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    One Hundred Insane Jokes
    One Hundred Insane Jokes
    One Hundred Insane Jokes
    Ebook96 pages1 hour

    One Hundred Insane Jokes

    By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

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    About this ebook

    This is a compilation of one hundred (generally inoffensive) jokes, some short, some long. Each joke is given a title and is numbered, and there is a list of the jokes by title and a list by number.
    They vary in length - from very short (a couple of lines) to fairly long (more than a couple of lines).
    After the main body of jokes there is a section which explains each one for readers who might not have fully understood the joke.
    This could be useful for readers who are not native speakers of English - or even readers from other parts of the English-speaking world where the humour (or humor) of some jokes may be incomprehensible or hard to detect.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherEbenezer Jackson-Firefly
    Release dateJan 2, 2016
    ISBN9781311342256
    One Hundred Insane Jokes

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      Book preview

      One Hundred Insane Jokes - Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      Ninety-nine Insane Jokes

      By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      Copyright 2015 Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      Smashwords Edition

      Cover text: One Hundred Insane Jokes / Readers' Comments Genuine and Unsolicited / Lovely hotel. Definitely going back / Gorgeous hotel, but slightly out-of-the-way location / Delightful staff / Nice modern spacious rooms / We were upgraded to a corner room with a great view of the beach and the city / Surly staff, poor food, fleas in the bed and leaking taps / Calm and peaceful / Too many drunk businessmen, and the maid stole my laptop / Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly / Damn, I'll have to re-do the cover. I've copied the wrong sort of comments.

      COPYRIGHT: This environmentally-friendly and handy joke book, written by the prominent and feted humorist Mr. Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly, is the result of many long nights spent shivering in a gloomy corner of the municipal library, followed by hours of toil in his modest home (an abandoned Austin Seven in a forest clearing), scribbling on recycled paper and honing and arranging his notes by wan candlelight.

      For this reason – that he has striven superhumanly to produce his collection of nuggets of laughter - Mr. Jackson-Firefly would prefer it to be purchased rather than acquired by non-purchasable methods, and flung far and wide along wires and invisible waves.

      As a precaution, a green powder has been applied to all the jokes which leaves a brilliant purple stain in the event of their acquisition by nefarious practice..

      We appreciate your cooperation in assisting a penniless author become rich overnight by means of his masterly-crafted jokes. I am, it seems,

      The Editor.

      LIST OF CONTENTS

      1. INTRODUCTION

      2. CONTENTS: JOKES BY TITLE

      3. CONTENTS: JOKES 1701-1800 ACCORDING TO REFERENCE NUMBER

      The jokes begin here:

      4. ONE HUNDRED JOKES

      5. DON’T GET IT? THE JOKES EXPLAINED

      This is the introduction to this book of jokes. We have helpfully called it ‘Introduction’. As you might see if you continue reading, it’s not really an introduction at all.

      1. INTRODUCTION

      This is the sixteenth miscellany of jokes put together by the eminent folklorist, ornithologist, philatelist and joke hoarder Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly, of that ilk.

      (We might point out here that ‘of that ilk’ is a Scottish expression meaning ‘from the same place’, and ilk means ‘same’, from Old English ‘i’ – a demonstrative pronoun – and lîk – the origin of modern English ‘like’. So, for example, ‘Ross of that ilk’ is ‘Ross of Ross’ - the Ross family from the place called Ross.) (Corrector’s comment: It seems to be a case of the cart before the horse, since the Ross family would have taken its surname from the place where they lived called Ross.)

      The village of Jackson-Firefly (MacIain-Lamprag in the Scottish language) is one of the drowned villages of Scotland. It is so drowned that its location is now completely unknown. Ebenezer likes to think it was somewhere near Creag Ealasaid (or Ailsa Craig in English), between Scotland and Ireland, and also by Rocabarra (or Rockall in English), between Scotland and Iceland, and by Innis Garbhach (the rough island, or Inchgarvie in English) near Dùn Eideann (or Edinburgh in English). (Corrector’s note: That’s three locations. This is unclear. Does he believe that the village was at all three?)

      Let us move on from the geographical origins of the illustrious family. His ancestors on his paternal side were bards and jesters which probably explains his interest in publishing jokes. His mother’s side were paupers who populated various parish workhouses, and this probably explains his lifelong poverty and money’s seeming allergy to him.

      We should point out however that Ebenezer is a pseudonym, as his real name is Ezekiel. He took on the new name at a difficult time in his life when the police came to arrest him over some matter of impersonating a vicar, and he successfully persuaded them that he was ‘Ebenezer’ and that his ‘twin brother’ Ezekiel had emigrated just that morning to Australia.

      The charge of impersonating a vicar was very much a misunderstanding that might not have been accepted by a judge and jury. The Anglican Church put him in charge of ten rural parishes as a result of a clerical error, and though he carried out his duties assiduously it seems that he should have been ordained as a priest at some time prior to this.

      The appointment had come as a great surprise to him as he had written to the Archbishop merely to request permission to look at some old parish registers where he believed a couple of jokes might have been written in the margins. Not being one to shirk responsibility, he had naturally agreed to being a peripatetic vicar.

      The title of the volume – ‘Insane Jokes’ – is in fact a happy misprint, as he had originally written ‘inane’ jokes, as they were of much lower quality than in the preceding volumes (but, of course, much better than jokes in books by other authors – low in quality only because of the very high standards he has set himself and has achieved in his other publications). He believes this is the same ‘s’ which inserted itself into the word ‘iland’ to give us the nonsensical and erroneous spelling of ‘island’.

      I’ve been urged by the author to make this introduction as long as possible in order to ‘make the book more substantial and worthy of a literary prize for introductions to joke books’. I’m unaware of any such prizes, but just in case I’ll continue this screed.

      Mr Jackson-Firefly has raised three points which he’d like me to include in this introduction.

      1/ Was Peter Pan named after the mythological figure Pan, after a chimpanzee (Pan troglodytes) or after a ‘skillet’, as the Americans call a frying pan?

      2/ Is the International Date Line east or west of California?

      3/ Where can he get free tickets to see ‘MacBeth’ performed in Latin?

      Mr Jackson-Firefly would also like me to mention that he’s already writing his first novel, the tale of Sir Horatio Porridge of Slush Hall, private detective. Three pages out of a projected four hundred have now been completed, and the reader has been introduced to Sir Horatio, his wife Lady Eucalypta, the butler Barnaby Pendrive, the Cook, Donaldina MacRadish, and the Chauffeur Vilhelm Volf. Although he’s not very familiar with the workings of stately homes and grand families and their minions, and is a convinced egalitarian, he has noticed that such characters and settings net their authors vast amounts of cash. It might be

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