Bind (An Esther Novella)

1

Esther

A narrow rip had formed in the thigh of my jeans. I pouted, prodding at my bare skin. You know what? I think I’ve lost muscle tone.

Ava Delaney stopped pacing long enough to glare at me, her blue eyes flashing with heat. Have you been listening to a word I just said?

I withheld a sigh and sank deeper into the comfortable armchair to cover the fact I couldn’t hold her gaze. The springs had long gone in the chair, making it easy to retreat into. Everything in Ava’s living room was old—bar the computer desk shoved against a wall—and mismatched, but the place came closest to a home for me.

The postcards crowding the mantlepiece had come from all over Europe. Sometimes I looked at the scenery and imagined a life out in some place I wouldn’t be forced to hide my true self. Then again, the rest of the cheap looking trinkets and ornaments decorating the room were likely imbued with powerful magic—my daily reminder that few truly safe places actually existed.

Esther, Ava said sharply, apparently losing her patience. Not that she had much of that to begin with.

Carl stretched out his arm from the sofa to brush his knuckles across mine. Answering her before her head explodes generally works for me.

Don’t you start, Ava said gruffly, but there was no bite behind that bark, not when it came to her best friend.

I had been staying in her spare room for a number of weeks, and I wasn’t ready to leave that safety net. Ava had other plans. I stared at the chipped nail polish on one hand for a moment to compose myself.

"I was listening." I exchanged a smirk with Carl before finally meeting Ava’s questioning gaze. If I played my cards right, I could change her mind. I had to. I just think that maybe… I need more time.

But this is what we’ve been waiting for! This is your chance. Apparently, I had played the same card too many times. Ava raised her hands in exasperation and looked to Carl for help. You try talking to her. Please.

Carl looked uncomfortable, so I shot him a pleading look. Of everyone, the human had to understand.

He absent-mindedly brushed his fair hair out of his eyes. If she’s not ready…

"Carl. Ava squeezed her eyes shut, took a deep breath, then started over. Look. I know it’s hard for you to face yet another shifter alpha, especially when we don’t know his agenda yet, but time is with us for a change. His pack hasn’t been here long enough to get influenced by anyone else, and he’s open to negotiations. We can force the issue with him, get him to call off the shifters for good."

I screwed up my nose. "But Phoenix already called the shifters out. If they hit us, he’ll strike back with the fae and the werewolves. The shifters might be mad, but they’re not that stupid." I hoped.

We can’t rely on Phoenix forever. What do you think will happen if the shifters can’t resist going for us again? If that triggers a war, then we’ll be responsible. We have to get assurances from the new alpha that he has the Irish shifters under control before anyone else manages to interfere. Look at the position you’re in. The Senate need you because he won’t speak to them.

Licking my lips, I nodded. "Yeah, it sounds good. But don’t you think it’s a little suspicious that I’m the one he wants to speak to?"

Ava flopped into the seat next to Carl, calming down now that I was actually participating in the discussion. I didn’t enjoy causing her problems, but the last thing I wanted to do was look another shifter alpha in the eye. No, the last thing I wanted to do was even acknowledge that shifters existed. It makes sense that he wants to speak to you, she said. You’re Aiden’s sister. You’ve lived with an alpha. Of course he’s going to want to negotiate with somebody who actually understands how everything works.

But that’s the problem. I don’t understand. Aiden kept everything from me. Like the fact he had cheated with fae magic to become alpha in the first place, or that he had been working for an enemy pushing for a dictatorship, or even the fact he was the one who tortured and murdered the latest shifter alpha. And now he was gone, chasing our roots on another continent, and again, I was left behind to pick up the pieces he destroyed. In his absence, the shifters had decided to punish me instead of Aiden. Although, at the time, half of them had been too busying capturing free shifter women to impregnate them to really put some effort into taking me, too.

You’ll make a good representative, Carl said encouragingly. You’ve been through enough to speak on behalf of the shifter women who were captured. And they need help to heal them from what Mac did to them. From what we know, their only chance is a true alpha helping them. You can persuade him to come here and at least try. I know you can.

A lump formed in my throat. I wasn’t getting out of it this time. Carl was right, but that didn’t stop the hairs rising on the back of my neck at the mention of another alpha. I had never met him, but he had arrived in Ireland and declared he wouldn’t negotiate new terms with the Senate on behalf of the shifters unless I was the one who acted as a liaison between the two groups. I had been a Guardian for the old Council, sister to a false alpha, traitor to my old pack, and I still wasn’t free. How could I even trust a shifter again? They had accused me of being dangerous because I was untethered to a pack, a loner who might lose control. Until Ava, an outcast herself, claimed to be my alpha and pulled as many strings as it took to help me.

My friends looked at me expectantly, fully sure that I would do the right thing. But I was scared, terrified really. Being a shifter had ruined almost everything in my life. I wanted that to end for good. I needed to move on.

What if I refuse? I lowered my gaze. I worked for the old Council, and all I saw was corruption and cruelty. We all know how shady the Senate is; they allowed Mac to represent the shifters, and he turned out to be kidnapping and raping female shifters behind everyone’s back, so excuse me if I’m not all happy happy joy joy at the thought of getting involved with those people.

So don’t be the Senate’s talking doll, Ava said. But we desperately need this alpha to acknowledge that neither of us is a threat so we can get on with our lives without having to worry about some idiot shifter screwing everything up. Her tone softened. I know you’re still recovering from the operation, but the doctors have given you a clean bill of health. You haven’t had any headaches, and you’re looking so much healthier. There’s nothing stopping you.

Except my fear. I wanted to touch the scars on my head, but I kept my hands on my knees.

You can do this Esther, Ava said firmly.

When Carl took my hand, I knew I was lost.

Maybe Ava’s right, Carl said gently. Getting this over and done with might just be the best thing for you, Es. It’s all dragged on for so long like a cloud hanging over you. You need closure. Don’t you want your life back?

But I hadn’t had a real life. Not ever. I couldn’t even begin to explain the thoughts going through my head. I wasn’t just a shifter. I was bear. I wasn’t supposed to feel so afraid. Once, I thought I knew it all—until the real world had been thrown into my face, and I had run instead of standing my ground.

What if… I said quietly.

Go on, Carl urged.

What if he tries to take me back into the pack? I flexed my fingers. What if it’s all a trick? It wouldn’t be the first time somebody tried to fool us, to fool me. I’m tired of the games. I want everything to go back to normal, but I feel like if I go, I’ll never be free.

Ava knelt at my feet, all frustration wiped clean from her expression. That was her way. She’d lecture, maybe even get angry, but it was gone as suddenly, burning bright and hot, but fast. She was only four years older than me, but sometimes it felt as though she had lifetimes more experience. At first, I’d assumed she’d tricked the Senate to protect me, but maybe her claim of alpha hadn’t been so far off the mark, after all.

I’ll be with you, she said. I won’t let him take you. I won’t let him hurt you. Remember, Phoenix promised the same, and a fae promise is sacred.

I made a face. You’re the only one who trusts Phoenix.

Then you’ll just have to trust me instead, Ava said softly. The shifters were warned off, and they believe the werewolves protect us. Besides, Shay vetted this alpha out. He’s a wanderer, but he’s not a criminal. He likely won’t even stay in the country for long. Things can go back to normal this time, Esther. This is your chance to be free. You have to take it before something else goes wrong.

When did you get superstitious? I tried to smile, but my lips trembled instead.

When life kept throwing more at me than I could handle. Ava grinned, and her face brightened with it. I’m with you, no matter what happens. I’m not afraid of this alpha.

You need to start being afraid of something.

Ava straightened, a hard glint in her eye giving her a different look. That had happened a lot lately. She had found some new air of confidence or something. "You live here, and you’re protected. I’m telling you that you are safe, and if anyone tries to hurt you, they’ll have me to deal with."

I shot a grin at Carl. Is this what having a big sister is like?

I think she’s slightly more annoying than the average big sister, Carl said.

Ava leaned over to give him a playful thump in the arm. What’s it to be, Esther? Are you going to do whatever it takes?

I let out an exaggerated sigh. Fine. I’ll play the hero this time.

Great. I’ll organise a meeting with the Senate.

I can make a phone call. You’re not actually my mother.

I thought I was a big sister, Ava said, already walking away to call the Senate.

Oh, God. What was I thinking? I leaned forward and ran my hand over my head, lingering by the scarring. My hair wasn’t growing back. One of my doctors warned me the case of alopecia was due to stress. She’s going to take over everything now.

I’ll sneak you out while she’s distracted, Carl offered. I could take the day off and tag-along.

You can’t take the day off for this. I shrugged. Maybe I’ll pop in to see Moses. I haven’t been back in a while.

You should relax. And, hey. He reached for my hand and gently squeezed. You can do this.

Can I? I said, irritatingly breathlessly. "I wish I could go the rest of my life without ever seeing another shifter. They’re all… broken somehow. Twisted. If this alpha is the