Bitter: A Fairy Tale

Chapter 1

This happened back when magic was useful. People used it to sort their socks and rake the leaves in the fall. No one used it to pull rabbits out of hats. That would have been silly. To use it as a parlor trick was cheap; to use it to organize one’s larder was just good sense.

Over time, the magic started to run out. No one in their wildest dreams ever imagined this might happen, and it was quite a nasty shock. Life became a lot harder, and everyone became grumpier with each other. Doing laundry was a lot less pleasant, for example, when you had to sort your socks by hand rather than with an easy flick of the wrist.

It was during this time that a woman lived deep in the woods, with little more than a mirror to keep her company. Her name was Evangeline Breadcrumbs, and she had good reason to keep herself secluded. For she was in possession of a hidden store of magic, and if anyone knew she had it, they would crack her over the head and leave her to spill her brains out as they ran off with the magic under their arm and not a single guilty thought in their head. That’s how precious magic had become. It had become more precious than human life.

And so Evangeline Breadcrumbs hoarded her magic all alone, and lived in fear and resentment, and was generally disagreeable, and did not often have a lot of fun, though she certainly had plenty of magic.

She lived in a humble cottage, which was currently nestled deep into the winter snow like a banked coal. Inside was warm and bright, but Eva was shrouded in her personal coldness like a sliver of ice that refused to melt.

Her heart was made of stone, though it had once been red and human.

Eva liked to take her dinners in her armchair, where she could prop a book on her lap and warm her feet by the fire. Her mirror, which was her dear friend, sat on the hearth and watched over her. This was how Eva spent most of her evenings, and she felt very safe and comfortable in her routine.

One evening she had just settled her plate of stewed carrots and lamb leg onto the arm of her chair and kicked off her slippers to roast her toes by the fire when she looked up at her mirror and smiled a rare smile. She was overcome by sudden gratitude for her situation.

I think I will be able to manage without another human for the rest of my life, she said. I am perfectly, wonderfully, completely alone.

The surface of her mirror rippled as it sighed, which sounded to human ears like the tinkling of small silver bells.

Indeed, it said, and then sighed again.

There was sudden, urgent knocking on her front door.

Now who in the world could that be? asked Eva.

Another set of firm knocking. Eva jumped to her feet, outraged.

I will get rid of whoever that is at once! she cried.

Her mirror was silent; which Eva took as disdain.

I will! said Eva.

Little did she know that an unexpected visitor at the door is the way that most adventures start, and that fate had attached itself like a little burr to her sock, and she would not be able to rid herself of this twist of fate, or her visitor, without a great deal of trouble.

In any case, this was not how she had hoped, or intended, to spend her evening.

Certain that she would turn the visitors away in the quickest and nastiest way possible, she went to the door and opened it with a scowl.

Chapter 2

The draining of magic from the land had inspired in the people a kind of fervent nostalgia for days gone past. And so gentlemen in shiny armor with more money than sense went thundering about the countryside in search of an old-fashioned adventure, and made a nuisance of themselves among the farmers, who didn’t care to entertain questions about wayward princesses and dragons, since they had potatoes and sheep to attend to, thank-you-very-much.

One such delusional gentleman in full knight regalia stood in front of Eva now. He held his lance at an awkward angle, since he’d been carrying it for quite some time and it was very heavy, and his arm had got somewhat stiff and tired, and he was starting to second guess the lance thing after all, since perhaps swords were less impressive but they were less cumbersome and heavy, and that was starting to appeal to him after many miles, and in any case, maidens had not been as impressed with his lance as he’d been hoping for them to be, and so on (this was the turn of his thoughts) and he was more than a little weary.

Evening, mi’lady, he said before Eva could tell him to shoo. He tried to bow, thought better of it, and nodded instead. His ill-fitting visor clanked forward, scraping the skin of his nose, and he wrenched it upward with a scowl. Ouch. As I was saying, good evening.

Go away, said Eva.

Pray, gentle woman, he said, and Eva rolled her eyes. We are in need of shelter tonight. He gestured to his page, who was standing behind him and holding the reins of his horse. Next to the resplendence of the knight, the page looked like a pauper. He had his hood pulled low over his face, and was wearing a cloak of rough, threadbare cloth. His feet were wrapped in rags, even in the snow, and Eva could see his toes peeking out, and how the skin was red and pinched with cold.

I have no place for those who don’t have the decency to dress their servants warmly in the dead of winter, said Eva, and the page looked up sharply, and Eva saw a flash of green eyes before his hood covered his face again. Nor do I have space for ridiculous men who insist on chasing fantasies.

Eva could be sharp tongued when she wanted to, which was usually always.

The knight’s face fell. He was a pleasant looking fellow- eager, anyway. Though his features were plain, there was something honest and straightforward about his general put-together.

The lance cost a bit more than I was expecting, he said sheepishly. And chain mail doesn’t come cheap these days. Expenses got away from me.

Well, you’d best be going, said Eva, without a stitch of sympathy. There’s an inn down the road.

Likely to be, anyway. So long as they walked far enough, they were bound to run into one at some point. Specifics would not make a liar out of her., but she still got the satisfaction of giving entirely unhelpful directions. Eva started to shut the door, and the knight blocked it with his arm.

Please, he said. We’ve come all the way from Hiverdale. My eyelashes have just started to thaw. Please, a stall of your scratchiest straw would do.

Oh, Gods above! exclaimed Eva. Can’t a woman have peace?

The knight drew himself up to show his indignation.

Would serve you well to show a bit of mercy to two tired travelers, madam, he said thunderously, and when Eva was unimpressed, he added: and besides, there’s the matter of your tower.

Tower? asked Eva, and the knight gestured behind her house, where her ivy wrapped tower stood some twenty stories high. Eva sighed. She was really hoping they hadn’t noticed. Yes, I suppose I have that, she said sullenly. Though I don’t see what it has to do with you.

Well, the knight said, and shuffled his feet, and looked cautiously hopeful. We were wondering if there was perhaps a bit of treasure in the tower, or maybe a trapped princess, or a dragon of some sort.

There isn’t, Eva said flatly.

Oh, he said, crestfallen. We’ve come all the way from Hiverdale to see. he looked at her sharply. You really ought to put up a sign or something, before people trek two weeks, just to be disappointed.

It’s not my fault you’ve got some silly idea into your head, said Eva. I never said there were dragons here. In fact, I’ve always said the opposite. There’s no dragon, treasure, or princess in that tower.

That was actually true. The treasure was buried beneath the floor of her barn. The princess had been rescued ages ago, or at least died and was forgotten, and the dragon...

The dragon did not live in the tower.

The knight stuck out his lower lip, in great disappointment.

You must forgive people he said, in a sulking voice, for expecting treasures and dragons and princesses. After all the bedtime stories, it’s only natural. You really ought to put up a sign, or people are going to go on being disappointed.

Perhaps I will do, said Eva. Now please go.

The knight blocked the door again, and Eva drew it back, intending to squash it with great force against his foot, when he yelled out quickly:

We’ll pay you!

Eva laughed.

I have all I want here, she said. I don’t need your money.

He pressed his finger against the side of his nose, looking at her with a conspiratorial glint in his eye.

How about magic? he said in a sudden whisper.

Eva paused.

Magic?

He chuckled, and gestured his page forward. The page walked into the golden pool of light, keeping his hood low over his face.

Chapter 3

Eva watched the page with great interest. Not because she was in need of magic, but because she was fascinated that someone else had any, and she was quietly thinking to herself that she would like more, if he was inclined to give it to her.

The page, keeping his face hooded, spread out his rag-wrapped hands. His fingertips were exposed, and she could see an orange fire dancing between them. Eva gasped- elemental magic was rare- and he didn’t stop, but took her hands in his so that she could feel the warmth as the flames licked her skin.

It’s how he keeps warm, said the knight, in a low voice. He looked over his shoulder to make sure they weren’t being watched. He nodded at her. Just that little bit will keep you warm all night.

She was indeed, in every inch of her body, flooded with a warmth that made her feel good all the way to her bones.

Lovely, she said quietly to herself, and looked down at her fingers, and flexed them. The knight looked at her hopefully, and she sighed. Fine. There is a stall in the barn, in the very back, where the goat does his business. You may have that for the night if you are so inclined.

And then she slammed the door shut in their faces, and locked it, and went to the window to watch with satisfaction as they burrowed through the snow to get to the barn, and disappeared inside.

Did you see that? she asked the mirror indignantly.

The mirror was situated on the mantle, nestled among pine cones and pine branches and holly berries.

Some nerve, said the mirror. Don’t suppose they’re up to something, do you?

Eva laughed.

That knight does not have a single bright thought in his head, she said, not knowing how right she was. Still, she knelt at the window half the night, to make sure they did not go sneaking out of the barn in the quiet and the still, and go sniffing around her tower.

She would protect her tower with her life.

Chapter 4

No Dragons

Princesses

Or treasure

On these premises.

Enter at your own RISK!

Eva tied her hand painted sign to the gate and then wrapped her scarf about her ears, though to be truthful, she still did not quite need it. The magic the page had give her had lasted all night and most of the morning, and though the wind was biting and cruel, she hardly felt it.

She had seen neither hide nor tail of her guests, though she had been watching for them since before the sun had risen that morning. She made her way to the barn, and as she approached she could hear the chickens cooing in their stalls, and her pigs snuffled in greeting, but not a human sound was made.

Her barn housed her pigs, chickens, and goat, which aside from the mirror, were her only friends in the world.

The pigs were four, and they were named Penny, Portly, Pegwhistle and Rotund the Red, and they were plump and jolly and had whiskers on their pink chins and generally pleased Eva, and so she would never eat them, and simply kept them for pleasure.

Her goat was named Grimble. He was a grumpy old billy, who couldn’t give her milk to drink or fur to spin into yarn, so he was basically useless, but she kept him anyway.

Her chickens were good for nothing but eggs.

Hello! she demanded as went inside the barn. The air was warm, cozy, and the ice on the roof creaked. I’ve got no breakfast to offer, so you’d best be on your way now.

Pegwhistle came meandering with bobbing head out of his stall and stood in the warm air to look at her, and snorted. Eva scratched behind his ears.

Where are they, Pegwhistle?

As she asked, she looked with careful eye to her right, where she kept one of her swords buried beneath a bale of hay. It would be the means by which she would defend herself, if necessary, or else she would drive unwanted visitors out by point of sword.

Eva saw a knightly foot sticking out of one of the stalls.

"Still