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    One Hundred Merry Jokes
    One Hundred Merry Jokes
    One Hundred Merry Jokes
    Ebook110 pages1 hour

    One Hundred Merry Jokes

    By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

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    About this ebook

    This is a compilation of one hundred jokes, some short, some long. Each joke is given a title and is numbered, and there is a list of the jokes by title and a list by number.
    They vary in length - from very short (a couple of lines) to fairly long (more than a couple of lines).
    After the main body of jokes there is a section which explains each one for readers who might not have fully understood the joke.
    This could be useful for readers who are not native speakers of English - or even readers from other parts of the English-speaking world where the humour (or humor) of some jokes might be completely undetectable.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherEbenezer Jackson-Firefly
    Release dateDec 3, 2015
    ISBN9781311740410
    One Hundred Merry Jokes

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      Book preview

      One Hundred Merry Jokes - Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      One Hundred Merry Jokes

      By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      Copyright 2015 Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      Smashwords Edition

      Front Cover Text: One Hundred Merry Jokes / Readers’ Comments / Not Very Merry (DISSATISFIED READER No. 1) / Not Very Many (DISSATISFIED READER No. 2) / I’d’ve laughed if I could’ve done, but I couldn’t (WOMAN FOND OF CONTRACTED WORDS) / Nothing merrier this side of the moon (JOSHUA JACKSON-FIREFLY) (no relation) / A marvel of a book! Superb! (HABAZINAIAH JACKSON-FIREFLY) (no relation) / IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FROM EBENEZER JACKSON-FIREFLY: World Laughter Day takes place on the first Sunday of May each year. Be prepared. Buy this book today! / A marvel of a book! Superb! (MOSES JACKSON-FIREFLY) (no relation) / Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      This book should not be copied as its author, a certain Mr. Jackson-Firefly, is ludicrously expecting to become an e-book millionaire. To this end, he prefers the book to be purchased and not obtained by various non-purchasing methods involving skilled operations with a computer. At the moment, the small amount of income helps him avoid periods of starvation and hot pursuit by his creditors. We appreciate your cooperation in helping Mr. Jackson-Firefly continue to keep up the never-ending flow of his so-called 'joke books' comfortably fed and more or less unindebted.

      The Editor.

      LIST OF CONTENTS

      1. INTRODUCTION

      2. CONTENTS: JOKES BY TITLE

      3. CONTENTS: JOKES 1301-1400 ACCORDING TO NUMBER

      The jokes begin here:

      4. ONE HUNDRED JOKES

      5. DON’T GET IT? THE JOKES EXPLAINED

      And here the book begins:

      1. INTRODUCTION

      This is the twelfth compendium of jokes by Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly (in fact a nom de plume, since his real name is Hezekiel Jackson-Firefly, in fact a mistaken form of Ezekiel which came about during his christening at the hands of the Reverend Halbert Hedward Henglish at the Church of Saint Hedmund).

      His first three joke books were published in early 2012 (too vague - please specify) and marked a new era in joke-book publishing (citation needed). The success was immediate as nobody anywhere bought a single copy (contradictory - please amend).

      Greatly encouraged by the wide acclaim for his books, Firefly (if I might somewhat irreverently call him by this moniker) has continued gathering jokes from here and there (mostly old Victorian magazines stored in the crypt of the local parish church, and from eavesdropping outside the window of a local pub, the 'Village Squire's Heraldic Arms'). As a result, twelve great founts of humour (and wisdom, might we add), are now available for world-wide purchase and perusal.

      Since Mr. Jackson-Firefly believes that English numerals should be replaced by Greek numerals, and that the word ‘joke’ should be replaced by ‘jest’, or better still, in its old spelling ‘geste’, his suggested title for this book was ‘Hekaton Merry Gestes’. But I, as editor, insisted that less deluded individuals would prefer a more understandable ‘One Hundred Merry Jokes’, as not everybody has a Classical Greek dictionary to hand, nor even one of Middle English.

      Far from taking a rest after making one thousand, four hundred jokes freely available (at a price) he is already engaged in the authoring of book 12 bis (or 13, as the number is known to mathematicians) which will be One Hundred Crazy Crazy Jokes. Advance orders may be placed in your local bookshop, or wherever remaindered works are sold nowadays.

      But let us not jump too far ahead. Let us say, once again (or maybe we haven't said so yet), that this is book number twelve, 'One Hundred Merry Jokes'.

      'Merry' is an important word in English, featuring in everyday expressions such as 'Merry Christmas', 'Robin Hood and his Merry Men', and 'I'm not drunk - I'm just merry'. Nor should we forget 'Merrie England', where 'merry' means 'bountiful' rather than 'tipsy' (according to an unconvincing footnote in a foremost English dictionary) (please specify), and Merry Monday, the name for the day before Shrove Tuesday, though not used so commonly nowadays (and not for the past four hundred years apparently).

      On an interesting note, Mr Jackson-Firefly points out that 'merry' spelt backwards becomes 'yrrem', a word which does not currently exist in English.

      As he believes himself to be the first person to have noticed this, he claims the 'yrrem' for himself, though he is prepared to sell it to people in need of a handy word (entomologists who have discovered a new insect, manufacturers of sugary drinks looking for an interesting name for their glucosey products, astronomers who want a name for a distant star or an asteroid, weather organisations wanting to name typhoons or tornados, young mothers wanting a distinctive and unpronounceable name for their little babies, the Yorkshire Regional Renewable Energy Movement - if it exists and if it requires initials for its title, etc).

      There is little more for me to add. Let the jokes speak for themselves. Even if only one is in fact funny, Mr Jackson-Firefly will feel that this latest volume has served its purpose - to tickle the mind of the reader.

      As in the other collections, we have added a section ‘Don’t Get It?’ which explains the inner workings of the jokes for those readers who are mystified by them, and don't fully understand them. It might be useful to readers whose first language is not English, or to people who want to guess what the joke is by reading the explanation first (usually the kind of person who reads a newspaper beginning with the back page, or who wanders around all day in his pyjamas and gets dressed in a suit and hat and black shiny shoes in order to go to bed.)

      There is an eccentric numbering system for the jokes which Mr Jackson-Firefly is keen to patent. A search for the joke by adding the letter x to the joke number (either at the beginning or the end) should bring the reader to it instantly. Likewise, by adding the letter z at the beginning or the end the explanation of the joke might be found.

      Mr Jackson-Firefly has asked me to accompany him at his breakfast (which, it seems, will be free of charge for him as usual, as he'll quickly leave the café 'to attend to urgent business' when the waiter brings the bill). He has made out a breakfast list which he has passed on to me to check that nothing has been left out - today his ‘prima colazione’, as breakfast is known to some sixty-four million people, generally speakers of Italian, will consist of a cup of tepid coffee and a chocolate bonbon, followed by several expensive items in an illegible scrawl.

      An editorial farewell for the interim, The Editor.

      P.S. As regards some letters received about a supposed lack of splendidness of the jokes, we would like to say that the jokes have been subjected to strict quality control as Mr Jackson-Firefly's friends, or at least the literate and semi-literate among them, have read them and offered their comments.

      If their observations are negative and discouraging, Mr Jackson-Firefly takes this as a sign that his jokes are good and his critics are mistaken. In the case of 'One Hundred Merry Jokes' he has thus had confirmation that they are all of an excellent sort.

      2. CONTENTS: JOKES BY TITLE

      A HUNDRED LINES x1339x

      A LAW AGAINST FALLING x1375x

      ACROBATICS ON A HORSE x1344x

      ADAM’S RIBS x1308x

      AGAINST WAR x1388x

      ANY CHILDREN? x1364x

      BACKWORDS AND FORWARDS x1352x

      BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR LANGUAGE x1341x

      BOTTOM OF THE CLASS x1301x

      CAN IT BE DONE? x1313x

      CATCHING THE BUS

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