A Pain in the Butt
By Scott Sonneborn and Timothy Banks
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About this ebook
Scott Sonneborn
Scott Sonneborn has written more than 20 books, one circus (for Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey), and a bunch of TV shows. He’s been nominated for one Emmy and spent three very cool years working at DC Comics. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and their two sons.
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Book preview
A Pain in the Butt - Scott Sonneborn
Hey, so, hello, my future self!
Since you’ve probably already read the previous chapters in my journal, you should know the drill: I wrote all this stuff down in my journal so you would always remember the story of how I met all my cousins.
I guess there’s a chance parts of my journal might have been lost. Or stolen. Or maybe your mind got wiped fighting in the robot wars or whatever it is people are doing thirty years from now.
In that case, here’s what you need to know:
My name is JD. I grew up in an orphanage. No one knew who had left me. So Mr. Shelley, the orphanage director, named me John Doe.
JD for short.
Growing up in the orphanage, the one thing I wanted was a big family. And then one day I found Dr. Victor Von Frankenstein’s journal. In it, he revealed all the secrets about how he created his monster.
The journal also held an even bigger secret (at least to me). I was the son of . . . FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER!
I’ve got to admit it was a shock to find out I was the son of a famous monster. Mostly because it meant I had a HUGE family!
Think about it. I inherited all my mismatched arms and hands and ears from my dad.
The way I figured it, the people he got those body parts from were my relatives. I have their legs, feet, and eyes, the same way other kids have their grandmother’s ears or their great-uncle’s nose.
Of course, those people were probably all dead. (At least, I hoped they were dead before Dr. Frankenstein took parts from their bodies and put them in my dad!)
But those people probably had kids and grandkids. They would be related to me too — they’d be like my cousins!
All I had to do was find out who they were. The clues I needed were all in Dr. Frankenstein’s journal. And since I already mentioned that I had found Dr. F’s journal, that should have been a piece of cake, right?
Wrong.
Dr. Frankenstein’s daughter Fran Kenstein stole the journal from me. The only thing I had now were copies of just a few of the pages.
Fran also wanted to find my cousins — to use them to make a new monster.
And by use them,
I mean chop them up and take their body parts! So I had to find them first.
I had already found three: Robert, Sam, and Gloria.
Gloria was the Vampire’s bodyguard. That’s a job that took a ton of guts.
I had the same sort