.

Always the glass in the front door of the building, it is broken by someone or by a tenant, they cannot find there keys. And always, always you can smell the smell of urin and defekation in the hallways because the people in the building, they do not want to walk up the stairs to the bathrooms like they should. They are to lazy. Andrew does not believe this is right, but the people in the building, they do not care and they just keep doing it anyway.

In the winter it is really cold in the building. We do not get so much heat so it is hard to sleep sometimes at night because the cold, you cannot stop it. It comes right into the bed with you like a knife and cuts into Andrew hard. Then in the summer it is to hot. One window only is in Andrew’s apartment so he cannot sleep but in a pudle of his own sweat.

Always the people who live in the building throw there garbige in the halls or out the windows in the front. Juan, he cannot keep up with them. So he does not even try anymore. Always the building smells like it is a big garbige pail in the summer time.

But it is important you should know about Andrew’s room to. Always it is clean. Always. Because Andrew, he is that way. Clean. Andrew buys paint many times in the nine years he lives in this building and he paints his room each time. Six times Andrew has to wipe away the garbige put on his front door. Many times also, he has to paint over his door to cover the writing, always it says something bad like, White Mutha Fuckas Must Go! Like Andrew, they do not spell so good.

But Andrew, he says to himself, he will not go away until Andrew, he is ready to go away. Because this is America. And Andrew, even if he is afraid sometimes, it is true, he will not run away from anyone or anything. He is not like his Papa! Andrew, he will not give in to the bad people no matter what they do or what they say or what they write on his front door.

So Andrew everyday sweeps his one room. Always he dusts his room. Everywhere. Especialy the five photographs that he keeps on his chest of draws. Always he mops his small room because New York City, it is a very dirty place to live in. But even when Andrew keeps his window closed, the dirt and the dust, they still get into his room anyway. How does it do this? This is always a great puzzle to him.

It is not a nice place, this neyborhood, because there are so many bad people selling drugs or things they steal from people right outside in the street in the open. It is not right that they do this, and it is not right that the police or the goverment, they do not stop them or do anything about it. But they don’t.

**********

Outside his window Andrew, he sometimes watches the little children play. They do not think it is bad to knock over the garbige pails so the garbige is always on the sidewalks and in the streets. Andrew sees them break glass also and scratch the sides of the cars that are parked in the street. And always they run and always they scream. They scream when they are happy. They scream when they are mad. They scream even when they are sad, so you can never tell if they are happy, mad, or sad. Andrew, he wonders why there mothers do not teach them to play nicer?

Some times the black ladies in his building, they tease Andrew. They offer him there bodies to him for ten dollars. They say, hey sugarman, howd you like to have a good time and then they hold themselves down there.

And always Andrew, he says, no thank you ladies, no thank you mamm. But then they curse or laugh at Andrew when he goes up the stairs to his room.

Three different times little girls, they are maybe ten years old, maybe they are eleven, they say, Mister, Mister, you want to put it in me? Anywhere you want. Five dollars. Anywhere.

Andrew, he cannot believe his ears they are burning so bad. So Andrew, he says to them, little girl, you are a bad little girl. Where is your Moma? And they look at Andrew like he is a crazy man and then they run away from him laffing.

In Andrew’s building the black ladies they sometimes say, you know what? Andrew, he thinks he’s to good for us. And you know what? They are right! Andrew, he is to good for them! But always Andrew is polite and very kind to them. Even when they come to Andrew sometimes and they cry there wet tears and they say, Mr. Car Key, I must have fifteen more dollars for the landlord please or he will evict me. Or, Mr. Car Key, I must have twenty dollars for the gas company so I can cook dinner for my man tonight. Please lend me the money until tomorow.

And always Andrew lends it to them. And still they curse at Andrew behind his back. And they do not pay Andrew his money back so often. And always they have an excuse for him why this is so. They say to Andrew, Mr. Car Key, he can have it back any time he wants and with intrest to.

But they know he only wants the money he lends them back.

But Andrew, he does not move away from this bad place because he can not afford to pay more money for his rent and one room is all he needs anyway. And it is close to his place of employment also. Maybe fifteen minutes by the subway. Maybe twenty. So Andrew stays there in the building for many years.

Andrew, he has presently two sisters living and two parents, they are dead. And he has himself. And his five photographs. That is all he has.

And his memories to. Many memories.

**********

When Andrew, he is a boy of twelve years his Moma, she is stabbed to death by three black boys.

DONALD WILLIAMS

LEROY JOHNSON

RICHARD WASHINGTON

The police, they count them and they say she is stabbed all together thirty nine times. They say she is stabbed all over her body, but mostly, the bad boys, they stab her in her breasts and in her vajina and in her anus. The policeman, he says, she must have died very slow. And, he says, in a lot of pain to.

Why did these bad boys do that to his Moma? His beautiful Moma? Why? Andrew, he asks you this. Andrew, he asks many people this.

And Andrew, he listens to the answers. He listens very hard. He listens with all of his strength and all of his might. He listens with every part of his body, not just with his ears. He really does. And no one, they ever have a good answer for Andrew. Not one.

But maybe you will? Maybe?

Because Andrew, he still wants to know why.

**********

Andrew, he remembers it like it is only yesterday. And it is true, it will always be yesterday for Andrew. But not for the three bad boys. For them, it is already a long time ago. For them, maybe it is a good time. For them, Andrew is told, it is a mistake they make when they are younger. For them, Andrew believes, they do not remember it at all. For them, there are no long nights with no sleep. For them there is no pain so great, greater than any other pain. For them it does not always hurt and hurt and hurt. That never goes away. For DONALD WILLIAMS, LEROY JOHNSON, RICHARD WASHINGTON there are no hot tears that burn there cheeks and wets there pillows. For them, there are no screams in the middle of the night. For them there is no bleeding that never stops bleeding. For them, there is no punishment.

And there is, for them, Andrew, he thinks to, no crime.

They have to go to a place for bad boys, these boys. DONALD WILLIAMS. LEROY JOHNSON. RICHARD WASHINGTON. For nine months. Then they are free to go back to there homes.

Andrew, he knows this because the newspaper has a picture of them. Going home to there Momas laughing and smiling. Even if they take away Andrew’s Moma forever, they still have there own Momas.

Andrew remembers this everyday. Like it is only yesterday. Because everyday is yesterday. Everyday.

**********

When our family leaves our old country, Papa, he pays this man some money to sneak us into a new country, it is called Austria. We stay in a camp for people like us who have no place else to stay maybe for six months, maybe it is seven. Andrew, he does not remember for sure because he is so young. Then we recieve permision to come to this great country, the United States of America.

America! We can not believe it is our good luck even after Papa reads us the oficial paper two times. That night later, Andrew, he remembers hearing his Papa crying in his sleep.

Andrew, it is true, he is in shock! Never has he seen his Papa do this before. Like a baby he is crying, his Papa. But men, Andrew thinks, they do not know how to cry. After a certain time of growing up, it is something they forget how to do. Unless maybe you are a woman, of course, and then you can never forget how to cry.

In his whole life time as far as he can remember, Andrew, he hears his Papa cry once more. Only.

But back then, Andrew’s family, we are all so happy. We are coming to America! To the best country on this earth. AMERICA! It makes us feel dizzy like we have a fever just to think about it. But we are not so foolish. We know the streets, they are not made of gold. But in America, we also know if you work very hard, you will make money and have a better life, and the goverment in America, it will not send people to come in the middle of the night to take you away because of something you believe in or do not believe in, that they do not believe in or do. Because it is AMERICA!

And in America, everybody has a chance. And all you can ask for is this. To have a chance. This is what Papa, he tells us always, and this is what we all believe in. Always.

And when it is we finally come to New York City, we pass the famous Statue of Liberty. And Andrew is not embarased to tell you this, she makes Andrew nervous, this Lady. She is so big and she looks like she does not care about you because she does not look down at you or even smile when you go by her. But when Moma, she sees the big Statue of the Lady, she gives my sisters and me each a big strong hug and we know everything is going go to be all right, even if the Lady, she still does not smile down on us.

After that Andrew, he remembers the boat, it stops and there is much pushing and shoving and noises and smells and diferent papers to sign by Moma and Papa. And tall men in there dark uniforms.

And Uncle Harry and Aunt Sofie, they wave and call our names and we run so fast to them we loose our breths. And Andrew, he and his sisters are so happy because Papa, he tells us so many times about Uncle Harry and Aunt Sofie we think, maybe we know them already, and then maybe we do not. If you know what Andrew, he means?

Moma and Papa, they have not seen Uncle Harry and Aunt Sofie since many years and everyone is so full of excitement. And they kiss and hug us like we are long lost relatives. Which we are in one way of thinking, but not in another. We are all laughing and crying. Crying and laughing. So much, we do not know one from the other anymore, we are so drunk with this great happiness.

Uncle Harry, he even picks up my little sister Sylvia and throws her into the air over his head and he catches her then all safe in his arms when she falls. And he wets all our faces with kisses that smell like cigars. And Uncle Harry and Aunt Sofie, they laugh and laugh at our confusion and at our excitment. We do not even mind so much that our faces, they get all wet and sticky.

Next we go on our first ever taxi ride to Uncle Harry’s and Aunt Sofie’s apartment house in Manhatan. There are so many of us that we need two taxis. Andrew goes with Uncle Harry and Aunt Sofie and Annie and Sylvia, they go with Moma and Papa. We can not believe our eyes when first we see it. Five rooms, they have them all to themselves! And two bathrooms to. And they do not have to share it with anyone. Which impreses us very much.

Back in our old home in Prague we have two small rooms only for the five of us. And we must share the bathroom and the kitchen both with two families, they live also on the same floor as we do. We have a living room which is also a dinning room and it is a bedroom to for Andrew and his two sisters at night. Then we have a second room, it is only for Papa and Moma to sleep in. Our whole apartment, it can fit ten times inside the living room in Uncle Harry’s apartment.

We are sure Uncle Harry and Aunt Sofie, they are millionaires. But Uncle Harry, he laughs and he says, no. This is not so. He is the manager only of a clothing store and Aunt Sofie, she is a secretary for an important lawyer in a big building downtown.

But we know Uncle Harry is just teasing us. That he is rich and he does not want to show off in front of us. So we love him even more for this.

The next morning, it is early and we all go with Uncle Harry and Aunt Sofie in two more taxis to Queens, Jackson Heights where they have for us our own first apartment ever in America! And it has four rooms! So now even Andrew’s sisters, they can have there own bedroom and they do not have to share it with anyone. Not even Andrew.

That night there is so much joy and so much happiness and so much love in our