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    Never Put Your Hand in a Crocodile's Jaws (and Other Useful Advice)
    Never Put Your Hand in a Crocodile's Jaws (and Other Useful Advice)
    Never Put Your Hand in a Crocodile's Jaws (and Other Useful Advice)
    Ebook78 pages39 minutes

    Never Put Your Hand in a Crocodile's Jaws (and Other Useful Advice)

    By Tracey Meredith

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    About this ebook

    An anthology of daft rhymes for children of all ages (8 years upward will appreciate most of them). Meet the Budgie with no beak, a vegetarian dragon, and a philosophical koala bear. Learn from the fates of the Avaricious Aardvark and the Belligerent Baboon. Join Rosemary in her search for the Querulous Cat. What really happened between Red Riding Hood and the wolf? Do you know what yetis or tortoises dream about? Did you know that yak are big tea drinkers?
    33 poems of varying length, with more than a nod to Belloc and Dahl, most of which aren't to be taken too seriously.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTracey Meredith
    Release dateJan 1, 2016
    ISBN9781311678829
    Never Put Your Hand in a Crocodile's Jaws (and Other Useful Advice)
    Author

    Tracey Meredith

    Tracey lives in the west of England and has done so for the last 30 years or so. She started writing to encourage her son to read something other than train magazines- the idea being that he would tell her what would happen next and then she would write it for him, ready to read at bed time. Yes, you're quite right- it never happened.. The unfinished manuscripts were found during a decorating session and determinedly finished over a four year period- four in all. Growned was the first one finished and edited. Others now published are The Angel in Towerhouse Wood and (as Beryl C Jones) a token Romantic adventure called A Foreign Land, which seems to have gone down quite well. Finding Richard was the last of the four to be published.New stuff is on the way, and this time she is determined to finish it in less than 8 years. She has done the final edits to Barry & the Dinosaur King, which is released 6th April 2017. There are, as you will see, also a couple of free short stories on her Smashwords page. You can also read the first part of Barry at http://traceygb1.blogspot.co.uk/p/blog-page_8.html .

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      Book preview

      Never Put Your Hand in a Crocodile's Jaws (and Other Useful Advice) - Tracey Meredith

      Why the Camel is a Grump

      The Bactrian camel has two humps

      And really is an awful grump.

      He bites, he swears, he sometimes spits,

      And has enormous hissy-fits.

      Those who meet him never ponder,

      Reason why, or even wonder,

      Why this creature with two humps

      Is always right down in the dumps.

      Is it just because the land

      He walks upon is rather bland?

      Is it just because (or not)

      The land is sometimes very hot?

      Maybe it's because the snows

      Sometimes burn his tender toes.

      Perhaps the load he bears is stacked

      So high, it hurts his camel back.

      Not one of these, my friends, I know,

      Is the cause of Camel's woe.

      The reason why he's such a grump,

      Is because he cannot jump.

      Not for him the Fosbury Flop

      Or standing on one leg to hop.

      And, for him, there is no hope

      Of mastering a skipping rope.

      The skipping songs he learned by heart

      Will never, ever be a part

      Of any kind of skipping game—

      And Camel knows this, to his shame.

      When Camel bites, or swears, or spits,

      Or has another hissy-fit,

      Try your hardest to be kind,

      Now you know what's on his mind.

      The Bactrian camel has two humps.

      He also is the biggest grump—

      Not because he's just a chump—

      It is because he cannot jump.

      Said the Spider to the Fly

      Well, hello, said the spider as he eyed a juicy fly.

      "It was really very nice of you to stop as you went by.

      It's obviously occurred to you that I'd enjoy a lunch,

      That has a lot of flavour, and a very special crunch."

      Not really, said the housefly, as she struggled to get free,

      "I haven't got the time for lunch, I have a date, you see.

      My husband's found a lovely pile a horse has left behind.

      To stand him up to stay with you is rather too unkind."

      I really do not think so, said the spider, drawing near.

      "I don't think you've got time for him, you've really not, my dear.

      Do I detect a shiver? Are you cold or have a chill?

      Let me wrap you up all snug, and stop you feeling ill."

      Oh, no, you shouldn't bother. I'm quite well, said the fly.

      " I am very, very busy and I haven't time to die.

      I haven't time to stay for lunch, not even for a snack,

      But later on, when I have time, I promise I'll come back."

      The spider laughed and shook his head, oblivious to fate,

      Not realising both of them would soon be very late.

      A sudden swing of newspaper, rolled up very tight,

      Came down, and sent the pair of them on to endless night.

      Upon a pile of horse dung, Mr Fly does wait,

      Wondering, as a fly does, why his date is late.

      All that marks the place where his wife and spider sat,

      Is a black and sticky smear where the pair of them went SPLAT!

      Jonathan Wriggley

      Jonathan Wriggley

      Got quite niggly

      When he had a cold.

      His nose would block,

      And what a shock

      He gave to those poor souls

      Who stood

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