Miscellania: Musings of a Wandering Mind

Communication is as fundamental a human need as self-preservation and reproduction. The intensity of this need has made social media a runaway success. The same intensity and its consequences are also the reasons for authorities and governments seeking ways to control the profligate social media.

I spent most of my working life in the training division of my employer bank. It provided me a platform to indulge my love for writing. This culminated in the form of a Hindi book titled भारतीय बैंकों में सूचना प्रौद्योगिकी के ढाई दशक. It was authored by me in the last year of my working life with the bank and Published under a scheme by RBI to promote Hindi books on banking subjects. It was published by BPB.

Soon after retirement I had an urge to author more books on what I had learnt while working with a bank. This urge led to publication of two books on Google Play Books. These are titled Book-keeping & Accountancy, and Banking Panorama in India.

With these three books already Published, I put my working life behind me and started a blog. This book is a collection of my posts in the blog over a period of five years. The blog isn’t devoted to any particular subject and hence is named Miscellania. The posts are reactions from a wandering mind to whatever it comes across.

For organizing the posts in the form of a book, I have grouped the posts in a few categories and then arranged them in the chronological order (old to recent) in each group. I do realize that most of my posts are my reactions to happening around me and they presume that the reader too is equally aware of these happenings. However as a post grows old, memories of the event that caused it may fade. I have deliberately refrained from reconstructing those memories for the reader in the hope that he will enjoy jogging his memory and discovering the links.

I am bilingual and so is my blog. Though majority of the posts are in English there are a few in Hindi too. I have deliberately retained the Hindi posts for my readers who are bilingual like me or multilingual.

The posts are still available on my blog which remains live. The URL is http://anil-upadhyaya.blogspot.in/

I will be happy to receive your comments and feedback on my email id anil.upadhyaya@gmail.com.

Enjoy the book!

A.K. Upadhyaya

Part I - ABOUT US

DDS (Deep Distrust Syndrome) Dt 04-03-2013

Recently while in the check-out queue at a retail store I was watching a couple make payment for their purchases. The lady took out a fresh packet of one hundred rupee notes and separated a bunch looking at the distinctive numbers. Perhaps unsure of her arithmetic, she started counting the notes while the cashier and her husband looked on attentively. Then she passed it on to, no, not the cashier but her husband. He also counted the notes with the same thoroughness while the wife and the cashier looked on. Next, of course, it was the cashier's turn to count the notes. And the couple did focus their total attention at the cashier while he was at it. And finally with the return of some change the payment was successfully completed and everyone in the queue heaved a sigh of relief.

I think this behavior is a symptom of the DDS (Deep Distrust Syndrome) pervading our society. The distrust is towards organizations / institutions as well as individuals manning these. The following also result from this DDS:

If an accident takes place, the mob adopts a your-money-or-your-life attitude towards the driver who may or may not be at fault. No one believes that the system will make insurance company settle the claim of the victim.

We don't trust our fellow citizens to honestly pay their electricity bills. As it would be grossly unfair to have to share in the burden imposed by non-payers, we choose to join them by hook or by crook.

We don't trust any selection process to be fair. So everyone puts in his best efforts in influencing the process and the selectors.

We don't trust the government to provide us good governance using the taxes collected from us. So we try to evade paying taxes if we can.

The list could go on and on.

Any prescriptions for treating this DDS?

Six Pack Fetish Dt 28-10-2014

Six packs have emerged as the latest fetish that is almost universal. Some talk shows even suggest the possibility of going beyond six to 8 or 10 or even twelve. Some write-ups on the internet dismiss four packs as amateurish which suggests that a lower number is possible too. You must have noticed that all these numbers are even which would make a single pack odd. And yet, that is what most of us, including dear NaMo, have: a single huge block that is unfortunately and derisively called a paunch. Needless to add that the a after p takes away all the punch.

This large variation of the numerical component in describing the musculature of one's tummy is in sharp contrast with the fixed numbers that go with most other muscles like biceps, triceps and quadriceps. And they remain bi, tri, or quadri for all Homo sapiens irrespective of their affinity or otherwise for a gym or for starvation. I would be happy if someone could explain this perplexing variability in the numerical component of abdominal musculature.

Another mystery that requires some honest explanation is this: Are there real people who have the six packs visible all the time - while sitting, while relaxing, after a hearty meal, or when the stomach gets distended with flatulence? Or do they have to suck the tummy in and keep it taut to bring out the artwork? Though, it must be admitted that these packholders, when appearing on the TV, make you believe that the artwork is there permanently. And TV, or the larger movie screen, are perhaps the only places where you get to see these packs.

The six packs naturally go with a diminutive tummy. When I look at some of these packholders I often wonder if they still have all the organs intact inside or did they have to get some removed or trimmed. Is there still space for the 200 ml of bowel gas that is the average according to the medical literature?

Whatever be the case, this much coveted artwork is to be seen in humans only. Most animals have a coat that is too loose of furry for this spectacular display. I wonder if that paves the way for calling ourselves Homo packiens!

I am afraid it is time to close for I have to tend to my single pack now.

The Unsung Heroes of the White Collar NRI Phenomenon Dt 12-02-2015

This post is dedicated to Sureshbhai Patel, a visiting Indian grandparent in Alabama, who suffered a most unfortunate injury at the hands of the local police in Alabama when a neighbor reported him as a suspicious person. You can listen to an account of the incident from Mr. Patel's son by clicking here.

The Silicone Valley area in California and some other areas in the USA are not only home to many of the giants of the IT industry but have also become a unique hub of innovation and entrepreneurship in the whole of the world. These are also home to a large number of immigrants from India whose contributions to the valley phenomenon as also in other industries elsewhere are widely acknowledged. Many of these are first generation immigrants. These brave souls left India with lots of hope, excitement and, perhaps, a wee bit of anxiety at going to a distant and alien land: emotions shared by parents who bid them goodbye at a time when communication channels had not yet become so pervasive. Many of these parents did hope that their wards will finally make it back to India for good.

It was a very different world indeed. And yet these young boys and girls had to explore and figure out this world quickly for they were there to make a living. They could hardly afford to continue as star-struck tourists: All the more so as their talent and location got them good spouses and they readied to settle down. The role of the star-struck tourist would be later played by their parents. Their children wanted them to take a look at this world where many of the irritants that people continually faced back home were conspicuously missing.

Most parents with no firsthand experience of the western world must have found their first visit bewildering. Remember that this started over a decade ago. Today, as a friend pointed out, USA has many outposts in India where you can experience the same lingo and culture that you would in USA. But such outposts are few and visitors from smaller towns and villages must still be experiencing the bewilderment we talked about.

These first time visiting parents experienced an emotional turmoil that is difficult to describe to those who have not experienced it. Just when you thought you had matured enough with a grownup son or daughter, you find the roles reversed. The sudden dependence on your offspring for everything including mobility, spending, figuring out the world around you, is overwhelming. It must be equally stressful and awkward for the children to have their parents, authority figures for them, so lean on them.

The bewilderment comes from being in a place that looks different, where majority of inhabitants are from the white race that ruled us for a long time. But more than that it comes from very different social mores. You cannot casually walk on a road, it is an offence. You cannot set foot on private property that is marked so not by a fence but just a placard. Houses don't have boundaries and yet one has to know where the private property begins. A casual touch may be taken as an offense. Personal space and privacy are taken a bit too seriously. Nobody jumps a queue. Manual workers may not have a different look or a supplicating attitude. There is no indignity in doing your own chores. Littering and spitting are an absolute no. And, taking a cue from Mr. Patel's case, there is a definite protocol to be observed when you are stopped by the police. The list is pretty long.

It takes several of the short encounters before the mist in the touristy eyes begins to wear off and a visiting parent is able to see the new world for what it really is. The differences lose their starkness and one begins to see the similarities with things back home. One also learns to differentiate between things and situations that all looked equally foreign and remote.

Like all learning this too exacts its price. It is in terms of emotional stress and awkward moments. And if you are unlucky like Mr. Patel it could be physical.

Terminal Bill Dt 25-02-2015

Apart from the small change donations that go into the kitty of godmen, a major source is the lifelong savings of aged devotees. The devotees are told to lead a spartan life that doesn't dent their lifelong savings. And then they are persuaded to trade it with the godman for a guaranteed place in the heaven.

But Babadom is not alone in this business of cornering the savings of old and aged. The medical profession follows close in their footsteps. Of those who do not surrender to a Guru and also those who do, not all are lucky enough to have an uneventful kind of death. For most it will be preceded by an illness long or short and many will find their way to the dreaded ICU. There the hapless fellow and his family are purged of their savings, more often than not to be finally told that that is all that the medical science could do.

Medical science has made much progress and it stands to reason to press all their life saving skills into service if a child or a productive young man falls sick. But does it make sense to prolong an old and dying man's life by a few miserable months or days at huge cost and through insufferable procedures? Instead of focusing on expensive diagnosis and treatments, will it not be okay just to manage the pain and suffering and help the person die with dignity? Why should medical science and society place so much store by the 'quantity' of life instead of quality? And why should we fight with death when it comes knocking and is expected too?

Part of the problem lies with the family and society as well. The society prods the family to go for as expensive a treatment as they can afford even when the outcome is known with near certainty. The family seldom has the courage to resort to logic and ward off sadistic pressures from society.

The family can be empowered only by the person concerned himself. And he must do so while he is still healthy and in full possession of his faculties. And thus it will be good if a person deals with this aspect clearly in his will and gives unambiguous instructions regarding the kind of treatment to be given or not to be given to him if things go wrong, and the kind of rites to be performed after his demise.

Can we also trust the medical community to rise above commercial consideration and advise people properly and rationally in terminal situations?

Demand for Reservation for SMBs (Small and Marginal Brahmins) Dt 15-09-2015

To All Those Whom It May Concern and also the Unconcerned.

Dear All,

Not a single day passes when one community or another does not discover the extent of its backwardness that has somehow remained hidden from the society at large as also its own eyes. It is astonishing to find that none of the communities mischievously labeled upper classes have yet been able to do so. It seems that they have been duped by the label that the system has forced upon them.

And the fact that my own community has failed to perceive its backward status despite the indignities suffered by it, comes as a big surprise to me. Upadhyayas, together with a few other sub-castes, are considered by the Brahmin community to be their lowest members sitting at the margin that separates Brahmins from others. You could well call us SMBs (Small and Marginal Brahmins.) There are derogatory sayings that highlight this SMB status. One goes like this - बैल, उपधिया, ऊसर, इन कर दैव दूसर. It roughly translates to this - Oxen, Upadhyayas and barren land, these three truly belong to a different God! The other saying goes like this - मारिन गाय बैल किहिन बधिया, यही पाप से भये उपधिया. This translates to - Those who commit a cardinal sin like killing a cow or castrating a bull, are bound to be born as an Upadhyaya.

A more civilized explanation for the low status accorded to my community relates to our profession in earlier times. Upadhyayas were teachers. Other Brahmins thought of this, selling knowledge for money, as heretical.

Whatever be the reason, the fact is that we are treated as outcasts in our own community. Those belonging to the upper strata don't like to give their daughters to our sons in marriage. The reason given by their womenfolk is simple. How can an Upadhyaya ever deserve the respect accorded to a son-in-law of our community!

When one is born in a lower cast, he learns to accept his lower status as a given and that somewhat blunts the pain. But when you are born in the uppermost caste and then discover upon growing up that the higher sub-castes look down upon you with disdain, the pain is too much to bear. This lowers our self esteem and keeps us from marching ahead in life.

This discrimination has been going on for centuries and the time has now come to rectify it through positive discrimination. We call upon all political parties to ensure that suitable job reservations are immediately made for Upadhyayas. It will help them blend in smoothly if the reservations are made in class 1 services including teaching jobs.

All Upadhyayas are requested to carry out a mass worldwide meditation to generate positive energy to gain the benefit of positive discrimination through reservations. The date and time will be communicated separately. Other SMBs are welcome to join in.

Yours faithfully

AK Upadhyaya

SMB.

Holy Cow Dt 14-11-2015

"Milk Comes from a Grieving Mother" ~ leaflet by Peaceful Prairie Sanctuary

In terms of the airlines menu categories, we are a family of lacto-ovo-vegetarians: Ovo is only occasional. We love cows, relish dairy products and find the thought of eating beef rather sickening. My son is planning to go vegan and do away with the prefix lacto-ovo. He feels that cows are the most exploited animals. We milk them thereby starving, at least partially, their calves and we also slaughter them when they go dry: He lives in USA where beef is staple. Most of the calves also end up at the slaughter house. He feels that he won’t be a party to this sinful treatment if he gives up dairy products.

I have spent part of my childhood in a village. I have seen cows being treated with love and care. Male calves too were taken good care of. They were castrated and they powered the agriculture at that time. A cow or a bull was fed and taken care of till the end of its life. Once it died, the body was taken away by people who specialized in removing the skin and bones for various commercial purposes.

In those days the cows were milked but not to the last drop. Some was left behind for the calf too. Such milk could be considered fit for drinking by vegetarians. But these days dairy has turned into an industry. The industry treats cows as merely milk producing automatons and there are few ethical considerations, if any. It is not a gentle industry.

Further, bulls are no longer needed as draft animals. Religious cow owners let go of the calves and these turn into stray cattle. Only a few are needed for reproduction. The rest must be getting caught and ending up in slaughter houses. The religious owner likes to think that he has not partaken of the sin as he didn't sell the calf for money. The dairies, of course, are not bothered by these considerations.

Our cities are riddled with small scale illegal dairies. The male calves born in these dairies turn into stray bulls that are a menace to the citizens. Most of these dairies have no qualms about driving away the dry cows who roam the streets feeding on the garbage at the dumps.

With industrialization of dairy, male calves getting discarded and old cows and bulls being left to fend for themselves, it seems that our love for this animal is not reflected in the treatment meted out to them.

Perhaps the only conscientious way out of this guilt is to follow in the footsteps of vegans and give up diary products altogether. This, of course, will not improve the fate of the poor animal. But then, we can have the consolation of having nothing to do with the treatment meted out to it.

If this topic interests you and you have read this post up to this point you may also like reading this article: To-be-a-feminist-is-to-be-a-vegan.

How do you feel in the matter?

Part II – AROUND US

The Bipolar Magnetic Law of the Road (BiMLaR) Dt 01-11-2011

Have you lately driven around on highways and city roads in UP? If you have, you must have been either wonder struck or struck by terror depending on how adventurous you are. Yes, driving on the roads here is not a drab exercise in following traffic rules and reaching your destination feeling bored to death. It is a far more colorful and adventurous exercise of braving the unknown; interpreting the numerous rule-sets laid down by each driver and pedestrian, sometimes at the spur of the moment; savoring the frequent thrilling and threatening attempts at door-rubbing / bumper kissing closeness et al.

Authorities who have a penchant for rules, do make attempts at reducing the chaos only to be defeated at the hands of ingenuity of the enterprising denizens. Quite sometime back the authorities decided to erect dividers on the highways and even major roads in the city in the fond hope of separating the up and down streams of traffic. The openings in the divider have been minimized or eliminated altogether. This is supposed to reduce the interruptions arising from right or U turns every 100 meters or so. But the authorities failed to correctly estimate public's penchant for taking the shortest path, their ingenuity, and their love for freedom from rules.

So what does the public do? Suppose you are at point A and aligned with the slavish rule bound traffic. The destination, B, is behind you. The mindlessly framed rules require you to go down the road till you can take an U turn and then drive back to a point opposite A and further down to B, the destination. Now why should you do this and waste your precious time and fuel? Do I hear you asking what should you do? Simple. Just take an U turn right where you are and drive up to point B! When in UP do as the UPians do.

On second thoughts this may not be a total disregard for the rules but rather a quest for more fundamental laws. Looked at this way, this UPian way of saving time and fuel is probably based on a theory which holds that irrespective of divisions and sub-divisions a road never loses its two-way character. It is like a magnet where both north and south poles must be present. You can not separate the two poles merely by cutting a single bar magnet into two. What you get instead is two magnets each with its own pair of north and south poles. So I propose that this view taken by the enlightened local drivers be termed the Bipolar Magnetic Law of the Road (BiMLaR.)

Thus in the example above BiMLaR would require that when you are driving in what the rules call the wrong direction in a one-way lane, make sure that you keep to the left. One does make exceptions and there is little harm in following this old, well-established simple rule. Now the newbies who are yet to be initiated in BiMLaR may shout that you are moving against traffic and that too in the fast lane. Just ignore them or if they turn too annoying give them your nastiest look and step on the gas threateningly.

It is a pity that BiMLaR can be applied only to the two halves created by the divider. One would love to extend it to each of the lanes on the either side, but unfortunately they don't make the lanes wide enough for that.

So all those who have not studied magnetism or have studied the silly traffic rules too hard, be warned. You either take cognizance of BiMLaR or perish.

Those who would like to study BiMLaR in all its magnificence will be well advised to drive on the newly constructed beautiful six lane Lucknow-Gorakhpur highway. Though you will find it practiced everywhere on city roads too.

Wish you a happy and rule-free driving.

UP IS FREE OF CORRUPTION! Dt 03-11-2011

In this post I propose to pick up the threads from where I left them in the previous one (BiMLaR). The fact that BiMLaR is widely observed and enthusiastically practiced without any hindrance from the rule making authorities is proof enough that UP is totally free from corruption. The simple logic behind this deduction is not difficult to understand. People ignoring rules laid down by the authorities present an opportunity which will leave any graft loving traffic police drooling. They can stop them, threaten with fines and force them to pay up in return for not doing so. This will, of course, be a corrupt practice.

However I have not seen a single cop doing this, not in Lucknow. They just exchange pleasantries with each other as they observe BiMLaR in operation. And it is not BiMLaR alone. There are other laws and practices which contradict official traffic rules. And these are also looked upon with the same benign indifference or bemusement as invoked by BiMLaR. If you know the population of UP and the number of vehicles and drivers, you can easily estimate the fortune that could have been made by a corrupt police force. But this does not tempt our honest policemen here. What more proof do you need for UP being free of corruption?

Do you say that they may not be corrupt in the literal sense but failing to enforce the rules is dereliction of duty and a form of corruption? Well, you are stretching things too far. Farther than the queues that routinely form on the roads on account of a rule-free traffic. Farther than the distance between the fingers and toes of the honest policeman as he stretches himself as he watches BiMLaR in action.

Some truckwallahs seem to disagree with this view of a corruption-free traffice police in UP. This needs to be taken with a pinch of salt or whatever they have overloaded their truck with.

Queuing Up (& Close) Dt 05-11-2011

Queuing and dignity are antithetical. If you are really important, facilities are set up exclusively for you. The very concept of queue is missing. If you are a little less important there is a queue alright but you can have someone else stand in for you. And if you are not so important but Dabang enough, you may insist on the queue starting from where you are. Who doesn't remember the famous dialogue by Big B - Hum jahan khade hote hain, line wahin se shuru hoti hai. Hain! (I am always at the head of the queue and the rest queue up behind me.)

However for lesser mortals like us queuing up is required almost everywhere. Here in India we have our own customs associated with queuing up. These are now being challenged because of concepts imported from places that consider themselves advanced. For example you now find an yellow line that is drawn some distance away from the counter servicing the queue. You will find this at airports, immigration counters etc. and the concept is catching on. There may be a notice displayed asking you to await your turn behind the yellow line. Now this is not merely a waste of precious space but also a denial of an educational opportunity. And all in the name of privacy, whatever that might mean. Our well-established customs permit no porosity in a queue right up to the head. In fact it is all the more important at the head. We gain much of our knowledge and worldly wisdom by observing the person at the counter and how he handles the mysterious ways of the service provider. Isn't a wise man one who learns from others? And if you are already wise enough, the fellow queuer at the counter gets the benefit of free counsel. So the proximity definitely benefits one of the two.

Apart from the loss of an educational opportunity, there are certain very real risks too in standing a couple of feet behind the guy at the counter. This may mislead a newcomer into thinking that he is in luck and there is no queue. So he goes ahead and stands next to the guy at the counter in a non-porous way. And if you object, he asks with real surprise the reasons for the huge gap between you and the fellow at the counter. I have also come across cases where this newcomer says in all honesty that he did not see you in the queue.

I must hasten to add that allowing no porosity at any place in the queue