A Cup of Tea With Valmiki

sister-in-law.

1

A Journey Begins

A reincarnation that we think not of, a birth we hardly talk of,

Are we born to just mingle with others?

Are we born to just live a routine life?

A purpose in every birth, I think, we are born everytime to educate each other!

The party was in full swing, but my mind was preoccupied. It was not correct to fight with my wife like that. I gulped some vodka and it flowed down my parched throat. It burnt, but it helped clear my mind. I laughed inwardly. A joke! I was trying to become senseless by chilling out with my friend, Arun, here in a bar, and then convincing myself that my mind was clearing out unwanted thoughts.

I was already disturbed by the previous night’s incident. I felt bad about it because I was helpless and I did not even try to help. What kind of life are we living?

"You’re right Ratnakar, we are living for ourselves. We love ourselves more than everyone else. Their life means nothing for us. It is not our bloody concern! Arun voiced my thoughts in his drunken drawl. Sorry for saying bloody but it is a bloody hell of a life, yaar!" he said again. I was astonished at his analysis of life and his words, as they unwittingly blended with my feelings. My thoughts revolved around my family. Mostly, it was Swathi, my wife, who filled my thoughts.

Hardly two hours had passed since I had stormed out of my house and I was furious that my wife Swathi still did not call me back and apologize to me. I longed to go back home and get comfortable in my bed, but things were just not going my way. My act of storming out of the house and the messed up harsh talk hurt my mind, heart and body. The music was loud and it hurt my ears. My friend Arun, with whom I had come to the bar, pointed at the lawn and asked me to follow him. Ratan, come out, yaar! It’s stuffy in here! As he stepped out, I went along. He was already staggering. The drink had gotten into his head.

Loud, but fun na? he asked, swinging to the number which was lightly audible outside. Always love that song! So groovy, man! he said, winking at me. Taylor Swift definitely had it in her voice and ‘Shake it off’ was a really good song! It set your mind free of unwanted thoughts.

Yup, it’s always nice to be here and shake it off. That is the right answer to any problem! I said to him. He raised his eyebrows.

Funny you are saying that, man! he said with doubt in his voice.We sat down in the chairs outside. There were hardly any people around. Everyone was busy inside the smoke-filled hall with lots of drinking and dancing.

Shall I ask for a refill? Your glass looks empty to me! I feel you need some right now.

I signaled for no more refills. No, I am done.

What’s the problem man? he asked me. I was done with it and did not want to drink anymore. The drinks they were not doing me any good.

"Swathi upset you? he asked gulping down the contents of his glass in one shot. I just nodded in consent. Oh, these women! We slog day and night and try to bring heaven and Earth to them. Yet they are not satisfied!" he said in a disappointed tone, shaking his head negatively.

As a matter of fact I said the same thing to her. I raised my empty glass and toasted him. Here’s a toast for the same thoughts brother! I said, mockingly.

Something must be done, Arun said seriously. You know, sometimes, I believe in the gay connection. It is safer. You understand, right? I looked at him wide-eyed. He winked back at me. The usual curves and distractions are not found in men. I drop the idea! I let out a slow breath. You shocked me Arun! You’re a weirdo! I said.

There is nothing wrong in it though. They have their wants. We have ours. No criticism from our side. It’s a free world, man! Live and let live! he shouted at the top of his voice.

I tried to calm him down. Yes, I know I am weird. If I wasn’t, I would have been half-way through to my deathbed, for divorcing Jaya!

I could understand his fury. He was recently divorced. His wife left him for his partner. He was drinking non-stop and I was feeling bad for him, I should not have called him, I thought, but he was the only available person whom I could disturb at this unearthly hour. He usually never asked questions about my personal life. It was always touch and go. He needed a reason to drink, and right now, I gave him one. I tagged his company to wash out my anger. But I was not actually drinking my head out. I was sensible, so after two to three rounds, I stopped. I knew it was not a solution to any problem. It was just a waste of time, money and health.

Man, Jaya was the woman in my life. She was my angel, you know! He thrust his hands out in a filmy manner. You know, we’ve been married for five years! Five solid long years, man! He drew a line pointing at the sky and slowly drew lines in the air. Five years, one, two, three… and suddenly raised his voice. Now she is in need of another man! He said in a drunken drawl. I was not interested to hear him, but had to! Because it was always the same story. Yet, I listened to him. After all, what are friends for?

I took her on trips to exotic locations, bought her jewelry and took her out for expensive dinners! He gave me a faraway look. Dresses, saris, her idiotic kitty parties, cars… what did I not spend on for her! He suddenly added out of the blue, "You’re lucky that Swathi is not like that! You better go home, kiss and make up!" He looked me straight in the eye.

I looked at him strangely. His nonsense made sense to me! He was right. She never pressed me for unwanted things, but I would have felt better if she could have called me after I stormed out of the house.

"You know what, Ratnakar? Right now, my wallet is bursting with money. It’s been five months since Jaya left me. See, now, I have loads of cash. What’s the use? There is no happiness! Just burn the damned money on my pyre, buddy. I hope it accompanies me to the next life."

I laughed. But, he insisted. Jokes apart, seriously I want you to do it every last note or coin left in my balance, just burn it with me.

Okay then! I promise. Scouts’ honor! I said, lifting my right hand in a mocking gesture and started laughing. He looked at me seriously. "What’s so funny Ratnakar?"

Nothing! I said, trying to control my laughter. I guess the vodka was slowly beginning to affect me. I could see the world swirling in front of my eyes. I saw him sulk, so I managed to keep a straight face. Sorry yaar! Arun, I was amused to hear you talk about death, and reincarnation. What a waste of time for such topics!

You do not believe in life after death? he asked me in a serious tone.

No I do not believe in life after death. Let’s live this life and leave the next to itself. Anyway, leave it Arun! We’ve got just one life to live, and it is already filled with worries. Why all this rubbish now? Go home, rest and clear that mind of yours.

It’s just our karma which revolves around us and reflects in our next life. Do good and beget good. The same thing applies to bad behavior! he said, pouring the contents of the glass on the floor slowly and watching it go waste. The drink dribbled on the floor and out into the lawn and slowly found its way towards the grass and sank into it. See, you think the drink has gone waste. But the soil sucks it in and whoosh! When one makes drinks, water is pumped from the very Earth. Who knows, the same thing might be joining us again! I looked at him with a dumb expression on my face. Boy you are really into all this philosophical stuff! I said after a minute.

No philo… Pillow… Shit man! Wait a minute! I’ve got the word Philoso…Philosophical stuff! he finally pronounced the word and felt elated to have conquered it.

Plain hard truth. When we can recycle things in life, why can’t life be recycled? His questions made sense. I feared I was too drunk for I was beginning to understand him. Did I mention the same sentence before?

I think the drink has taken control over you. Bad idea to have called you to the bar tonight! I said to him. He hardly heardme. He went into a state of meditation. Hari om, Hari om. He kept repeating and suddenly asked me. Whom do you like? Shiva, Vishnu, Ganesha, Rama? Tell me. I want to know. I gave him a bewildered look. None! I told him.

Suddenly, he cut me short. Oh, I remember! Sir is an atheist.

It’s got nothing to do with it Arun, now let’s go home.

No. Answer me first, he said angrily. No one leaves until questions are answered. The truth has got to come out! he menacingly said. I was absolutely sure that Arun had gone bonkers. To amuse him, I answered him.

Okay, for your sake, it is Shiva! I said just picking the first name he just mentioned.

I tried to reason with him. "Listen, this conversation is getting diverted. You are here to drown our sorrows about Jaya and I am here because of Swathi. That’s it! We have our egos. Actually, we have big fat egos to deal with. We find someone else to blame all of this on, so that is it! Death, life reincarnation and all that stuff is not for me. If you believe in it, fine. I will not discourage you, but please do not drag me into it. I’ve had my share of nuts going on with that Mr. Narayanaswamy eating my brain. Now you do not start off!"

He looked at me for a long time, "You are lucky to have had an encounter with Narada! His stare was hurting me. What?" I asked.

He smirked at me and kept chanting. "Hari om, Hari om!" I repeated my question. "What is so funny now, Arun? What’s this nonsense of talking to Narada? Stop that Hari om business, will you?"

Why, Shiva? he asked. I shrugged my shoulders. No idea!

He took hold of my hands and said, No there must be some connection, so tell me…

Stop it, Arun! You’re pushing your way to a zone that I am not familiar with.

Then get familiar.

I personally like Lord Rama! A new voice was heard. We turned around to look at who had spoken. It was the waiter who came to refill Arun’s glass.

Sorry, was it a personal conversation? Sorry to butt in!

Ho! No it is okay, different opinions are always welcome! Arun brushed him off and at the same time invited him into the conversation.

This time I asked the waiter, Why Lord Rama?

Why do you like Shiva? Arun asked me.

I asked first! I said.

But you answer me first! he said persistently.

Okay. Well, he is practical. As far as I know, he is more attached to reality. He lives in the graveyard, a place where we finally rest. I feel he has a mortal touch, has a family and well…that’s it! I said triumphantly. So you tell me, why do you like Lord Rama?

Lord Shiva is much more than that, sir. He is the destroyer of our Maya senses. He grants boons but curbs our desires when they are out of control. He is the only God with a family to speak of. As for Lord Rama, he is the Eka Patnani person, has one wife, he taught us the very dharmas we need to follow. He gave preference to his father’s word; the citizens in his Kingdom lead a pleasant and valuable life…

Wow! You’re like Wikipedia, full of information! By the way…What’s your name? I asked him.

Bharat, sir! Actually, Bharadwaja is my name. Thank you, Sir, for complimenting for my knowledge! he said with a smile on his face. The way he spoke his name was as if I was to remember him. My mind was searching for any memory of him-for he did seem familiar. I squeezed my eyes because I thought I was hallucinating. The view of the waiter was blurred and I thought I saw him in Sanyasi’s clothing and matted hair. Gosh, talk of too many drinks! I definitely had to quit drinking.

"If your Lord Rama was so good, why the hell did he leave Sita doubting a washer man’s words?" I asked. He smiled and said something which sent me into shock.

"That’s why you had to write the Ramayana, Sir! To explain to everyone in detail about dharma and why Lord Rama left Sita! He cleared the table and left us. Arun gulped two more pegs of whiskey and tried to balance himself in front of me. Come. The time has come."

Where to? To go home? I asked, coming back to his senses.

"No, not home! I think Mr. Valmiki, that your journey’s about to start!" He fell down in a stupor. I was shocked when he called me like that. I tried to splash water on his face and wake him up, but he was a goner. Why did he call me like that? I hardly remember telling him about my office incidents or the meeting with my client Mr. Narayanaswamy, and my head hurt a lot. Too much was going on in just one day! Why did that waiter behave and talk like that? I reasoned with myself. I took a deep breath and called Arun’s car driver and asked him to take him home. I was planning to take a safe route to my farmhouse where I would hardly encounter the police, because I had no driver. I was not complaining about getting caught by the police. They were doing their duty. Rash and drunken driving was rising, so drinking was definitely a no-no. I was planning to stop.

What a messed up life one leads! We yearn for a partner. When we have one, we keep finding fault. Are we so perfect to see another with a fault? The idea somehow wove into my mind. I needed time to think about all this alone. Right now, going back home was not a safe bet. I was in turmoil. Too much had gone by for me to handle. Why did the waiter call me Valmiki, what was going on with Arun?

I called